u/Fit_Matter_2309

I am part of a secret committee to design and develop a ski resort on Mount Washington. This is a secret project and we are scoping out the territory. Since this is a secret project I am dressed in a Ghillie suit at all times. So I was working in some tall brush and found a skeleton. The clothes were still intact so I searched for a wallet and took the cash from the wallet and threw the wallet down the mountain. He had some pretty cool gear so I took his helmet too. Ive never owned a skull before so I took that as well. I figured I could use it for intimidation if needed. As I’m walking up a steep grade theres a group on a tour. I still had the skull in my hand and they started screaming and frantically stampeding to the van. The tour guide was enraged and I could see the bloodlust in his eyes. He started screaming and charging at me. I looked at his groin and he seemed erect. I held up the skull and said “You want this to be you?”. The van erupted in gasps of horror and he came to his senses and ran for the Van. They sped off but next thing I know there’s a heavy police presence and helicopters. I stumbled across a dead moose and hid inside of it for a few days. If I was discovered, this would ruin the plan for the new resort. I ditched my Ghillie suit but kept the skull and got the hell out of there.

I decided to hike whiteface today and someone tried to kill me. I was scoping out areas for sick shredding this winter and I happened upon a man wearing a work vest, hard hat, and yielding a giant knife taking his anger out on the overgrowth brush. He saw me and started yelling at me waving the knife. Terrified I ran at him full speed with my hiking pole and impaled him. I then put my sunglasses on him and dragged hia corpse into the shrubs. I am terrified someone is going to accuse me of murder when I was only defending myself from this creep.

Are there mountain lions in New York that will eat the body?

I have a buddy that works for MGM that leaked the end of the show to me after I water boarded him when he was drunk. Basically they find a strange package in the woods in the woods that is buzzing. Boyd rips open the box and thousands of killer wasps fly out of the box. They sting the shit out of Ellis, killing him. Boyd wildly shoots his gun at the bees. He strikes Donna who dies instantly. They run back to town and Sara says it’s happy, it’s happy you brought the bees into town. The bees start stinging the shit out of everyone, leaving many to suffer and few to prosper. They barge into the sheriffs office where Kenny is making love to Kristi. He you screams “your in here fuck when everyone out there is dying of bees? The swarm disappears. One massive be appears and shapeshifts back into the man in yellow. The man in yellow calmly pours a bowl of Cheerios and eats them. A Cheerios commercial starts playing. Boyd begs the man in yellow to go home. The man in yellow says theres a stargate portal in the lighthouse that will bring them home. Boyd executes the MIY. They go to the lighthouse and fire up the stargate portal and all go home.

Looking for some advice. Last season I was out with my buddy and we didn’t have good luck. As we were leaving he would point his rifle at a crow and blasted it to hell. I don’t agree with this. Sure I hunt for pleasure but I don’t kill crows. They are spiteful and mean buy they don’t deserve that. How do I tell him respectfully I don’t support crow murder?

My buddy works for MGM and told me we will see a new monster next season. It’s a monster that can order anyone to shit their pants on command. Boyd is making love to Acosta and it orders him to shit his pants, ruining the vibe. Acosta chains up Boyd in the ruins and bangs Ellis but makes Boyd watch. Then, the monster orders her to shit her pants. Ellis murders her in the ruins and starts making love to Donna. Donna chains Ellis up and starts making love to Fatima in front of him, but then the monster orders Donna to shit her pants. Fatima monster murders Donna. Then, dead Martin wakes up and the monster orders him to shit himself. It’s all worms. Boyd kills Martin by choking him out with the chains. Julie story walks but the monster orders her to shot her pants. She uses the wig to clean herself up. Randall goes through an identity crisis and wears Julie’s wig, not knowing it’s covered in shit. He begins projectile vomiting and throwing up everywhere. Kenny kills everyone and is allowed to leave the town. He is in the real world, making love to his hot wife that resembles his mother, and the monster orders him to shit his pants. There’s no escaping even after you get out. Kenny shits himself and dies of terminal dehydration. The credits roll.

It’s night time and outside the police station monster Fatima is staring in at Boyd and Ellis. Fatima is attempting to seduce Boyd. Boyd turns to Ellis and says “I know at your wedding you said light in dark places, but tonight I gotta put my cock in tight spaces” Boyd exits the police station and bangs Fatima in plain sight of the town, asserting him dominance. Over the course of the next few weeks pregnant Fatima taunts Ellis. Ellis snaps and drives his car into the pool where it explodes instantly. Fatima gives birth to Marielle who proceeds to cock block kenny once again.

The last season begins with Boyd having sexual intercourse with Acosta. He is railing her from behind and they are violently speaking police chatter back and forth during. It almost sounds like a police scanner. Acosta becomes tired of Boyd’s low libido and small penis and starts hooking up with Ellis. Boyd goes to the medical unit and demands Kristi (at gunpoint) perform a penis enlargement surgery on him. The surgery begins but something goes wrong. Kristi tells him he can be castrated or he will bleed out. Boyd quickly takes his own life on the makeshift operating table. The town turns on Ellis and ties each one of his limbs to separate vehicles and drives them in different directions.

The rest of the season is Acosta sleeping around and discharging her firearms recklessly.

Tillie wouldn’t stand a chance for me. I would easily be able to kick her ass.

In order to stop the curse, jade and Tabitha have to hook up. Tabitha becomes pregnant and they give birth to another child. This confuses the MiY and he doesn’t know what to do because Tabitha has three kids. The prophecy is ended and all goes back to normal

In the new trailer we see a bad lightning storm come into the town. This is actually cause by the MIY losing his virginity. As he climaxes the lightning strikes and he ends Acosta like a female praying mantis does to its lover. Now that he has spread his seed he cant get enough of it and becomes the town sex pest. He seduces Boyd in the sheriff’s office and lets Boyd have his way with him. He then cheats on Boyd and gets Donna pregnant. When Donna gives birth it is to the boy in white. The boy in white is covered in afterbirth and starts yelling incoherently at Donna about tearing down the bottle tree. The MIY is furious someone is talking to his baby mama this way and chains the boy in white in the ruins. He ages rapidly and changes his name to Martin. He is forced to eat worms to survive.

This is my hypothesis (in order) for who sucks the best unit in From. This is based on what I’ve seen through season four. This list is subject to change without notice

Ugh I was so jealous of Victor in those handcuffs. If big daddy Boyd did that to me Id back up my buns and let him slide in that massive hot dog of his. Fuck. You know his dih game is top tier if it sent Abby on a killing spree. Imagine Boyd having his way with you and ghost father Khatri floating above you nodding in approval. I just wish Boyd would get his shit together and explore my tunnels

Hey everyone!

I (51M) am a dad and an even better music artist! My son got married this past weekend and the ceremony was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Before the ceremony my son said I could make a speech at the reception but I couldn’t sing. Talk about a vibe killer! First he tears up my wife’s lady parts sliding out, and now I can’t even sing at his wedding? Haha, kidding! It’s a joke people! Anyway I stood up to give my speech and looking around I noticed there was a lot of people in attendance. It must have been over two hundred people. This is the biggest audience I’ve ever had! About half way through, I announced “Alright hit it!” and broke out into cheese me please me. It’s a heartfelt song about a man who has a night out with his wife while his son is at home with the baby sitter. They are at the Golden Corral and the dad spots the cheese fountain. All of a sudden the chorus kicks in “Cheese me, please me! Let’s tear up the corral tonight” , “Cheese me, please me, drown me in that golden delight.“. “Cheese me, please me, we’re gonna make an orphan tonight!” The song dips into the dads extreme lactose intolerance and his recklessness to ingest so much cheese and he passes out and crashes the car on the way home, tragically in a fiery crash - they don’t make it. Anyway halfway through my second chorus my mic is cut off, so I just start belting the cheese me please me chorus. The. I spot the bride crying and storming off. The crowd disperses and many people are in hysterics, won’t even talk to me. It turns out my sons wife hd her father pass away in a tragic accident. My son hasn’t talked to me since Saturday and I heard they are sleeping in separate beds!

AITA for capitalizing on the large crowd?

Looking for some perspective here. I [45M] and my wife [29F] have been in a nasty feud for about a month now. Im a general contractor and she works in finance. About a month ago, she had a work event with her team and asked me to attend. I was running late to the event and still in my work clothes. My clothes were covered in paint but I was bound to make it. Honestly I think I was high from the fumes which made me more confident. When I walked in, all eyes were on me, I felt like a star. As usual my wife had to go and give me dirty looks for stealing all of the attention. It was an open bar so I was pounding the booze to try and cancel the paint fume high. I got a little too inebriated and kept calling my wife’s boss lord farquad and was regurgitating all the shit she talks about him to his face (I didn’t say it came from her). The boss kicks me out, and I screamed “you can’t do this, haven’t you seen the pursuit of happiness?” Before being thrown into the street. I went home, and when my wife got home she slept on the couch. She has slept on the couch for the past month and I miss her so bad. I have pleaded for her to sleep in the bed but she wants me to apologize to her boss and I’m not giving that twat the satisfaction.

Anyway on Friday I took the day off from work and cut the couch in half with my reciprocating saw. I missed a few times and cut into the wall and floor but just painted over it. I moved the couch halves to the back yard and began burning them. I think she saw me on the cameras because she was home very quickly, demanding to know what’s going on. As I stood above the flames of the burning couch halves I outstretched my arms and said I guess now you’ll have no choice but to sleep by my side. She let out kind of a growl and grabbed her purse and keys and left. I haven’t seen her since Friday, but every time I leave and come back some more of her stuff is gone - not sure if I’m being robbed. She has disabled her location so I can’t see where she is. I hope she’s ok, this isnt like her. Is there a way to track someone after they’ve disabled their location? Should I show up to her work and mount something to her car?

Oh and AITA for burning the couch?

This is in Vermont. Someone I know just had their work hours changed from 7AM to 6PM instead of 7AM to 4PM. Their employer is requiring them to take a 3 hour lunch to avoid paying overtime. It seems very weird to me, is that even legal?

Hello everyone,

I have encountered some awful people on the gondolas and chair lifts at Jay Peak. Recently I was in the lift and I thought Id pass a little gas but something extra came out. This has happened before, so I initiated my process of removing my underpants To discard out the window of the gondola. I stood up to unzip my pants and they started screaming. There was a couple and another dude in the tram with me. They were killing my vibe. I told them to relax, I’m not a raper. I removed my underwear but the problem was it was mostly liquid so I didn’t get everything. The other dude In the lift was berating me while the couple was dramatically dry heaving. I disposed my underwear out of the window and immediately pulled out my Bowie knife and told everyone to shut the hell up and I was done with their drama. I enjoyed my ski down but the mountain staff kept following me. One got close to me but I hissed at him to get him away from me. I had to leave shortly after. I am disgusted with what Jay Peak has become.

Hello everyone,

I want to inform you of a very disturbing situation I found myself in at the end of last season. I was flying down a black diamond and hit a corner. I suffer from chronic dehydration so I cramped up and went flying off the huge fucking cliff. When I landed in the woods I found a human skull. I cleaned it off and put it in my backpack because I wanted to scare my buddy Terry with an actual human skull this time. When I climbed back up to the top of the cliff a frantic man was asking me if I found his skull. I simply said check underwear your hair pal, and skied away. He followed in pursuit so I immediately went full send straight down the mountain at maximum speed. I did accidentally stab an old woman with my ski pole. When I looked back she was bleeding out but it looked like it was under control. The man was catching me and I could hear bones rattling in his backpack. I got to the bottom, ordered a bud light and cracked him over the head with the glass bottle. I was driving home and ski patrol followed me to my house and put me in handcuffs for “assault”. They searched my bag and found the skull and are accusing me of killing a guy. How do I get out of this?