u/Flat_Cod5747

Here it is with all dash marks removed while keeping the punctuation and structure cleaned up:

In a nutshell, I’m lonely.

I have my family and friends, sure, and I love them so much. You people have no idea. But deep down, I feel unlovable in terms of a relationship. No one’s ever really been attracted to me.

I was that ugly kid who got asked out as a joke, and I internalized all of that. My low self esteem and lack of confidence turned into depression and anxiety. That anxiety kept growing, and so did my addiction and dependency on porn. It regulated my mood.

If I ever started thinking at night about how lonely and ugly I felt… well, I would jack off.

If I was stressed about schoolwork and needed to clear my head… I would jack off.

If I had trouble sleeping and needed something to doze off, well… I would take Benadryl, and then jack off.

It became a dependency. I needed it to function. Gooning became the thing that gave me intimacy and “romance,” for lack of a better term.

In fact, I’m writing this after jerking off in tears, trying to make sense of my fucked up little brain. There’s more I’m not telling, but to put it simply, I need a lot of fixing.

And that kind of terrifies me.

If I can’t fix this, I feel like I’ll never get what I’m after: real love.

I always see TikToks from both men and women talking about loving sex and going through “hoe phases,” and sometimes I think, if that’s what love is in this generation, then fuck it. Maybe that’s what I’ll do when I’m ready.

But honestly, I just want someone to hold and be held by. I want to look into someone’s eyes and see them glow with excitement to see me.

I hate porn now. It’s so fake, loud, and obnoxious. It sets unrealistic standards and made me think my penis was small because it isn’t the size of a WD40 bottle. I fucking hate it, but I can’t quit.

Please, if someone can help me, please leave a comment. I’ve seen too many posts here of guys DM’ing porn to people who post things exactly like this, and I think I’ll just leave it at that because I don’t really know how to end this.

I graduated recently and I’m in college now. I’m a male who never really grew up attractive. I was pretty damn ugly for most of my life. I’m working on it now, but it isn’t something I’ve made much progress in aside from losing weight and dealing with the emotions and implications that came with that. I won’t go too deep into this specific part since it doesn’t really pertain to limerence, but it made me very needy for validation, which is important for later. Along with that, it made me very insecure and incredibly desperate for the affection and validation of the two women I’ll be discussing.

I won’t say their names or anything identifiable we’ll just address them as A and M (not their real initials). During my senior year of high school, I had crushes on both of these girls at different points. They don’t resemble each other, and their personalities varied. We were all friends, and I knew them both on a first name basis. I thought and I guess still do think they were both really pretty, prettier than anyone I can ever realistically hope for at this point in my life. I don’t say that to sound like an incel; it’s just genuinely how I feel about the situation. During high school, when I had crushes on each of them (at separate times in the school year), I would think about them when they weren’t around. I’d make fantasies in my head. For example, with A, I had this idea of us going on dates to cafés. I would think to myself, “I wonder what her favorite drink is,” or “What’s her favorite cookie?” Just little things like that. It was similar with both girls.

I graduated in 2025, and since then they’ve been on my mind constantly. Every little interaction, every joke I told that they laughed at, every sweet moment during the school year those memories became my main thoughts after graduating. That first summer especially, I could only think about them. It was never sexual thoughts. It was more me dwelling on how scared I was to approach them. For example, when I would talk to M, it was usually in a friend group we had. Even if it became a one-on-one conversation, there was always the relief of having multiple people there. So when I didn’t know what to say or started acting awkward, the conversation could pivot somewhere else.

I would often think of ways I could’ve just said how I felt, but deep down I knew that if I couldn’t say it with my chest, I probably shouldn’t say it at all. I don’t doubt either woman probably would’ve entertained the idea of us being in a relationship. They may have even agreed to a date, but I feel like it would’ve been more out of pity than actual interest in pursuing something with me. Deep down, I think I was just a little too proud to go through with a date of that nature, so I let it pass. I really regret that now. Honestly, I almost wish they had just rejected me back then.

It’s sad, and I feel like such a creep for having them on my mind. I don’t speak with either of them anymore. I’ve seen them briefly since high school in random run-ins or heard about them through word of mouth, but neither of them are in my life in any substantial way yet they’re still on my mind.

I just want to get over this and move on to a real relationship, but I don’t understand why this is still affecting me. I don’t like feeling like a creep. It’s just where my mind has been.

If anybody has advice, I’d really appreciate it. This is my first experience with this server/community, so there’s still a lot I don’t know. I just want to understand why I feel this way and how to move forward.

I knew pll in high-school im 3 yrs out they have 5+ bodies i don't have any well i have 1 right lol

But im so scared imll never be attractive to anyone I always see tiktoks abt pll being slutty to ppl and pll yak I know abt relationships and no one has ever had a crjsb on me

Ive been on the receiving end of oreo pranks and jokes during my school days I had crushes on 2 girls and omg they were so pretty and they thought I was funny but there's no way theu would've been attracted to me im so ugly ive never wven had my fiest kiss much less body I wish I was better looking im working on that every day im so depression byt im working on that everyday

I just want to be loved and liked im so fraud I never will be plz help me whoever reads this I wanna be better im 21 and drunk rn which is the only way I can admi all thi s plz help me plz I wanna be better and don't tell anyone I said this I promisee this isny a ahi post it definitely looks like it bjt it isn't I wanma be loved so bad im so afraid theu day it happens I won't know how to handle it plz help me

Im gojng to tbe gym im working on my skin care routine ive been meaning to posy this for days I want real advice but idk why i cant love myself plz help me

I copy and pasted this plz help me i want to be happy and kdk how

God im gonna regret this tmmrw plz I don't mean to admit this .y parent don't even know i am not suicidal im saying this so i can post this in this eevrt

I posted this in 3 servers plz help.me I want to be better i want to be loved I didnt oost this section on others just this

I made another post in this server that explains why i feel the way I do stemming back to my childhood so that will cover most of what im feeling and why but this is my attempt at starting to look deeper into my insecurities and try to fix them to be better

So im 20m and i have 0 relationship experience havnt had my first kiss havnt ever been on my first date and ive never experienced love

Ok at this point im drunk asf and ngl im typing this pn a different fay than im am the day I wrote the stuff above

Im 21 now I had my birthday a few days ago and yknow that may seem happy but it isnt ive never been loved no one has ever loved me or even been attracted to me actually thsts a lie as a kid I wad raped by my cuzin I hated it I didnt want it to happen to md but it did im so ugly that's the only way any one will be attracted to me auto correct is helping me so much im misspelled everything I was 4 I didn't want to be touched. Ut I was I just want a gurl to love me some days I cry before I sleep because no one has ever liked me in that way I've had freinds sure I can talk to gjsls nut I csnt make that nect step I can't flirt I hate that I wss eaped do you have any idea what will people think of me if theu know if I was raped they wojld never speak to me again im ruined

I want to.loce myself so bad But sometimes all I can think abt is kms im so ugly I just want to be loved but im eo afraid ill.nevrr be loved for what jappend to me

I knew pll in high-school im 3 yrs out they have 5+ bodies i don't have any well i have 1 right lol

But im so scared imll never be attractive to anyone I always see tiktoks abt pll being slutty to ppl and pll yak I know abt relationships and no one has ever had a crjsb on me

Ive been on the receiving end of oreo pranks and jokes during my school days I had crushes on 2 girls and omg they were so pretty and they thought I was funny but there's no way theu would've been attracted to me im so ugly ive never wven had my fiest kiss much less body I wish I was better looking im working on that every day im so depression byt im working on that everyday

I just want to be loved and liked im so fraud I never will be plz help me whoever reads this I wanna be better im 21 and drunk rn which is the only way I can admi all thi s plz help me plz I wanna be better and don't tell anyone I said this I promisee this isny a ahi post it definitely looks like it bjt it isn't I wanma be loved so bad im so afraid theu day it happens I won't know how to handle it plz help me

Im gojng to tbe gym im working on my skin care routine ive been meaning to posy this for days I want real advice but idk why i cant love myself plz help me

Its only about 10 days so far but it's beating my previous of 7 and I feel like i can keep going thru the challenges and urges I think im finally ready