u/Floordove

I have a Nmother and Nbrother and haven't had contact with them in years. In the meantime my brother got married and got kids and none I was invited for. Lately he has been telling to shared family that is because he is afraid I will hurt his children. Very painful. I have no history of hurting children or anyone, I have multiple social worker degrees and work with (abused) children which also makes this extra painful. I am not sure though he knows that because he never had any interest in my life.

I don't really understand what he is doing. Or why.

Like my Nmom has send me some weird letters with "It's your birthday congratulate me because I birthed you!" and all the classics, but what is he doing? Like why after years nc he suddenly feels the need to tell people I'm a childhurter. And what could I expect?

I (cis female) get problems on a monthly basis, I have been fired, kicked out of sports groups, have had death treats, being choked and whatnot on a monthly basis. Sometimes it is more problematic in a lighter way that I don't know how to describe. Like my GP kept asking me if I had children, if I was really really sure that I did not have them, and that I can be honest to her because she thinks I am a trans woman and does not really dare to ask me directly in the face. Dating apps I rather not use due to the swearing men that think I am a trans woman unleash at me. "you never will be a real woman!" sigh.

I asked a trans woman mate this and she said she never has these problems! I would have expected that she has loads since I am not trans and already have loads.

And this leads to this question. I don't know if she is passing because I know her since childhood and have a hard time to see how another person that meets her for the first time would see her. But she is really open in being a trans woman. And a little chatterbox. It might not matter that much how she looks because as soon as she opens her mouth you will know she is a trans woman because she invited you into her whole life story. She also notes it down on her dating profiles.

And I sometimes kind of feel like; maybe it is the problem that people wonder if I am trans or not. That that enrages peoples more then being trans. On the dating apps words like "trap" fall. Words that makes it seem the problem is that I might be a liar by being trans and not saying it. That that scares/angers people more then being trans. The uncertainty that I could be a evil liar out to trick them.

I also notice; well people think me being a trans woman seems to be because I have a unisex name and at one point in life decided that life is too short to not dress outrageous, and around that same time people learned due to anti-trans people things in US politics ánd drag-shows that trans woman exist, drag queens exist, and "man in dress" is outdated. Bluntly said; you often can't tell anymore if someone is a trans person so now some people think everyone can be one, and they seem to not understand the difference with a drag queen. And I wear red-lipstick. It feels that people think I am a trans woman because I perform a form of femininity which feels só confusing because these people also seem to find it really important that women be women... but I guess you can be too much of a woman and like a horse-shoe you are a man then? :')

But then; how do conventional attractive trans woman get treated? Like the ones that spends loads of time and money and effort to look like a topmodel; do they get less or more harassment then the average trans woman because it feels like it could go both ways.

It feels to me that how some people use being trans does not align with being trans. I don't know how to type this. but as if it is about how to be a woman and not really about being a trans person. The sticking your head above the corn/mowing field (sorry forgot the right saying). It's about control of women.

I wondered if this is a thing or how in general people treat you as a trans person and just your experiences/feelings around how well the things I just said. I don't know the right words for it. If I described existing phenomena I would also love to know the word for it haha so I can learn.

What do your GP's/healthcare people say?

It's non stop bleeding now and hurting and idk... I do not really know a lot about ears but I had these kids with green plastic things in their ear-drums when I was young and it feels like how can this non stop pustelous blobs that then turn in bloody crusts like have 0 effect on an ear-drum. I feel like I might go deaf. My GP say's "just throw that ointment in! It's fine!" The ointment works because it makes my skin thinner. Is she sure that is a good thing for inner ears... It works great on my head but idk that skin might be less important if it gets made thinner.. I'd kinda want to keep my hearing

I need to vent. I also don't know the right words for it but I just know that this a thing women experience. It's always the same type of guys; I see them immediately liking how I look and also thinking I am dumb because I am a woman. At the same time they treat women around me that they not deem attractive like non-human. And if your "exotic" you get it worse.

At one point they try to hit on me in always the same gross ways... like some creepy sexual boomer jokes ways..."oh you are eating a hot dog so you like sausage, I have a sausage you can munch on harharhar"... most often also calling me the wrong name because that is how much they care about female workers that we are always just the former girl they harassed. And then when you are not interested you get the revenge-treatment.

I notice when I try to talk about this with male friends/family that they do not understand. They understand the revenge part because being a shitty rejected person is unisex, but not the women-part. It always goes hand-in-hand with me being a dumber human.

This job again had it like these type of guys just told me I am dumb in my face at the first meeting. I often feel as if I am insane if I tell people that this happens often. But I know I'm not. Next to women you also see them treat "foreigners" or "low-wage workers" like that.

I'm actually not fired; some "Steffi" is fired. The boss dude decided I looked like Steffi Graf because I'm Dutch and he thinks Germany and the Netherlands are the same place of course and he knows no other German women and forgot hé decided to call me Steffi and that is not my name at all...so me being fired is addressed to Steffi... it's so tiring and I don't know how to tackle this behaviour because they are the bosses. It keeps happening over and over for 40 years now and I kind of want to know how to tackle this.