u/Flower_garden101

I've always thought cosplay looks so fun and I love the creativity of it. All the work that goes into making something that looks amazing. Anyway, I really want to cosplay Jinx from Arcane, except I've got this severe social anxiety, and I'm SUPER modest about the clothing I wear. I have autism and sensory issues that stop me from wearing makeup. I wouldn't know where to start. I just feel like their are so many things stopping me even though I would love to cosplay. I don't go all out on halloween costumes (most of the time I don't even dress up) because I'm embarrassed that if I put so much effort into a costume people will be like, "Huh? who are you?" or, something judgy. Even more so since I'm such an introverted person and I don't like showing off my body. There are no cons to go to right now so this doesn't matter, but I guess but it just bugs me. I feel so envious of talented people who can look so spectacular and confidant in their cosplay.

I am going to start learning violin and I know that part of learning an instrument is reading music. When I look at sheet music, I have this crazy dyslexia that makes the notes all over the place and sometimes backwards. (ESPECIALLY with complex pieces) I'm new to violin so I'm going to start small, but I was wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if so, how do you manage it? I'm also open to tips for beginners in violin!

My younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia when I was around 13. I'm 21 now. It happened at a very turbulent moment in my life where I was transfered to a new school for children with learning disabilities/autism. My parents had to juggle my issues AND my brother's diagnosis. I don't blame them. They were doing the best they could with five kids to take care of.

Anyway, even now that I'm older, thinking about that time in my life is like going back to a horrible dark place I wish I could forget. When I mentioned that I struggle with talking or thinking about it, their reaction was basically, "Why? It's in the past? You don't need to worry about it." But I still do. Everytime someone in my family gets sick, even with something small, I inwardly freak out and wonder if they'll be hospitalized or die. When my brother jokes or talks about his cancer, I feel so angry and bitter that I have to walk away. Maybe I felt neglected during that time period. I don't know.

I hate myself for being angry and bitter with my brother. When people tell me I'm selfish, I believe them. I'm disgusting and I'm angry about something that I have no control over, and someone who I should feel empathy for. I have a lot of my own struggles with depression, etc, and I feel like that just exacerbates how I feel. A lot of times I wish I had gotten cancer so I could just die. I know that's pretty pathetic.

I apologize for that rant. I just can't REALLY explain how I feel to my family without seeming heartless.