u/Forgotenzepazzword

Went to my 4th Bass this year and I’m planning on graduating to Lost Lands next year. I’m pretty solid on camping festivals, but I’m looking for key differences btw Bass and Lost Lands to help me decide how to plan, pack, and look towards next year’s festival! Thanks yall!

First time poster. This is a vent post as well as a cry for help.

My very close friend (think take you to the ER, spend Christmas together friends) offered to nanny for my toddler on her days off. She could use the money and I could use the peace of mind. It’s been a dream for the last 2+ years. Everything has been great, we already considered her a part of our family and have felt at such ease with her helping raise such a cool little human. About 1.5yrs ago I started paying her through a pay service that would take out the taxes for me. She could submit a time card and get paid for her hours worked. We continued the agreed-upon hourly wage and the only thing that changed was how she got paid. I loved it and honestly I set it and thought Nanny would let me know if there were any issues (normal expectation for our relationship). I always meant to draw up a contract but never got around to it (my fault, I am not a savvy business person).

My husband and I have been trying to save up for a surrogate for our second child (my pregnancy was horrible and I can’t do it again). It felt like no matter what we cut, our savings were going down, instead of up. Something didn’t make sense. I went over everything (so I thought) and just assumed I was overspending in other areas. But then I saw two payments go through to Nanny that were the exact same. That couldn’t be right, bc I worked different amounts of hours during those two pay periods. Huh?

I started looking back. Apparently I set “estimated hours” in the beginning, and if Nanny didn’t submit a time card, it paid her the estimated hours automatically. Problem is, the estimated hours were often way more than she actually worked, most of the time it was almost twice what she should have been paid. She hasn’t submitted a time card in over a year and the system has been automatically paying her approximately double. This includes during a multi-month medical leave from work where she wasn’t actually working for us at all. She hasn’t said a word.

I texted her asking to come over so we could go over paystubs, then immediately turned off autopay. She said she’d call in the next few days. She only called after her check didn’t hit her bank account. I couldn’t answer at the time, but have asked via text to talk in person. I’ve heard nothing from her. At this point, I stopped adding shifts on our shared calendar so she won’t be watching my child in the future (which has also left us scrambling for childcare). I know she knows. She also called in sick to our shared company on the days we would have worked together.

I’m heartbroken. The money is significant. And the loss of it is definitely my fault, I feel like an idiot. But mostly I’m so very sad about my friend and feeling betrayed, especially for so long. I had so much love and trust in her. My child keeps asking about his friend and when he’s going to see her again. She’s seemed weird and distant recently, but she’s been having mental health issues so I assumed it was because of that. I feel like my friendship is over in a flash, when really it was gone over a year ago.

I don’t know what to do or how to approach things. Any advice is appreciated. I can’t reach out to other friends because we are in a close friend group and I want to protect everyone’s privacy while we figure this out. Not asking for legal advice, just good old fashioned advice. A few details have been changed or are vague to protect privacy.