u/FragrantDingo21

Hello!

I have a history of being a people pleaser with my sister. My sister has a selective and creative memory for how close we are (her abusing me was just "sibling stuff" (this was in response to me telling her that the story of how she waterboarded me when I was bad isn't funny)), and she has a hard time being able to accommodate anyone. If I said no, she would be cruel or try to bulldoze me. She resorted to guilt. She got our parents involved. I was always expected to relent because I'm "easier." This continued well into adulthood and is something I am trying to unlearn and be able to confront my family about (yay therapy). I am much better at boundaries but still struggle.

My sister is getting married soon and is having a small wedding (wedding party of three). I had stepped down as MoH because of several issues. Here's a small list of highlights (that you can read if you'd like):

- I was told to grow my hair to a certain length and NOT cut it at all (I have very short hair). I said no and was called selfish

- When I agreed to be MoH, outside of the guilt, it was mainly because I was told that it would be a summer wedding and that it would not get in the way of my comps exams. She booked the wedding for the day before my first one and told me that I should find a way to deal with it (apparently my committee should let me skip it cause of her wedding)

- Dress shopping was impossible. My sister is very Type A but pretends like she isn't. I was told "long and blue" were the only requirements. Clearly, they were not because I kept getting rejected for almost stupid contradictory things (one dress had too small of straps and another had too thick of straps (they were slightly bigger than the one before it)). Everything I chose was "too revealing" (tbh one of them was backless but the others had a slight v that really showed off clavicle) so I chose a dress that was high-necked (but that was too prudish). It took me weeks of begging for her to give me a list of requirements. She claims me having so much trouble was because I lacked common sense. She tried to reject the dress I bought and she initially approved of based on the price and price alone (it's thrifted and therefore too cheap)

- for makeup, I have very sensitive skin and will break out with anything on there. I was told that I would have to power through the chemical burn/allergic reaction

- Most of my MoH duties were given to my mom including the planning and running of the bridal shower. I was then told the night before that I was expected to have a speech ready, run the games (that I didn't plan and was told weren't going to be there because my sister hates them), and do a whole slew of other things that weren't "help set up and record/hand over gifts." When I complained about when the absolute f was I going to be told this, my mom and sister (it was a group chat) told me that I should've known that there were MoH duties that I was expected to do because the MoH runs the shower (something I initially told my sister when she said I wasn't in charge of the party). I had a full blown panic attack.

- Told my sister that I couldn't afford the bachelorette party (expensive activity that required a down payment and very fancy restaurant). Was told that the MoH HAS to be there (planned to skip the restaurant and be too sick to go). She refused to let me pressure her friends to pay me first for the HEFTY down payment for the activity until I was forced to admit to her and her other bridesmaid that I couldn't afford to do the full deposit without being paid first, especially as it's non-refundable and some of her guests were maybes. I was called by my sister several times over the next few days because I was waiting for her friends to send me money (who all understood btw and were more than happy to pay me immediately) and she was worried that the activity would be booked up for that day (it was 5 months in advance). It was heavily implied I was selfish for not "just putting it on my credit card and going over the limit for a few days"

- When I stepped down as MoH (I was losing hair and sleep, not to mention crying almost everyday and it took me several months and tries to convince her), I was immediately shamed because my sister (who gave NO direction for her party other than activity, dinner, and classy) thinks that I f'd over the other bridesmaid who has to now buy the genitalia themed items, plan games and a slideshow for the restaurant (idk why she thinks the Michelin star, super-fancy restaurant would be fine with this because when I made a reservation and I said it was a bachelorette party, I was told that they would kick us out for being too rowdy as an fyi), and buy gifts for the party goers (who aren't even invited to the ceremony btw). All of this was new information that she apparently told me when I was first asked to be MoH last year. When I said no you didn't and sent her screenshots of our convo for the bachelorette party, she said it was because I lacked common sense and I should've known those things are expected.

_

I get you want your day to be special. I truly do. I think terms like "bridezilla" can be quite overused. However, the fact that I'm pretty much being set up to fail by not being given key information is just bonkers to me. Not to mention that I apparently lack a lot of common sense because I cannot read minds. After this entire debacle, I thought that was that.

Apparently I am still expected to show up for hair and makeup, even after I said no (I don't have much hair to begin with and I don't wear any makeup due to sensitive skin). The wedding is an hour and a half away from me. I was given the option to stay over with the rest of the wedding party (all rich) but it is a heritage mansion that costs over $500 per night.

Hair and makeup starts at 5am and the ceremony is at 3pm. Photos are not being taken before the ceremony. My sister wants one final moment where she gets ready with my mom and I for nostalgia (something we never really did - I was always shoved out of the good mirrors for makeup and then wouldn't have enough time to do mine), not to mention her MIL and other bridesmaid. I just think it's absolutely ridiculous, especially how early it is for only 4 other people and the bride. As well, I don't wear a lot of makeup because of how sensitive my skin is and I don't have a lot of hair. I was going to do it at home to save money, especially for gas as I would have to drive there and drive back to get my bf (who is not invited to the mansion this early nor does he want to be there).

When I said no (again) to hair and makeup, she was peeved. She wants me to stay the night at the hotel (to avoid driving so much) because I should be willing to sacrifice and max out my credit card, not to mention that my bf should be the one paying (I have no job rn due to job market being awful and my bf is also a student and works part time). I said no again. She wants to know why I hate her. I said I don't hate her. I restated why I said no the first time and that it's not just about having to get up ridiculously early and sitting around for a while. She asks me again but to think about and do it for her. She wants to have an important sister moment. I said no. I get a text from my mom asking me why I hate them and why I don't want to have such an important moment with them. I restated my reasons. I get called selfish.

I am going to be honest. I know I sucked for backing out as MoH but I was barely hanging on to my sanity. Every call about the wedding from my sister was about something she didn't tell me. I was petrified of ruining her day and parties (something she heavily implied would happen). I felt like I was being set up to fail and any slip up was held over my head. It was not a good time and I couldn't handle it.

However, I was very clear about my needs and boundaries. They were stomped all over, and I wasn't listened to, even when I was direct and said no. My entire family (dad included) keeps guilting me about hair and makeup. I keep saying "no."

Hello! My family is kind of awful (what's new lol). I was the "easy" sibling that was expected to forgive and forget and always be the bigger person (even with adults).

Growing up, I was taught by my parents that you can't take yourself too seriously and that you need to laugh at yourself and let others laugh with you. But it was laughing at my pain. Not anyone else's (cause that's just bullying). This could be anything from making fun of a humiliating memory (e.g. failing my driver's test) to something that was physically or mentally painful.

For example, my mom's favourite memory of me is when I walked by the table leaf that was propped up against a wall with chocolate milk in hand; the leaf slipped, taking me out in my bad knee (I folded instantly), and I collapsed on top of it, losing my grip on my glass which then flipped into the air before spilling all over me and then smacking me on the head. My mom tells this story at parties as an example of me being clumsy. I avoid telling people my perspective which was I was in sudden agonizing pain, cracked my head on the leaf when I went down (heard ringing), then was soaked in chocolate milk before getting smacked by a glass that thankfully didn't shatter, and then having my mom stand over me laughing her head off while I was crying (chocolate milk doesn't feel great in the eyes fyi). When I told my mom and sister that I hated that story, my sister actually cried cause I was policing their language and my mom did the mom thing of saying she wasn't disappointed in me but used a synonym for disappointed.

The milk story is still told but you know as a teaching moment so I can learn to laugh at myself. How honourable.

My sister also loves the story of when she waterboarded me in the front yard (yanked up my shirt over my head, covering my mouth and pressed the hose to it) and then after I kicked her off of me, chased me to the backyard gate that would stick and then shot me with the hose on the pressure washer setting a few inches away from me while telling me that she would stop when I begged for forgiveness and stopped sobbing like a victim. She excludes some details and frames it as classic sibling stuff and a testament to how much I got under her skin (she yelled at me so I flicked water at her while I was watering the garden so it would land near her not on her but apparently a little droplet hit her foot and she launched herself like Wolverine across the garden). That is also peak comedy according to my family.

When I tried to use that story as an example of her being bad to me as kids, I would be told "that's just what siblings do" from my parents and sister. I "needed" to move on from the past and focus on the present, a sentiment which was revoked when I mentioned an apology would help with me moving forward.

If I ever disagreed or cried when people told these stories, it was always "you're just being dramatic" or "here they go again... Making a mountain out of a mole hill." So I was like "wait it's not them being terrible - it's me!" which is not only wrong but also awful. I would be encouraged to tell these horrible stories and then I would excuse myself and sob in the bathroom, mortified and embarrassed; I would then clean myself up and then leave, pretending like nothing happened. My idea of normal became really really skewed.

As a kid, I did start to fight back. When I was a teen, I would bring up an embarrassing memory of theirs. Not always immediately because then I would get accusations of seeking revenge and making things awkward. I had to stop because I would get yelled at because it's not funny to bring these memories up... it's mean! I would be shamed, guilted, and ostracized for weeks.

Overall, I learned it was better to be quiet. Quiet was easier.

______

I write this now as an adult. I have a wonderful partner and friends that wait till I laugh before they join in and who will always respect boundaries.

The thing I am most resentful about is what I was taught to do, how much it affected my life, and how difficult it is to unlearn. Even something horrible was supposed to be funny or fun. I not only masked real hard but I also bought into people telling me that I was being overdramatic. So I would tell people these horribly traumatic stories with a laugh or a smile. Periodically, I will tell a cute childhood story and my partner, friends, or therapist will look at me in horror and then I know that it's actually real bad. Even in therapy, I tell bad stories with a smile and I don't even realize I'm doing it.

So in short, my family is awful.

Trigger warning: mental health; suicidal depression

Some Context:

So, I should've been put into therapy earlier in my life (ex. outside of horrible self-esteem and an abusive grandma, I used to have panic attacks every other day, trouble focusing in school, etc.) but my parents' stance has either been "I was just like that as a kid... It's completely normal" (no, that's ADHD and mental illness), or you have to do it yourself and therapy and drugs are a last resort. Growing up in that situation/belief system I saw "asking for help" as a personal failure and a weakness on my part.

After years of "pushing through it," I snapped when I was 19 and went through a major depressive episode. I had to beg for therapy (needed to fill out forms for my dad's insurance and it was COVID so all of my schools mental health professionals almost NEVER had an opening).

Story:

Every time I went to therapy when I was 19, my mom made sure to pick me up and would ask me what I talked about. I do not think asking "how was therapy" or telling someone "hey if you ever need help processing something from therapy, I'm here" is unreasonable (with the latter being offered like once max), but she wanted the full breakdown (pun intended).

She wanted to know what exactly I was telling my therapist. I, uncomfortable and not really understanding why at the time, would be vague and say "school" or "stuff," but it was never enough. My mom would then get teary-eyed about how I never talk to her anymore and she misses when I used to tell her things. She just doesn't know how to help me!

So I, young and having grown up in a codependent household, would give her some details, having fallen for the guilt trap. For example, I would be like "oh well I talked about grandma being abusive." Then I would get a million questions that all were kind of concerned with my mom - "did you tell him that we gave you the option to hangout with her and that you only have to see her for holidays and big events" "did you tell him that she's bad to everyone and not just you" "did you tell him we try to defend you."

I know now it was an interrogation more than a conversation. But it still continues. My mom wants to know when my appointments are and what I talk about. She doesn't press as much (especially cause I don't give her any details, esp. when my appointments are), but this woman cannot take a hint. She still tries to guilt trip, but I am a little immune to it, especially cause most of the time it doesn't make any sense (ex. when I said I didn't really want to talk about therapy, she asked why and I said that it's private and I don't want to... She started to tear up being like "when did you ever want privacy from me?" Like always? I've never been outgoing but like everyone is at least a little private?).

It's one of the many things that my mom does that makes me ask myself "why is she like this?" For people who are reading this and have had similar experiences with a parent/have been guilted into talking about therapy, if you don't know this already, you don't owe anyone the details of your therapy sessions - you're allowed to keep some things private!

This was a few months ago on a trip to Italy with my bf. We were in Rome and taking the metro. The train was packed; I was standing up in the centre and he was in another car (we got separated on the platform). We reached Termini and there was a huge crowd of tourists with large suitcases waiting.

One woman with a massive suitcase (there was a large bag on top of it too) yells for her husband and kid to hurry up (both also with large suitcases). They shove their way in and people try to make room for them, but again it's packed so it's a tight squeeze.

I get it. I've been on public transport before with large bags. It's awkward. You try to not take up too much space, but it's kinda unavoidable. It's not a great situation, especially on a crowded train. However, this lady walked right up to me and pushed her suitcase lightly into me and made a shoo gesture, clearly wanting more space.

While the request was done rudely, I would have moved over more if I could, but I clearly could not move further without pushing into the man beside me, so I told her "sorry I cannot move over more." She huffs, and then slams her suitcase into my leg, so I'm like "ow?!" And she looks at me and literally goes "whoops" with a little smirk. This woman is middle-aged at least and acting like a teenager.

The man I would've been way too close to if I had moved gives her a look, moves over as much as he can (again, the car is crowded), and then tells me that I can move a bit more if I would like. I go to shift over but my foot is pinned. This woman had rolled her suitcase onto my foot. It was just on there (not really on my foot more the tip of the shoe where my toes don't quite reach) so internally I was like "okay must have been an accident."

Nope! I wrench my foot out relatively easily and shift slightly over; she then (we had stopped at this point) looks down and slides her suitcase over and onto my foot. I'm a little louder when I say "ow" cause it hurt A LOT and then I tell her "your suitcase is on my foot. Can you please move it" (in English cause I heard her speak it to her husband when getting on). She ignores me and rolls her eyes. I say it again louder and gesture toward it; people are now looking at us. I am trying to get my foot out, but it's too heavy for me to wrench my foot out (she's also leaning on it). She gives me a dirty look (like looked me up and down) and then yanks it off.

The man who was nice enough to move the first time moves again, and a younger woman moves further down the car and gestures at me to take her spot near one of the doors. The next stop the woman got off glaring at me. I heard an older woman call her a very creative name in Italian as she left; the same woman then asked me if I was okay and needed to sit down.

I walked with a bit of a limp for the last two days of the trip, and I had to cut my day short (missed out on some museums and churches) cause my foot was quite sore. I cannot fathom what would possess a person to do that let alone think that they're in the right to behave like that.

While I am writing this post about the entitled woman, the guy who moved, the younger woman who gave me her spot, and the woman who asked if I was okay were lovely, so I gotta give them props for being kind to a stranger when they didn't have to be.

Hello! I live in an apartment building that has many issues, but one of the worst is the lack of ventilation control.

I have no fan in the bathroom (and no window) or over the stove top, just two vents. I have no control over either. The one in the bathroom blows air in/moves it, while the other one in the kitchen sucks air up. They turn on automatically two times a day. I asked my landlord for when they turn on and her response was that she could not tell me. To be clear, even when on, they do not do much (other than make my apartment smell terrible and get warmer).

For the bathroom, this is a bit more of an issue because every time I shower, the air gets thick FAST, even when taking a lukewarm shower or a 5 minute one. As well, considering the heat wave, it keeps blowing hot air in (even the smoke from the forest fires). As well, not only is there mold in my bathroom but there is clear water damage on the ceiling. The landlord has implied that water damage is neglect by the tenant, as I am not the bare minimum to prevent it. My landlord's solution was to shower with the door open, take even shorter showers, and to dry off the ceiling, walls, and tub with a towel.

I've had several people tell me that this is illegal. While being an arts student and not taking a law course since highschool, I know that I need ventilation of some kind, but my landlord has told me that fans are a luxury and that the building is up to code.

I have no idea if this is indeed illegal or if my landlord is right and is just doing the bare minimum (therefore legal despite sucking for me). I have no idea what to do or where to even look to determine the seriousness of the lack of ventilation. Is it legal?

TW: poor mental health, suicide, abuse

Hi! My sister asked me to be her maid of honour (moh) for her upcoming wedding months ago. There is a lot behind my decision to step down so apologies if my summary is too broad/unclear.

_____

Brief Family Drama Context: In short, I felt obligated to say yes (not exceptionally close with her as she used to bully me (waterboarded me as a kid when I flicked water at her once) and just kind of sucks as a person).

There has been a lot of recent family drama (cut off abusive grandma and my immediate family (who all knew for years about what my grandma did/said) hit me with the "why didn't you say anything sooner"/"why couldn't you hear her out" guilt trip).

There's a lot that has happened this last year so I will try to speed run through this. The biggest issue was my mom calling me everyday crying about how I'm never home (went to school four hours away and couldn't afford to train home every weekend) and blaming my partner. She also started tracking me. Every time I spoke up and said can you please stop calling my work to see when I am scheduled/in I dont want to get fired, they think I have a stalker, and I work with high school students who are making fun of me hard for this... I got met with "I'm a mother. I am supposed to worry" (I am mid 20s). I finally snapped when I got an essay about how I'm never home and never want to talk and that I'm breaking my mom's heart. I set a firm boundary. This boundary (I asked for space, uninstalled the tracking, and didn't go home the weekend I said I would for a family trip) was then held over my head for months and people hardcore walked on eggshells because "it came from nowhere." My sister could not fathom how I could betray my mother like that. It was real bad and my mental health is now horrendous. From that alone, I am super traumatized (I get panicked when I hear my phone go off).

My sister (who was already bridezilla - ex. I am "discouraged" from cutting my hair) then completely cut me out of wedding planning. Ex. She wanted a wedding in either August or September and asked me what would work best for me. I told her, with my comps (PhD comprehensive exam) schedule, August. She booked her wedding two days before my first one. When I said idk if I could make it, I was told that the school should make an exception and let me rebook my exam because it's my sister's wedding and they should understand. She was even worse to me (short and judgemental) than before. It made anything wedding related to be even more stressful.

Essentially I've always been expected to be the bigger person and cave (even with adults) so anytime I've historically pushed back, I've been asked "what happened to that sweet, patient girl that we raised?"

_____

Wedding Context: It has not been a great year. I started a PhD program (unfortunately more close to home) and it has been way too much family drama. I started antidepressants, reported to the school that I am suicidal, have had insomniac episodes, a wee bit of psychosis, horrendous tummy issues that landed me in the ER (thought it was my appendix), and nightmares that involve me waking up screaming in terror. I've had random panic attacks almost every day. Mental health is just not there. I can barely get out of bed most days. It is especially worse when my moh duties start to come up.

Before my sister's bridal shower, I had a fight with her because I learned my abusive grandma was still invited despite my boundary of I won't be attending any event she is attending and my sister lying and saying that my grandma wouldn't be there. I started to have really bad stomach issues the night before the party as a result and I told my mom I wouldn't attend. The party (despite being a moh thing) had been given to my mom to plan and run. I just had to show up and record gifts and gift givers. Turns out, I was actually supposed to be running everything! So I couldn't not show up because then I would be ruining everything! I slept two hours that night and spent most of the night walking around the apartment sobbing and convinced someone had broken into my apartment and was hiding from me (I was just sleep deprived and delirious).

After my bf wrangled me back to bed after showing me no one was in the apartment, I made him a promise that I would step down as moh. He never asked me to, but that morning he broke down in tears about how concerned he is for my mental health and I made that decision to step down as moh.

___

Try #1

I got her to come to my apartment two days after the party and we talked about childhood stuff. Well, I talked about it and she barely said anything except to say shit like "don't you dare tell me I was angry as a child, especially with our parents, and would take it out on you! I would get frustrated and not know how to vent that. You just were annoying me on purpose to get a rise out of me!" There was also a lot of "well the phone works both ways", "that's just how siblings treat each other", "have you thought about their perspective" gaslighting/guilt tripping b.s.

It was not great. It did cement my decision to back out though. I practiced a script beforehand with my bf. My main points were:

- my mental health is garbage: here's why and all the things that I am experiencing

- because of my deteriorating health, not to mention my first comp exam is two days after the wedding, I will not be a good moh, nor can I devote the mental and emotional energy for this important role

- I just cannot do it

The response was:

- have i tried exercising more

- It's not that many tasks so I should be okay. If Im not, then being a guest would be just as much work so then I won't go to the wedding full stop

- take more time to think about it

She left immediately after.

____

Take #2

A month passed and I asked for some space from my family. Best week and a bit ever - suddenly I felt energized and normal again (no more tummy issues). My grandpa recently got sick so my no contact unfortunately ended. My sister brought up about how excited she was about her bachelorette. I have run into money issues (cannot find a summer job for the life of me (on application #100), my bfs hours got cut at work, rabbit got sick (exotic vets are pricey), ac broke, car is making a series of weird noises, rent went up, etc.) I was going to step out of the party because of this (she chose an EXPENSIVE restaurant and a pottery spot that is $100+ per person). I also thought that I could get a refund on the pottery (prepaid) so I could use that money for groceries. I thought about it, realized I still wanted to back out, and wrote up a text:

Since our talk, I have thought long and hard about being in your wedding party as moh. I am deeply honoured that you asked me in the first place and I understand you wanted me there with you. However, I cannot be in your wedding party. Mentally and emotionally, I am not well. I haven't been well for close to a year. I will not be able to devote the emotional and mental energy necessary for that role, especially as my first comp exam is around your wedding. As well, I will be getting a refund and will not be able to attend your bachelorette party due to my financial situation/lack of job (I would not have been able to afford dinner even if I just went to pottery). I understand that this is a stressful time for you and my response is anything but ideal. Please know that I didn't come to this decision easily and it is not done with malice. I love you and I would love to attend your wedding as a guest but I will respect whatever you decide

The response was:

I would love to have you at the bachelorette and I will cover the pottery portion and dinner for you! No worries there at all

For the moh role, what do you feel would be too much compared to being a guest? Being a much smaller and intimate setting the “duties” are much simplified, more casual and adjustable. Us 5 (me, you, mom, X and Y) would have our hair and makeup done together in the morning, then you would walk down the aisle to a seat (standing only for the start/me walking down the aisle), signing as witness during the ceremony, and then a small toast - not a lengthy speech during dinner! It means a lot to me to have you as the maid of honour but I of course want you comfortable so I am open to making whatever adjustments necessary.

____

My Thoughts:

I have no idea what to say or do. I don't want adjustments. I just don't want to be involved. I don't want that pressure, nor do I think I am mentally capable of handling the role. I do not want to ruin her big day. As for the money stuff, my sister is the least casual person I know. I am already embarrassed that I have to ask for a refund so I can afford groceries - I don't want my sister to pay for me. Especially because she isn't supposed to pay that night and people will have questions when she pays for my dinner. I also will most likely have to pay her back (history of her covering me and then it being a "lend" situation instead).

I don't want to bite the bullet and just push myself to be her moh. Outside of the fact that I am unwell, I have had to do this SO MUCH in the past with my sister where I tell her that I don't want to do X but then we end up doing X because she wants to do it and my reasons are not valid enough. She never fully listens to me. It feels like all she does is look for "weak points" in what I say so she can counter. It's exhausting.

I want to text her a reply but I have no idea how to word my feelings or really what to say. I don't know if I'm just being too stubborn.

In short, as a kid, my grandma was the WORST. Name calling, emotional manipulation, fat shaming, homophobia, etc. She actively encouraged an eating disorder and took every opportunity to gas up my sister and then call me the "spare" or insinuate that I could jot compare. She was nasty and cruel. When my mom was a kid, my grandma was just as nasty but also physically abusive (like tried to drown her kids level of bad).

​

I grew up hating myself. I thought I was the ugliest and most boring thing that ever wandered the planet. I was ashamed of who I was. I was depressed af as a teen and eventually became suicidal.

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I told my mom about the comments my grandma made when I was a preteen, especially about my weight and appearance. My mom cried, and she told me that while she knew of some things, such as favourtism of my sister, she had no idea. She then told me that I had the option to cut off grandma and the family would never see her again, but to keep in mind, grandma has no one. To reiterate, I was 12.

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While I caved and said I wanted to never be 1 on 1 with her, I was still pressured to see her once in awhile. She was still invited to family events, like my graduation ceremonies.

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Cut to now - Im in my mid 20s. I get the courage to cut her out. I write a long letter, mail it out, and send screenshots of it to my parents and sister.

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They could not believe the extent of the abuse (some of it, I kept to myself as a kid (it took me awhile to leave the closet)). However, the reaction I got from my mom is that she could not believe it, but I cannot judge her for still wanting a relationship with grandma, especially as it happened so long ago (you only have the one mother after all). Also, I should have said something sooner.

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I did. The amount of times where I felt like I was crazy. Id report back about my mandatory lunch with her and I would get "thats just grandma" or accusations of looking for it.

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I spiraled and snapped. I got depressed again. I started to become suicidal. I went to therapy and got some meds. But I still cannot wrap my mind around it.

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I, a child, was supposed to take on so much and just pretend everything was fine. Why wasn't I protected? Why was that decision placed on me, a child? They knew for years what she was like to me. And nothing. My parents would tell her off and then I was instructed to go out for lunch with her. They knew those talks did nothing because I kept telling them the shit she would say to me.

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Why was I expected to be the bigger person/just take it? I was a baby (comments about my weight started when I was about four) and she was a grown adult. She should never have been around me in the first place.

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To be honest, I feel betrayed, a feeling that I have held and attempted to smother since childhood. I am so angry. Far angrier than I ever thought. Even if an apology was offered, I do not think it would ever fix things for me.

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WIBTAH for cutting off my family for this? I cannot look at them the same way.