u/FreeRun5179

[Complete][140k][Historical Fiction, Survival Horror] Arctic Odyssey

I know, I know, it's so long. One of my purposes of beta readers is to turn that down a lot.

Feedback: I'm looking for honest, unfiltered critique of the writing and characters themselves. Also as a secondary goal I would like you guys to tell me if I can cut down on anything lol. Ideally trying to get to 110k.

Blurb:

In 1848, a British expedition sets out to rescue the Franklin Expedition, a real-life expedition which had vanished in the Arctic three years earlier, with the secondary goal of accomplishing the circumnavigation of the globe via the Northwest Passage. Comprising of a single ship that is terrible for the Arctic, manned by 64 men, they and their well-meaning but inept commander, Henry Anderson, are unprepared for the perils that await them - not just from the environment, but from their own ranks.

Trigger Warnings: Cannibalism, Survival Horror

Excerpt:

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May 20th, 1859
There were two skeletons in the open boat, and both lacked heads. Francis Leopold McClintock ordered his men to come up and join him from where they were wrestling the dogs back into their teams, as the discovery had set them to incessant barking.
The captain spared only a fleeting glance at Lieutenant Hobson as he came trudging up in the snow, always in the habit of pulling his muffler up. They both moved to the bow of the boat. It was still perched on its sledge, as if the dead men at either end were preparing to haul again. “Come and look at this,” he said.
Hobson squinted. He knelt down to better look at the wood. “Franklin or Anderson?”
“Franklin. The skeleton is old.” He wasn’t sure, though. Twelve years since Anderson and fifteen since Franklin set out. That is not too much of a difference. As he pondered that, he paced around the boat, watching his men rummage through items. A shotgun here, a pipe there, looking for identifying items. All the officers of Erebus and Terror had cutlery with their initials on them.
He found himself shuddering, and only partly from the cold. It was just the sort of place that you knew you would be able to remember perfectly when you were old and dying. Odd things were strewn around the boat that he stepped over. A pair of boots, or sometimes just a boot, a rope, several books. One of them was a copy of the New Testament, but in French. McClintock heard the sound of a man loading a shotgun, tensed up, and turned around, but it was only one of his men checking the barrel of one of the abandoned guns. “Fully loaded,” he said. That troubled him even more.

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Please comment or DM me, I don't really care which!

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u/FreeRun5179 — 7 days ago

Finished a draft, looking for a beta reader

Hello! First time contributing to this subreddit. I've finished a book called Arctic Odyssey and I'd like constructive criticism. I really like a lot of aspects, but my problem is that it's very bloated (a bit less than 140,000). It's meant to be a longer book, but I got carried away in the second half with unnecessary stuff, and I need some help deciding what to cut and what not to. DM me if interested or comment below here and I'll dm you!

Brief summary:

When word from the Franklin Expedition is not heard by January of 1848, Sir John Barrow approves a single expedition, consisting of sixty-four men on a single ship, HMS Edinburgh. The same class as HMS Terror, she is heavy, slow, and terrible for the Arctic.

Commanded by a well-meaning incompetent who has never held an active command, chosen purely because of convenience, the expedition meets some of the same horrors that met Franklin and seems destined to suffer the same fate as the expedition they were meant to rescue.

Sensitive tags: Survival horror (cannibalism), basically all the stuff you'd expect starving men to face. It's not a very kind book to the characters, lol.

The main characters are fictional, obviously, but the expedition they attempt to rescue is very real, and I am actually a Franklin researcher and based a lot of the book on my own theories about what happened to some of the men.

Franklin's lost expedition - Wikipedia

u/FreeRun5179 — 7 days ago

how to make a short into a video

So I have a video (1:43 long) that I want to make into a video so that I can pin it to the top of my channel (sort of like a welcome video), however YouTube insists on making it a short. How do I fix this?

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u/FreeRun5179 — 10 days ago

Is it gyno?

Yes I’m fat, currently at 190 (5’8) down from 210, working on getting lower.

u/FreeRun5179 — 11 days ago

""It is not a question of wanting. The throne is mine, as Robert's heir. That is law. After me, it must pass to my daughter, unless Selyse should finally give me a son." He ran three fingers lightly down the table, over the layers of smooth hard varnish, dark with age. "I am king. Wants do not enter into it. I have a duty to my daughter. To the realm. Even to Robert. He loved me but little, I know, yet he was my brother. The Lannister woman gave him horns and made a motley fool of him. She may have murdered him as well, as she murdered Jon Arryn and Ned Stark. For such crimes there must be justice. Starting with Cersei and her abominations. But only starting. I mean to scour that court clean. As Robert should have done, after the Trident."

u/FreeRun5179 — 24 days ago
▲ 25 r/asoiaf

The three sons of York are Edward IV, Richard III, and George, Duke of Clarence.

Robert = Edward IV. Ruled for a similar amount of time, affable, placed their presumed friends in charge of their child heir's minority (Ned and Richard III respectively) on their deathbed. Had a controversial wife. Faced an overseas claimant for their entire reign. The previous king was found murdered. When they were young boys, their fathers took them to go see a Great Council.

Stannis = Richard III. Richard was an unpopular (though he later gained some popularity) and unloved man who usurped his nephews. He was known for his military prowess and was suspected of murdering his brother Clarence (though he probably didn't do it). Though Stannis wouldn't have tried to usurp Joffrey if he was legitimate (as Edward V was) it's still a cool similarity. Stannis will probably die fighting in battle against some foe like Richard did, depends on how his northern campaign goes.

Renly = George, Duke of Clarence. Tried to rebel against his brother the rightful King, murdered by his brother. Affable and changeable, died young.

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u/FreeRun5179 — 26 days ago