u/Free_Statistician_13

Hi r/LongDistance, I just got out of a very intense(at least it felt that way for me) short term relationship. We stay about an hour and change apart from each other. I don't drive and at first that was something that seemed to be okay because it was something I was working on(I'm waiting for money to be processed in court)

Me and her had talked about this fact, how I wanted to start driving so I could alleviate the burden. Early on she had reassured me it was okay, that I didn't need to worry and that she understood the position I was in and that the distance was worth it. Obviously things are always subject to change, life being how it is and all.

Not that I was trying to drag my feet but I guess I'd assumed we had more time(a mistake, I know, I should probably know better)

I got sick, right before she was supposed to come see me, she'd already missed some time off work recently so she couldn't risk it. We set up a follow up date as well a few days later and I ended up being sick through both of them 😭 missing two opportunities to see her. My schedule was pretty bad, irregular from not really being able to pick and choose my schedule due to me being sick so we weren't talking as much but she did tell me everything was okay and to focus on getting better.

I get better, then she's getting scheduled a lot at work and doesn't know when we can see each other again. I'm struggling but I say okay, tell her I'm there, things are okay, that we'll get through it together, that I miss her so much but the distance is worth it for her. That I have all the patience in the world.

I start to notice us not talking as much, her responses not seeming as engaged, skimmed over messages she didn't respond to when she used to respond to every single one. Even the ones from the night before that she didn't get around to(we'd talk for hours after she got off work everyday) 🥹

She's telling me she's still struggling with work and her self image so I'm chalking it up to her being exhausted, needing time for self care.

Days pass, I'm worrying, the tone in her messages has shifted, but I'm still not assuming the worst. But I do check in and give her the space to talk and voice her thoughts if something was on her mind

She tells me that the distance is so much harder than she thought it was going to be. That being the only one that can make time together is putting a lot of pressure on her, that she's struggling with it, and ultimately that she wants to break up because she doesn't see a solution to it in the short/medium term. That she doesn't see a path forward for us that works without us unintentionally hurting one another

I accept this, because obviously I don't want her to be hurting and struggling over me. That was never the intention for us when I asked her to be my girlfriend but I do let her know that if she decides she thinks there's a way forward from it she knows where to find me and that I hope this isn't goodbye for good.

The texts have a tone of finality to it from her end and where as I have come to the conclusion I love her I also don't love anyone enough to compromise on my dignity for by begging and pleading to fix things(not that that would do any good anyways, not without fixing the problems that made us breakup in the first place)

Quite frankly, I'm stuck on her and miss her to bits and pieces, by all standards it was so brief but it burned so hot. Everything was wonderful until the distance started to eat away at it all. Even still, we ended on good(if bittersweet) terms.

I know right now the best thing is to let things be, and do what I can to better myself and focus on getting my car and license so I'm not in the same place she left me in.

My question for reddit is, is there hope left to hold onto under these circumstances? As we were saying our goodbyes we talked about how special the time we spent together was, how grateful each of us were. It all feels so unfinished and I can't help but feel torn up inside when it inevitably pops up. I also know she wouldn't want me to be sad and that past a certain point the energy is best spent elsewhere.

For those of you in LDR's or have shared experience with something like this, would you take a partner back that you grew apart from because of the distance if they came back to you with a means of shouldering the burden? Obviously, getting back in touch when still in such an emotionally charged state is a horrible idea(you have to be able to accept any outcome or response from the situation and it takes work to get to that point)

My train of thought is the distance made her detach emotionally from me to cope with being apart for extended periods of time but that if I could come see her too this would be rectified? Is this delusional? Cope?

Anyone who took the time to read this and respond thank you so much for taking the time, I feel like I'm going crazy, I'm not necessarily looking for any particular answer in regards to all of this, more so just general insight and to be able to get some stuff off my chest. It's been difficult. I've felt blindsided but in hindsight a lot of the signs were there, I just didn't recognize them in the moment.

Me(27f) and my now I guess ex(35f) had been dating since mid March. Talking since early February. She stays an hour and a half away and I don't drive(though that was something I was actively working on remedying). I came down sick with something pretty nasty a couple weeks ago and wasn't around much to talk. She had reassured me things were okay and that I didn't need to worry.

Fast forward a little, it feels like we're talking less, and her responses felt less emotionally involved, more distant. I chalked it up to a rough patch, she was working a lot and suffering with a lot of body image issues. I missed out on seeing her two separate days on account of me being so sick and her not being able to afford to get sick and miss work and I'm just left kicking myself. That if I hadn't gotten sick and been able to see her she'd still be here.

Idk, I ended up bringing it up, how things have been hard lately and it feels like we're distant and I wanted to make sure things were okay. Then she ends up telling me she thinks we should break up, that she doesn't see a future where we can keep this up without it tearing both of us apart. I don't want to challenge her and question her decision making because I respect her and what she thinks so much but I can't help but feel like this was just a rough patch and something we could have gotten past together.

I'm really sad and broken up about it and every bone in my body wants to beg her to stay, to try to convince her that it's worth fighting for and it'll be okay but it all feels so hopeless. I don't know what to do. It's hard to imagine going on without her. She was very much my other half and I'd hurt over being apart from her constantly, I guess I just thought it was worth that pain in the long run and it's hurting that it doesn't seem like she felt the same way. Even if at the end of the day I just want her to be happy with or without me. We parted amicably but my world feels shattered and I don't know where to go from here. Just feel like she could have been the one if it weren't for the distance tearing her apart from me.

Any words of wisdom, advice, or kind words are very much appreciated