u/FrequentlyObtuse

Dr. Mindbender - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1986)

As an adult, I have so many questions about this guy… so, an orthodontist who experimented with pain control on himself becomes an evil genius with the capability of harvesting and manipulating DNA and creates a whole lab-grown person with memories of their former “selves” but all combined into one psyche.

As a kid, it was cool. As an adult, there’s something wrong there…

Tomax - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

Tomax, along with his brother Xamot, make up the Crimson Twins. Mirror images of each other, except for a scar on Xamot’s face, their battlefields were boardrooms as they controlled Cobra’s finances.

As a kid, this team of twins fascinate me. As an adult, I find the “mirrored” facades a little creepy.

Tele-Viper - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

Another great Cobra figure! Hasbro really hit its stride with the ‘85 line.

My Dad was in telecommunications and I remember he really liked the Tele-Viper and Dial-Tone. So, this has a little bit more sentimentality than some of the other figures.

I always wanted a Trubble Bubble to go with this guy and I didn’t get one until last year. Picked up a 2nd Tele-Viper to display with the flight pod, as well. But, the one pictured here is my original figure from 1985.

Snake Eyes [v2] and Timber - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

Probably my all-time favorite G.I. Joe figure. Snake Eyes got the best redesign from the original figure in 1985. Better sculpt. Better accessories. And, the inclusion of his sidekick, Timber.

Both the comic and the cartoon added to the mystery and intrigue of Snake Eyes, making him a fan favorite.

Shipwreck - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

One of my favorite Joe characters, mainly because of his character in the cartoon.

Fun story… much like Alpine, I couldn’t find his boarding hooks and line when I was going through and cataloging my collection. I ordered a replacement set through eBay. Days after the replacement arrived, I found a small box in storage that contained Alpine’s hooks, Shipwreck’s hooks, and other small accessories. He’s pictured here with the hooks he originally came with.

Ripper - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

Where are the Dreadnok fans?

From his original file card: “He is a professional criminal motivated by greed and a malignant dislike for the niceties of civilization–except for motorcycles.”

I love the fact that Ripper uses the Jaws of Life as a tool of destruction.

Quick Kick - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

Shows up in the arctic dressed like this after being fired from a Frozen Fudgy Bars commercial shoot. Rescues Alpine and Bazooka from some seals and fights Storm Shadow. How’s that for an entrance?

Eels - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

This was one of my favorite Cobra figures. Like with the Crimson Guard, I wanted multiples of this figure for my Cobra army, but only had this one.

This is one of the few characters that I purchased as a Classified series, as well. I really like the underwater characters.

Dusty - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

As a kid, I was always fascinated that this figure had an actual cloth havelock. A soft part on a hard figure? Mind blowing to younger me!

Crimson Guard - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

These guys were amazing. They were probably my favorite of the Cobra troops. I always wanted an entire army of just the Crimson Guards, but I only had one.

Looking back, I think I had a thing for red Cobra figures… Crimson Guard, Wild Weasel, H.I.S.S. Driver - all favorite figures.

Buzzer - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

Where are the Dreadnok fans?

Diamond-toothed chainsaw? Nunchucka axe? Gas can backpack? Yep, this guy definitely has some repressed psychotic anger!

Fun fact, he has one of the most revised file cards of all the characters. It was edited multiple times to remove mentions of his “repressed psychotic anger” and “the biker gang phenomenon.” Sounds like Hasbro may have been afraid of angering any real psychotic bikers.

Bazooka - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

A heavy weapons specialist in a Patriots jersey…

I always thought Bazooka deserved better than how he was portrayed in the cartoon. He was basically a dull linebacker paired with Alpine for a comedic sidekick. Personally, I thought he was better than that.

Barbecue - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Figure - (1985)

Interesting character… Seventh generation fireman. Loves riding on the back of firetrucks. Party animal. Renovated an old firehouse into a hangout. Had trouble with a window washer.