u/FreshlyPickedMelons

I realized something today and I wanted to share it in case maybe it helped anyone else.

I’ve been struggling a lot with my body image a lot lately and have been trying to repair my self-confidence and figuring out how to accept my body for what it is and keep living my life without it being the first thing that I think of.

It’s hard not to though when I’m kind of a lonely person and for years have blamed my size on being the reason why I don’t get many likes on dating apps or get lucky with naturally finding friends or love.

I read a post a while back that really upset me, specifically of a woman explaining that when she got thinner and wasn’t as curvy anymore, she got more male attention, especially from men who before wouldn’t pay her any mind and had more friends, some that she hadn’t spoke to in years all of a sudden wanting to speak to her now.

And that made me really, really sad because sizes shouldn’t matter that much and it made me feel powerless and struggle even more to love my body. But then the more I thought about it, something clicked.

You’re not really attracting love when you become thin. You’re just attracting more attention from other people who felt like they couldn’t love you at a different size. You’re not attracting more good men or women, you’re just attracting more men/women. You still have to weed through and find the good ones. You’re not attracting good friends, you’re just attracting people who for some reason couldn’t appreciate you at your bigger size.

And that’s not love at all.

A romantic partner who actually loves you will not care what size you are at and will love you no matter how that fluctuates, whether if it does or doesn’t. And the same thing applies to your friends. The last thing good people and people who love you notice is your weight. And those are the people you need to focus on.

I had a feeling it was coming cause it was implied but I just got done with the chapter where they have a talk about it at the cemetery and I just feel like it was such a cop out discussion tbh. I was wondering does it get addressed again and gets better because idk im lowkey so mad and hurt for Penelope 😂 because even though they say she’s not a replacement, she kinda is in a way, I mean she’s her sister and probably looks like her. I also hate as she’s struggling to think that eve was like that, they basically smirk and taunt her through it.

Does a discussion I guess ever happens again where it affirms even more that like “hey, yeah we had a relationship with eve, yeah you’re her sister, but you’re different and we love you for you and not because you remind us of Eve” cause that’s another thing, they are constantly like “you remind us of Eve”

So please bear with me here, i'm trying to do some research here. I'm 24 years old and a woman and I've had very little dating experience overall and definitely zero experience dating online. I also have issues with anxiety but I'm trying to kind of put myself out there and look for my special someone.

Recently, I joined Facebook Dating, which has been somewhat awful (joking) because it has been showing me and showing me TO people who live very far away from me lmao. And worst, people who genuinely have a lot in common with me and seem like a great match.

But here's the thing. I've never done an online, long distance relationship before and I've always been told to NEVER do one because there can be cheating or you never know who you are dating, they could be a serial killer, or something like that.

I know online relationships/long distance can be really difficult, so I don't even know if I could handle it, but before I start actually avoiding people who live far away, I figured I would do research and finally ask for answers to the questions that I have:

1. If you're like me and have little dating experience and you're doing online dating apps, IS it safe to give LDRs a shot?
2. How do you, I guess..., stay aware of cheating? I don't know how to explain it but I guess what I'm trying to ask is how do you avoid putting effort into someone who is cheating when it's an online relationship? Obviously, in person relationships can hide it very well too, but i feel like it can be even harder to find out or like come across finding out online.
3. When should you meet the person face-to-face and how do you make sure they aren't a serial killer lmao? I know you can do like research and stuff and background check, but I guess what I'm worried about is when you fly to meet that person, you're stuck with that person in that city for a bit. And I feel like you never really know someone until you physically meet them face-to-face. But i guess you don't really know someone until you meet them no matter what the circumstances are. I guess what I'm trying to ask is just is there anything else you can do to deal with that fear/prevent that from becoming a reality?
4. I've already read some tips on how like you should have frequent video calls, never avoid arguments, communicate what you expect/want and yk talk about what you want. But I'd appreciate, of course, any other tips too.

I’ve seen already some recommendations in other posts and am going to check those out, but I was wondering if there was anyone here who has been in my situation as a plus size person who has really struggled with finding their own body beautiful and feeling more confident. Is there a particular book that really helped you see yourself differently?

This might be the wrong subreddit, I’m not sure where to really go tbh, but I’ve been struggling for a long time with self love as a plus size woman and I’m sick of it and need help. Are there any books, videos, podcasts, anything that can help self love finally click and I can be more comfortable in my body even as I’m trying to change it? I really struggle with finding myself beautiful and thinking that I deserve to be seen as beautiful by other people. I’m tired of constantly feeling like I’m doomed in this body when I know weight doesn’t matter.

Pretty much the title. I know it got compromised a while back but I haven’t heard if it’s been fixed or if it’s still best to avoid. If it’s not safe, what’s a good cc alternative?