u/Fridaychild1

Anybody else just find they have no tolerance anymore? For discomfort, for bullshit, for going along to get along, for going to work sick.

I used to be able to push myself a lot and I just can’t/won’t anymore. But I’m not in a place financially to retire. How do you manage this?

I haven’t posted here before and I don’t even know what I’m looking for. My partner and I have been together for 16 years. The past 9 I’ve been the only earner. She lost her career before it ever really started, and while I don’t want to give details it truly is lost. There is no path back to her old life plan and she has not been able to come up with a new one.

I don’t know if I can stay if things don’t change and we don’t seem to be able to create change. She’s starting a new med so that’s a little bit of a cause for hope… but it’s a small glimmer.

I’ve fallen into my own struggles with depression starting 2 years ago. I’ve had to take unpaid leave to manage it and my menopause issues. This makes the pressure worse and also makes me angry that the space for me to struggle isn’t there.

Has anyone here made it out the other side of a situation like this? With the relationship surviving?

Space for anyone who wants to talk about the feelings Mother’s Day can bring, and I’ll start.

I had a dream last night (I know dream recounting is cringy but I’m doing it anyway.) In the dream, I was standing in front of a field of tulips in the Netherlands. It was unbelievably gorgeous, reds and oranges and golds. My mom was next to me, and she said, “I always wanted to see the tulips in Holland before I die, but I guess I never will. It’s okay though.” And she sighed deeply.

And I said, “Mom, these *are* the tulips in Holland. We’re here. We’re looking at them right now.”
She didn’t believe me. I don’t remember the rest.

But I woke up and thought about how I am anything anyone could want in a daughter, and yet a tremendous disappointment to her. And thought how that is not on me. Her inability to see me doesn’t take away my beauty or worth. It’s a delusion on her part. She can’t see the beauty that’s right in front of her.

So for anyone else who needs to hear it—if your evangelical family has a problem with you, it is on them. You get to reject their vision of you.

And I’d love to hear about how other people are dealing to with this weekend.

Im really grateful for this community. I’ve done a lot of work on my mental health since I left evangelicalism as a late teen in the late 80s. But there were no real resources at the time. The term exvangelical didn’t exist yet.

Then as my life went on, my circles became overwhelmingly people from secular backgrounds. They did not get it. When I tried to talk to them about anything, the reactions were like I was part of a freak show. So I didn’t talk about it.

This place makes me feel connected and helps me better understand my own experiences.