Wasn't sure which flair to use!
I've been wanting to workout talaga as someone who's normal BMI but skinny-fat... I get so anxious thinking about ACTUALLY going and I'm also not comfortable around men talaga.
I know online workout videos exist but I don't have much space in my room + medyo conscious ako at home din ;;
I walk naman, just not consistently because I do freelancing illustrations majority of my day.
All my experiences, hardships, and circumstances have shaped me into this ugly, self-loathing person today and I wish I could stop. I really hate myself to the point I've attempted to erase myself from existence.
My first attempt was in August 2015-2016, I was 13/14. I kept a blade somewhere in the baskets above my bed, wanted to cut myself with it. I didn't succeed at all, the blade was too dull (LOL, yes I'm laughing). I couldn't try 'harder' because my mom came home after sending my siblings to school. The blade is still in my possession today, a bit rusted now.
My second 'attempt' is less of an attempt and more of a plan, in April 2024. I wanted to end it all because I wasn't going to graduate on time; I cried real hard and starved myself for days. I felt like a burden to my family, it felt like I was a waste of money, that I'm better off dead... So I wrote myself an itinerary, even listed things I wanted to do for a week before I commit: eat, go somewhere, 'enjoy' myself, do things that would give me temporary happiness.
All that was missing was for me to execute this plan and live with my itinerary... But one night, my mom forcibly entered my room, not to be mad, but to console me (she found out from my professor because I hadn't been in uni for a month.)
She doesn't know about my plan, not even now... but she stopped me, somehow (again).
But the unreasonable part of my brain says third time's a charm, and I can only wish it won't come true. I still think about ending it all, passively, and I'm trying hard not to listen to it.
Let it be known that I don't plan on killing myself. I just... want my mind quiet. That's all. I really needed that out of me.
​
Hello, may appointment ako today to claim my documents pero I currently feel sick so baka hindi ko na siya maclaim + no one else to claim it for me.
I have another appointment sa PRC Tomorrow, Wednesday, and another on Thursday (Different documents siya)
Pwede ko po bang makuha yung hindi ko nakuhang document for today tomorrow instead or on Thursday?
TYSMIA!
Hello, may appointment ako today to claim my documents pero I currently feel sick so baka hindi ko na siya maclaim + no one else to claim it for me.
I have another appointment on Thursday (Different document), pwede kaya makuha ko siya that day instead?