u/FriendlyRemoved4163

Ever since I started Xywav about 5 months ago, I've been having issues with my teeth, at first I thought it was because I would sometimes get sick from the medication. Than I thought it was in my head! Than I would wake up with sore teeth, than small things like my back tooth was chipped BUT this morning I woke up with a loose tooth!

I looked it up and saw one post on a /narcolepsy subreddit about this happening to others, I'm freaking out I'm mid 30s and it's my bottom tooth. I think it might be from grinding my teeth while sleeping but WTH I'm freaking out!! I have healthy teeth, get my cleaning done every 6 months, I have good oral hygiene.

I'm worried about the cost but mostly the actual loss of the tooth!! It's 6 am, I woke my husband up and he confirmed it is loose and I'll be calling the dentist office as soon as they open?

Has anyone had issues like these so I can let my doctor/dentist know?! What did you do?

And I hate it because Xywav is the only medication that has helped!!

Ever since I started Xywav about 5 months ago, I've been having issues with my teeth, at first I thought it was because I would sometimes get sick from the medication. Than I thought it was in my head! Than I would wake up with sore teeth, than small things like my back tooth was chipped BUT this morning I woke up with a loose tooth!

I looked it up and saw one post on a /narcolepsy subreddit about this happening to others, I'm freaking out I'm mid 30s and it's my bottom tooth. I think it might be from grinding my teeth while sleeping but WTH I'm freaking out!! I have healthy teeth, get my cleaning done every 6 months, I have good oral hygiene.

I'm worried about the cost but mostly the actual loss of the tooth!! It's 6 am, I woke my husband up and he confirmed it is loose and I'll be calling the dentist office as soon as they open?

Has anyone had issues like these so I can let my doctor/dentist know?! What did you do?

And I hate it because Xywav is the only medication that has helped!!

Background: My husband and I have one child. Our son is 6. My sister-in-law is a year younger than me and had four kids by the time I had my first. Cousins are so important to me because some of my best memories in my childhood/teenage years were with my cousins. I'm so thankful I had them, they anchored and shaped my life so much.

For years, I thought my sister in law was just overwhelmed. She worked nights while her husband worked days, so they rarely saw each other. 

She was always nice but never really present with her kids. Looking back, I realize she was just surviving. And my husband and I reflected on what kind of parents we wanted to be, and we decided we are perfectly content with one.

She has one child, age 13, from a previous relationship.

She signed over full custody (at 9 month old) to her ex years ago after getting pregnant with her now-ex-husband's child. (Stay with me on this part) 

Together with her husband, she had three more kids aged 11, 8, and 4.

Our family helped all the time. My husband is the godfather to three of her kids (before we met and we got married)

We took them on trips, back-to-school shopping, sleepovers, and holidays. Our house became the family gathering place for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays. 

We loved having them around, and my son adored his cousins.

Then everything changed: In August, she announced she wanted a divorce. Her husband wanted counseling and reached out to our family for help, but she refused therapy. She said she had "only ever been a mom and wife" and wanted to live for herself.

She began going out every weekend.

During the separation, we kept the kids almost every weekend to give them some stability while their dad moved out.

They did 50/50 custody, and everyone tried to make things smoother for the kids.

Then, two months later, she announced she was pregnant.

Not with her husband's baby.

With her supervisor’s.

She had been having an affair with him while he was engaged to someone else and she was married.

He wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy because they both risked losing their jobs.

I thought she would choose an abortion, not because I wanted that for her but because she had three kids whose lives had just been turned upside down.

I told her I would support whatever decision she made, including going to a clinic if that’s what she wanted.

She completely lost it. She went to my mother-in-law, claiming I encouraged her to sin and "commit murder." I’m not religious but apparently, suggesting abortion was sinful but cheating on her husband and getting pregnant by another man while still married somehow wasn't. (Sorry to be snarky but it ticked me off at the time)

Despite all that, we still showed up for her and wanted to support her, we took her to appointments and we offered her our home.

My in-laws offered theirs.She declined. We just wanted her to have a safe pregnancy/delivery and transition since she was doing it alone without a partner this time around.

I even threw her a baby shower since she never had one before.

She arrived two hours late. 

🚩I found out she secretly met the baby's father that day, despite telling everyone they weren’t together.

Fast forward to after the baby was born: Both she and her affair partner were called into HR.They lost their jobs (shocker)

Within weeks, she moved him into her house with all four kids. When my husband pointed out that moving a new boyfriend into a home with little kids so quickly might not be wise.

She got offended and insisted he "wasn't really living there and he was just helping out”

The kids told us otherwise.

After that, we slowly stopped seeing them.

She quit asking us to babysit.

Thanksgiving? No Show.

Christmas? No Show.

My son's birthday? No Show. This one hurt a lot.

Instead, she spent every holiday with his family who had apparently "accepted her and the kids." As if she was alone, as if she was a single mom and he came in to take care of her.

Months went by without seeing our nieces and nephews.

When we finally did...

The changes were heartbreaking.

• Her oldest son is told he’s "the man of the house."
• Her 8-year-old daughter changes diapers, makes bottles, and knows how to put the baby to sleep.
• They are all glued to iPads/ phone.
• They act like mini adults instead of kids.
• One of the girls talked about wanting her own baby and be like her mom and her “step dad.”  My MIL had a field day and MADE sure that she knew that wasn’t her step dad.
• The youngest isn’t even in daycare and spends all day at home on an iPad.

Meanwhile, my sister-in-law brags about how much "help" the older kids give her.

She sees nothing wrong with any of this.

The custody situation got messier, too. 

She wanted to reduce their dad's parenting time after he stopped paying the mortgage once he found out she moved in her boyfriend. 

And now the boyfriend's family, watch all the kids if she needs anything, she even leaves the youngest overnight so he can hang out with his cousins. Her kids only hang out and do outings with his side of the family, and call them all cousins now. Every outing and get together is her and her kids and shes mentioned it because they are a family of 5 as well. (That bothered me personally)

Now she barely speaks to our side of the family because, according to her, "we're not happy for her happiness."

I told my husband, "Watch... her life is so great with a free babysitters that she’ll be pregnant again within six months."

Nope.

It only took four months after giving birth.

She’s pregnant again.

At this point, I don't know what to say anymore. What hurts me the most isn’t even her choices. It’s my son. He lost relationships with cousins he loved.

I grew up very close to my cousins, and some of my best childhood memories are with them. Those cousin relationships were supposed to be his closest family (age wise). As hard as it is to admit, I also don’t feel comfortable leaving my son alone with them anymore.

They’re good kids, but they’ve been exposed to too much adult dysfunction and have had to grow up too fast. It breaks my heart because none of this is their fault.

Her due date is tomorrow the 23rd btw

And I’ll be honest...

This whole situation has stirred up some guilt about having just one child that I thought I had worked through. I know cousins aren’t siblings. I know you can’t force close family relationships. But watching those relationships fade has been painful.

We have friends, playdates, and we’re building a community in other ways, but sometimes I still mourn the childhood I imagined for my son.

If you've had something similar, losing close family ties because of another adult's actions, how did you help your child?

Or is this just something we have to accept and keep building elsewhere?

TL: DR My SIL's choices completely blew up our family's relationships. After divorcing her husband, having an affair, getting pregnant and now getting pregnant again just four months after giving birth, she's distanced herself and her kids from our family. The older kids have become heavily parentified. The hardest part for me is watching my OAD son lose the close cousin relationships. I'm mostly venting, but I'd also love advice from other OAD parents who've had to build a "chosen family" when biological family relationships didn't work out.

Thanks for letting me vent. 

My little brother was HURT during an accident that happened in our home, a CPS is always opened. When I heard there was an investigation it meant there was suspicion of further investigation in this case, when I later found out "charges were dropped" it meant charges were filed.... "accidents" happen to everyone, neglect does not!!

My question is: Are you thinking about the long-term consequences of your digital footprint? If police enforcement are online, I'm sure every other agency is too.

With the current renewal delays, unemployment and uncertainty with DACA and other non-immigrant statuses ( TPS being permanently terminated and they also had to renew their status every two years as well) I've been meaning to have this conversation. I've been thinking about how we present ourselves on the Internet.

I've noticed people openly posting and admitting about working without authorization, violating terms or publicly discussing things that could potentially could and may be used against them.

Let be real our bills and kids (if you have them) don't care if our EAD are expired or expiring and we need to do what we need fo do to survive like a lot of our parents did to pay their bills. I'm speaking about posting it on the internet.

I come from a family of immigrants who were very private and that included immigration status not because of shame but because they came from places where sharing information could put them at risk and they had a lot of mistrust of the government and their own neighbors. I picked up on some of that and see it as self preservation. I don't discuss my status at work with my coworkers, manager or with strangers. God, my family, HR, and my personal friends know my status. My job on a recruiting team works closely with HR and I've seen how certain employers look at candidates' online presence. We've had employers go through interviews and resend offers because of a candidate's social media presence.

I'm see people sharing GoFundMe for their renewals fees, immigration fees and publically posting other things that could create unnecessary risks or later be used against them. Some of us are so Americanized but our reality hits different when we face different consequences than a U.S. citizens. An example of going to protest looks different for us than it does for a U.S. citizen if we get arrested.

I'm not saying we should instill fear and I'm not trying to fear monger because what's going on is doing that on it's own. I'm wondering whether, given the current climate, we should be more intentional about protecting ourselves in the ways we can protect ourselves.

Am I just viewing this through the lens because how I was raised or are others thinking about this too?

Do you think our community should move differently online given the current political climate or being brave for speaking out? At the end of the day I can't control what anyone does but for those who are thinking of sharing, think before you post.

Funny, I remember I was excited when I found out a YouTuber also had DACA but than I thought wait they are super rich they have properties in the U.S and Mexico, and are successful, an average person doesn't.

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My sister-in-law's (my husbands sister) behavior has gotten to the point where I don't even want to attend family gatherings anymore, and I'm wondering if I'm handling this the wrong way.

When I met her, she had four children. Her first child was born when she was 16, she had given primary custody to the child's father. And she eventually stopped having contact with her altogether. That was my first major 🚩 but I overlooked it based off "her story" she was giving us.

Two years later, she got married and had three more kids. (This is when I met her). We used to watch her kids all the time, when she decided to separate we helped her out by giving her some money, not a lot but enough to help her out. What we didn't know was that she had an affair, and that's why she left her husband, she later got pregnant by another man before the divorce was finalized (baby #5) 🚩

She played the single mother card on us and we even gave her a car that we were going to sale, we had with the condition that she would pay it back to us within a year. She was actually seeing her baby daddy behind everyone's back. 🚩

She makes herself look like a amazing single mother on Facebook and talks badly about the fathers (except the one she's with right now) but from what I've seen, that's it's not true. Her oldest child's father has raised their daughter almost entirely on his own( he's never got married or has had other children) and her ex-husband (had a vasectomy, and has 50/50 custody of the three children.)

What concerns me most is what it's doing to the kids. Her older children (13, 11, 9) are now expected to help raise the younger ones and they are regularly babysit the youngest one (just turned 2 and they've been watching him since he was born) She's currently pregnant again (baby #6) but she's upset that my family (my husband and I) aren't celebrating the pregnancy the way she expected and we don't agree with her decisions because we see through her b.s.

"Am I suppose to say "Congratulations on creating three broken home to 6 kids 👏🏼 !!"

For years, my husband and I tried to help. It often felt like we only heard from her when she needed something. But she has continued making choices that created more chaos for her kids. So last tax season my husband asked for the money back because she hadn't made any attempts to pay us back, well that raised hell and she told all of the family of it. (I'm the villain now) My husband and I are currently living like a lot of Americans and we're not rich, but I just found out she's getting $1200 in food stamps, and other benefits and she's still driving the car we let her make payments and it's been two years with zero attempts at paying us back)

The bigger issue is that everyone in the family seems to ignore and brush the patterns of behavior under the rug. When I expressed concern about how these choices affect the children, I'm labeled judgmental, and unsupportive. And now that I'm money hungry for asking for our money back. Now family functions are awkward because I've stopped pretending everything is fine and I've stopped attending functions.

I stopped talking about it because I know I can't control her choices and I'm the outsider. But I'm struggling with how much this still bothers me. I hate watching the kids carry the responsibility, and I resent being treated like the villain for acknowledging what's going on. Edit; my in laws and my husbands family used to get along ver well and still do besides this

Has anyone dealt with a situation where a family member's behavior was constantly excused, and speaking up only made you the bad guy? How do you distance yourself without letting the resentment consume you?