u/GameboyAdvance32

Perhaps some may consider this to be outside the purview of this subreddit, but I think it is quite relevant as, put bluntly, people don't exist in a vacuum. Of course this changes in extent from person to person, but by and large we are formed by and ultimately flourish in groups and community, raised by family, interacting with coworkers, hanging out with friends, etc, etc, and I really wish I saw more of these platonic relationships represented within a sort of RR framing, if that makes sense. As I often do, I'll simply list some examples of what I mean because I'm basic like that lol.

I would LOVE to see artwork, of mothers teaching their daughters how to fish, or cheering for them at baseball games. Women hanging out on each others' couches for big sports games and yelling at the TV, or talking to each other about the latest work they've done on their cars. Teenage boys giggling as they speak in hushed voices about their crushes, or doing each others' nails at a sleepover. Men coming together for the neighborhood book club to discuss horror and romance novels, or hosting craft clubs. Fathers talking to each other at the playground as they watch their kids, or women sat on the couch playing fighting games and getting really heated.

These are just a few basic examples that come to mind, and I'm sure there are plenty, PLENTY more that could be delved into. I feel like these would add a loooooottttt of texture both to people's creative works, and frankly to people's lives in general. I think it's a lot more difficult to be GNC and/or RR if you don't have "your boys" or "your girls" to hang out with, y'know? To develop those same-sex platonic bonds that most normative people get to develop to much greater extents due to shared experiences and interests. Speaking for myself, I have plenty of friends but they're all mostly normative people, so this side of myself is still quite lacking in company. So much as obviously I love depictions of one-on-one romance and quite understand why that's the dominant focus around here, man would I love to see more representation of the COMMUNITY within which these reversed roles operate, and within which platonic friendships and parenthood and other such relationships can be explored.

This is gonna be a bit of a messy ramble but eh, screw it, I'm bored lol. To be clear before I start on this, this is not meant to be a slight against anyone for not fitting what I'm personally looking for. Obviously that would be ridiculous and I hope I don't come off that way, this is just sorta me blabbering about my own feelings and experiences and you should take it all with a grain of salt.

Both when it comes to what I see in media representation and my own experiences with women in RR circles, I always feel like my heart yearns for a certain "aggression" that I rarely see, if that makes any sense. Of course I'd hope that they're respectful people, but in demeanor IDK, it feels very rare that I meet someone who has that "spice" y'know. Weird point, I know, but I find gamer rage really attractive in a woman, like. If she's playing a video game and just has that moment of anger that really thickens that gruffness in her voice and brings out all the sailor mouth vocabulary, that's SUPER attractive in its own weird way. Or if she can just viscerally, yet casually describe her own romantic or sexual desires in the way that a lot of men I know do. Someone who's very active in her pursuit of a man she likes and isn't afraid to compliment him so long as he's receptive.

It's hard to describe but it feels like in a lot of RR artwork and such it's like the woman has a much "quieter" energy, if that makes sense. So often the adjectives I'd use to describe the women pictured are "suave" or "calm" or "gorgeous" or things of that nature, like she holds some sort of quiet power over her romantic interest, but I wish I saw stuff that was a lot more visceral. Shit-eating grins, intense rage, guttural laughs, those more intense emotions with masculine flair y'know?

And so far as meeting people goes, I know this is something I've touched on before in comments but it feels really difficult to find women who aren't like. For lack of a better term, "too nice" lol. Like I often find people in RR and GNC circles who, mind you, are very pleasant people! Friendly, smart, have varied interests, they're great people. But it feels so rare to find someone who really has that heavy, masculine energy in the way they present themselves. Like more often than not, when painting their image of an ideal relationship they still use a lot of flowery language and kinda paint it as this cute little fantasy when like. I know this is gonna sound stupid and it's because it probably is, but I guess due to my own personality it leaves me feeling more masculine than they are, which is a weird feeling lol and not one I find very exciting. I'm CERTAINLY not a hot ticket item, but it would be nice to see more women with that sorta blunt, gruff, intense energy in their masculinity y'know? Someone who isn't scared to make the sort of crass and direct flirtations I'm used to only ever hearing from men and who is very outspoken about what she wants in a feminine man.

Once again, I'll reiterate: very aimless ramble I just wrote! I didn't even proofread it! I TOTALLY get it if most of y'all seriously disagree and that's cool, I kinda just wanted to get some steam off my chest. Maybe if I'm lucky it'll click with some of y'all though so ffffffff

So I’ve spent roughly the past 8 years slowly unpackaging my own messy feelings in regards to my own presentation and the sort of relationship I’d like to find myself in. It shouldn’t come as a shock to y’all that I had phases of wondering if I was perhaps transgender or bisexual, but both of those led to a pretty clear “no.” Of course I still very much support those communities, I just don’t really swing that way myself upon some self-discovery.

That said, it’s been weighing increasingly heavy on me as time has progressed as I more and moreso feel like I just, was not built for this world. And I don’t mean that in some fantastical, mystic way of “My soul belongs to some alternate fantasy dimension,” I just mean that I feel like my very identity is completely misaligned with the world I live in in such a way that it makes day-to-day life far more difficult than I would like.

Every year that passes I feel a more and more intense yearning for a life that I just don’t even think exists. I want to be married, I want to be a stay-at-home father, I wanna raise children and run errands, I wanna cook for my family and decorate a home for people other than myself. I wanna live off of a rural road, perhaps have a small garden where I grow some vegetables and go to church every Sunday with my wife and kids. I want to have a nice but humble wardrobe of traditional feminine outfits in which I can truly feel comfortable and myself. I want to be married to a strong, assertive, and truly masculine woman, someone I can look up to and feel safe with and have romantic urges for. And the thing that makes this all that much more difficult is the fact that my heart yearns for it so deeply now.

I turn 22 soon and I already feel ready to settle down and it’s killing me. Everyone I talk to either turns out to be lesbian, or we have some core values that are misaligned, or she feels I’m too young for her, or the stupidest of all, I can’t feel romantic for her because she’s just not masculine enough. It’d be one thing if I just lacked confidence in myself, like I didn’t take good enough care of myself or didn’t have a good life going but that’s not the case! I have a stable and well-paying job, I have a good set of adult skills under my belt, I moved out of my parents’ house years ago and I feel like a maintain a nice place now, I have life goals and hobbies and my own sense of style. I’m happy with myself, but when it comes to dating I just can’t seem to find ANYTHING that works and I always end up screwing things up in one way or another.

I’m just tired of waking up every day feeling like my purpose in life will never be fulfilled. Tired of my mind being flooded with romantic thoughts at any given moment. Tired of screwing up my relationships with people because I’m so overwhelmed with emotions. I feel like I was built for a society in which I would’ve been married by age 20 and having my first children right about now, but it feels like partly because of the world I live in and partly because of my own dumb, broken self, that just ain’t possible, and it’s just. Rough.

Perhaps this is a bit silly and perhaps I can see the answer coming from a mile away but regardless I wanted to post about it. Lately I’ve been trying (and failing) to meet potential romantic partners online in various capacities. Without delving into the details, there are a lot of reasons why this has been weighing especially heavy on me as of late.

That said, it often feels awkward as a man trying to find these relationships as, more often than not, in my over-eagerness I end up being a bit too forward and screwing myself over. On one hand I really don’t care to message first as I would like to be “pursued,” but on the other hand it’s a bit tough for me not to as I am very excitable and talkative, not to mention that it is a very rare event for me to find someone I’m even mildly interested in.

Do y’all have any advice on this? I feel like this problem is a recurring event in my life and I’m concerned about how it affects both myself and others.

I know this is a pretty broad concept lol, but I’m curious y’all’s perspective. As a guy in his early 20’s who is very much into reversed gender role dynamics, it often feels very difficult to find and meet people who take things “seriously,” if that makes sense. It certainly doesn’t apply to all, but a lot of people around here and broadly in life seem very interested in aesthetics and vibes but I feel a lack of interest in long-term commitments. Part of the reason I avoid using the term “femboy” to describe myself is cause it often brings to mind images of hyper-sexualization and fantasy anime aesthetics that just like. Aren’t really realistic in the long term lol. And while I enjoy those sorts of things, more than anything I’ve had a focus on developing my own more “elegant” and old-fashioned style, as well as all sorts of home skills and emotional skills that would be valuable in a marriage or raising children. It just often feels like those sorts of things aren’t quite as in demand and I have a tough time finding people who are on the same page as me.

I know it may sound silly, but so much as performative acts of masculinity are attractive to me, I’m also looking for someone who knows how to maintain and fix their vehicle, someone who budgets their money ahead of time, someone who has long-term career goals and who knows how to ground me when I get emotional. Someone who really fills the shoes as “woman of the household” instead of just “aestheticcc tomboy gif” lol, y’know?

This is all just kind of a long, aimless ramble lol, but I felt like putting it out there to see if there were people who felt similar to me.

This is sorta just vague musing on a time ten years ago, so don’t take it as gospel or a seriously thought-out, researched point, but just speaking from personal experience I remember back around 2013-2016 there being a good deal of praise to them, some even saying they “saved the franchise.” I don’t think Mattel’s handling of the merchandise has ever been as good as HiT, even at their best, but so far as the show was concerned? I remember plenty of people praising Mattel for handling things far better than HiT. We’d still criticize them, they were hardly faultless, but I remember a time in the fandom when they were *broadly* seen in a favorable light for improving TTTE from the lows of the HiT era.

It’s kinda wild looking back on the complete tonal shift of 2017 onwards, where now they’re often portrayed as this cartoonish demon that “ruined the franchise,” to the extent that I often nowadays see people praising how HiT handled both the show and the merchandise in comparison. It almost seems laughable to say that they were once seen as a good thing for Thomas, but I remember that very much being the popular opinion back in the day. Is it just me or do some of y’all remember that being the general consensus too? At the end of the day they’re just a corpo that wants money regardless of quality so I don’t think portraying them as “amazing” or “evil” is smart or productive to discussion, but that sort of portrayal is often popular so I’m curious if any of y’all remember what I’m talking about, since I see it so rarely brought up nowadays.