u/Gargleblaster25

All references to United States must be changed to Unites States with immediate effect. Nobody knew that the last letter was an S until a stable genius uncovered it. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!

Would braking using a planet's lithosphere be acceptable for you?

This vexes me. Whenever my girlfriend texts me, she includes a secret code at the end - "XOXO <3".

I assume she is probably testing my intelligence, trying to see if I can break this code. It's been a year, and I am nowhere close to a solution.

Here's what I have so far - X, of course, stands for an unknown quantity. O, on the other hand, has no mathematical definition. Does it stand for Omega, with XO indicating that "all is unknown"? But why is it squared? Why is it less than 3?

Mathematologists of Reddit, please help.

State Department spokesperson, L. Ayer Pantsonfyre explained the decision to The Onion, as "correcting an injustice."

"According to the president, the goal counting machines were manipulated by Hugo Chavez, and mail-in goals were fraudulent. The Spanish goals were scored by immigrants. According to Elon's recount the US won the tournament by 927 goals. Besides, the trophy is solid gold so it belongs to the president. It will be placed in his presidential library, which is a bathroom at Mar-a-Lago."

The appointment, announced moments after he stepped down as the democratic candidate, following allegations of sexual assault, was widely celebrated by MAGA.

Local MAGA man Cletus Smoothbrain commented soon after the announcement was read out by campaign spokesman and Supreme Court justice Brett Cavanaugh, "I am glad we got him on our side now. He really stands for MAGA values."

"I mean, like, what the fuck can we do to stop him even if we wanted to?" wrote Justice Brett Cavanaugh in a beer-stained concurring opinion.

The new flag consists of Trump's face in gold on a maroon background. When asked about the choice of color, the president replied, "It's to honor my supporters. I heard that they are all maroons. We love maroons, don't we folks?"

So, it looks like there are still many people who are not aware how to sign up for the SEC and get regular payments from NASA.

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You need to apply at NASA. We all did. Just go to NASA website main page, point your mouse exactly 700 pixels right of the right edge of the NASA logo, then right-click while pressing the right CTRL+ left shift. This will open a menu. Scroll down the menu and click on 'convert' right at the bottom and enter your phone number. Your assigned liaison will call you to verify and set you up on the system.

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You need to be patient, though. They have a huge backlog and the call might take days or weeks to come. If you click again, you are restarting the process and end up at the back of the queue again. Make sure you have your bank account and tax ID ready.

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If you live in the US, your liaison would probably be Andrew or Ted. If you are outside the US, it would be Gerhard, François, Dimitri, Misako-san, Shun Li, or Viswanath. If you live in Australia... Hehe, that was a joke. We all know that Australia is a made up place and all "Australians" are crisis actors who are paid way more than any of us.

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After the registration you start getting your baseline payment starting at level 0. To increase your level, you must refute flat earth talking points online and earn XP. Extra XP points for humiliating them or calling them retards. NASA keeps track of your posts automatically and you can check your level and progress on your spherix.gov account (note: if you haven't converted to sphere earth, you won't get spherix access and end up with a 404 error).

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Keep in mind that breaking the NDA or expressing anything that seems to be supportive of flat earth will result in disciplinary action and loss of income. If you need to refer to real information (like this post) add the special code /s at the end to signal the NASA filter that it is intentional. The uninitiated think it means "sarcasm".

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I converted in 2018 and I am at level 11 now. I get a cool 720 dollars per month. Not a lot, but it's free additional income, so it's still cool.

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Sign up today!

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/s

"Just cancel it," he ranted. "The person who invited these divas is an idiot. I will throw a different party with just me performing. You can still give me money."