u/GaryCroft

I have been on Reddit for less than a day and already i feel overwhelmed.

For those who do not know me as i have featured in some news articles for being a strength athlete in Lincolnshire, UK. I am 45 years of age and have several diagnoses from ASD,ADHD,Severe OCD, sleep disorder and a mental illness. There are others but i feel i do not need to mention.

I have always hated trying to fit into this neurotypical world and as i get older i am struggling more and more to cope with my routines and rituals.

People compare me to other autistics which i find insulting! Even though i appear high-functioning i veer more to the bottom end of the spectrum due to my severe sensory issues etc. I have combined type adhd but i am destroyed mentally and physically by OCD.

I feel like i am stuck in a big hole and my head feels like a race track. But because i am verbal and i can write people do not understand that this is just learnt behaviour, or so the specialists tell me. When a neurotypical tells me they think they are slightly autistic, i tell them "have you ever heard an autistic ever say, i think i am slighty neurotypical." They soon go quiet and i think feel pretty stupid. I have been told being non-verbal does not make you more autistic, as that non-verbal individual might not have the sensory issues i have. Also they might have a higher capacity in certain other functions.

People also think all autistics have a lot of empathy which i have little. I get discriminated against for not having the capacity to fully show that emotion. Why is this my fault!!

It was my last day of home therapy today from the crisis team, but i am unsure if it has helpped me, as i am never going to get closure on certain things. I feel as i am too far gone to be helped now.

My lifting is my autism routine, it is a want and need as it gives me structure. There was a time as a child where a lot of my routines were not stimulating enough that now i do not know how to stop. I go to gym at times where i am usually alone, but there is a room only certain members can enter. As for competitions, i am finding it harder to stay on the platform. I am having more seziures as i get older too.

I am tired of sensory overload and this weather does not help.