u/GenXMillenial

I hope to share a complete story, but I’m sure I’ll miss something.

I’m 45. Friends with “Sam” for 5 years. Met at work (remote, with some travel ), trauma bonded, both left at the same time and stayed in touch. I was diagnosed ADHD last year. We agree she’s ND too, but she doesn’t seek evaluation, she doesn’t see the point.

We had a lot in common and slowly grew closer as friends, talking a lot and supporting each other.

I got a ton of therapy in the past 3 years including EMDR, and my ADHD diagnosis and medication for it too which changes my life.

Sam has trouble staying employed, has been fired 3 times in the last 6 years. She does not seek therapy.

I flew to visit her last year for a few days, because I wanted to spend more time with her. Sam is a single parent; I have been a single parent and am now remarried. I visited during her non-child time. It was super fun, but she didn’t stop her life, she even had a dog there that she was pet sitting, and I ended up walking it. She “fit me in” outside of work, and we had some weekend time; there for Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I left Sunday.

I told her she should come visit sometime so I could reciprocate- she hasn’t seen the state where I live and I wanted to show her around and spend time with her - when it might work.

She said she would make it a trip and bring her child (10 years old). I have an 8 year old and 16 year old, so I thought, cool, that would be fun! I shared different things we could do.

She emailed AI itineraries to me. None of them included my suggestions or places to go. She told me she’s seeing me for 2 days and then moving on for an “epic” road trip with her child. I am hurt. There’s no collaboration or room for discussion.

I suggested I bring mine and join her for 1 of the side trips I had recommended. She ignored my email. Fast forward 2 months. We finally talk about the trip and set aside time to hash out details. She was calm, cool and had a tone that sounded like I was in a business meeting- that seemed odd to me. Then, when I suggested again we take separate cars, go see X place together because I haven’t seen it in 5 years and my kids would enjoy that with her and her child. She reiterated: I have a schedule, we are going just us, and I cannot change my plans.

I was a pit stop, an agenda item for her. She had no interest in my ideas for what to see here, what was worth the time and drive and what wasn’t.

I thought- how fun would it be if we went and our kids had a blast- together. If they don’t, all good, I’ll see the site, and we will part ways. It was 1-2 places over 2 days, and not the whole road trip. Plus, separate cars.

I was too hurt when she reiterated it was a trip for them and she was “sorry” to have miscommunicated that the trip wasn’t to visit me, but to give her daughter this trip. I told her I was done.

She said, oh, you want a friend to do things with? I missed the signs - after I sent clear messages about what I was hoping for with this visit. She said, I don’t need more than a day and a half with you, that’s enough. Ouch, just ouch. Okay, thanks for the clarification.

That was my last close friend. I have to start from scratch. All of this healing, therapy, medication and I realize I had a friend that was “fitting me in”. When all I wanted was a friend to have fun with and connect - life is short. Now I have a week off work - I took time off for them.

I said I was done, because, I was. I was so hurt. She reinforced it with her “seems like we had mismatched expectations” and “I own that miscommunication” but then had no interest in hearing my ideas or budging on the plans. This hurts.

Loans taken out: undergraduate 2003, graduate 2006

Current balance $10,616

FFEL loans moved to direct loans in 2022 to participate in the payment count.
Been on old IBR via ICR since then with a manageable payment of $98 and change, but never got a Covid reprieve of payments.

Aidvantage says my recertification is due 5/27, with the new payment effective 7/1.
It also says to do it on the federal student loan website.

I go there to do it and it doesn’t have any recertification date required.

I click to go to recertify anyway, start the process and get to “Your current loan details” which states:
You are not currently on a repayment plan
All of your loans are eligible for IDR plans.

So, I continue to the next step anyway and it says my loans are in forebearance- do I want to take them out of forebearance?

First, they are not in forebearance, I just paid the monthly payment last week.

I go back to the federal dashboard and it shows my ICR plan enrollment was active 6/20/24. And recertification status is N/A.

I suppose this means I just have to manually recertify? Thanks for any tips!

I just got into sewing and fabric arts. Dropped a bit of cash on a snazzy new sewing machine that includes free lessons from my local shop. I made the sales lady’s day and made my day that much better!

Peri + therapy and adhd meds = it’s MY time to rediscover what I enjoy, who I am now and that cleaning will always be there, but my eyesight and happy joints may not be. So, I dabbled a bit in learning to sew by hand and collected some scrap fabric for a few months. After feeling like I really want to make something quicker, I invested in a machine. It’s fun and exciting to play, create and not always be on my phone.
I have kids, so I won’t be able to devote a ton of time to it, but I am replacing my scrolling time lately, which I think is healthy.
Anyone else discovering a new hobby?

I have a hysterectomy + BSO scheduled for July and the oophorectomy part is optional. Having the hysterectomy for fibroids and doctor recommended I keep my ovaries. I convinced her that removing them is ideal with my PMDD. She agreed, there’s time though and I am doing my best to make the right decision for me.

I’m 45 and take HRT and have heard very mixed outcomes about surgical menopause and HRT. My periods in terms of the physical aren’t that terrible- it’s the moods and passive SI that have worsened with perimenopause. I just started Wellbutrin and that is helping so far, just hit luteal so I have yet to determine if it will help the most severe symptoms. I didn’t do chemical menopause and don’t plan to.

I read a few older posts, but would love to hear anyone’s current situation and if you’ve had a hysterectomy and had your ovaries removed for PMDD and taken HRT:

1. when the HRT is finally optimal how do you feel? Is it like follicular phase? Or something else?
2. how long did it take you to feel your best on HRT?
3. if you had the chance to do it again, would you?

Any other advice to give for someone considering this surgery for PMDD? Thanks 🙏