u/General-Tie-2462

So like..It's basically the title, I think I'm a lesbian but I'm still at the stage where I'm figuring stuff out. I'm not a very romantic person or someone who falls for someone easily or hard.

So I'll basically give a brief on what's happened so far-

She looks totally my type, that was the first thing I noticed and her fashion sense is amazing (I noticed that first years back when I first met her in a tuition) and then I proceeded to kind of follow her fashion sense. But I am usually an antisocial person, not shy, I have no issues talking to strangers but I usually don't unless there is any reason to. My bestfriend actually started talking to her first and then eventually I joined in on chatting too.

She is my exact opposite, very very social, loves loves loves animals (she has made me jealous of a dog), she is vegetarian but never says anything against my diet (I'm non veg), she is also very good at noticing things about people, scarily so. She gets mad pretty easy over small things, but not a lot, just a little mad (I find it cute). She is vocal and very honest about what she feels which is good because I am a dumbass who can't take a hint about anything.

She is my motivation to continue my higher education because when I imagine my life in the future she is in it and I want to have an income high enough to spoil her, even though she refuses gifts and is straight af and I'm delusional. I think about her all the time; when I think about the future or about relationships or anything like that she is the one that comes to mind. I try not to think about her so much because it is very inconvenient for when I'm trying to get things done.

*And now yes from seeing this much you'd say like obv I have a crush on her, am I bulshiting* but the thing is that I never feel that flutter around her or even get nervous around her. Also I don't have much trouble accepting I'm never getting her since she's straight, she's told me when we were talking about he bestfriend who is bi. I'm not an emotional person, not that I'm confused but I don't feel much.

But my brain automatically registers her whenever something romantic comes up (or sexual) and I love it when she touches me or leans her head on my shoulder.

It's like the thinking is there but emotions don't accompany them, so like I wanna just know if I do or don't have a crush on her so I can just name whatever this is and move forward from here.

[Also bonus: idk if this is important but we are joke dating and like I compliment her a lot and give her gifts on valentine's]