I thought you guys might enjoy this, the sentiments are pretty relatable.

Hey friends! Going forward, if we’re going to post screenshots from another subreddit, please please make sure that any identifying information is blocked out. This includes both the username and the subreddit name.

I’m fine with screenshots, but we really don’t want to be involved in any kind of brigading or harassment.

Thanks 😁

Not sure if any of you have been following this case in the news, but it’s absolutely horrific. It had been so long that they couldn’t be identified right away. Can we please outlaw this shit already? If these kids had been in school, their absence would’ve been noted. :(

Hey there everyone! For those of you who are new to the sub and are just starting to question the church or aren’t quite sure how you feel, hopefully this will be helpful for you. A lot of you may already be aware of the BITE and DARVO models, but in case you aren’t, I’ll introduce you.

What is the BITE model?

The BITE Model of Authoritarian Control is a tool used to help evaluate manipulation in high-control environments, whether it be a religious sect or a controlling relationship. Are you in a cult? The BITE model will tell you.

The acronym stands for:

-Behavior Control-

Dictating how you should live your life down to what you eat, what you wear, etc., even down to the personal decisions you make. Needing to “ask your priest” for permission to do things falls under this category.

-Information Control-

Withholding and distorting information, and discouraging association with outside groups. “Us vs. Them” mentality. Discouraging public education in favor of homeschooling or a controlled school within the church.

-Thought Control-

Pushing the narrative of the group’s beliefs being absolute truth, and discouraging any criticism or questioning towards their “truth”. This applies to leadership/clergy as well.

-Emotional Control-

Using guilt/shame/fear/anxiety as a tactic to keep members in line and prevent them from leaving. The threat of consequences from “sin”, eternal damnation, demonic influence, etc.

When reflecting on your experiences, do any of these feel familiar? Do you feel guilty for even applying your experiences to this model? You might be in a high-control group and not even realize it.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is a 3-step tactic commonly used by abusers to manipulate others and reverse blame to escape accountability. Are there people in your life pushing you into converting or attending the church when you have clearly stated your feelings on it? Take a look at DARVO.

The acronym stands for:

1. Deny

The abuser denies wrongdoing. They may lie or use language that makes the victim doubt their own memory/self.

2. Attack

The abuser attacks their victim by bringing their character, sanity, spirituality , etc. into question. Blaming the victim for their “sins” comes to mind.

3. Reverse Victim and Offender

The abuser flips the script and draws a reverse UNO card. They are suddenly the victim, and you are the one causing the problem. The burden of responsibility shifts, and now they’re forgiving you when it should be the other way around.

DARVO causes victims to blame themselves, when they are indeed the victims. Tactics like this create a cycle of anxiety, a lack of self-worth/depression, and isolation. Have you experienced this within the church or by someone in your life? Is there a pattern of this behavior?

Each of these psychological frameworks are a great way to self-assess if you’re in doubt. See how many of the boxes you can check.

This was a while back, but it still makes me laugh. I’ve had plenty of dudes spazz out about their glassware and not realizing they ordered a “girly drink” or whatever, but this was a new one for me. He wasn’t even with any other guys, just his young daughter lol. You’d think oh, maybe he just wants it with ice? No. He made a point to tell me that stemware is girly and he wouldn’t know what to do with his pinky.

Sigh

For those of you who love hate watching this kind of stuff like I do, have fun. I really feel so badly for women who either can’t afford a child or are infertile. It’s crazy to me how he blames our “society” and women who choose to not be mothers (because of course he would). Does he even know what the average cost of an apartment is these days? Why does nuance never exist? 😪

Sometimes I’m just here watching space videos on YouTube at weird hours and I wonder about dumb shit like this.

What do we think fam?

Hey guys!! Another quick announcement!

I’m sure you’ve seen his incredibly helpful posts; u/LetterSeparate1495 has been an AMAZING asset to this sub. After some consideration, we’ve decided to add him to the team 😁

I have been trying pretty hard to keep up with the moderating needs of the sub, but it’s difficult when things like sleep…or work…get in the way. u/LetterSeparate1495 is thankfully in an entirely opposite time zone, meaning the game of whack-a-mole with people infiltrating the sub at all hours will now be evenly matched.

You all have been so great about reporting, keep it up!

I just love you guys and I’m so grateful for this sub. That’s really it. Thanks for being the bestest group.

Keep being you ❤️

To reduce the number of repeat posts, here are some answers to our most frequently asked questions:

Why did you leave Orthodoxy?

We probably get this one the most. Please look over the following posts, they should answer most questions.

• Why did you guys leave Orthodoxy?
• Why did you leave?
• Theological and historical reasons for leaving
• Who/What caused your deconstruction? At what point did you cognitively note you were deconstructing?

How many of you have left the Orthodox Church for Catholicism?

People often ask where we have gone after leaving the church, but this question in particular gets asked a lot. Here are some existing threads on the topic.

• Did any of you leave Eastern Orthodoxy for Catholicism? And why?
• Why I left Orthodoxy for Catholicism

Before posting, please read through these existing threads first. Hopefully this will clear up any questions you may have.

For those still actively Orthodox:

If you are still an active member in the church and wanting to participate, please be respectful and don’t preach to us. No one wants to hear your ”church is a hospital” metaphor, or your hopes that we’ll come back. Preaching is strictly enforced and will likely result in a ban.

I just love her so much. She’s one of us ✨ and has helped me so much over the years with my ADHD and deconstructing from a whack patriarchal religion, and I wouldn’t be who I am without her help.

She did this really cool talk on creating a more accommodating world for those who have sensory sensitivities and I want to show my support 🥰