Not sure why I’m only just now remembering this, but holy shit. I was talking to Letter earlier and something unlocked the memory for me. Buckle in.

I was fairly active in my SOYO group growing up, and this wasn’t something that I participated in, but a lot of kids did. St. Andrew would run “Slave auctions” for the teens in my group as a fundraiser. It’s exactly what it sounds like; kids would be “auctioned off” to the highest bidder, and they would have to be that person’s slave for the day doing yard work or whatever they wanted. I do remember that we weren’t forced to participate, but it was sold to us as though we’d be doing something charitable. I do know that some of the adults that would “bid” for you wouldn’t necessarily put you to work, but some people did. I remember now that my mom had “bought” one of my friends and he was forced to do yard work outside all day in the heat.

I just can’t even believe that was a thing. It’s pretty appalling looking back on it.

Lately there has been some chatter about what should/shouldn’t be allowed on the sub as far as posts go. First, I’d like to make it clear, if you are still in the church and are having a hard time with it or PIMO, please know you are absolutely welcome here as long as the rules on promoting Orthodoxy are followed.

Now that that’s out of the way, we’re looking into making it a bit clearer on what is allowed and what is not. A big thing that we’ve been seeing is “I’m seriously considering Orthodoxy, but I’m concerned about x y or z”, or “I’m becoming Orthodox, but I’m gay”. We’d like your opinions, because at the end of the day, this space is for the comfort of the struggling and the ex-Orthodox.

Would you like to see posts like this outright banned, or would you want to see some kind of qualifier? Your input would help us a lot :) also if there’s anything else as far as housekeeping goes, please comment about it so we can all weigh in.

Thanks for making this place so great, youre all awesome ❤️

Edit: I’d like to add on and clarify; if you are already in Orthodoxy and are considering leaving because of your sexuality, posts like that are absolutely in the spirit of this subreddit and of course allowed. This is more about people wanting to join.

I was having a conversation about this today, and I just wanted to share and see how you guys felt. I’m not sure if this is a cradle thing or just how I was raised, but I’d like to get your thoughts.

I know that Orthodoxy doesn’t prohibit drinking like other religions do which I guess is why this is so perplexing, but I recently realized that I had a weirdly gendered view on alcohol when I was younger. In my head, drinking was for men. Cracking open a beer with the boys always seemed like a pretty normal ritual to me where no one would bat an eye, but with the genders reversed, I viewed it very differently. It felt off putting, like doing so would make me feel like I was doing something inherently wrong or paint a bad image of some kind. I really don’t know why. I obviously don’t feel this way now, but having some distance from it all made me realize that it was definitely my way of thinking.

It’s such a strange internalized thing, and I just KNOW it’s rooted somewhere in EO. I didn’t drink at all until my late-ish 20’s, and having a drink or two with friends almost felt like it was a part of this whole deconstruction journey of mine. Does anyone else know what I’m talking about or share this experience?

I thought you guys might enjoy this, the sentiments are pretty relatable.

Hey friends! Going forward, if we’re going to post screenshots from another subreddit, please please make sure that any identifying information is blocked out. This includes both the username and the subreddit name.

I’m fine with screenshots, but we really don’t want to be involved in any kind of brigading or harassment.

Thanks 😁

Not sure if any of you have been following this case in the news, but it’s absolutely horrific. It had been so long that they couldn’t be identified right away. Can we please outlaw this shit already? If these kids had been in school, their absence would’ve been noted. :(

Hey there everyone! For those of you who are new to the sub and are just starting to question the church or aren’t quite sure how you feel, hopefully this will be helpful for you. A lot of you may already be aware of the BITE and DARVO models, but in case you aren’t, I’ll introduce you.

What is the BITE model?

The BITE Model of Authoritarian Control is a tool used to help evaluate manipulation in high-control environments, whether it be a religious sect or a controlling relationship. Are you in a cult? The BITE model will tell you.

The acronym stands for:

-Behavior Control-

Dictating how you should live your life down to what you eat, what you wear, etc., even down to the personal decisions you make. Needing to “ask your priest” for permission to do things falls under this category.

-Information Control-

Withholding and distorting information, and discouraging association with outside groups. “Us vs. Them” mentality. Discouraging public education in favor of homeschooling or a controlled school within the church.

-Thought Control-

Pushing the narrative of the group’s beliefs being absolute truth, and discouraging any criticism or questioning towards their “truth”. This applies to leadership/clergy as well.

-Emotional Control-

Using guilt/shame/fear/anxiety as a tactic to keep members in line and prevent them from leaving. The threat of consequences from “sin”, eternal damnation, demonic influence, etc.

When reflecting on your experiences, do any of these feel familiar? Do you feel guilty for even applying your experiences to this model? You might be in a high-control group and not even realize it.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is a 3-step tactic commonly used by abusers to manipulate others and reverse blame to escape accountability. Are there people in your life pushing you into converting or attending the church when you have clearly stated your feelings on it? Take a look at DARVO.

The acronym stands for:

1. Deny

The abuser denies wrongdoing. They may lie or use language that makes the victim doubt their own memory/self.

2. Attack

The abuser attacks their victim by bringing their character, sanity, spirituality , etc. into question. Blaming the victim for their “sins” comes to mind.

3. Reverse Victim and Offender

The abuser flips the script and draws a reverse UNO card. They are suddenly the victim, and you are the one causing the problem. The burden of responsibility shifts, and now they’re forgiving you when it should be the other way around.

DARVO causes victims to blame themselves, when they are indeed the victims. Tactics like this create a cycle of anxiety, a lack of self-worth/depression, and isolation. Have you experienced this within the church or by someone in your life? Is there a pattern of this behavior?

Each of these psychological frameworks are a great way to self-assess if you’re in doubt. See how many of the boxes you can check.

This was a while back, but it still makes me laugh. I’ve had plenty of dudes spazz out about their glassware and not realizing they ordered a “girly drink” or whatever, but this was a new one for me. He wasn’t even with any other guys, just his young daughter lol. You’d think oh, maybe he just wants it with ice? No. He made a point to tell me that stemware is girly and he wouldn’t know what to do with his pinky.

Sigh

For those of you who love hate watching this kind of stuff like I do, have fun. I really feel so badly for women who either can’t afford a child or are infertile. It’s crazy to me how he blames our “society” and women who choose to not be mothers (because of course he would). Does he even know what the average cost of an apartment is these days? Why does nuance never exist? 😪

Sometimes I’m just here watching space videos on YouTube at weird hours and I wonder about dumb shit like this.

What do we think fam?

Hey guys!! Another quick announcement!

I’m sure you’ve seen his incredibly helpful posts; u/LetterSeparate1495 has been an AMAZING asset to this sub. After some consideration, we’ve decided to add him to the team 😁

I have been trying pretty hard to keep up with the moderating needs of the sub, but it’s difficult when things like sleep…or work…get in the way. u/LetterSeparate1495 is thankfully in an entirely opposite time zone, meaning the game of whack-a-mole with people infiltrating the sub at all hours will now be evenly matched.

You all have been so great about reporting, keep it up!