u/Gingershottakes

************ SA Trigger warning ******************
Lots of talk about SA throughout this recap!

*Holly starts the episode with a preface that the first part of the slumber party aired before the interview, and the second part after to address

*H and B talk about Buffy’s pictorial and they both liked the ‘in the Buffy’ title better (Of course they like the worse version better)

*H is so curious about when the qualudes started appearing and they both put their detective hats on to think of people they could ask about it but realize that anybody who was there at that time is dead or hates them from that time

*They talk about the girlfriend that Katie said was trying to hook up with her. H says this girlfriend tried to do that with her the first time she went up to the bedroom but told her to “fake the f*ck” and she would explain later ( I am resentful I
Had to type that out)

*They are both downright giddy that they found out the curfew origin story (🙄)

*H says that Mary told her Hef’s wife was having an affair with a security guard and tried to blackmail him over it (This doesn't make sense. How would she blackmail
Hef about her own affair? Hef made it no secret that his first marriage ended because she cheated on him (🙄) so why would this one have been any different? H just loves to rag on the other women before or after her)

*Then of course she has to bring up Crystal again because all roads lead to Crystal!! H brings up Crystal’s book and how she wrote about dating a guy from the Bachelor franchise and then says “Well, in her book she didn't say she was dating him; she just said they went to an innocent lunch” and Hef got blackmailed with this information and says Crystal blamed it on Izabella in an Instagram story later because Izabella was working in PR at the time. (Why is chilling obsessed with stories about blackmailing Hef?!)

*H says Izabella wrote a book that was so nasty about Holly. H tells a story about “someone showing her a tweet” years ago that Izabella tweeted she was at the spa and heard Holly had just been there and was sad they didn't cross paths like they were old friends. H says Izabella was nasty about her again when her book came out because she was jealous that Holly's book was more successful (Sure Hollin, that is the reason. Or maybe it is because you were super nasty about her in your book)

*B thought it was interesting that Katie did baton twirling and pageants just like she did when she was growing up (Pretty normal things for girls who end up in Playboy actually)

********** Second Part***********

*They talk about B’s TMZ tour. B talked about the spooky stuff and I just don't care to recap it because I am not into her “ghost hunting” BS

*B is flummoxed at how polarizing the episode is. She says half the people hated it and half the people think it is the best work they have ever done (The only reason it was polarizing was that Katie was unhinged and sharing extremely controversial/offensive stuff and Holly’s shit editing skills that made)

*B complains that so many people ask for episodes with Tea but then Katie spills the tea and people are offended (B is so obtuse. People want tea not horrific stories of SA with no warning and choppy editing and weird rambling. The episode could have been a huge success if they edited out the SA story, the underage stripping story, and stuck with the parts of the interview where Katie was coherent)

*H asks what the line is between someone telling their story that has details about other people. H says there is no perfect answer ( Well, you can start with not outing someone's SA and including the victim's name and identifying details. Treat serious content and victims with care and protection. It is actually simple)

*H whines that people complain when interviews are bland so how can she win (umm, you could work on your interviewing skills. Come up with better questions that can help a guest reflect on their time at the mansion in an insightful but tasteful way. Keep B out of the interview with her timeline and ‘hold on we will get to it later’; stop
Burning every bridge with interesting people will make them inclined to come on your podcast.)

*They talk about Katie’s Howard stern interview. B is confused about how she even got to be on The Stern show and says her interview was one of the reasons that girlfriends like B were unsure if the girlfriends actually slept with Hef (Sure, B)

*H says she was always too scared to go on The Stern show because he would not hold back asking questions (smart of her; he would have eaten her alive)

*Holly “kinda forgot trigger warning existed because all that is on my for you Page is rape related” (What the fuck kind of explanation is this?!? I forgot people were sensitive about rape because all I hear about is rape? Same old Hollin, never gonna own up to a mistake)

*Then she relates it to the Cornell case and a news story about a woman being SA’d on a plane and only getting a $100 voucher. Holly seems annoyed that she has to say this and then gives a half-hearted apology for posting without a warning. ( Those two cases have nothing to do with this. Why can't she just own her mistake? Always passing the buck and acting like she is the victim. I don't care if the SA victim was a mean girl or a saint, she should not have been exposed like that.)

*B says she was kind of shocked when Katie talked about getting in to stripping when She was underage but is glad that Katie had positive feelings about because a lot of women view it as a thing that negatively affected their lives. (This is a baffling take. Anyone who is happy they became a stripper at 17 is definitely still in some kind of trauma. The conditions Katie described working in were horrible in addition to the fact that she was still a child. The fact that B thinks it's all good as long as Katie says it's all good is wild)

*B thought it was funny that the Bentley twins drove Bentleys, and of course H has to bring up Crystal, again! They talk about Hef buying Crystal a used Bentley from her music producer and H says someone even showed her the check Hef used to pay for Crystal's Bentley and she has a picture of it on her phone. ( They are such weirdos!! Why would anyone care about this and why do they care about it? And who the hell saved the check?!)

*B talks about people being upset about Katie talking shit about Honda Civics and wants everyone to know that they don't always agree with guests' opinions and B totally likes Honda Civics ( lol ok B we will make a note of this)

*H reads some Patreon members' comments that were critical of the episode and it is deflect, deflect, deflect
-She can't control what guests say
-Katie rambled a lot and she had to do a lot of editing
-Guests aren't paid so they don't want to offend or talk shit about them (right)
-Her weird cuts were because she had to put commercials in the episode
-They were laughing during the laser segment because it was a weird tangent that went nowhere and she had to cut a lot out and by the time they got to the end she left in she couldn't hold her laughter in any longer. (Just edit the whole part out then! It literally didn't even make sense with the portions you left in and you are being rude AF by including a shot of you laughing AT your guest. How does she not get that?)

*H defends her decision to title the episode ‘Spilling Tea’ because what was she going to do title it ‘SA story’ (There are literally infinite alternative titles that would have been more appropriate.)

*H is jealous because Lorraine Nicholson is making a movie about the mansion starring Lily Rose deep and Holly's script/movie about her book has been going nowhere for the past 10 years (lol I'm sorry but this is funny)

*Back to Crystal! They talk about Crystal's new Patreon and podcast trailer. H says she saw the Claire interview teaser and thinks that it's “interesting” They are annoyed about Crystal putting her content behind a paywall because she talk shit about them having a paywall, ( wasn't Crystal saying that she would be down to be interviewed by them/come on the pod but wouldnt want to have it behind a paywall/used for their paywall content?) they are pissed she had a dog bday party after talking shit about dog bday parties, H thinks Crystal is acting like she is the first person to have a playboy podcast.

*H says she is drained from doing her other podcast. (The one where she interviews a stripper on stage at a strip club with her second clickbait headline about SA in one week. What a record! There is nothing wrong with being a stripper but I just think the stage of a strip club or as H called it a “Gentlemans” club isnt the place to talk about SA. Her guest is very open about the Sexual harassment and somewhat dangerous situations she has encountered working as a stripper. Something is really wrong in Holly’s head)

*H says she just can't seem to get away from SA stories and felt she had to do an episode to raise awareness about it. H says she normally likes to keep the topics on the lighter side for her other pod (For sure, she just loves to explore and promote the light-hearted pipeline of exploited child to teenage OF model. So cute and fun!)

*Talks about her guest being a volunteer Sexual Assault advocate which is great and makes me wonder if her guest was aware of H and B outing a victim on their pod

**********SA Trigger warning***********

*H does one of her signature abrupt transitions and asks B if she told her the story about someone she knows, allegedly on WhatsApp group chat that was sending sex videos “ and he said one of them was of me” B seems genuinely shocked and is like what?

*H talks about how she has hinted before about someone she used to date, and says we probably know who she is talking about who she suspected might be filming her during sex without her consent. H says she has talked to other women he has hooked up with who say he filmed them during sex but they didn't care because they were in a relationship with him and she says other women he has hooked up with have also said they have the same suspicion for the same reasons as H. H also says that she knows people who used to be friends with her ex and he would show the friend videos of him having sex with women and it was filmed the same way H thinks she was filmed. This friend also said he saw on the ex’s phone a WhatsApp group chat where he was sending sex videos. H said she talked to a police officer and he said there is nothing that can be done without the video but then she talked to somebody in the legal field who said there is probably more you can do than that. “Especially if there is a witness who said she saw the videos” (she switches the gender pronoun of the witness from male to female here. Not sure what that was about) and says she would like to see a hard drive searched. (This is a traumatic and sick story. If this is all true I hope she will pursue charges to prevent other women from being victims of this creep.)

Whew! That was a lot to get down.

It was in the news this week that Zak bought the underground bunker house in Las Vegas. I just saw a clip that Holly on TikTok posted of a tour she took of this house. Lately, she has been continually bringing up the fact that she believes he was recording their sexual encounters without her consent which is a form of SA. I am not doubting her claims but I wonder what her motive is in trying to tie herself to his real estate purchase?

*Brooke talks about how it has been. Hard for her to start a podcast and how it is hard to podcast alone

*She gives a Sparks Notes (Brooke referencing Sparks Notes is hilariously millennial and I can say that because I am
a millennial) life update. Talks about how her life has done a 180 from living downtown LA, podcasting and touring to living in the valley, (marrying a creep), being unemployed, and losing her grandmother (sad)

*Talks about her wedding and decision to elope at the Santa Barbara courthouse, her wedding look, jewelry, hair. Talks about the online hate she got for her wedding hairstyle. Her stylist wouldn't do a middle part and her stylist wouldn't give her a middle part and gave her a deep side part. People were saying it was giving ROTC and they did a funny Photoshop of an ROTC officer over Brooke during this part

*VMA’s
-She loved all of the negative attention she got for her rehearsal dinner party and wedding looks so she decided she would wear an ugly outfit to the VMA’s to get more attention
-Originally she was going to wear a different uglier dress and showed a pic of a big feathered frock that she decided to pass on
-Considered wearing the Skims Bush underwear but the Bush underwear was sold out
-Wore tiny underwear and was worried her labia would show and she would be compared to Lady Gaga's meat dress (although lewd this was funny and it's this kind of quick wit where Brooke shines)
-Again a hair stylist gave her a different slicked-back look than her reference photo but she never feels comfortable speaking up (I feel seen with this comment! I have such trouble speaking up about things like that in the moment)
-She made it on the worst dressed list but it didn't feel good about it

*CBS/Big Brother
-She has been obsessed with Big Brother for years (checks out)
-Says nobody loves Big Brother as she does
-She got a call to come be on an episode of Big Brother and got to be in a competition and attend a live eviction
-She ended up winning the game and got to meet Julie Chen

*Brooke talks about her vision for BF and wants it to be a bit more serious than canceled but wants it to be funny. She kind of rambles about ideas for the pod like taking calls and having guests on. Says she has been enjoying making friends who aren't co-workers.

*********Ginger’s Hot Take**********

Overall I thought this was a decent debut episode. Brooke can be genuinely funny and witty in a way that is self-deprecating without being obnoxious. The moments when she pokes fun at herself and isn't afraid to look dumb are great.
However, her deep insecurity and people-pleasing tendencies could be her downfall. She talked a lot about her fears of people not liking her content and highlighted a lot of negative feedback she has received for things in the past. Being open and real about these fears can be relatable but focusing on them too much as I felt she did during this episode can be a turn-off. Influencers make millions of dollars a year off marketing to their following which is made up of stans and haters. Just like any job there are good and bad things. You might have an unfair boss who plays favorites; you might work with co-workers you don't gel with but focusing so much on the bad/hard part of your job while making millions of dollars a year is just not a good look. Save the rant for your therapist and friends because trying to get the feedback and support you want from your collective viewers will never be what you want.

I don't watch reality TV anymore but I don't mind hearing her recaps of the CBS shows.

I think interviews could be her time to shine. It will be interesting to see who she brings on.

I also have a hard time hearing about her creepy husband and cannot put aside what I know of his past to believe they have a good marriage or that he is a good person

What did you all think of this episode? If you like my sassy recap please join my sub!

*They met at Austin Mahomes ' Valentine's party. Alexis had seen her out at a club two weeks prior but didn't have any business cards so she made sure the next time she ran into Tana she had a card. A mutual introduced them and when the mutual dropped that Alexis had done Paris Hilton’s glam Tana was interested

*Tana was the first celebrity client that she took solo. Alexis was super nervous and tells a cute story about how she was so
nervous, and Tana was the first client she had who wouldn't stop moving so the eyeliner wing kept getting bigger and bigger but Tana loved it.

*Tana asks Alexis if she can tell her something and says that she “Shot up [Mounjaro] yesterday and it is so fierce” ( I am really tired of the ‘Tana- sh*tt*Ng- her- pants- because-glp1” trope)

*Alexis is from Missouri and moved
to LA when she was 18 to go
To
Makeup school

*Alexis started assisting Ash K Holm
The first time she worked with Ash was Ariana Grande's music video for ‘God is a woman’ She got to assist for Ariana, The Kardashians, Lisa Rinna, and Avril Lavigne.

*Tana asks what the Kardashians are like in real life and the first thing Alexis says is they are always on time Tana says they are mogging her ( When the Kardashians are making you look bad you know you have a problem)

*Alexis branched out on her own after a year and a half but ended up going back
to assisting Ash during COVID because she needed the money. She eventually went totally solo and Kris Jenner was her first-ever celebrity. Had to sign a major NDA

*Alexis was trying to build her client base and told Tana she would give her a free
Glam for each new client she referred her to. Her first refferal was Demi lovato (swag)

*Alexis started touring with Avril Lavigne. Says she loved touring when she was young. Spills the tea that she lost her virginity on a tour bus to a drummer but not Avril’s drummer (That is some crazy tea)

*They talk about going to the Justin Bieber concert
-Justin kept smoking cigars and abandoning them. Alexis then busts out a cigar stub that was smoked by JB; they say if they smoked it they would be Eskimo sisters with Hailey
-They got paparazzied after the event
Getting asked if Justin was still in there
-They went to the after party that was like 15 people. They bleep out some of the tea and say they won't speak on it
-Tana says she wants to get matching Justin Bieber tattoos and then they talk about their cringe-ass cheek tattoos. Tana’s is ‘Young AF’ and Alexis’ is ‘Stay Sick’ (I couldn't stop laughing at how truly horrible these are. Talk about a tattoo
Nightmare)

*They talk about Coachella. Alexis went through a breakup right before Coachella, and so she went alone.

*Tana talks about how much shit Alexis has had to deal with having her as a client. Mentions when she wanted to dress as Carol Baskins from ‘Tiger King’ and Alexis killed the look (Ok friends, someone drop a pic of this look in the comments. I am so booked and busy this week and every spare minute is typing this recap)

*Tana is actually asking some good interview questions about how she felt in the beginning of her career and what challenges she faced etc

*Tana talks about her time living in David Dobrik's house and says that was the craziest period she was Alexis’ client. She would schedule glam but not want to get out of bed so would let her assistants get glam instead. They talk about the horrible lashes Tana used to rock and how Alexis finally talked her into doing a more natural lash (she did the Lord's work getting Tana off those muppet lashes)

*Tana asks Alexis to give some
Alexis Oakley makeup tips for the listeners. Alexis says she layers multiple setting sprays; Tana says one she uses smells like a hand job (I hate this 😑) The rest of the tips aren't really tips but brand plugs and I'm not wasting time typing them.

Hope you all enjoyed this tame BS breakdown! Please join my sub if you want more sassy content. I will definitely be covering Brooke’s new pod!

*They start the episode at the part of the interview when Katie is calling Hef sexy and sleeping with him alone for a while

*They talk about Nicole von Croft (sp?) said no to being a girlfriend but still got a centerfold.
Holly tells a story about one of Hef’s scrapbooks having security pics of him at
The Beverly hills hotel says he rented a bungalow and had champagne but she stood him up ( such a weird story and even weirder for him to document this)

*Katie recruited Buffy to be a girlfriend and said she didn't take any convincing

*Of course B wants to know what rooms the Twins were in (4&5)

*Katie said the twins were pissed when Buffy became a girlfriend and that is when they left

*The girlfriends then move in to the mansion from the guest house

*Katie said Buffy had a drug problem. She would be late and wouldn't have her clothes in time.

*Buffy was already approved for Playboy when she was recruited to be a girlfriend and that made Hef like her more.

*Originally Hef wanted to call Buffy’s pictorial ‘In the Buffy’ H instantly says “that's so cute”(of course she would like the corny ass title) and Katie is like “No I talked him out of it’ and Katie suggested ‘She’s so Buffy’ (better than the first but only slightly)

*Hef went crazy for Buffy after her centerfold and would come in to their room and cuddle her in bed on non bedroom nights (barf o Rama) said she looked like Karen christies

*Hef bought Buffy a car and didn't buy Katie one ( tea)

*H inherited Buffy’s car because Buffy couldn't make the payments and it got repossessed to Hef. (Hollin always happy for the scraps)

*Katie demanded glam because she couldn't do her own makeup for events Kimx (don't know who that is or if I spelled it right)

*Katie made Hef give her his credit card to buy gowns for events but security would hold the card. H says damn we should have had you around when we were there.

*Tina wanted $1500 instead of $1000 because she had a kid.

*Katie talks shit that Tina hasn't aged well
They speculate she might have lied about her age.

*Katie said they weren't required to go to fun in the sun. She didn't want to lay their while Hef and his old friends played fucking backgammon. H says Hef would blackmail them if they didn't go. Katie asks H how he would blackmail them. H says hef would write who came to what in the black book and would admonish them for not participating.

*One night Tina comes to Katie and says she can't find Hef. Katie goes with her to find Hef. They can hear people having sex in one of the rooms down the hall in room 3. One girl opens the door and Hef is having sex with three girls. One girl Katie didn't want to name because she doesn't like her, Cathi O'Malley and Regina Lauren Three girls were in the room having sex with Tina said you just look like a dog who got caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Hef was confused that Katie was angry and Buffy didn't give a shit. (fyi Regina Lauren is a missing person at the moment and it is fucked up that they don't mention this or link to her missing person info. I guess Hollin only cares about dead playmates stories that she can monetize)

*Hef brought on the three as new girlfriends. Made Katie share room 5 and share a bed with Cathi and was pissed about it but she got along well with Cathi.

*Regina was more of a partier. (Again, this woman is a missing person)

*Katie said Hef wasn't giving out qualudes

***********Trigger warning SA*************
I am not going to recap this part of the story because it is horrific and I cannot believe they left it in the pod especially because they say her name. Basically Katie accuses Hef of drugging and SA’ing someone on a club night. Katie said the girl didn't care when she told her the story of what happened the next day and told her “Well, you are a girlfriend now” ( I am
So disturbed at this story and it is a new low for H and B. Why would you ever publish this kind of story with her name in it?!?? The way Katie talked about it was so callous and gross)

*Katei keeps talking about a girlfriend she disliked but won't say her name (You will tell a story about someone being SA but you won't say the name of a mean girl who you didn't like. What kind of moral compass is that?!)

*H asks is the girls were competitive and if Hef pitted them against each other. Katie said they all got along except the girl she won't name (Tired old questions same old
Answers)

*Katie said there was no curfew. H and B both say they were so lucky. Katie said Buffy is the reason he started requiring a curfew because Buffy would stay out until 10pm. H says she heard Buffy had a boyfriend who was in jail.

*Katie says she left because it started to get inappropriate and sleazy.

*Katie was in a Steven Spielberg movie ( I looked up her IMDB and am shocked she has a lot of credits)

*They ask Katie about the A&E documentary and H tells Katie how Dicky Ban would call that interview the ‘Katie Lohmann show’ Katie is literally like who?
H says not to be mean and then continues to shit on Tina’s voice in the documentary (Kinda like the baby voice H used in early GND)

*Katie plugs a project she is doing. She has written a book about her Playboy experience. B is looking at her with daggers when she announces this. Katie said it has taken her 10 years to come to this decision and B responds “oh wow” ( you can literally see B die inside. You know she was blubbering about this later because waiting a decade to write your Playboy memoir is her thing)

*Katie says she has had some very wealthy ex boyfriends and it was their loss that it didn't work out. H asks her to name one and she said she dated Michael Bay (ewwww but a flex) H makes a face and laughs but says it's because she thought she said Michael Burk (who?) Katie says she was in love but that he didn't want to commit but she would be open to him
*H asks Katie if she has any makeup tips or products from back then. Katie gives a bonkers spiralling answer about how the make up look starts a lot earlier when we are young girls and references swimming again and says something about being flexible and athletic so train people to do your makeup for you. The footage then cuts to H asking Katie about getting professional makeup when she was a girlfriends. Katie gives another weird spiraling answer about aging and dark eyebrows and then the footage cuts to her talking about some cold laser that isn't a laser that you can feel throughout your entire body H is straight up laughing at her as she is describing it and she begins to talk masculine energy (WTF?) all of the sudden someone off camera interrupts and Katie has to wrap up the interview. (The editing at this part of the interview was especially choppy. I don't know if it is because her answers were batshit crazy, if it is due to Hollins horrible editing skills or Hollin trying to make her look crazy or a mixture of all three but it was jarring)

*H asks if she has any great memories from the mansion. Katie said the Halloween party, she dressed as a devil and Hef didn't like it and wanted her to dress as a princess.

*H asks about her first Christmas there. Katie said the all got Louis Vuitton bags and diamond bunny necklaces

*H asks if she had any favorite food and it was grilled cheese with tomato soup

*H asks what her final straw was. Katie says it was that nothing was ever enough. Hef just kept adding girlfriends. She mentions the masculine energy again.

*Katie still keeps in toucbwitb Buffy via Instagram DM’s, says Tina sends a video message now and again and keeps in touch with Miriam Gonzalez and then literally gets up and they finish the interview. (One thing you can count on is Hollins shit editing skills making everything feel disjointed and weird)

I hope you all enjoyed this next level breakdown! Please follow my sub if you want more sassy commentary!

*Tana starts the episode talking about how different her first sober anniversary is versus her second sober anniversary.

*Says she is sober from alcohol, cocaine, and mdma but she still smokes weed

*She says sober glow is wearing off because it isn't as new and exciting

* She realizes she has been searching for dopamine her whole life and that when she “isn't fixing everyone and everything” around her she is on an insatiable quest for dopamine ( what has she ever fixed for anyone?!?)

*Her therapist had her sit there for 7 min and do nothing. She said it was profound and made her realize she needs to sit with herself but she feels selfish for choosing herself right now (get the fuck out of here with that)

*She has a real mother Theresa moment and says that her purpose in life is to help people and says she is stopped by people saying she saved their lives daily

*Makoa makes a cameo in the pod and says he is very proud of Tana (cute)

*She talks about being in her agoraphobia era because she didn't want to go to events like Alix Earle's premiere (Having agoraphobia and not wanting to go to a lame influencer's premiere are two different things)

*Tana and Ty went to the Miley Cyrus event and said Miley said something profound to her and Ty that they are going to get matching tattoos of it but she says she doesn't want to share it and wants to keep it to herself (Nobody cares)

*Tana says she is going to start going to AA because she wants to learn as much as she can about sobriety. Tana says she had a three-week period this year when she was “had a little three week period this year where she was smoking a ton of weed” to numb out (This is a step in the right direction. Let's see if she actually does it)

*The Adderall must have kicked in because she ends the episode and does the outro but then comes back because she went on TikTok and watched the I hate people I love people video. (Girl, please stop acting like such a tweaker)

*More tangenting about how far she has come and how much of a mess she used to be. She talks about how awful she had been to her earlier assistants and forced them to party with her. Says her assistant Meg has no idea how bad she used to be (We are just going to act like you didn't assault Makoa, threaten to unalive yourself, and call the police because you weren't given opiates? Mmmkay)

*Tana just wants her past toxic behavior to inspire people now to show how far you can come. (True inspirational people don't sit around talking about how much they want to inspire people.)

*She goes on a tangent about how she is so hyper aware of never wanting to come off as full of herself and out of touch (you are failing miserably at this ) and that she has always put everyone else before herself and never just sat with herself( Tana, be so for real. When have you ever put anyone before yourself?? Like, you put your addiction and toxic behavior before self love but you have not been neglecting yourself because you have been talking care of other people's physical and emotional needs. So laughably out of touch)

I hope you all enjoyed this bonkers BS breakdown. Please follow my sub it you want more sassy content!

For years H and B said they weren't going to cover season six or they would only cover the episodes they were in. Now they say they are going to cover all of season six which we know will consist of them tearing apart every single moment of Crystal’s screen time. Up until now they have only had pushback from Crystal via social media and random podcast interviews.

Crystal finally decided to pull up and start her own Playboy/mansion related platform just in time to build a following before they go in on season six. I am definitely going to tune in to hear her rebuttals and hope she keeps things less vitriolic than H and B just because I know that they want an all-out war 😂

What do you all think will happen? Should we place bets on who will crash out the most?!

*They talk about the feedback from the Karissa interview. They say they didn’t bring up the twins talking shit about them on Instagram a year ago because they didn’t want Karissa to be on the defensive in their interview B says she is still upset about that and wanted to bring it up but didn’t want it to ruin the interview and she still has questions about some of the stuff from season 6 but didn’t want to stray from the timeline. H says she is “pretty fucking forgiving” and has had soooo many people shit-talk her that she doesn’t hold a grudge (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Holly, you talk shit about all of your exes and your exes' exes daily, you regularly whine about random IG comments from over a decade ago. Your picture is in the dictionary under’ Bitch who does not let anything go’)

*They address some comments they got from listeners.

-They didn’t push back when Karissa said they came up with the idea for the camping and skate party because they didn’t want to put Karissa on the defensive. H says that it’s totally possible that the twins did come up with the same ideas and that two things can be true at once. (For years they have accused the twins, Crystal and production of stealing their intellectual property. I believe they all came up with the same ideas and hope they put this to rest)
-The pregnancy and fight B wished they would have asked but wanted to softball it and H didn’t feel comfortable. H feels people want her to ask so she feels bad because she tried to get pregnant with Hef and it didn’t work H then compares it to when Crystal and Hef invited her to their wedding so people would look at her like she was the one who lost out, people would (Everything is Crystal's fault)
-They did ask about the baby shower scenes from GNL but cut it out because Karissa said they had so much fun at that party and it was one of their favorite scenes to film. H and B think she just doesn’t remember much about it. (Or maybe she really did have fun and H and B have been overreacting all these years. Sounds like she cut it because it would contradict the hate train they have had for the twins over the years)
-They read a comment dragging Karissa for always saying there were playmates as if she were trying to pull rank on H and B. H and B went off in an insufferable tangent about how they were girlfriends and got a cover do a lot of people think that is better than playmates. H says that nobody talked about the hierarchy of cover models, girlfriends, bunnies, and playmates until her book came out. (Holly is really going to be the biggest Pick Me until the day she dies)
-They got a lot of positive response to this interview and H wishes more people would want to come on for interviews (Well, Hollin. Maybe you shouldn’t do post-interview reviews where you accuse your guests of lying, not remembering things, and bring up negative rumors about them without giving them a chance to respond/defend themselves.)
-B was totally spiraling about the drinking comments keeps thinking that it had to have been the jazz festival bus ride when she was trying to get the party started (hahaha, she deserves the spiral)
-They read a comment about Crystal saying it might be the glue that brings them together. H drags Crystal for a while. H thinks Crystal is totally in Karissa’s ear. (This is the real reason they wanted to interview Karissa. They so badly wanted her to talk shit about Crystal)
-They read a comment saying it’s wild that H apologized to Karissa and didn’t apologize to them for all of the mean shit she has said about them. B finds it interesting and H says that’s on her not us( The same could be said about you Bridget. You have talked shit about the twins for years and you didn’t apologize.)
*B reads a comment calling her out for saying she heard that Crystal “let herself go”. B is super riled up about this and defends herself by saying she was just quoting what someone else said so she should not get a bad rap over it. She then talks more shit about Crystal saying the person who told her that said Crystal looked like the Unabomber with her hood up at dinner. (Their mean girl logic is hilarious. They think they are tricking everyone by quoting someone else’s shit-talking or reading fan questions that are shit talking. You know everyone sees through this, right?!

*They filmed on two separate days so they have a second slumber party opener.

*B is doing trapeze again and is sore (😑)
They chit chat about boring life happenings

*B talks about the Dyson toothbrush that has a camera in it. H says it’s like a dildo with a camera in it and then tells a story about Kendra’s sex tape. Says one was used in the tape and Kendra told Hef about it. H doesn’t know if it made the Final Cut

*B goes off on a major Karen rant about Universal Studios Horror Nights and how they have a necklace people can wear if they don’t want to monsters to come up to them. B doesn’t like it and thinks people shouldn’t go if they don’t want to be scared. H says the trick is to follow close behind someone and B says if she were an actor she would go after the people who looked the most scared (And this is exactly why some people want to wear the necklace! She is such a bitch)
*B continues her Karen whining and says she is so over influencers posting about Universal Horror Nights (Pro tip, swipe up from the bottom of your phone screen and you will exit the app. Problem solved)
*They talk about Katie’s interview
-H wished they would have asked if she was open about stripping when she tried out for Playboy (nobody cares)
-H likes that Katie said she thought Hef was sexy and H and B both agree that he was attractive and charismatic (Never going to stop chasing the validation for being there for the “right reasons” Katie was also there years before H and B when Hef was not quite geriatric)
-They talk about how Katie wrote the letter to Hef and got to stay at the mansion. Letters were a good way to connect with Hef and they talk about different women who did the same. Hef was pen pals with Trisha Frick for years and H said possible before she was 18 (so disturbing)

*Katie was so all over the place when telling her origin story so I will try to condense it into a coherent way

-She grew up in Scottsdale Arizona and was very involved in a lot of extracurricular activities and sports
-She grew up an Army brat and says her family had “generational wealth” but her Dad was so worried about keeping the money to pass down to his kids that he became an alcoholic.
-had to do soccer, baton, gymnastics, tap dancing rolled into a nightmare, and then what where is your generational wealth after if you roll into a nightmare? You lose that money. Then you have to pay for a funeral and that's why I don't have kids. Because you can't keep yourself up the way you want to and I felt if I had kids I would die” (Dude, what the fuck is she talking about?! Also, her idea of generational wealth sounds like lower-middle-class generational wealth)
-When she was 17 her parents asked her what she wanted to do and she told them she didn't want to go to college but she wanted to follow her dream and be “naked in Playboy” She said her parents were totally supportive of this (something is wrong in a family if parents of a teenager think posing in Playboy is an appropriate goal at that age and support it)
-She used the money available to her to get two boob jobs and get her ears pinned back so she could start stripping.
-Katie started stripping underage at 17 which she knows is a “big no-no,” but she didn't feel like a kid at the time and basically doesn't think it was a big deal. Holly pipes up saying she can relate to feeling like that when she was younger as well (I am disturbed at their nonchalance with this topic. Just because you feel mature when you are a teenager does not mean you are and, weirdly, not to nit be repulsed by the thought of a teenager becoming a stripper)
-She worked as a stripper for three years and says it was great because it gave her the money to get her look right before going to Playboy. H is laughing and said that is “So smart! I came in looking like a country bumpkin” (Again we are talking about a teenage stripper. Not really funny or aspirational) Katie says there is no right or wrong way to get there (hard disagree there is a wrong way and it is the path that followed)

*Katie did an interview with Howard Stern and he asked her if the government ends had sex with Hef and she said no. Hef was pissed and blocked her from
Working for Playboy because she made a fool of Hef. (It really is the most insecure men that have all the power)

*Katie didn't work for Playboy for seven years. She reached out to Hef and apologized and asked if she could come back to the mansion for parties. He relented and Pat Lacey saw her at the parties and convinced Hef to let her come back to work (That is kind of crazy that they let her be rehired after that long of an absence)

*Katie wrote a letter to Hef asking if she could come stay at the mansion for a week in hopes that she would get to connect one-on-one with Hef because it was too hard to get time with him at the big parties (She really was a smart cookie when it came to finding her way into Hef's world)

*She went up to Hef’s room and walked in on him shaving. She came on to him and he was not into it. Said that he was offended she came on to him and that he was in love with his girlfriends. A few days later he showed up to the guest house where she was staying in his pajamas with baby oil and asked if she wanted to pick up where they left off. (I resent that I had to write that last sentence. Grossssss!)

*Katie said the Bentley twins were super bitchy (not surprised) they made sure to establish that they were the main girlfriends and were controlling towards Katie but she wasn't having it. Both of the twins had Bentleys which were like 80k at the time. One of the twins made sure to tell Katie she was wearing 4k Cartier sunglasses with diamonds in them. Katie initially thought that Hef was funding their lifestyle and found out later about the “troll man” (lol) that was stealing investors to fund his relationship with one of the twins. Katie said she was grossed out that they both slept with Hef (same)

*Katie went off on a weird tangent saying the mansion was “female oriented” because it had tanning beds, small animals, and nice patio furniture. She used this as an example of how Hef was a hopeless, sensitive romantic (I don't even know where to begin with unpacking the internalized misogyny in this statement. Looking at the ultimate honey trap as some kind of feminine oasis is wild)

*And we have another two parter because they hate their listeners and must be hard up for
money.

This interview was all over the place so I hope this recap makes sense!

*Tana starts the episode in her Southern accent and then stops because she said the top comment is always negative when she is doing a Southern accent (kudos for taking notes)

*It wouldn't be a BS episode without Tana's hypochondriac complaining. Says she is having a midlife crisis ( Enough with this trope. She needs to get a hobby)

*They are in Texas for Tana's show at Texas Christian University. Tana talks about being in Texas and her irrational fear of bugs (I feel seen right now ngl)

*More boring complaining about traveling woes(Nobody wants to hear you bitch about travel delays. It's unbearable enough when it happens in our lives and we don't need to hear about yours)

* It's the mental health Olympics and Tana is going for gold! She says Imari is so lucky because he doesn't have all of the mental Health struggles as she does and he has “only had one panic attack” (Maybe it's because he doesn't have the privilege of acting crazy because he is a man of color and not a multi-millionaire)

*Imari says he doesn't take life too seriously and Tana makes a comment about Imari not being great in an emergency because he doesn't take it seriously and uses the example of him not calling 911 during the “road rage” incident from a few months ago ( Imari doesn't use 911 as their personal security and medical hotline like you do. Justice for Imari)

*They are going to Bucees after the episode and I am seething with jealousy!! Bucees is amazing and I wish they had them on the West Coast.

*OMG they brought up my other favorite Southern place. Rudy’s!!! My mouth is literally watering typing this. (Bucees and amazing BBQ are the only things the South does better than the West Coast.)

*They talk about cheating in past relationships and Imari talks about someone he dated that lived in Texas, and he cheated on Imari. Tana says she is grateful Brad cheated on her because she wouldn't have left the relationship otherwise

*Tana and Imari tease a new project they are working on. Says it will be comedy-based ( Imari, you're in danger girl. Tana doesn't have a great track record of working with friends and I hope this doesn't blow up their friendship)

*Apparently Tana's family moved to Texas for a year when she was in grade school. Tana talks about her “Texas Tani” video (I just saw this and it was so funny. It's sad because the wealth and privilege really ruined her sense of humor)

Hope you all enjoyed the bonkers BS breakdown!

*H starts the convo saying she is happy they did the interview. B says she was initially hesitant but happy afterward

*They are giddy about Karissa’s interview proving Crystal lied about not watching GND and H says that when Crystal met Kevin she claimed to have not watched the show and that’s when Kevin “knew she was treacherous”

*B weirdly obsessed with the twins test shoot timeline and hair and makeup

*B wrote in her notes she wished she felt that way after her shoot (shut the fuck up B. You could have the best hair and makeup in the world and your test shoot would still be horrible because you can’t model)

*B pounces on the Crystal being frumpy topic and said people would tell her that people said Crystal was dressed like a homeless person. H says they would dress casual but when they did it it nobody cared, they did it but did it better, H said they would still add to the atmosphere and she would draw funny pictures with dicks on them (I’m sure the perverted old freeloading friends were totally enamored with H’s party trick)

*They talk about recruiting and B brings up their interview with Brande Roderick and said she didn’t believe Brande when B asked her what would have happened if B had gone clubbing with them when she was testing. Brandy replied “Nothing”
H says she didn’t believe Brande either and feels like she just didn’t want to talk about sex on camera (This is why everyone hates you, Hollin. It’s not because they are defending Hef, it is because you are completely two faced. You invited Brande on your podcast and asked her a question, she answered, if you don’t believe her, then you should have the guts to say it to her face or respect the fact that she didn’t feel comfortable talking about that on camera. You know how it feels when someone has done it to you yet you still do it to other women. Rude and unprofessional all around)

*Holly thinks that Crystal probably read one of the mean girls' books to study how to be her because in their books they said that Holly changed her interests to mirror Hefs and Holly doesn’t do that (Sure Hollin, you better ask for all of your ghost hunting gear back and host a seance asap if you want us to believe that)

*B brings up the twins blowing past Holly when they arrived and you can tell she is about to talk shit/cast doubt on Karissa’s recounting of it but the footage was cut. (Hollin giving B some grace, shocked)

*They cast doubt on Karissa's story about Jessica getting told to leave during movie night (I do not give a fuck about this whole story)

*B questions Karissa saying Hef said they couldn’t be PMOY because Brandie was PMOY and she was a girlfriend. Holly corrected her and said Brandie wasn’t a GF when she became PMOY and was already on Baywatch (Again, what is the point of questioning this? Karissa didn’t seem to have an agenda when she said it so she just wants to nitpick every answer.)

*They talk about the twins' 19th bday. H says she remembers things feeling weird in the Limo on the way back to the mansion and H says she was at the opposite end of the limo and saw the twins getting super flirtatious with Hef and accuses Kendra of egging on the wild behavior in the limo and that Hef was giving her weird looks from the other end of the limo because he couldn’t figure out what was going on (I call total bullshit on this. I don’t think Hef had any other thoughts in his head other than the drunk teenage twins.) H says she was cool with it because she had heard the twins wanted to take over GND and were trying to make it happen. ( I find Hollins' account of this hard to believe. Kendra by all accounts had never been a “recruiter” so I find it hard to believe that she was all of a sudden recruiting the twins to be Hef’s New Girlfriends. )

*Once again B is trying to rewrite history by saying she had no idea what Hef meant when he asked her to stay and show the twins the ropes and that she never felt rushed when moving out of the mansion. (We have had to listen to her tell the same sob story about the twins wanting her room and Hef forcing her to move out asap which is why Anastasia was the one to pack up her room because he wanted her gone while she was filming beaches. )

*B LOVES (her words) that it took Hef a year to get over Holly. H says Hef was hoping she would fall flat on her face and come running back to him like Crystal did (Oh Hollin, please get some therapy)

*They snark on Karissa saying Crystal only got to be a playmate because it was a storyline for the show H snidely said “Yeah, that’s what I thought. “ B brings up that Crystal wasn’t even a cyber girl but a co-ed of the week( These bitches can not be for real. B was straight up rejected and H never even asked to do a test shoot. They would have never made it in the magazine if it hadn’t been for the show. Period.)

*They talk about the twins and Crystal having lunch with Kevin at the Ivy and Kevin telling Crystal she is “B-roll” material. Kevin wants Crystal to come up with material for the show (She was 21 with little to no acting experience. Why was she expected to come up with story lines to sustain a TV show in its 6th season?! Sounds like bad producing and poor planning to me)

*H thinks Crystal working in the scrapbooking room is the most “B version” of herself. Hef’s scrapbooks were a few years behind and they laugh about Crystal having to scrapbook pics of them during the peak of GND and wondering “her life isn’t as cool as theirs” The scrapbooking convo kicks B and H into hyper bitch drive

*B finds it “inneressing” that Crystal worked in the scrapbooks for so long and never did anything about the bad material. H chimes in wondering why she didn’t say anything about the scrapbooks until she was kicked off the HMH foundation board (It blows my mind how obtuse H and B are. First of all what power would a 21-year-old Crystal have in standing up to inappropriate pics in the scrapbooks? She was young and indoctrinated the same way H and B were. Secondly, as long as she was on the HMH Foundation board she didn’t have to worry about the scrapbooks being released because it would be impossible without her consent. Once she was kicked off of the board is when she started vocalizing her concerns about this matter. I am sure if Crystal would have tried to do something about the pictures while she was on the board it would have caused major problems with the other members so she didn’t want to rock the boat unless there were plans to transfer the scrapbooks to an archive.)

*They talk about Karissa saying Crystal was trying to emulate Holly and H pipes up “especially with the Disney thing” (The fact that Hollin thinks Crystal is copying her in loving Disney will not be hilarious. Disney, the multibillion dollar company that we have all been fed since birth, is Holly’s thing and any other Disney adult is just copying her. I can’t think of a more mainstream interest for white women. Maybe Stanley cups or Starbucks? Disney is Holly's thing and we are all just posers)

*B brings up that Karissa said “one good thing about Crystal” (Karissa said nice things about Crystal the entire interview and made it clear she had no ill feelings towards her and they are friends now) and it was that she was “patient” B is confused by this and thinks it’s about Crystal being patient with Hef hooking up with other girls. H says “She definitely waited it out” in a snarky tone( Bitter is an understatement for Hollins attitude towards Crystal)

*They accuse Crystal of trying to copy H by hanging out in Mary’s office all the time and that they were the ones who made hanging out with Mary a thing (middle school mentality for life )

*B is pissed that Hef thought the twins wanting to bring the round bed over to the mansion from the playmate house was a great idea because she had a round bed in her bedroom at the mansion so therefore she thought of it first (insufferable)

*B absolutely melts down about the claim that Hef said she drank too much. H throws her a bone and says he probably made it up because he couldn’t think of anything bad to say about B and Hef liked to say bad things about HBK to new girlfriends.

I hope you all enjoyed this investigative report and two of these to bitter betties. If you enjoy my sassy content please join my sub and tell your friends.

Now, I need a drink (Don't tell B, she will think I am copying her because drinking is her thing)

*Karissa says that they came up with the idea for the skating episode and the camping episode and she gave Crystal shit for not coming up with ideas for the show. Karissa asked if they came up with ideas
They all agree they hated the fake ending of the episode in bed together ( how many times over the years have H and B railed on the twins and Crystal for copying them and taking credit for “their” episode ideas? I am sure they were seething about this later)

*They talk about the Sophia Copolla movie.
* Hef hit on Sophia while she visited the mansion
*In the audition Sophia had the Twins dance with no music and laughed at them
when they did. She later said that she asked them to do it to make sure they weren't afraid to embarrass themselves. (This feels so demeaning and wrong)

*Sophia was really personable with the cast, during filming Stephen Dorff's mother passed away so she told the Twins they should go to his house to cheer him up. They would have Playboy security drop them at the mall and they would get picked up at the mall and go drink at Stephen Dorff’s house The Twins would hang out with him a lot at his house along with his neighbors Owen Wilson and Johnny Depp. (eeeek! This is the most disturbing tea knowing what we know now about these men. Fuck Sophia Coppola for telling these teen girls to go cheer up Stephen Dorff)

* Hef wanted to come to the red carpet with a bunch of girlfriends but they talked him out of it. He made them leave their premiere early and they missed the end credits, they were billed fourth and the cast acknowledgements on stage. Sophia wanted them to leave GND and come shoot more in Italy and that she would put them in more of the
wild.

*Talked about their trip to Europe. They refused to do the bedroom with Dasha. Crystal stayed with the twins during the trip. They aren’t sure if Dasha slept with Hef.

*They broke up with Hef and he let them live at the playmate house in hopes they would get back with him but kicked them out when they weren't continuing to do movie night and buffet night.

*The Twins did Celebrity Big Brother in the UK and other modeling after the mansion, owned a salon in Beverly Hills for a few years but sold it to move back to Michigan. (Obviously, and other things but they don't address the porn careers)

*Holly asks how she felt about doing Secrets of Playboy. Karissa was on xanax and some other detox meds that made her gain weight during Secrets of Playboy.

*B asks how her relationship with Kristina has changed. She says that they are still best friends even if they have distance.

*Holly gives Kristina another apology for a quote she gave to US Weekly when asked about the Twins leaving the mansion. H told the magazine “Some people need more structure in their lives. The mansion was like a second childhood to me” H said she feels really bad for saying that and had no idea what they went through after they got out of the limo on their days. Back then from her perspective, she felt they had it easier than her because they got centerfold right away but now she sees that she was jealous and hadn't worked through her own trauma. (Again, I am surprised to hear Holly deliver a heartfelt apology. Obviously, she feels responsible for what happened to the Twins to some extent because this is very out of character for her. She didn't totally downplay her role in recruiting the Twins but I don't think she owned up to all that she did to put them in that situation)

*They start the episode and B tells Karissa she loves her makeup. Karissa looks gorgeous but her makeup is very outdated and HEAVY! (Of course B loves the look. She has always been perpetually two decades behind on fashion trends. H and B’s outfits in this episode are both odd and all over the place. B is kind of denim western and Holly is in a fully beaded formal dress and bedazzled heels)

*They chit chat about the twins background, where they were born and where they grew up. Karissa is currently living in Michigan.

*The twins worked at a hooters knock off restaurant when they were 16 and when they were 18 they were in the restaurants calendar and advertisements. The photographer for the ads was the one who suggested they try out for playboy. The twins were huge fans of GND and would watch GND when they got off work.
They were told during their first test shoot that they had made it in to the magazine.

*They ask about the Twins childhood. Karissa was more of a tomboy and says the twins weren’t super close growing up and didnt start getting close until the mansion. They moved in to the mansion at 18 ( it is interesting that she didn’t feel they were that close growing up. All of the twins I have been friends with are attached at the hip)

*Hef wanted them Identical would have them change their clothes, shoes, and even nail color to match. Even wanted Crystal to dress like them
Hef and Kevin always treated them as one person. Kevin would say they are like Kendra but two of them.

*Hef couldn't tell them apart and would make them dress identical even down to the nail polish. Would try and make Crystal dress like them. (Hef lucked out with H who was down to clown with his carbon copy girlfriend fetish)

*B asks her about a rumor she heard about Crystal dressing frumpy. Karissa says that Crystal would dress casual and Hef would give her shit and talked about how bad she felt for Crystal because Hef would be so mean to her and criticize her eating, body, clothes etc. (B so badly wants Karissa to shit on Crystal but Karissa is very empathetic to Crystal)

*They talk about Hef always trying to get them to recruit playmates to come to the bedroom. B pipes up that Hef never asked her to recruit (I know it is wrong but this made me laugh because Hef couldn’t even be bothered with B to recruit girls to the bedroom. He did not gaf about B)

*he wanted Karissa to recruit Crystal McKayhill and talked about her mom being in playboy. (B is really stuck on the Crystal Mckayhill thing and asks her multiple times about it and really wants a timeline even though it is a nothing burger)

*Of course B asks when they first heard about playboy! And of course it was discovering their Dad’s magazines when they would go visit him (This always just makes me sad. Leaving playboys around is horrible parenting)

*Hef made them watch the Playboy documentary because he wanted them to learn more about their “boyfriend” (yuck!yuck!yuck!)

*They were at the mansion because of GND and considered HBK way more of a big deal than Hef. She thought Hef was too old to have sex and was surprised when she found out that they actually had sex with Hef

*Karissa apologizes for not greeting H when they arrived at the Bunny house and said they were nervous and confused. (Of course H acts like it is no big deal even though she was shitting on them for years about this)

*H directed their first shoot for their month. They wanted more sexual pics and did an additional shoot for the spread because they weren’t sexy enough. The second shoot had more intimate poses

*B asks about the drama at the playmate house. According to Karissa one of the playmates had one of the sound guys over to the playmate house. Hef asks the twins if they saw anything and they told him that the sound guy had come over. Hef told the girl to leave in fromt of everyone at movie night (I really don’t care about this whole story)

*H asks if Hef every hit on them behind her back and Karissa confirms it (

*They became real girlfriends on their 19th birthday. They went out to a club and got super drunk HBK were all in attendance. They asked for some weed and Kendra took them up to the bedroom for some weed and then leaves the room. Hef brought them pajamas and told them they are not officially girlfriends until they have sex. (Damn I feel so bad for the twins. Hef is so fucking gross)

*Karissa said that Hef just moved them in to the mansion and Hef was the one who wanted B and H, who was in room 5 at the time, out of the mansion. The twins felt clueless about all of this and what was expected of them as girlfriends ( I believe Karissa, they had just turned 19! They were still teenagers and did not just come in to the mansion and start running shit like B has always harped on about)

*B is foaming at the mouth and says she has so many questions (Of course she would want to know every detail of their first night in the bedroom 🤢) and then an unexpected thing happens

********A surprising moment of maturity*******

*H interrupts B and tells Karissa she is so sorry that all of that happened. She feels bad that all of that happened and she would have liked to see them just be playmates professionally and not have taken the girlfriend route (Listen, H was complicit in a lot of stuff at the mansion but she seemed genuinely guilty and sorry for the twins I won’t snark on good behavior and growth)

*Karissa apologizes for stepping on HBK toes and says she felt bad because it was such a confusing time and how they always loved HBK and were such big fans of them for years before the show and would never have intentionally gone against them (This whole situation just shows how skewed the perspective of H and B has been all of these years.)

*B lies through her teeth saying she never felt the twins were stepping on their toes or pushing them out. Now B claims she was excited for the twins to be girlfriends and didn’t care at all because HBK were on their way out (she does know we have almost five years of her making the snarliest stank face when talking about them, right?!)

*B then circles back to their first night in the bedroom and wants more details about how they left the bedroom after having sex with Hef (B is sick in the head)

*The twins aunt was visiting during the Halloween party and Hef asked if he could hook up with her. H pipes up that one of the mean girls had a similar thing happen. (This man was fucking depraved)

*Hef would still talk about H for almost a year after she left and he was pissed at her for leaving, he saved her from sleeping on her friends couch and made her a producer at playboy. H says it’s so weird that he would be mad at her for leaving and she always talked postivley about him and he was just mad at her for succeeding (Gee Hollin, maybe he was pissed that you were cheating on him with Criss Angel and making a fool of him by sneaking Criss Angel merch in to playboy centerfolds and GND. Fuck Hef but don’t act clueless about why he was pissed)

*Karissa confirms that Hef was much stricter after HBK left (confirming exactly what Crystal said and what they accused her of lying about)

*Hef would mostly get them Playboy presents from the merch closet (one of H’s favorite things to do as well)

*H asks Karissa if Crystal was ever trying to get her kicked out. Karissa said they weren't friends when they were at mansion and felt Crystal was trying to replace them with other girls who would participate more in the bedroom activities to take some of the work off Crystal. Crystal had a clique with the new girls that she recruited and The Twins caught her talking shit about them. They didn't feel threatened because they had the support of the playmates who didn't like Crystal because she had tried out for Playboy and had been rejected and felt she wasn't a true playmate. Crystal started locking the bedroom door which made it more difficult to get their allowance. They complained to Mary about it and Mary told them that they weren't being as sexually active with Hef as he would like so Crystal had every right to lock the door. Karissa says they are friends with Crystal now and when she shared she was coming on GNL Crystal responded positively and said that maybe this would be the glue that could bring them all together. (Fuck Mary for being complicit in all of this)

*B tries to get Karissa to talk shit about Crystal and Hef starting a relationship but Karissa doesn't take the bait and says that she felt positive about their relationship at the time because Crystal would not push back on Hef’s BS and was more passive than the twins (It’s great to see B’s veiled questions get shot down)

*Hef told the twins he didn’t want them to be like B who drank too much or K who left him. B is dumbfounded and pissed about this comment (😂)

Part two coming soon!

I just bought a bottle of wine because I realized that we are going to cover Bridget’s “foray” into movie making and I just know B is going to be peak insufferable during the retrospective

*Tana starts the episode in a staged messy hotel bed in Vegas. She goes on a bug tangent about her mental health filled with her favorite therapized buzzwords and diagnoses. Cortisol, fight or flight, Trauma, dopamine, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety,
Frontal lobe, etc. Tana says she is going to her psychologist weekly and mentions she is on Klonopin now (A new benzo to add to her pill mix, great)

*Tana literally says the “Things I have to do to get in the shower is a hate crime” ( This is a new insufferable bit she has where she compares her struggles to being a victim of a hate crime.)

*The pity party is just getting started. Tana is really feeling so sorry for herself and how she is just struggling so much with all of her wealthy woman problems but she has decided for the first time in her life she is going to put herself first because for so long she has been busy taking care of everyone else. (Yes, I crackled she said this and I called again when I wrote this paragraph. When in the history of Tana has she ever put anyone else first??)

*Tana has decided she is going to hold hands with her need for escapism because she has been working so hard at her career and self improvement that she has not been taking the time to have fun. She really needs the dopamine so she is allowing herself to vape, shop, gamble, and travel. ( I don’t know how she can say this with a straight face. She was just following Noah Kahan on tour.)

*She is so proud of herself for curbing going to Vegas for an entire month

*More airport/flight complaining (Why do influencers always complain about traveling? It is so unfunny and not interesting)

*Tana talks about the celebrity poker tournament. The adderall must have hit because she is just motor mouthing about the celebrities at the tournament and glitching with TikTokisms. At one point she references the Jake Paul era as her Pauling out. She met Terrell Owens, and he told her he was a famous pickleball player so the whole night she was asking him to teach her how to play pickleball and she didn’t find out until later that he is actually a famous ex-NFL player (This is fucking funny to me)

*Tana talks about her love of poker and says she is Hitler to play poker (she loves edgelord maxing)

*Calls her interview with Zach Justice a hate crime (I know I said this in a comment on another post but I will reiterate it. Tana, this is why it isn't funny or “interesting from a psychological standpoint” to platform Incels. They hate women and people joking about them slowly emboldens and normalizes their behavior.)

*She had dinner with Holly Madison (ew) at Carbone and got to go out on the Carbone boat at the Bellagio fountain (honestly looks like fun minus the company)

*More self praising for overcoming sooo much and healing her inner child (so tired of this on repeat)

*Tana texted David Spade and got on the guest list to his show with Nikki Glaser. Tana says she relates to Nikki so much and wants a career like hers. (Delusion) Says she relates to David Spade so much (huh?)

*They were gambling and ran into the guy who left her at the Red Rock. Says she found out why he left her at the Red Rock and it was because she was posting to TikTok on Snapchat in her bed three days after she had said I love you to him. (I have no idea what this explanation means. If someone can decode this let me know)

*Tana was so exhausted from going to multiple casinos in Vegas and goes on a weird tangent about people demagnetizing hotel key cards by putting them next to their phones and having to walk thousands of steps back to the lobby to get a new card (she really can and will find anything to complain about)

*Long tangent about Burning Man and how much she hates it. She wants to dress up as Bethenny Frankel at Burning Man for Halloween.

*Larping! It’s one of Tana’s favorite new words to use incorrectly. She larped as a DJ and feels she was a DJ in a past life. She says she wants to be a DJ now (nope)

*Talks about wanting to go to medieval times later (Same sister! Never been but would love to go)

*Teases doing future shows about touring mansions in LA and her show at Texas Christian University, or interviewing people who are specialists in “fields of the mind” (Please don’t. Nobody wants to hear you complain about mansion shopping or hear an interview with some pseudo psychology healer. Please no!)

*Makoa was surfing in San Diego while Tana was in Vegas. (interesting)

*Tana fans out about Lindsay Clancy’s lawyer. Says she wants to get a manicure with him and that his kids must love him. (She does realize that three tiny children were strangled to death by their mentally ill mother, right?! Like, I am glad we are addressing PPD and PPP but it is just tragic all around and to laugh and fangirl over anyone in this situation is depraved)

*More Adderall stream of consciousness about Charli D'Amelio, Ken Eurich, Hayden Panitierre.

I hope you all enjoyed this bonkers BS breakdown!

This is the worst podcast opener I have ever encountered. I do not want to diminish the absolute absurdity of this BS statement by summarizing it so I have included it in its entirety. She literally put DELAYED in the episode title as well which is diabolical!!!

“This episode of Brand Safe has been delayed due to the birthday of our prized employee, Kyle Barber. Nothing happens without Kyle Barber. Literally, nothing happens without him.

If we didn't have Kyle Barber, this podcast would be shot on a blender and edited with a toe. We hope wherever you are, you are celebrating Kyle Barber. Seriously, sorry it's late, but like who was gonna edit it?

You know what I mean? It's just, it's Kyle or no one, you guys, and he only gets one day off a year. Like, it's just like, it's the one day, and I'm like, it's here now, and we love you guys, and we hope you had an amazing Labor Day weekend, and we are very, very sorry for the delay to all of our Brand Safers, and we will see you next weekend.”

(Wow, so much deflection on Kyle for her poor planning and production. Take responsibility, Tana. A truthful statement should be “ Sorry this week's episode is late. I cannot stick to a schedule and refuse to hire professionals that will help me stick to a schedule. I purposely hire people who will enable my unprofessional and self-destructive behavior because it is easier than doing the work to overcome my trauma and take accountability for my actions. Nothing is ever my fault and I will stoop so low as to use my employee's birthday as an excuse for my poor time management that resulted in my work being submitted late. Sorry im not sorry about it! )

*Birkins! They talk about their Birkins and Isabella's bday (So relatable)

*Isabella suggests they start a channel
Called moookbang because they love to
Eat and moo at each other (I am not mad about this idea )

* Tana's dad would lie to Isabella's parents when she would spend the night at her house and say they would be staying in (So fucked up of any parent to act like this.)

* Isabella's mom started dating a pastor who was a cop (yikes!)

*Tana was a youth leader at church (wow)
Isabella lied to her parents and said she was becoming a youth leader at church with Tana and her mom figured it out because Isabella’s mom went to the church they didn't know her (this was a funny teen story)

*Tana asks Isabella what she remembers of Tana’s household. Isabella would bring food to Tana’s mom to make sure she was eating. They talk about the time Tana’s dad threw a barstool and Isabella threw it back at him. (dark)

*Tana talks about her success before she was 18 on YouTube and was making enough money to rent a townhouse in Las Vegas and Tana's mother lived with them. Because Tana wasn't 18 her parent still had control over her bank accounts and would constantly cut off access to her own money as a form of control. Tana’s mom would chain-smoke in the townhouse and refuse to go on the balcony (This is wild. Tana’s parents suck)

*Isabella and Tana had a falling out in 2019 and did not live together or talk to each other. (It sounds like typical teenage friend drama that happens when you are roommates.)

*Isabella calls out Tana for never wearing socks when they were younger and how she wouldn't let her borrow her shoes (Literally, how did it take multiple people to convince Tana to finally wear socks with shoes?! Does she not have a sense of smell?)

*Tana says that she and Isabella both have OCD, PMD, anxiety, and Depression. Tana says their neurons were shot from them drinking 6 shots of espresso daily.(every week there is a new diagnosis to blame her bad behavior on)

*Tana talks about one of her first exes who was controlling

*They yap about typical teen shenanigans they got into.

*Tana tangents about how they have overcome so much and how amazing they are to have survived (Listen, I am not negating anyone's childhood trauma but at a time when children are not surviving until their teens due to genocide it feels gross to act like they have overcome insurmountable circumstances to survive)

*There were a lot of the same tanaisms
In this episode, I don't feel like going over them because they are topics that have been talked about to death. Anxiety, frontal lobe, influencers influencing, narcissistic parents, growth etc

*They start the episode talking about Tana's ailments! (Yay! Something new!)Trish said Tana had told her she had been sick for the past few days and on antibiotics and wanted to do the episode in pajamas. Tana showed up with a fresh spray tan in a sexy VS silk PJ set and Trish was in sweats and said she feels underdressed. ( I feel like this has been a recurring thing on NL with Tana showing up dressed different than she said she would be and it throws Trish off. Didn't she also do this to Brooke? Jorts gate comes
to mind)

*Tana says she and Kyle have just been doing nothing but editing for the past week (LIES!)

*They talk about the Marry Harry reunion. Tana says she always thought her friend who married Harry was made for reality TV and predicts she will be on other reality shows after this. (Didn't she say on BS that she was shocked to see this friend on the Marry Harry show and how she would never have thought she would be on reality TV?)

*Tana says she is getting back on a Glp1 next week (As if she ever stopped)

*Tana still doesn't have her
Rolls-Royce and has to pay out of pocket for the repairs ( sorry but anyone who thinks they should learn to drive in a $250k car needs to learn a lesson the hard way)

*They yap a bunch about random influencers, sobriety, Halloween, Dolly Parton, Malls

*They take a few calls that I do not feel like summarizing because taking advice from these two is not something I would recommend

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Since we won't be getting a new episode this week due to the holiday I am taking requests.