u/Glass-Media-7938

Hi everyone, I’m dealing with a really surreal and toxic situation at work and could use some outside perspective.
For context, I keep my head down, focus on my job, and maintain a very healthy lifestyle and strict fitness routine. Meanwhile, one of my managers (let's call him Gary) has known health issues like high cholesterol and strict dietary restrictions.

For a while now, Gary has had this really strange, passive-aggressive habit of targeting me to push junk food, carbs, and pastries. It feels like he's projecting his own food hang-ups or trying to sabotage my discipline. But today it escalated to something genuinely unhinged.

I was sitting quietly at my desk, completely minding my own business and working, when he walks over out of nowhere and says: "I have another task for you
, eat a sweaty mouldy muffin" (referring to literal leftovers from the previous week).

There was zero provocation. I wasn't engaging with him, I wasn't complaining, I was just doing my job. When he and a colleague pull this kind of stuff, it feels like a deliberate psychological game or a boundary-testing power play to get a reaction out of me.

Every week he tells me to eat the food left out for colleagues, even though he doesn’t eat it. He seems fixated on me eating these carbs in the office

Has anyone dealt with a manager who fixates on what you eat or uses gross, bizarre comments like this? How do you handle or shut down this kind of passive-aggressive harassment without giving them the reaction they're fishing for? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Hi everyone, I’m dealing with a really surreal and toxic situation at work and could use some outside perspective.
For context, I keep my head down, focus on my job, and maintain a very healthy lifestyle and strict fitness routine. Meanwhile, one of my managers (let's call him Gary) has known health issues like high cholesterol and strict dietary restrictions.

For a while now, Gary has had this really strange, passive-aggressive habit of targeting me to push junk food, carbs, and pastries. It feels like he's projecting his own food hang-ups or trying to sabotage my discipline. But today it escalated to something genuinely unhinged.

I was sitting quietly at my desk, completely minding my own business and working, when he walks over out of nowhere and says: "I have another task for you
, eat a sweaty mouldy muffin" (referring to literal leftovers from the previous week).

There was zero provocation. I wasn't engaging with him, I wasn't complaining, I was just doing my job. When he and a colleague pull this kind of stuff, it feels like a deliberate psychological game or a boundary-testing power play to get a reaction out of me.

Every week he tells me to eat the food left out for colleagues, even though he doesn’t eat it. He seems fixated on me eating these carbs in the office

Has anyone dealt with a manager who fixates on what you eat or uses gross, bizarre comments like this? How do you handle or shut down this kind of passive-aggressive harassment without giving them the reaction they're fishing for? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I really need some outside perspective because I feel like I'm losing my mind and second-guessing every single thing I do at work.

I’m about 3 months into a new administrative role in the Civil Service, handling a lot of complex court and admin workflows. I know I'm still learning, but the environment in my office has gotten genuinely bizarre and hostile, and today reached a whole new level of creepy.
Here is what happened today:

Earlier in the day, I handled a tough, complex call. I'm still new, so when I hit a wall, I used our standard escalation protocol and handed it over to an experienced colleague, Helen. While I was doing that, Helen looked across the room at another coworker, Matt, and gave him a deliberate smirk, treating a totally normal learning moment like a spectator sport. I felt so small.

Later, Helen tried to publicly trip me up over some media registers going out, insisting I was emailing the wrong people and demanding to know if I'd had bounce-backs. Turns out? I was entirely right and sending them to the exact right place. Silence from them afterward.

Then, things got genuinely unhinged. Chris comes over to my desk and asks, "What have you been doing with your finished post?" I told him I'd been keeping it tucked away in my drawer just in case I needed to double-check anything. He replies, "I know you've done that because a colleague found it yesterday," and drops a sticky note full of "corrections" on it.

When I questioned it, Chris tried to cover himself by saying someone was "looking for the instruction booklet" and that's why they went through my drawer. The hilarious/terrifying part? The instruction booklet was sitting right out in plain sight on top of my desk the entire time.

They literally went rummaging through my private desk drawer, found my work, combed over it for microscopic errors to manufacture a "gotcha" moment, and then tripped all over a clumsy lie about an instruction booklet that was literally right in front of them.

Am I actually losing my plot here? Is this normal workplace behavior, or are they actively trying to sabotage and intimidate me because they're weirdly fixated on me? Has anyone else dealt with colleagues like this?

I need to get this off my chest because I am still shaking, but I am finally free. Today, I walked out of a job I started back in April 2025, and I am never going back.

For months, I endured a masterclass in covert workplace bullying, surveillance, and psychological manipulation from my manager, Veronika. As an autistic person who disclosed my needs right from day one hoping for a safe environment, I was instead systematically targeted, isolated, and worn down to the bone.
Looking back, the red flags started immediately:

Day 1: While taking my ID badge photo, she looked through the lens and told me, "You've got beautiful eyes, sorry I can just tell," instantly crossing professional boundaries and making me feel objectified.
Day 2: Out of nowhere, while chatting with a colleague, she interrogated me: "Do you have a boyfriend, Anna?"
The Window Surveillance: She admitted to watching me from the office window when I went to McDonald's on my lunch break, accusing me of "running away" from the job.
Strategic Isolation: Under the guise of a "reasonable adjustment" to help me focus, she moved my desk away from my supportive peers and tucked me into a back room right next to her desk, cutting off my support system and trapping me in her orbit.
Mind Games & Chaos: She would pull bizarre stunts—like pretending she was locked out of the building and sending me on a frantic wild-goose chase, only for a male colleague to find her instantly—just to make me feel incompetent and flustered. She body-shamed herself loudly in the office ("I need to be a size 4"), scrutinised what I ate, and stared at my body.
Sabotage & No Pay: When an HR error (triggered by taking my very first day off sick due to anxiety) deleted me from the payroll and left me unpaid for weeks, she shamed me for asking her to fix it, acting like my basic right to be paid was an inconvenience to her. She also actively talked over me and hijacked a conversation when another manager suggested I apply for a promotion.
Unhinged Outbursts: In that back room where I was isolated, she subjected me to volatile scenes, screaming obscenities at a trainer, threatening to run him over with her car, pouring hand sanitiser on his laptop, and trying to staple his trousers while glancing over to gauge my reaction to the chaos.

When I went off sick with stress, coming back was a nightmare. She gave me the ultimate silent treatment ignoring my "hi," slamming papers down when she was asked to help me out, and making a point to talk to everyone else in the room while pretending I didn't exist and completely iced me out whilst being super friendly with everyone else.

Today was the final straw. She came back into the office to perform a "final goodbye." I sat there for ten agonising minutes trying to endure it, but my nervous system hit its absolute limit. I stood up, walked out the door, and left the room to just be away from the tension.

I didn't yell or argue. My walking out was my statement: I know how you treated me, I see right through your games, and I refuse to stay another second to validate your performance.
It’s been an exhausting, traumatic ride, and I'm still processing the mind-fuck of it all (especially navigating colleagues who acted like they had blinders on). But I finally chose myself. I broke the cycle and walked away.

Has anyone else been stuck in a soul-crushing, toxic workplace where you're constantly walking on eggshells? Was I unreasonable for walking out the room?

I’ve been dealing with a manager who has spent months creating a hostile work environment. Recently, I had to formally report her for harassment and creating a hostile working environment for me. Following that report, there was a major shake-up in our office our previous manager (who I suspect knew about the toxicity) left, and a new leadership structure was put in place.

On my first day on the job she said “you have beautiful eyes have you got a boyfriend?” And she said she was watching me from the window hoping I’d run away from the job. She kept asking me “have you ever ran away from a job before?”

Since I’ve returned to the office this week, the manager I reported has been acting completely unhinged. I’m looking for perspective on why this is happening and how to keep my head down during her final days.

Here is what I’ve observed since being back:

She is actively icing me out. When I attempt basic, professional courtesies (like a polite "hi" on my way to get my laptop), she won't even make eye contact. She stares at the floor and mumbles a response, clearly performing her contempt for the benefit of anyone watching.

She is also engaging in weird, performative social theatre like making disparaging comments about things she knows I do (like wearing glasses) to other colleagues while I’m in earshot, just to see if she can force them to agree with her. She also makes a point to be super sweet and friendly to everyone else around me whilst pretending like I don’t exist

The entire environment feels like a minefield. Her behavior is erratic and volatile. It’s clear she has dropped all pretenses of being a professional now that she’s on her way out, and she’s trying to leave as much chaos behind as possible.

I’ve realized this isn't just "bad management." It’s an intentional, calculated attempt to isolate me, even now. She knows I know the truth about her (she lied to me about her professional credentials/degrees), and that has caused her to panic.

I know I did the right thing by reporting her, and I know her hostility is a reflection of her own insecurity and failure, not my performance. But living through this "extinction burst" of toxic behavior is exhausting.

For those who have been through this: Does it ever stop feeling this tense before they finally leave? And how do you maintain your own sanity when you're forced to share space with someone who is clearly trying to go out with a bang?

I’ve been dealing with a difficult situation with a colleague who is moving on from our team soon, but the final stretch has become increasingly uncomfortable.

I should add some context: this hasn't been a one-off thing. Because her behavior was so persistent and targeting, I actually formally reported her for harassment before I went off on a period of sick leave. I felt that was the only professional way to handle the environment she was creating. When I got back to work I found out that she had handed in her months notice

Since I’ve returned, rather than things settling down as she nears her exit, she has doubled down on these subtle, passive-aggressive tactics. It feels like she knows I’ve reported her, and she is now using this 'performative theater' to subtly undermine me in front of the rest of the team while keeping her own hands clean. It’s incredibly draining to deal with this while knowing that my professional boundaries have already been officially violated.

She has a habit of engaging in what I can only describe as 'performative theater.' She is incredibly warm and friendly to everyone else in the office, but pointedly ignores me or uses very subtle, calculated tactics to make me feel like an outsider.

For example, I’ll be sat right next to another colleague, and she will make a big show of asking them about their lunch or chatting, while completely blanking me looking straight ahead as she walks past. She’s also made weird, indirect comments about my appearance (specifically my glasses) and uses 'helpful' gestures (like ordering office equipment) as a way to smirk at others while framing me as incompetent or fragile.

I’m professional, I get my work done, and I don't engage with the drama. I’m just trying to keep my head down until she leaves. But it’s exhausting to witness this 'kindness' being weaponized against me on a daily basis.

Has anyone dealt with this kind of 'mean girl' behavior in a professional setting? How do I keep my confidence on up and stay unbothered while this is happening? Looking for some perspective to remind myself that this is her issue, not mine."

I’m looking for perspective on a toxic dynamic I recently experienced with a former manager, which has left me frustrated and trying to process the 'why' behind it.
I pride myself on being professional, maintaining a calm and composed demeanor, and carrying myself with elegance in the office. However, a former coworker consistently targeted me with social exclusion, even though I never gave her any reason for hostility.

The dynamic included:

Performative Exclusion: She would frequently ignore me while being overly friendly with specific others (including our manager, Ed), making it clear I was being excluded from their group.

"Secretive" Alliances: My manager and this colleague would frequently go on long, private 'walks' around the building. These felt less like professional check-ins and more like a way to create a 'secret theater' to manage the office, which created a confusing power imbalance.

Clique-Building: She would often huddle with other colleagues in corners of the office when I was near, which felt like a deliberate attempt to make me feel isolated.

The Reaction: Despite my attempts to stay professional and ignore the drama, I couldn't help but notice that my calm demeanor seemed to act as a 'trigger' for her. The more I stayed composed, the more she seemed to go out of her way to make me feel small.

In front of others she would be so sweet and friendly but would completely ignore me even when I was trying to join in the conversation and be polite and friendly

If I asked for a favour from her she would act angry and slam a piece of paper down onto my desk and made me feel guilty for asking for any sort of support

Now that she has finally left the company, I am choosing to treat her as if she never existed. However, I’m struggling to understand the logic behind her behavior.

My questions:

Is it common for insecure employees to target a 'composed' peer as a threat?
How does a manager’s willingness to participate in 'secret' exclusionary behavior (like those walks) feed into this type of workplace toxicity?
Why would someone try so hard to diminish a coworker they barely interacted with?
I’m ready to close this chapter, but understanding the psychological 'why' would help me fully move on."

I’m currently dealing with a toxic manager who is in her notice period, while I’m the one staying at the company. For the longest time, she has been icing me out, ignoring me, and occasionally acting out with petty, performative behavior like slamming doors or papers on my desk when I’m having a normal, pleasant chat with other colleagues.

The irony? I started this role being perfectly friendly and supportive. I even encouraged her when she mentioned she wanted to pursue counselling/psychology, and I spent time answering her questions about my own Master’s degree. But the second I maintained professional boundaries and refused to engage in the office drama or gossip, I became the target.

The irony? I started this role being perfectly friendly and supportive. I even encouraged her when she mentioned she wanted to pursue counselling/psychology, and I spent time answering her questions about my own Master’s degree. But the dynamic shifted entirely when I had to report her behavior. Whether it was the chaos she created during payroll issues or her unprofessional comments about my personal appearance, I refused to let her workplace toxicity go unchecked.

The second I drew that line and refused to engage in the office drama or gossip, I became the target. She is perfectly "friendly" to everyone else in the building, which I’ve realized is just her way of trying to isolate me and validate her own narrative that I’m the problem.

She is perfectly "friendly" to everyone else in the building, which I’ve realised is just her way of trying to isolate me and validate her own narrative that I’m the problem. It’s reached the point where it’s actually become laughable. Yesterday, I was having a nice conversation with two coworkers who actually like and respect me, and she literally walked out of the room and slammed the door behind her because she couldn't stand not being the center of attention.

It’s pathetic to watch someone who is supposed to be "managing" the team spend their final days acting like a toddler because they couldn't break me. I know I did nothing wrong, and I’m just waiting for the day she finally walks out the door.

Has anyone else dealt with a manager who treats them like a target simply because they refused to participate in the chaos? How did you stay sane until they finally left?

I recently returned to my job at a government agency after several weeks of sick leave caused by my manager’s behavior. I had hoped for a fresh start, but within one day, I realised the environment is exactly as toxic as it was before I left.

I’m autistic, and I’ve been dealing with a manager who I feel has been systematically targeting and isolating me. Since I started in April, the environment has been defined by:

Inappropriate personal boundary-crossing: Making comments about my appearance and relationship status on my first few days.
Psychological manipulation: Being told I was being "watched" from a window, being "set up" to fail tasks, and being moved to an isolated desk under the guise of "reasonable adjustments."
Selective exclusion: Today, my first day back, I noticed a very clear pattern of behavior. She is warm and joking with certain colleagues, but when it comes to me and one other colleague, she acts like we don't exist. She won't make eye contact and provides the absolute bare minimum, cold responses to work-related questions.
Hostile Office Culture: She openly belittles other staff in front of us, calls colleagues names, and uses a specific "favorite" colleague as an emotional buffer/partner to go on non-work-related "walks" around the building all day.
I feel like I’m navigating a social minefield rather than a workplace. I don't know who my manager is, she is completely unpredictable. My body is in a state of high alert, and I’m realizing that the "rest" I was supposed to get on leave hasn't actually removed the source of the stress.

I have a detailed, date-stamped log of every incident, including witnesses.

At what point do you decide that an environment is fundamentally broken beyond repair? I’m trying to "play it by ear," but the constant gaslighting and exclusion are making it impossible to focus on my actual work. Has anyone else had success reporting a manager like this in a large, bureaucratic organization, or is it better to just start planning my exit?

I (30F) matched with a guy on a dating app recently. We haven’t met yet, and we are supposed to go for a casual walk this Sunday. But for the past few days, my gut has been making me feel incredibly uneasy and heavy about it. I’m hoping to get some outside perspective on whether this is just my anxiety talking, or if my intuition is flashing a genuine warning sign.

From the very start, the pacing has felt incredibly fast and forced. We were chatting on the app tinder, he sent a long message proposing a date, and because I wasn't really feeling it, I didn't reply. Instead of taking the hint or giving me space, he double-messaged a day later demanding an update ("Spill the beans, how was your weekend?") and basically ordered me onto another platform: "Here's my WhatsApp, message me on there now because I need to take you on a date."

Because he completely bypassed my silence, I ended up moving to WhatsApp out of sheer momentum. Once there, he immediately started intense future-projecting about next year, talking about "if we work out," promising he'd "make me coffee in bed one day," and even saying "I'll support you in your career." We haven't even made eye contact yet, and I felt like I was being written into a timeline I never consented to.

Then today, the dynamic completely flipped and gave me total psychological whiplash.

We were having a normal, polite conversation about the gym, exchanging long messages. Out of nowhere, he sent a message saying: "Theres a lot too reply to here I feel like we wont have anything left to talk about on sunday at this rate." Followed by: "Im going to not reply to some messages if thats okay! I love the flow of the chat but... I want to save some chat for when we meet."

I feel completely thrown off. He went from aggressively chasing me when I ignored him, to love-bombing me with promises of a future together, to suddenly micromanaging the conversation and withholding his responses the second he secured the Sunday date. It feels incredibly manipulative and controlling, like he wants to dictate every single rule of how we communicate.

On top of all this, he is a single dad. I want kids one day, but I want to build a relationship from the ground up, not step into a ready-made family right now, and the pressure of all of this is making me feel deeply uncomfortable.

My anxiety usually tells me "what if you ruin a good thing?" But this doesn't feel like anxiety inventing a problem. It feels like my gut collecting concrete data on a boundary-pusher.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of intense push-pull behavior before a first date even happens? Am I right to trust my gut and cancel?

I’m 30, and I matched with someone recently. We haven’t met. It was supposed to be a casual, low-pressure first walk this Sunday.

And yet, the whole thing has been making me feel uneasy for days.

I’m not physically attracted to him. That alone would be enough for me to step back, but I’ve spent the last week looking through his photos on the dating app trying to talk myself out of it. ‘Maybe chemistry builds in person maybe I’m being too picky, maybe this is just anxiety and I’m self-sabotaging again’

But it’s not just attraction. It’s the pace.

From the start, it felt fast. I didn’t reply to a date suggestion once, and instead of taking that, the conversation just kept pushing forward like I had agreed. After I ignored his last message he double messaged me saying ‘spill the beans how’s your day been here’s my WhatsApp I’m taking you out on a date next week’. We were moved off the app to another platform before I’d even said yes to meeting. Then came talk about the future, not weeks, but years ahead. Comments about where I’ll be with my career next year, and ‘hopefully I’ll still be around then’. Then he said ‘I’ll support you in your career if we workout and our date goes well’.

I haven’t had a first date. I don’t know if I like him. I don’t know if I’m safe or comfortable with him. But somehow I’m already being written into a timeline I never consented to.

There’s another layer too: He has a son and is single parenting him. I do want children one day, but I don’t picture stepping into a ready-made family right now. I want to build something from the ground up, with someone I’m genuinely drawn to. And I feel guilty even typing that, like it makes me cold or selfish. It doesn’t, right?

So now I’m stuck between two voices:

One says: ‘Go. You’re anxious. You always think the worst. What if you’re missing out on someone great?’

The other says: ‘You’re not attracted. You don’t feel safe with the pace. You don’t want this dynamic. Say no.’

I’ve had anxiety before, so I know how loud it can get. But this doesn’t feel like anxiety inventing problems. This feels like my gut collecting real data and telling me it’s not a match.

I’m not asking for anyone to bash him. I just want to know, how do you tell the difference between anxiety trying to protect you from risk, and intuition trying to protect you from the wrong person?

Because right now, ‘supposed to be going’ feels heavier than ‘wanting to go’ And I’m not sure that’s something I should ignore.

I (30F) recently started a Civil Service AO role in the UK about 6 weeks ago, and I’ve now been signed off work with stress after reporting my manager (31F) to HR and my union.

I’m currently in a phase where I’m second-guessing myself a lot and I’m trying to understand whether I was actually being gaslit or if I’ve misunderstood the situation.

For context, I’m autistic and I sometimes struggle with interpreting social situations, which is partly why I’m questioning myself so much now.

My manager’s behaviour included:

On my first day, telling me I had “beautiful eyes” and asking if I had a boyfriend. Frequently commenting on my body and weight indirectly (diet talk, comparing herself to being “stick thin”, commenting on food choices). Looking me up and down repeatedly in a way that made me very self-conscious about my body. Asking intrusive personal questions (e.g. what I was eating for lunch and where I was getting it from)

Isolating me in a separate room away from other new starters under the guise of “training”. Being volatile and unprofessional in the workplace (including inappropriate jokes and aggressive behaviour towards colleagues)
Creating a very anxious environment where I felt like I had to carefully monitor my behaviour and appearance.

I ended up going off sick due to work-related stress for six weeks.

The reason I’m doubting myself is that I recently had a return to work meeting and a senior manager told me parts of the workplace behaviour were “just banter,” and I’m now worried I overreacted or misinterpreted things.

I’m not trying to label anything or get validation for its own sake, I just genuinely want an outside perspective on whether this sounds like normal workplace behaviour that I misread, or whether this kind of experience could reasonably be considered inappropriate or gaslighting.
Any honest perspectives would really help, because my head is all over the place right now.