u/Glass-Operation8618

EDIT: The resale market here in the UK is terrible and I don't want to risk it so I'm going to do something I never wanted to do cause it's against my beliefs (lol sounds so dramatic)... I ordered a size down and I have 6 months to lose weight if it doesn't fit. It's such a good price for the quality, I've wanted it for years, and at least I can probably resell it if I have to get a replacement! Thanks!

Hey all!

I really wanted the Virgin Gown (long) as my wedding dress but it sold out in my size (XL) literally just after I confirmed my ceremony date. It's still in stock in L, and I've seen a lot of people saying to size down. I also remember the description used to recommend this but I don't think it does anymore? Could be missing it.

Does anyone who has owned one of these dresses have advice? I see things about the bust being roomy but I have a large bust and people didn't specify if they had a smaller one in most posts. I don't particularly know if I want my tits hoisted up to my face, but I also don't want to drop 2-3k on an alternative so here we are lol.

Sorry, I know you guys will be locked in on this sale! Good luck!

My (28F) fiancé and I originally had a wedding planned for May this year, and we were planning it around Spring 2025. Unfortunately, just before putting our deposit down for a venue, I lost my job. I earned a significant amount more than my partner so we chose to postpone. We've been together 10 years, engaged for 3 (I started dating him at 18 with a year of college left, then went to uni an hour away for 3 years, which set us back on engagement timeline as we wanted to live together).

I changed to a freelance career, so I will never have that much money again, and now we are doing a much smaller wedding. We really love the registry office we decided on, and his work offered us their beautiful bar/restaurant for free as long as we pay for food (which was my partner's suggestion). I asked if having it at his work would be depressing, but he said he would actually really like being in a familiar space and being able to help with menu choices as a chef because he's passionate about food. I think it's stunning and such a steal with the cost of weddings, so why not?

However, he has started asking me weird questions. His mother and sister have learning difficulties and autism (me and my partner are autistic too but both level 1 and did fine in education). His dad isn't diagnosed but definitely isn't typical. I have been asking him about the guestlist, because I literally can't pick who he wants there for him, and he started asking if I think his family are "very disabled".

I said yes, your mum and sister went to a special school (not in a mean way of course, just matter of fact because I was surprised by the question). And he seemed genuinely surprised. I understand it must have been normal to him, but I think he's grappling with how strange it is to be a very switched on guy, who was raised by a family with learning difficulties.

Days pass, and he'll ask more questions like "do you think my situation growing up stopped me from achieving as much?" - I said I think what he's achieved in his life is already amazing, but I'm sure it was a hard barrier to overcome.

Now, it's come to a point where he's completely shut down about anything to do with the wedding and is visibly upset when I mention it. I suggested he try therapy as I think he's having a lot of issues with his family and identity, but he said the waiting list is so long that it wouldn't help in time and he can't afford private.

He didn't do any of this with the previous wedding, which is what is throwing me off. He was super excited, enthusiastic, stuck in. And now I can't ask him literally anything without a total shutdown.

His core family are invited along with his grandma and some aunts/uncles/cousins, but we can no longer invite distant cousins/aunties we've never met as a couple in the 10 years we've been together. The same sacrifice is being made on my end. His mum will vocally not be happy about it, but unless she has 15k sat around, there's not much we can do about that except never have a wedding (she also didn't want to drive 30 minutes for our previous venue, so we wouldn't have been able to win regardless). I will have annoyed family members too, but I just think that's part and parcel of small wedding planning.

Right now, we're in the position of needing to put deposits down for different time sensitive things, and I can't pin him down for a conversation whatsoever. I want to be sensitive but I need him to answer like, four days ago. I need his guests too. I really empathise, but we've discussed his family in the past and I'm really confused as to how he's just having this revelation now. I know the big event must be bringing a lot up, but I'm at a loss on how to proceed.

I can't tell if he's nervous that his mum won't be happy with the reduced guestlist (not that we ever discussed it previously, but she's like cartoonishly traditional and thinks weddings are a family reunion), or just really struggling with his past. I'm torn between wanting to be there for him/give him space, and literally needing him to be there for the wedding before things fall through.

EDIT: I wanted to thank the people who have responded so far, I was really worried that my partner would be slated as a "disinterested groom" or that people would be judgemental of our relationship/time together without getting married/earnings. Thanks for taking it at face value and having empathy for him.

I've had the most insanely chaotic time titrating, it's coming to an end in the next week, and it completely derailed my entire life and my entire summer during it. I have lost so much income as a self employed person that I might actually have to give up on my business after so much damage has been done, but I'm trying to stay positive and keep trying to build things back up. I'm really worried I'm picking the wrong dose at the end of it all!

- Started on 30mg Medikinet XL, one of the worst experiences of my life. Fell asleep 30 minutes after taking it for an hour because I couldn't keep my eyes open (I never nap). I had an absolutely harrowing 5 hours where I felt genuinely psychotic (I posted 39 instagram stories omg it makes me wince now!), then came crashing down, and begged my doctor not to make me take the same dose the following day.

- Moved to taking 20mg Medikinet XL in the morning then 10mg at 1pm while he worked on getting me Concerta, it was better than 30mg at least! But no tangible benefits.

- Moved 36mg Concerta XL for longer coverage. Didn't have a weird come up and come down, felt more steady, thought it was working for a while. I didn't realise I was becoming deeply, deeply depressed and suicidal. Apparently a common symptom in women ages 18-30 that I wasn't aware of.

I cried from waking up and going to sleep for 5 days straight as I felt so guilty about leaving my family behind when I went ahead with it, I was so far gone I didn't realise this feeling could be medically induced. My suicidal brain told me it was all me. There was zero doubt in my mind that I couldn't be here anymore. My friends and partner had to tell me how bad it had become, they said I was a shell of myself and they barely recognised me. I told my prescriber and he was horrified, told me to stop immediately and move to a different drug altogether.

- Started 20mg of Elvanse! LOVED IT! Motivated, easy to prioritise, less impulsive, calmer, achieving a lot. It was hard at first as I had to piece my life back together after mephylphenidate had absolutely destroyed me, but I really liked this dose a lot and felt tonnes of benefits. It felt "right".

- 30mg Elvanse - extremely demotivated, initiating tasks but zero energy to complete them, brain empty, scattered, can't function. Worse than my normal state without meds. Thought I was maybe on too low a dose still, was annoyed to spend a week catatonic but I was hopeful.

- 40mg Elvanse, absolutely horrific. After 4 hours I chugged a huge carton of pure orange juice to make it stop quicker (which works btw!). So extremely, cripplingly overstimulated, off my tits, aggressive, chewing my gums into pieces and cracking my jaw, snapping at people, crying in public, and feeling completely insane. (Reading this all back I'm like damn wtf is wrong with me lol)

- Went back down to 20mg Elvanse, loved it, so many benefits. Was happy to be back there, but open to trying 30mg in two weeks time as I was worried 20mg dose wouldn't work for me long term after titration ends.

- Right now I'm on day 3 of 30mg Elvanse again, and it's crap. Exactly like last time, I've achieved nothing since moving up a dose and my house is a mess.

At this point, I just want to stay on 20mg. I was paranoid that the dose wouldn't work for me long term but it worked for me for two weeks straight at one point with no reduction in benefits. Everything else is terrible and 20mg is incredible. I'm tired of forcing myself to take doses that feel wrong.

Maybe I could take a tolerance break if it lost effectiveness. I know this dose - in PUK's eyes - doesn't even count as a therapeutic dose, but it definitely is for me. Is it okay for me to ask my prescriber to send me away with 20mg Elvanse? I feel embarrassed by how sensitive I've been to each medication, and I'm worried they won't prescribe it so low.

P.S Shout out to my prescriber, he's the best. Had such a good experience with him, he stops anything I don't feel comfortable with, listens and communicates effectively and quickly. I'm very very lucky to have had him even if this process was so hard. Fingers crossed we can end it on the same page too.

I'm a long term sufferer of sinusitis - and unlucky in that it will sometimes transform into tonsillitis directly after - at times I've been sick for 3 weeks straight and it's affected my previous jobs a lot.

I woke up with terrible, instant sinusitis on Sunday morning, and prepared myself for the worst. I was annoyed because I'd just finished an 8 week run of huge plans and travel, and this week I wanted to get back on the wagon with work, do some self care, catch up on life admin, etc. I was really determined not to be sick for long. I managed to recover really quickly!

What I did differently:

- REALLY upped the amount of nasal rinses. When I'm sick it's draining to check the temps and do it perfectly, so if it went too cold I just did it anyway. 2-3 times a day and more rounds each time.

- No painkillers. This was a really hard choice but I can no longer take NSAIDs, so it felt pretty pointless to try and cover my illness with lemsip/paracetamol when I knew the swelling in my face wouldn't be relieved.

- Used Thai herbal inhaler instead of Vicks/equivalent balm. Found it so much stronger and more effective.

- I drank 4.8 litres of electrolyte water every day. This sounds dangerous, but I'm on ADHD medication so my daily amount is already 3.2L because the meds are so dehydrating. I always buy unflavoured electrolyte powder in bulk (no sugar) and make sure I don't drown myself by keeping my potassium + salt levels in check. (My urine is light yellow and not clear so I know it's not too far, too!)

What I think helped most:

- Hydration!! Obviously I know my water intake is very extreme but it works for me - an extra litre with electrolytes on top of your usual personal daily intake should do the trick!

- Extra nasal rinses!!!

- No painkillers - meant I wasn't exerting myself beyond my means at any point, I literally just lied there on the brink of death and let my body recover. If I take painkillers I end up trying to do more than I need to (I'm certainly not anti-painkiller, if I could still take ibuprofen/naproxen I wouldn't have been able to resist lol)

Anyway I hope this helps somebody! I'm sure you've tried everything, as I felt I had already, too. And I'm sure somebody has tried all the above to poor results, too, as we're all different. Just wanted to share as this illness is horrid and I'm really pleased to have made it out the other side quickly.

When I was little, all of my memories of mealtimes are really traumatic. Crying and shouting, forcing me to go hungry, horrible textures and no effort to find a middle ground with me. I would sob through mouthfuls of meals I found truly disgusting most days.

I hated all meat except processed sandwich slices, I hated mash (especially the cooked type on shepherds pie or cottage pie which for some reason my family made ALL the time), I hated vegetables. I would refuse to touch or eat any seafood except seafood sticks and fish fingers, if we got fish and chips I would order battered sausage instead.

I also really hated cake and most sweets too, which was easier because there was no pushback. I find sweets and most desserts insanely sickly. I used to have a tray bake flapjack with candles in it for my birthday (no idea why I don't find flapjack sickly!). I absolutely despise coffee and even the smell of it to this day.

As a teenager I flipped through the same meals over and over - Quorn wraps because the texture wasn't unpredictable like with real meat, ham toasties with no cheese because I didn't like it, and fajitas with no vegetables except lettuce. I remember eating a lot of plain tortillas as a snack or just toast.

When I was 18 (ten years ago), I met my partner who is a chef and he changed my life. He'd make food for me and never get mad at me if I didn't like it or want it. He would tell me every single ingredient and how it was prepared and I could remove anything I wanted. I went vegetarian which removed the stress of turning down 99% of meat offered to me at people's houses.

He spent years preparing mushrooms in different ways every couple of months so there was less pressure. He would boil them before frying them to remove the moisture and reduce sliminess. In the end I realised I will never like chestnut mushrooms and that's okay! But I found out I was fine with oyster mushrooms specifically, and no other type. I would never have known this if not for his patience and care.

It turns out I liked way more foods than I thought, and that the way my food was being prepared repeatedly in the same way I didn't like and getting exactly the same results was exacerbating things.

I don't know if this would count as ARFID because I know some people's experiences are so severe. I'd never even heard the term "safe food" until I was in my early twenties, so there was no education on it. I finally got diagnosed with autism 2 years ago.

Sometimes I go through phases where I can only eat the same meals again and it makes me really sad, it's a specific brand of microwave pasta and I have to eat it every night for weeks, and I struggle a lot with breakfast and lunch. I can't even think of what I eat for breakfast, and it's usually just toast for lunch in these periods, and I know it malnourishes me but there isn't anything else I can do when I'm really stressed and burned out. I'm not even very tolerant to gluten or dairy so it hurts my stomach too.

So I feel like if I had it, I'm mostly recovered, but I have huge blips here and there - is that a thing? Do I still have ARFID but in "recovery" or something? I eat extremely adventurously now when I'm not in those phases. Curries, sushi, hotpot, summer rolls, teokbokki, spicy food (!!!), etc.

I feel sad because I'm vegetarian and I would love to go vegan like my partner, but I can't. It doesn't make sense to people outside of our relationship because they see me eating such varied and interesting food all of the time, but they don't know that there will be at least a month spread across the year where I can only tolerate my safe foods which are just not vegan. And they say to try a different brand, or to make a vegan version, but it feels like they just don't get it. It has to be that one brand, exactly how I've always prepared it, or I would starve.

P.S. once I unfortunately I told a friend that my least favourite food was cottage pie and she "surprised me" by making her vegetarian version of it that was "way better". I surprised her by sitting there in absolute disgust, saying absolutely nothing complementary and leaving 80% of the dish I hadn't forced down completely untouched. Lesson learnt lol 😆

Hi! Me and my partner have been engaged for 3 years and originally had a wedding planned last year that we cancelled (I (28F) was the main earner and lost my job with a day's notice about 11 months out, thankfully we only lost £600, and that event would have run us about 16-18k. No invites were sent yet thankfully.

I've moved to a freelance career that I love but it means we earn very little now, so our plans to get married became non-existent. Neither of us want to elope as we have a brilliant and humongous friend group, we're both very social people and we want memories with our loved ones more than anything else!

I thought of an idea:

- Get married in registry office with super close family + friends, a meal after (paid for). Local which is much better for his family as they weren't happy about originally travelling 1 hour out of the city, (even though my family would be travelling 3 instead of 4 hours because they live in North Wales). He sees his family about once a year and doesn't get on with them the best, but we both want them there.

- Few days later, we travel to the countryside (still in Yorkshire, accessible by car and train) to the outskirts of a town where we personally have amazing memories together. There's an ex-hostel only available for exclusive hire that sleeps 30 and has 4 acres for camping (we have lots of outdoorsy friends and family with camper vans etc!).

- I won't be marketing it as our actual wedding but as an extra celebration if anybody fancies coming.

- Hire the hostel from Friday to Monday, family who work in schools or anybody who it suits can just come on whichever day/s works for them. Our closest friends are super down to stay the whole time and love the idea, we'll pay for the accomodation but only food for one day as a celebration party, anything else just BYOB from supermarkets + cook there.

- Outdoor activities, loads of local hikes (or you can just sunbathe in the garden or doomscroll in peace while a group goes, zero pressure), wild swimming, pubs nearby, beautiful space indoors to hang out.

- Literally no pressure for anybody to come but we'll easily fill the 30 beds (OG cancelled wedding guest list was 90 *EDIT* sorry it was 120 including reception!). Beds will be prioritised for non-drivers so they're not lugging camping gear.

For me I see it like this: it removes about 15k of spending, makes a week's worth of amazing memories with our friends and family, takes all the pressure off a singular day to be the best day of our life and means our wedding day can be way more low-key and chilled, get to be in beautiful scenery, don't have to awkwardly invite co-workers or super distant relatives as our ceremony is slightly intimate (I mean it's still 40 people), no cut-off time for celebrations (we usually party until about 3-4am so it would have felt super short!).

He thinks the idea is amazing and he'd love to do it/it's very "us" (which is all I think matters, but I value his opinion) but he's worried that it's too out of the ordinary, and that people would feel put out by it. I think people will be way more focused on attending our actual wedding day and wouldn't feel uncomfortable turning down an invite to a celebration afterwards.

I think if we forgo our hen and stag (which was very difficult anyway as we have so many mixed gender friends, shared friends we weren't sure where to assign, etc) then this doesn't seem super unreasonable as one long weekend celebration, and literally nobody, in any case, is required to be there.

No pressure to come, free accomodation, stay for as long as you like, even just come for the day with free food if you want. It's super non-traditional but we're super non-traditional people anyway. What do you think?

Hi all! Most posts on here swing quite extreme, 'loved my meds they changed my life' versus 'hate my meds they feel terrible' - which makes sense of course, people don't leave reviews for 3.5 star products either usually.

I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that it's okay sometimes in your first week not to feel that magic feeling some people report? The positive posts I see say that immediately they could get more done and they felt calm, etc. I feel somewhere between.

My internal monologue has gone and my brain feels empty, but in a way that feels alien and strange to me. I don't feel like it's easier for me to focus, but I'm doing way more. It feels oxymoronic to say that.

It feels like I'm doing a lot, but in quite a scattered way, like I'm not hyper focusing on tasks yet, but instead flitting between them. I'm still forgetting huge things like household chores, and my memory seems a bit worse if anything. My mood is up and down.

I think maybe the dose just isn't high enough yet, but people I know irl speak about how amazing those first few days were. For me it's like 6.5 out of 10.

You can just reply to the above if you like, but if you want more context, this has been my journey:

- Psychiatry UK, NHS RTC

- Started Medikinet XL yesterday on 10mg and did not like it because of the timings. I had 2 hours of an awful come-up, 4 hours of functioning in the middle, where I mainly felt like I'd drank a lot of caffeine. Then I crashed hard and fast at 3pm, spent 2 hours crashing.

- Weirdly I fell asleep for 10 minutes an hour after taking it, which is crazy because I never nap. Couldn't stop yawning.

- Messaged my prescriber straight away explaining that I'm self-employed and can't risk not being able to run my business. Even if it somehow stretched to 8 hours, that still wouldn't be enough time for my workday (admittedly I should have realised this before agreeing to my plan!)

- Asked if I could move to a 12-hour medication immediately to skip the horrendous ups and downs. He got back to me so quickly - he's super lovely and attentive, I got lucky there!

- He told me to try 20mg this morning and then take a 10mg top-up in the afternoon. It's worked wayyy better, no weird sleepy come-up.

- It's now past my crash time from yesterday and the effects are still going strong, but I feel as described in my original paragraphs.

- I am using MyFitnessPal to actually make sure I eat enough (calories and protein) which is working well, and 2.4 litres of water with electrolyte powder from bulk, then 1.2 litres of normal water. No caffeine.

TL;DR: Don't feel terrible about my meds but they're not a miracle either. Anyone else feel the same as they started titrating then enjoyed the same meds at a higher dose?

Please try to be kind, the meds make me super weepy for some reason too lol.