u/GovernmentNo6314

[Landlord US-CA] How do you protect yourself after a tenant causes $15k in damages and moves out of state?

We’re landlords in Moreno Valley, CA (Riverside County), and we just had a nightmare tenant situation. Looking for advice from other California landlords on how you actually protect yourselves from this happening again.

A former tenant caused around $15,000 in damages to our property.

Some of the damage included:

• Ripping out all bedroom doors
• Ripping out closet doors and shelving
• Breaking windows
• Damaging cabinets to the point we had to repaint/fix/replace parts of them (looked like someone had been punching them)
• Damaged walls (holes/punch marks)
• Broke concrete/pathway area leading to the front door by driving/parking cars where they shouldn’t have been (we have before-and-after pictures)
• General destruction that required major repairs/remodeling

Just the repairs ended up being about $15k total. Their security deposit was $4,000 (rent was about $2,000/month and we collected 2x rent as deposit), which obviously didn’t come close to covering the damage.

The biggest issue: the tenant moved out of state, so now collecting feels impossible.

A few questions for experienced California landlords:

1. How are you protecting yourselves from situations like this? Are you requiring cosigners/guarantors so if a tenant disappears or leaves the state, someone else can still be held responsible?
2. Walkthroughs: I was thinking about requiring a move-out walkthrough with tenants, but what happens when tenants avoid it or refuse to show up? Do you schedule/document everything and move forward without them?
3. Small claims: Do you file in small claims immediately after move-out? Or do you start the process once notice is given? How are you serving tenants who move out of California?
4. Enforcing judgments: Even if you win in small claims, how are you actually collecting? Wage garnishment? Collections? Is it realistically worth pursuing?
5. Security deposits in California: What’s the best way to legally protect yourself now that California has limits on security deposits? Any strategies you’ve found that actually help reduce risk?

We have extensive photos/videos from before move-in and after move-out, invoices, receipts, and documentation of damages.

Looking for practical advice from landlords who’ve actually dealt with destructive tenants in California.

I’m in Southern California and the cost of Wegovy here is honestly crazy. Even compounded semaglutide is running me about $350/month right now, which still adds up.

I’ve been seeing people mention getting semaglutide from places like Mexico or other countries, either brand name pens or compounded (the vial + syringe kind), and I’m trying to understand what’s actually real vs risky.

For anyone who has looked into this or done it:

• are people actually getting it from Mexico or outside the US?
• is it something you have to pick up in person, or do places actually ship?
• do you need a prescription in those situations?
• how much cheaper is it really?

I’ve also heard mixed things about customs, shipping, and quality, so I’m trying to figure out what’s legit vs not.

Not trying to do anything unsafe — just trying to find something more affordable because US pricing is honestly not sustainable.

Would appreciate any real experiences 🙏

I’m in Southern California and the cost of Wegovy here is honestly crazy. Even compounded semaglutide is running me about $350/month right now, which still adds up.

I’ve been seeing people mention getting semaglutide from places like Mexico or other countries, either brand name pens or compounded (the vial + syringe kind), and I’m trying to understand what’s actually real vs risky.

For anyone who has looked into this or done it:

• are people actually getting it from Mexico or outside the US?
• is it something you have to pick up in person, or do places actually ship?
• do you need a prescription in those situations?
• how much cheaper is it really?

I’ve also heard mixed things about customs, shipping, and quality, so I’m trying to figure out what’s legit vs not.

Not trying to do anything unsafe — just trying to find something more affordable because US pricing is honestly not sustainable.

Would appreciate any real experiences 🙏

Hey! Does anyone know good spots around McClellan-Palomar Airport to watch planes take off and land?

I’m not looking for anything fancy, just somewhere you can park or sit and watch them come in close. Ideally somewhere chill where you won’t get kicked out.

I’ve heard there might be some spots off Palomar Airport Rd or near the business parks, and maybe even a coffee shop nearby where planes fly overhead?

Any recs would be appreciated 🙏

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 12 years. His brother has been with his now-wife for about the same amount of time. We all used to be really close.

Things changed when I got into law school (a huge, long-term goal of mine that everyone knew about). When I told them in person, her smile dropped, she looked like she wanted to go home, said “oh,” and looked away. When I turned to her husband, he looked uncomfortable, avoided eye contact, and acted like he didn’t hear me. I literally had to change the subject because it was that awkward. It was very clear they were not happy for me. And this only ever came from them—everyone else in my life was genuinely supportive and excited.

For context: her wedding was mid-April. My graduation was late April exactly one year later.

She actually started asking me about a year before her wedding (so about two years before my graduation) when I graduate, and it continued for about a year, even a month or two after her wedding. Every time I answered, she would nod, look down, and kind of keep tabs on it—but she never once said anything like “I can’t wait to be there.” It felt like she was tracking it, not celebrating it.

Right after her wedding (about 9 months before my graduation), she stopped asking—and that’s when they booked a trip and ended up being out of town basically all of late April, when I graduated. During that time, I had been telling her to just think of it like her wedding—mid-April for her, late April the following year for me—so she knew.

They say it was a coincidence. Maybe. But honestly, it doesn’t look like one when the only two people who had weird energy about me going to law school—and who would literally look away when I said I couldn’t wait to see them there—just happened to be gone.

That said, even putting that aside, the bigger issue is how they acted the entire time.

Another pattern: whenever I would say something like “I can’t wait to see you guys at graduation,” both of them would go quiet, look away, or pretend they didn’t hear me. This happened multiple times.

They didn’t come. They didn’t celebrate me after. They didn’t even say congratulations. I wasn’t expecting anything huge, but they couldn’t even give me basic support.

Meanwhile, everything I did for her (bachelorette, wedding, engagement stuff) happened while I was in law school, during finals periods. I was stretched extremely thin, moved things around, spent money I didn’t have, and still showed up for her.

I even had people I hadn’t talked to in years show up for me and be more excited for me than they were. The difference was very noticeable.

After that, I pulled away, which created distance between all of us. They knew something was off—they’re not oblivious. They had to know it had to do with how they treated me, even if we didn’t fully talk about it at the time.

Then I posted that I passed the bar—she deleted me almost immediately. Her husband liked the post at first, then unliked it a few days later.

After that, I tried to reach out and have a conversation, and they refused, saying too much time had passed.

Since then, they’ve had a baby (the baby is about 7 months old now). My boyfriend showed up during the pregnancy (announcement, baby shower, ultrasound, etc.) because those are moments you don’t get back, and I supported that. But after the baby was born, he pulled back because he doesn’t feel comfortable with them.

At one point, his sister asked him to take a photo of her daughter and his brother’s baby, and he said no. His reasoning was basically: he’s not going to do anything that benefits the wife when she refused to even have a conversation with me. In his words, she can be best friends with the girl who was sleeping with her husband for years, but she can’t have a conversation with his girlfriend who showed up for her.

There’s also been a lot of drama with her—she’s told people her husband was cheating for years, there’s been public accusations, fights, even physical incidents in the family. It’s just constant chaos.

Fast forward—about 7 months after the baby was born, the first time all four of us were really around each other again (like Easter), his brother suddenly said, “you don’t really acknowledge my kid.” My boyfriend responded that he’s not comfortable around them because of how they treated me. It felt weird that this suddenly became an issue right when I was there.

And now—after refusing to talk before—they suddenly want to have a conversation.

So when I tried before, it was “too late,” but now it’s not—now that it benefits them.

It also feels like if the situation were reversed, they wouldn’t do this for us.

Another thing: before his brother reached out, my boyfriend kept his distance—wouldn’t like posts, would say no to plans. Now that his brother reached out, suddenly he’s liking posts and open to hanging out. That shift bothers me—it feels reactive to them.

The truth is, since we’ve distanced ourselves, it’s actually felt really peaceful. I don’t miss the relationship.

At this point, I’m okay being civil (hi/bye), but I don’t want a relationship with them. I absolutely would never invite them to my career milestones, and honestly I don’t want them at other life milestones either. It’s not just that they didn’t show up—it’s that they felt like haters.

And it’s not even about the baby—they could be celebrating anything and I’d feel the same way.

Where I’m struggling is my boyfriend. He’s more of a “keep the peace” person, and it’s hard for me to watch him engage with people who I feel have treated him (and me) poorly. That’s not something I’m okay with.

I don’t want to be controlling, but it does hurt to see him open back up now that they want something.

Ideally, I’d want:

• Civil, surface-level (hi/bye) only
• No real engagement with his wife
• No going out of our way for them anymore
• He can have whatever relationship he wants with his brother
• No hanging out as a group of four again
• Not going to their home / not having them in ours
• Unsure about boundaries with the baby

What would you do?
What boundaries would you set?
And what would you do if you and your partner aren’t on the same page about family?

Boyfriend’s family treated me badly for years—now they want a relationship after having a baby. What boundaries would you set?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 12 years. His brother has been with his now-wife for about the same amount of time. We all used to be really close.

Things changed when I got into law school (a huge, long-term goal of mine that everyone knew about). When I told them in person, her smile dropped, she looked like she wanted to go home, said “oh,” and looked away. When I turned to her husband, he looked uncomfortable, avoided eye contact, and acted like he didn’t hear me. I literally had to change the subject because it was that awkward. It was very clear they were not happy for me. And this only ever came from them—everyone else in my life was genuinely supportive and excited.

For context: her wedding was mid-April. My graduation was late April exactly one year later.

She actually started asking me about a year before her wedding (so about two years before my graduation) when I graduate, and it continued for about a year, even a month or two after her wedding. Every time I answered, she would nod, look down, and kind of keep tabs on it—but she never once said anything like “I can’t wait to be there.” It felt like she was tracking it, not celebrating it.

Right after her wedding (about 9 months before my graduation), she stopped asking—and that’s when they booked a trip and ended up being out of town basically all of late April, when I graduated. During that time, I had been telling her to just think of it like her wedding—mid-April for her, late April the following year for me—so she knew.

They say it was a coincidence. Maybe. But honestly, it doesn’t look like one when the only two people who had weird energy about me going to law school—and who would literally look away when I said I couldn’t wait to see them there—just happened to be gone.

That said, even putting that aside, the bigger issue is how they acted the entire time.

Another pattern: whenever I would say something like “I can’t wait to see you guys at graduation,” both of them would go quiet, look away, or pretend they didn’t hear me. This happened multiple times.

They didn’t come. They didn’t celebrate me after. They didn’t even say congratulations. I wasn’t expecting anything huge, but they couldn’t even give me basic support.

Meanwhile, everything I did for her (bachelorette, wedding, engagement stuff) happened while I was in law school, during finals periods. I was stretched extremely thin, moved things around, spent money I didn’t have, and still showed up for her.

I even had people I hadn’t talked to in years show up for me and be more excited for me than they were. The difference was very noticeable.

After that, I pulled away, which created distance between all of us. They knew something was off—they’re not oblivious. They had to know it had to do with how they treated me, even if we didn’t fully talk about it at the time.

Then I posted that I passed the bar—she deleted me almost immediately. Her husband liked the post at first, then unliked it a few days later.

After that, I tried to reach out and have a conversation, and they refused, saying too much time had passed.

Since then, they’ve had a baby (the baby is about 7 months old now). My boyfriend showed up during the pregnancy (announcement, baby shower, ultrasound, etc.) because those are moments you don’t get back, and I supported that. But after the baby was born, he pulled back because he doesn’t feel comfortable with them.

At one point, his sister asked him to take a photo of her daughter and his brother’s baby, and he said no. His reasoning was basically: he’s not going to do anything that benefits the wife when she refused to even have a conversation with me. In his words, she can be best friends with the girl who was sleeping with her husband for years, but she can’t have a conversation with his girlfriend who showed up for her.

There’s also been a lot of drama with her—she’s told people her husband was cheating for years, there’s been public accusations, fights, even physical incidents in the family. It’s just constant chaos.

Fast forward—about 7 months after the baby was born, the first time all four of us were really around each other again (like Easter), his brother suddenly said, “you don’t really acknowledge my kid.” My boyfriend responded that he’s not comfortable around them because of how they treated me. It felt weird that this suddenly became an issue right when I was there.

And now—after refusing to talk before—they suddenly want to have a conversation.

So when I tried before, it was “too late,” but now it’s not—now that it benefits them.

It also feels like if the situation were reversed, they wouldn’t do this for us.

Another thing: before his brother reached out, my boyfriend kept his distance—wouldn’t like posts, would say no to plans. Now that his brother reached out, suddenly he’s liking posts and open to hanging out. That shift bothers me—it feels reactive to them.

The truth is, since we’ve distanced ourselves, it’s actually felt really peaceful. I don’t miss the relationship.

At this point, I’m okay being civil (hi/bye), but I don’t want a relationship with them. I absolutely would never invite them to my career milestones, and honestly I don’t want them at other life milestones either. It’s not just that they didn’t show up—it’s that they felt like haters.

And it’s not even about the baby—they could be celebrating anything and I’d feel the same way.

Where I’m struggling is my boyfriend. He’s more of a “keep the peace” person, and it’s hard for me to watch him engage with people who I feel have treated him (and me) poorly. That’s not something I’m okay with.

I don’t want to be controlling, but it does hurt to see him open back up now that they want something.

Ideally, I’d want:

• Civil, surface-level (hi/bye) only
• No real engagement with his wife
• No going out of our way for them anymore
• He can have whatever relationship he wants with his brother
• No hanging out as a group of four again
• Not going to their home / not having them in ours
• Unsure about boundaries with the baby

Am I overreacting? What would you do?
What boundaries would you set?
And what would you do if you and your partner aren’t on the same page about family?