u/Grand-Agent76

I don't see the point of transitioning unless I can be so fucking supermodel hot that men worship me and women envy me and I never have to think about being trans ever again.

If I can't have the pretty privilege of a major cis-fem celebrity, I would rather just repress. The thought of wasting all that time and money only to look like an average, kinda-passing trans woman is unbearable.

And dont even come at me with that, "cis passing doesnt mean cis attractive" ...I refuse to consider passing as a cis-uggo a success.

So what are my chances?

*For context, I sound like darth vader and look approximately like a gorilla.*

This feels like a lose-lose situation. Except when strangers get stuck in a sir/ma'am loop because they can't tell which will insult me better.

Im a cis-het female and I have an urgent need to be reassured that Im a good person for immediately dumping my boyfriend for being a trans woman because.... I am not a lesbian, yeah that's why!!!

Also help me pretend that dumping him was actually the most gender affirming thing I could do and he should feel grateful, since she's a woman and Im not a lesbian.

Also affirm that trans people are bad for coming out to their partners instead of breaking up and slinking off into the darkness to be trans all alone.

Also, if anyone in the comments suggests my ex deserves better or that I might be the least bit transphobic in my rationalizing, cuss them out and downvote them and report them for abuse till the mods remove their comment because I shouldn't have to consider that there might have been a more humane way of responding to trans person.

I should not have to grow at all whatsoever in order to claim I am not transphobic. (Also ignore the fact Ive substituted homophobia)

Give me cis-praise!!!

/uj I shouldn't have even read the post. Im ashamed I fell for ragebait.

I wanted to include enbies but I can't ever tell which kind they are.

I wanted to date a trans woman, but all the ones I talked to had vulvas.

I don't understand why so many profiles say "no cis", that just seems ungrateful.

I definitely look queer but I don't explicitly tell everyone I'm trans. Sometimes I don't even bother to correct people that misgender me much anymore. I'm certainly not being mistaken for a cis-het normie, but Im also not not being harassed by transphobes.

I'm definitely out to the people I have close contact with, but now Im wondering if I'm doing a disservice to the entire trans community by wanting to avoid the same stupid questions and comments from cis people every time.

Therefore, we cannot acknowledge or document trans people as their identified sex/gender because it will throw off the numbers and we can't ever reconcile gender/sex in birth/death records!

I work for the government.

I really wanted to jerk about it, but as the comments developed, it became terribly obvious OP was having some dangerous mental health issues. At that point I had to feign ethical concerns about jerking something that was coming out of someone who could erase my entire bloodline and never be found competent to stand trial.

I won't repeat what the person was saying.

However, I would like to comment on what they did NOT say... Despite extensively describing their labels (assigned gender/orientation/co- occuring diagnosis/etc) at no point did they identify as transgender... And for that I would like to thank that sad/angry/mentally ill person, because their rant post sounded like every hateful hater's wish list of excuses for eradicating trans people.

For once, I am relieved a disturbed queer did not self ID as trans.

They just assume I'm a queer woman and that's why I come to all the LGBTQIA events with them. To be fair, I have been on HRT for over 25 years and have had a couple surgeries.

My voice isn't particularly deep, its about as androgynous as my appearance. But I am not stealth by any stretch, my face gets me misgendered at places like the grocery store. I guess in my 50's my features arent distinct enough to draw attention.

And I'm generally out as trans/non-binary to other people at work. But I didn't make it a point to "come out" as trans to the actual trans people when I met them ...because I thought they could tell. Anyway, now it feels really weird cause I don't want to seem like I was trying to fool them or something.

I guess maybe I also just wanted to relate to them as people instead of through trauma bonding over being trans. They're still early in their transition and I like talking about stuff besides hormone levels and bigots and chasers. I like them, I just want to be friends because we get along and have similar interests, not just cause we're trans.

Top 3 accidental comments on non-satire subs:

3. Told a cis-lesbian that her chronic issue of getting dumped was probably connected to all her exes having to hear about her chronic issue of getting dumped...

4. Repeated jokes to automotive sub about transmission fluid making my dick soft (because it contains detergents), except the punchline is I don't have a dick (because the detergents cause cancer).

5. Accidentally commented on a metal detecting sub, asking the estimated value of an ancient gold coin in units of trans women, adjusted for inflation.*

*Still trying to get a quote on the gold to trans exchange rate. Otherwise what's the point of hoarding precious metal?

0. The rock collecting sub mysteriously banned comments about rocks looking like meat or vulvas or dicks or potatoes...but I do not know if that related to anything I said, cause usually I only comment "slag". Apparently that's ok.

Misgendering cis people is discriminatory to actual trans people, especially the ambiguous non-binary and never-passers who depend on it as an icebreaker. Since they are socially anxious, informing people of their pronouns may be their only source of human interaction.

I just don't know what your presentation goals are. You gotta preface that shit with, "I want to blend in with (binary group type)" or "Im trying to look more like a character in a comic book". Be specific, "does this shirt make my tits look real?" (Small is real, right)

If you're just asking for me to make you feel better about being a 4'11", 90lb man...I will say whatever you want .. but you gotta tell me that first. Say, "tell me I look like the most manly male, and these pants from walmart are giving my box fat weenis vibes."

...dont just be like, "do I pass?"...and then have a dysphoria tantrum when I say, "yes, you pass as a gnome with an endocrine disorder."

I get it, you aren't flattered by being told you look like a pituitary tumor survivor, (unless you actually survived one). But, I don't like being saddled with the fucking visual riddle of your gender identity and knowing the "correct" response is to validate your feelings, not give an objective assessment of what you look like relative to sociocultural norms.

Maybe just stop calling it "passing" because all you're really asking is whether you resemble a stereotype and stereotypes are ultimately destructive.

Im willing to compromise and simply say that you are attractive, for a trans. Because I'm an ally.

Do I just yell, "Hey, we're both trans!!"...or walk past them and deadpan, "I know you see me, bitch" without making eye contact? What if I just bark, "aough -aough" to see if they bark in response?

Or do I just stare at them silently until they are forced to confront me?

Whats the universal greeting for trans?

I tried, "whats up, babe", but she just goes, "ew, no.", so I don't think that works.

Same for homosexuality. If you have to ask, am I gay? You are gay from then on, no matter how much straight sex and conversion torture you are subjected to.

The moment you start saying eggy shit and asking, "does this mean I'm trans?", your transition has already started. Suppress it all you want, once you've asked, you are. All thats left is for your family to disappoint and reject you.

Except, if you ask, "am I non-binary?", then you're just annoying, unless you actually start HRT or significantly alter your appearance to stop presenting cis and force people to do some sort of pronoun contortions in order to speak to you... and then wait around for your family to insult and reject you after they've gotten tired of trying to google whatever microlabel riddles you threw at them.

In conclusion, if you don't want to be gay or trans, stop asking if you are.

...And then go out in the wild and are shocked when absolutely no one gives a shit about their pronouns and labels except as an opportunity to interrogate and invalidate them based on genitals and physical presentation.

That is why I pair my pronouns and labels with a shot of organic pepper aerosol. No one ever forgets their manners. Not even the police, if they arrest me. They can't, the correct label is on my license.

(This is satire. I don't use pepper spray. It's just deer piss now, thats only a misdemeanor.)

I rarely use my penits for anything besides peeing. 25 year of HRT have made it mostly dormant. But I started dating this beautiful trans woman and she's weirdly horny for my floppy diks and keeps trying to give me oral.

At first she tried to work it like a boy dick, which is waay too heavy handed...So, I did manage to convince her to use "gentle touch"...but now she just sucks the living daylights out of it any chance she gets.

It doesn't feel bad emotionally, because she's very attractive and makes me feel desirable,...but it's just too intense physically...like she's literally sucking the skin off layer by layer, it's starting to feel chafed and irritated.

Normally, in a sexual relationship, I'd barely use it once a week... But she's having it twice daily and thrice on weekends. It is draining my soul, I am raw and exhausted. Sometimes I orgasm. Its conflicting. A strangely joyful torture. She thinks Im screaming because I like it. Ah, love.

Normally I just tell people my junk is off limits except with permission and on special occasions...like after a handful of dick pills when they've been a good bottom and I need to plow their field...seasonally. Not every 12 hours.

The problem is, she seems to enjoy it so much I feel terrible taking it away from her. How do I get her to stop using my sore weenis as a binky without disappointing her?

For context, she is Scottish and ginger and transitioned later in life so maybe she's making up for all the girldick she missed out on when she was trying to date dudes and cis women (gross). We're both in our late 40's. Did I mention she's utterly gorgeous and wholesomely affectionate? I don't want to take away something she enjoys, but Im pretty sure its going to start scabbing up. Pls help.

*They hurt my feelings and called me names and criticized me for being an ignorant abuser!*

*All I did was say I was interested in fucking a (slur) and was there any (slurs) that wanted to chat and meetup...I even offered courtesy dickpics to get them excited....I thought they'd be grateful*

*They said I was a bad person for wanting to try (slur) sex and that I was using transphobic language like a porn-brained rapist*

*They didn't even seem to want sex with a hot guy like me, and I go to the gym.*

**Basically they responded to me like homophobic straight dudes...they basically made me feel like a f*ggot**

*(Slurs) are so mean. I told them this is not how a "real woman" should react, and they made a lot of accurate rebuttals to my claim, which something only a man would do*

...then posting "do I pass?" and getting upset when strangers online try to tactfully suggest addressing the horse in the room.

I'm scared if I admit to being what I already know I am (and have explicitly described for 6 paragraphs and numerous, hyper-specific micro-labels) but am afraid to tell anyone in my real life because they can't be trusted.

Then I won't be able to blame the queers for making me think I was queer when someone shitty in my life finds out and does queerphobic shit to me.

I really need the queer strangers on the internet to be the ones who appear to be deciding what kind of homo/trans I am.

I am seeking validation AND plausible deniability. Please do the rest of my chores too, vacuuming and laundry make me feel dysphoric.

For the purpose of this entry, lets assume Im talking about the femboy with built-in penis, including both T-based and estrogen supplemented subtypes. Not sure if it includes actual trans women in a quasi-closeted stage...

The real question is do femboys date people who are not men *and* don't have dicks?

Im honestly confused about how to respond to them. Pretty sure the ones that flirt with me are assuming I have a wiener, like, attached. And I'd rather have some other basis to reject them so I don't have to have another conversation about how disappointing my genitals are.

Like, can I just say, sorry I prefer trans genitals or is that subject to rebuttal?

UPDATE: some extant research suggests that femboy is a whole-ass category that includes every possible variation. Thus rendering the term femboy as a fairly useless predictor of behavior, aside from beig a male that presents as fem, compared to cis men.