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Another question I have the basic knowledge of my deen and my obligations as a Muslim but how to I start my Islamic studies. It’s not like school where there is a syllabus to follow. It feels overwhelming to me but I know I need to start somewhere as I must learn about my religion. Do I learn the tafsir of the Quran? from where to start?
I know a lot of guys might roll their eyes at this and say "Being a man isn't easy" and I get that. I’m not comparing struggles or saying one has it harder than the other. Every life has its own set of challenges But lately I can’t stop thinking about how different things would be if I were a son instead of a daughter.
If I were a guy I wouldn't have to constantly hear that I belong to "another house" or that I’m paraya dhan. It’s a heavy feeling knowing that no matter how much you love your family you’re often treated like a temporary resident
I have a younger brother. He doesn’t study much and spends most of his time wandering around yet the expectations and investments are all centered on him. When I asked to learn how to ride a scooter I was told "What’s the point of teaching her? Teach the son he’s the one who stays"
Even my father who is supportive and a good person otherwise sometimes says he wish I was a boy. He probably means it in the sense that I could help him more with outdoor work or business but hearing that makes me feel completely useless. It makes me spiral into thoughts like....If they wanted a son so badly why was I even born?
Then there’s the marriage pressure It’s like a constant cloud over my head. My marriage was almost fixed recently and I had to fight so hard and be stubborn just to get it called off. I just want to breathe.
People talk about the burden of a man’s responsibility but honestly? I’d take that responsibility if it meant having the independence that comes with it. At least then I’d be seen as a pillar of the family rather than someone to be handed over to another house.
I don't hate my life but I’m tired of feeling like my presence is a compromise. & No there's no compromise in my family about food he'll eat more etc all things are good but these things still hurts me!!
I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this i’ve been an orphan since i was a kid and i’ve had to do everything on my own for years. i cooked for myself worked part time jobs just to eat and basically raised myself
when i met my gf (20F) four years ago she became my entire world. since i have no parents or siblings she was literally my only family. i worked so hard to give her a good life and i respected her so much that we never even had sex. i wanted to wait for a special moment because i thought she was the one
a few months ago she fell asleep at my place and i saw her phone gallery. i found photos of her naked with another guy. they even had a selfie together in bed. when i confronted her she actually tried to tell me the photos were AI generated and that i was tripping. she gaslit me for so long until she finally admitted it was real
i broke up with her but then i just spiraled i got so sick and depressed that i couldn't even get out of bed. i have no family to help me so i was just alone in my room losing my mind and wishing i wasn't alive. she knew i was all alone and she didn't even check on me once
now today she messages me out of nowhere saying she’s changed and she’s a better person now and wants us to be together again.
the truth is i still love her because she’s all i’ve ever known. the thought of being alone again for the rest of my life is terrifying but I don't know if i can ever trust her after she lied about the AI thing and saw me suffering and did nothing.
is it normal for people to actually change like this? or am i just being a fool because i’m lonely? I don't want sympathy i just need to know if anyone has ever gone back to someone after this.am I foolish to go back towards her?
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Well I'm not taking a drop, only 4 days left from now ok
So, I wanna score atleast 250-300
Also I haven't studied before
But today I'll post here, what I studied & also about my other 3 days...
I'll update in night about my study I, just woke up... Let's go!
I have repeated hsc this year to improve my percentage & to be eligible for an entrance exam but the plot is that I'm not sure about my grouping my boards went too hard..? I'm tensed rn 😭 what should I do?
I couldn't even face my family if I get low marks in it.
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Today is my birthday.I'm turning 19 today....I am sitting in a dark room with one tiny cake and it's cute with a single candle. No phone calls no happy birthday texts no family. Just the sound of the clock on the wall. I am writing this here because the silence in this house is starting to scream and i just need to get this out.then I'll enjoy by myself.
Well everything broke when i was 12. It was just a normal afternoon until someone knocked on the door. They told me my parents died in a car accident. I was just a kid i didnt even understand it. I remember sitting on the porch for hours waiting for their car to pull into the driveway.... I kept thinking they will be here soon to make dinner. But they never came back. That was the day my childhood died.....
My aunt moved in after that but it wasnt out of love. It was just a formality. She wasn't my blood and she made sure i felt it. I was so lonely at school too. I remember one day a group of boys cornered me...They ripped my favorite notebook the one where i used to draw into pieces. They shoved me against the lockers and laughed calling me the orphan boy then I went home shaking and crying showing my aunt my scars but She didnt even look up. She just said don't get dirt on the carpet.... Like that's more valuable lol... I realized then that i was completely invisible.
I thought i had one person my best friend. But one day he just stopped talking to me. He blocked me ignored me and walked past me like i was a stranger. I spent a whole year trying to talk to him asking why he left me. Later i realized maybe he was just jealous about I get attention from girls or he just didn't care.....Since then i dont let anyone in. I talk to people normally but i never show them my heart.
At 16 i had to start working. While other kids were playing games i was working because i knew i was the only one who would put food on my table.
Then i met her. You know who is her? My only beautiful lady like she was too beautiful bro...I loved her with everything i had but I was such a fool i used to cry in her lap like a baby telling her how much it hurt to grow up without parents. I thought she was my home . I thought she was the one person who would stay. Such a fool me lol.
But when i turned 18 my aunt and i had a final ugly fight. She walked out and never looked back.she said I'm an adult now manage your own life...I was left alone in an empty house well trying to learn how to cook and clean while my heart was in pieces. I had to manage everything myself when i hadn't even healed yet.
But the final blow happened six months ago. The girl i gave my soul to cheated on me. She left like i meant nothing. I spent a month in a dark room in total depression. It felt like my parents died all over again. I showed her my weakest side and she still threw me away.
So now here i am. I am looking at this little candle and all i can think about is that 12 year old boy who is still waiting for a hug that's never coming.
Honestly i dont care about anything anymore & I don't need sympathy. I have become used to being alone. But today this birthday just feels extra bad and i just wanted to vent to make my heart feel a little lighter. Now I'm feeling good!
Can somebody provide me the bca stuff, & I'm legend so I don't even know what are subjects in this BCA cet exam, give me tips bro... I heard it's easy tomorrow is my exam. 🥀
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Today is my birthday.I'm turning 19 today I'm not teen anymore right?.... Well I am sitting in a dark room with one tiny cake and it's cute with a single candle. No phone calls no happy birthday texts no family. Just the sound of the clock on the wall. I am writing this here because the silence in this house is starting to scream and i just need to get this out.then I'll enjoy by myself.
Well everything broke when i was 12. It was just a normal afternoon until someone knocked on the door. They told me my parents died in a car accident. I was just a kid i didnt even understand it. I remember sitting on the porch for hours waiting for their car to pull into the driveway.... I kept thinking they will be here soon to make dinner. But they never came back. That was the day my childhood died.....
My aunt moved in after that but it wasnt out of love. It was just a formality. She wasn't my blood and she made sure i felt it. I was so lonely at school too. I remember one day a group of boys cornered me...They ripped my favorite notebook the one where i used to draw into pieces. They shoved me against the lockers and laughed calling me the orphan boy then I went home shaking and crying showing my aunt my scars but She didnt even look up. She just said don't get dirt on the carpet.... Like that's more valuable lol... I realized then that i was completely invisible.
I thought i had one person my best friend. But one day he just stopped talking to me. He blocked me ignored me and walked past me like i was a stranger. I spent a whole year trying to talk to him asking why he left me. Later i realized maybe he was just jealous about I get attention from girls or he just didn't care.....Since then i dont let anyone in. I talk to people normally but i never show them my heart.
At 16 i had to start working. While other kids were playing games i was working because i knew i was the only one who would put food on my table.
Then i met her. You know who is her? she was too beautiful but I can't describe in a word &...I loved her with everything i had but I was such a fool i used to cry in her lap like a baby telling her how much it hurt to grow up without parents. I thought she was my home . I thought she was the one person who would stay. Such a fool me lol.
But when i turned 18 my aunt and i had a final ugly fight. She walked out and never looked back.she said I'm an adult now manage your own life...I was left alone in an empty house well trying to learn how to cook and clean while my heart was in pieces. I had to manage everything myself when i hadn't even healed yet.
But the final blow happened six months ago. The girl i gave my soul to cheated on me. She left like i meant nothing. I spent a month in a dark room in total depression. It felt like my parents died all over again. I showed her my weakest side and she still threw me away.
So now here i am. I am looking at this little candle and all i can think about is that 12 year old boy who is still waiting for a hug that's never coming.
Honestly i dont care about anything anymore. I have become used to being alone. But today this birthday just feels extra bad and i just wanted to vent to make my heart feel a little lighter. Now I'm feeling good!
​
Today is my birthday.I'm turning 19 today....I am sitting in a dark room with one tiny cake and it's cute with a single candle. No phone calls no happy birthday texts no family. Just the sound of the clock on the wall. I am writing this here because the silence in this house is starting to scream and i just need to get this out.then I'll enjoy by myself.
Well everything broke when i was 12. It was just a normal afternoon until someone knocked on the door. They told me my parents died in a car accident. I was just a kid i didnt even understand it. I remember sitting on the porch for hours waiting for their car to pull into the driveway.... I kept thinking they will be here soon to make dinner. But they never came back. That was the day my childhood died.....
My aunt moved in after that but it wasnt out of love. It was just a formality. She wasn't my blood and she made sure i felt it. I was so lonely at school too. I remember one day a group of boys cornered me...They ripped my favorite notebook the one where i used to draw into pieces. They shoved me against the lockers and laughed calling me the orphan boy then I went home shaking and crying showing my aunt my scars but She didnt even look up. She just said don't get dirt on the carpet.... Like that's more valuable lol... I realized then that i was completely invisible.
I thought i had one person my best friend. But one day he just stopped talking to me. He blocked me ignored me and walked past me like i was a stranger. I spent a whole year trying to talk to him asking why he left me. Later i realized maybe he was just jealous about I get attention from girls or he just didn't care.....Since then i dont let anyone in. I talk to people normally but i never show them my heart.
At 16 i had to start working. While other kids were playing games i was working because i knew i was the only one who would put food on my table.
Then i met her. You know who is her? My only beautiful lady like she was too beautiful bro...I loved her with everything i had but I was such a fool i used to cry in her lap like a baby telling her how much it hurt to grow up without parents. I thought she was my home . I thought she was the one person who would stay. Such a fool me lol.
But when i turned 18 my aunt and i had a final ugly fight. She walked out and never looked back.she said I'm an adult now manage your own life...I was left alone in an empty house well trying to learn how to cook and clean while my heart was in pieces. I had to manage everything myself when i hadn't even healed yet.
But the final blow happened six months ago. The girl i gave my soul to cheated on me. She left like i meant nothing. I spent a month in a dark room in total depression. It felt like my parents died all over again. I showed her my weakest side and she still threw me away.
So now here i am. I am looking at this little candle and all i can think about is that 12 year old boy who is still waiting for a hug that's never coming.
Honestly i dont care about anything anymore. I have become used to being alone. But today this birthday just feels extra bad and i just wanted to vent to make my heart feel a little lighter. Now I'm feeling good!