u/Green-Blueberry6235

I am 40f married to a 44m, we’ve been together and married for years but finance is still a big issue. Wanted to hear how you would treat someone you really are in love with vs with but maybe not in love with but are with them for whatever reason. What’s within boundary and what’s not? What’s fair because you love them or what you would not do?

What if the other person was making money but recently lost their job?

I (40F) have been with my husband (44M) for over 20 years . 10 years ago, we officially got married and had our second child, my husband started his business. I put my career aside to take care of everything so that he could focus on building what I thought was for us. the business has been very successful for the last 8 years which allowed him to take over as the primary provider (the profit also allows us to vacation, pay for all kids activities, pay his moms monthly mortgage, eating at all the hot spots, etc) but prior to that I was always the primary provider.

I was laid off about 4 weeks ago due to company downsizing so I have been applying to jobs every day and have been interviewing with some really great companies…I know I will land something soon. In the meantime while at home, I took over all cleaning duties for our two story house, I cook, wash/fold laundry, drive to drop off/pick up kids’ from school or activities, and help with his business (recreating our website, managing branding and customer experience needs, following up on outstanding invoices, working with vendors for various things, manage clients request for vendor registrations to onboard our company, and other various admin work as well. Also, I helped build revenue through my network which resulted in long term clients that billed over 200k this year alone (it’s July 2026). Though he he does like to remind me that he does the physical part and that his great work is what keeps the clients…

THIS IS WHERE I NEED FEEDBACK AND ADVICE:

Despite that, he started to regularly call me lazy, a leach, says I have no ambition and literally tells me to “get a job” as if I’m not already doing everything I can to find one. now is taking away my financial access because it’s “his” money. He’ll continue paying the mortgage, bills, and groceries, but If I need gas, want to take the kids somewhere, buy clothes, or spend money on anything else, I’m expected to use unemployment or wait until I get another job.

I understand I’m unemployed right now, and I fully intend to contribute financially again as soon as I find another job. after more than 20 years together, being the previously financial provider, sacrificing my career to help him build the business, while taking care of the kids, managing the household, and still contributing to the business — it feels cold and hurtful. I feel like I don’t even know him now.
Am I overreacting, or would you also find this hurtful? How would you handle it?

I (40F) have been with my husband (44M) for over 20 years . 10 years ago, we officially got married and had our second child, my husband started his business. I put my career aside to take care of everything so that he could focus on building what I thought was for us. the business has been very successful for the last 8 years which allowed him to take over as the primary provider (the profit also allows us to vacation, pay for all kids activities, pay his moms monthly mortgage, eating at all the hot spots, etc) but prior to that I was always the primary provider.

I was laid off about 4 weeks ago due to company downsizing so I have been applying to jobs every day and have been interviewing with some really great companies…I know I will land something soon. In the meantime while at home, I took over all cleaning duties for our two story house, I cook, wash/fold laundry, drive to drop off/pick up kids’ from school or activities, and help with his business (recreating our website, managing branding and customer experience needs, following up on outstanding invoices, working with vendors for various things, manage clients request for vendor registrations to onboard our company, and other various admin work as well. Also, I helped build revenue through my network which resulted in long term clients that billed over 200k this year alone (it’s July 2026). Though he he does like to remind me that he does the physical part and that his great work is what keeps the clients…

tl;dr

THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK AND ADVICE:

Despite that, he started to regularly call me lazy, a leach, says I have no ambition and literally tells me to “get a job” as if I’m not already doing everything I can to find one. now is taking away my financial access because it’s “his” money. He’ll continue paying the mortgage, bills, and groceries, but If I need gas, want to take the kids somewhere, buy clothes, or spend money on anything else, I’m expected to use unemployment or wait until I get another job.

I understand I’m unemployed right now, and I fully intend to contribute financially again as soon as I find another job. after more than 20 years together, being the previously financial provider, sacrificing my career to help him build the business, while taking care of the kids, managing the household, and still contributing to the business — it feels cold and hurtful. I feel like I don’t even know him now.

Am I overreacting, or would you also find this hurtful? How would you handle it?

I (40F) have been with my husband (44M) for over 20 years . 10 years ago, we officially got married and had our second child, my husband started his business. I put my career aside to take care of everything so that he could focus on building what I thought was for us. the business has been very successful for the last 8 years which allowed him to take over as the primary provider (the profit also allows us to vacation, pay for all kids activities, pay his moms monthly mortgage, eating at all the hot spots, etc) but prior to that I was always the primary provider.

I was laid off about 4 weeks ago due to company downsizing so I have been applying to jobs every day and have been interviewing with some really great companies…I know I will land something soon. In the meantime while at home, I took over all cleaning duties for our two story house, I cook, wash/fold laundry, drive to drop off/pick up kids’ from school or activities, and help with his business (recreating our website, managing branding and customer experience needs, following up on outstanding invoices, working with vendors for various things, manage clients request for vendor registrations to onboard our company, and other various admin work as well. Also, I helped build revenue through my network which resulted in long term clients that billed over 200k this year alone (it’s July 2026). Though he he does like to remind me that he does the physical part and that his great work is what keeps the clients…

tl;dr

THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK AND ADVICE:

Despite that, he started to regularly call me lazy, a leach, says I have no ambition and literally tells me to “get a job” as if I’m not already doing everything I can to find one. now is taking away my financial access because it’s “his” money. He’ll continue paying the mortgage, bills, and groceries, but If I need gas, want to take the kids somewhere, buy clothes, or spend money on anything else, I’m expected to use unemployment or wait until I get another job.

I understand I’m unemployed right now, and I fully intend to contribute financially again as soon as I find another job. after more than 20 years together, being the previously financial provider, sacrificing my career to help him build the business, while taking care of the kids, managing the household, and still contributing to the business — it feels cold and hurtful. I feel like I don’t even know him now.

Am I overreacting, or would you also find this hurtful? How would you handle it?

I look around and realize he is the only one who not only brings his mom but is continuously bringing her. I don’t think I have met other peoples parents. Never ever in my life have I rubbed anyone for that long. My husband calls me to sit next to him but it’s awkward with her rubbing his knee (bare skin). It almost feels like she fills a void with him for emotional needs, financial needs, and the rubbing is almost a physical thing. She calls every day, she gets allowance per month, and literally found out he brought he a new car at the bbq. I’m usually not bothered by her being all touchy but for 3 hours? How am i even supposed to hang out with him if she wamts to be all over him. He’s standing and shes rubbing his ear. He gets up and she calls him back. He calls me to sit next to him and she’s still rubbing. She knows we are working on reconnecting but she’s going at it. Lol is this a competition? It’s kinda weird and his sister made a comment that her mom thinks her son is her husband .

I need advise on what you think is supposed to be the best way to go about it?

Am I overreacting or are these blurred boundaries when my husbands mom is rubbing his back, knee, and neck for 3 hours during bbq with friends? Need advise!

Tl;dr

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/FCqrial8dI t

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