Im feeling extremely burdened by life, and i dont know how to deal with it.
These are my problems. Its summer break and i dont have school anymore, and even tho i know that its going to pass by fast, i still wanted to make it count.
Like, go outside a lot and enjoy myself, primarily aswell to lose some weight.
Im on a good weight-loss journey, i have a perfect BMI rating now if that matters, but i still feel fat, so i decided to keep going.
I as a boy have had long hair that went way over my shoulders and ive been growing it out for a long time.
I usually never liked the look of it, but i always wanted a longer hairstyle and i always thought one day it would just look good naturally.
At times it really did look shit, since i do have to wash it every other day and when i do wash it i spend over 45 minutes in the shower scrubbing it and massaging my scalp because i have bad sebborheic dermatitis.
I live in Serbia, aswell, and here it has gotten very hot this summer.
Im sure its even hotter in other places, but i and my family cant stand this heat and i do go outside but not how much id like to.
Im limited by a lot of things, which are my hair that constantly gets in my face, and i either always wear a hat outside even if its extremely hot just to kind of keep it in place since im too scared to wear a headband because someone once told me that i shouldnt wear a headband because that makes me gay.
I wear a headband when im at home tho.
Another thing is my glasses.
I started wearing my glasses half a year ago, and i almost never wore them outside.
Now i do, i slightly got over that fear, but i never go to places where i might see people i know.
And now i always take small hidden routes where nobody goes just so nobody sees me.
Also glasses in general are extremely annoying.
And one of my biggest problems, which is mostly just annoying, are people who belong in a serbian subculture named "Gaseri".
They are not just in serbia, but here they are ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE.
They are people who wear all branded expensive clothing just because they want everyone else to know how rich they are, they all looks the same, men and women, they all listen to the same tiktok sped up drill music, they all wear expensive as fuck branded shoes and have extremely weird and questionable beauty standards, like your hairy ankles have to be showing over your branded nike white socks, and they are all genuinely so mean and rude, its also a trend to spit on the ground anywhere you go.
And i have some bad connections with them, which is arguably normal, since its not hard to "piss them off" and get them to annoy you anytime they see you on the street.
By the way those people are usually very young.
From as young as 8-20.
Yes ive seen 8 year old gasers. And thats what makes it absolutely impossible to enjoy life on the streets here. For me atleast.
And what really hurt me today, is that my mom gave me a haircut today.
I did want one, but not what she gave me.
I just asked her if she could style it so that it would be off my face, so that it doesnt annoy me. (She was a hairstyler in the past)
She really shortened my hair and the front of my head looks genuinely ass aswell as the sides.
My hair looks like a 7 year old girl now.
And now it just makes me even more sad and i dont even want to go outside at all anymore.
I tried resorting to playing video games all day and stress eating since that usually numbs out all my feelings, but i was just so sad i couldnt even move my hands to do that.