u/Guilty_Art_4208

Obviously the title is an exaggeration, but I am still SAD

This morning my pup and I were doing our morning dance routine to Boogie Wonderland by Earth, Wind, and Fire, and I noticed something terrible.

His baby face has gone.

Like it’s GONE!!!!

At first I was like “aw look, youre growing up,” but then I took a picture to send to my husband and on the photo, his baby face was literally no where to be found. It felt like a moment trying to capture a picture of a ghost. I put the phone down, there it is. I put it back up, it’s gone.

MY SHAYLAAA

I feel like I didn’t get enough pictures of his baby face 😭😭 I have HUNDREDS, but now they don’t feel like enough!!!

My baby is turning one July 1st. I should start preparing the invitations for his friends.

When did you all notice your pup’s baby face was gone :(

I hate having a puppy.

He is so needy and I have to get up out of bed even when I’m most comfortable. Sometimes it just feels so good to sit and not be, but I have to be with him. He needs me.

At the same time, I guess you could say that’s also why I love having my puppy.

As much as I hate getting up at 8 in the morning to play tug of war for the first of many times that day, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I got my dog before my depression started caving in. At the time, it had been a year and I had finally started finding my groove again. I welcomed him in my life and knew he’d be my son for freaking ever.

Would I have gotten a dog if I knew exactly how hard it would be? Hell no. Everyone warns you, but words never prepare you for the real thing. My dog has given me a sense of life though. He’s a working dog GSD (not show line) and I have to make sure he is treated as such.

I hate bugs. I hate mud. I hate running in the rain. I hate the chasing game he makes me play. I hate toys drenched in his slobber. I would do it all for my dog to make sure he is happy, because I am simply not. His happiness is my happiness while I am in my state of depression. I put all the effort I can into myself so I can put effort into him.

Things get hard, but he’s my baby and my responsibility and I would never give him up. That means I can’t give up on myself and I have to work extra hard for him.

edit: a lot of people are saying things about me having a gsd and saying i will hate it because of the things i mentioned i hate. i’ve had my pup for almost a year now. i love everything that comes with him and would go through everything all over again just to have him in my life. he’s a working dog— i didn’t just say that because of his breed. he has several jobs and is getting a new one soon.

So anyway

Turns out I’m pregnant and that’s why I’ve been crying hysterically for the last two weeks.

Thanks to those who actually tried to help me see reason! i genuinely wanted help. less of a thanks to those who were sarcastic and rude 😭

My dog is a little menace when he’s around me. He loves me a lot and I love him a lot. However, once 11:30 a hits, I’m immediately leaving. I yell “NAP TIME” and leave him alone until 2:30 p.

My dog stopped sleeping a crate maybe two months ago. He is super trustworthy, AND i made sure to puppy proof everything (always set your expectations to zero even if your puppy is trained), so I don’t have to worry about him getting into anything.

I LOOVE some me time. I stopped feeling guilty about it, too. Sometimes in between his naps, he’ll come and put his nose on my doorknob (his way of knocking), but I don’t answer.

Wanna know why?

NAP TIME!!!!

When I get up and he follows me around. Guess what I do? A simple pet, a repeat of “nap time”, and I go on about my business. I’m here for you bbg. Just not until 2:30.

This is a clear boundary I choose to set between my dog and I. I may be a pushover from time to time, but this time between us is non negotiable and ESSENTIAL for his well-being.

My dad is taking me off his insurance. My parents have always been emotionally lacking, so when yesterday happened, my sister was the first one I ranted to.

My dad tried approaching me again after I hung up on him on our last conversation. Last conversation: I called him to open a medical bill that was sent to his house. It was $5k. He says “you could’ve talked to me for free.” I told him I couldn’t because he wasn’t a safe space for me. I told him he never helped me with my mom and all the things she did gave me PTSD. His first response wasn’t “I’m sorry” or “How are you doing now?” It was “So I’m the reason you have PTSD?” and he tried to yell at me.

Our new conversation was no different. The only reason I was even keeping him around was because of the insurance. I just couldn’t take it anymore. My sister understood. She related and we just shared our feelings to each other. We both agreed that we get severely jealous when we see everyone else with their nice parents. My sister is quite literally the only one who I know can truly relate to me and understand where I’m coming from.

Now I’m stuck because medicaid keeps rejecting me, because when I had it they reported me as “missing” even though they had just called me a month or two before that saying I only had to report every six months now.

I can barely afford groceries. I’m trying. I’m really trying.

I just started getting consistent with my medication. I’m so upset. I don’t want to tell my husband what is going on. He’s still on his mom’s insurance plan, so he can’t help me anyway. The world has just gone to shit and I don’t want to add on to his problems right now. Please don’t try to convince me otherwise. I do not want to share my husband’s problems and why going to him isn’t a viable option. Just please respect that. It’d be too much for him right now.

My pharmacist told me I could request a 90 day bottle from my psychiatrist, so I did, but now she isn’t responding.

I have until the first of June to do something.

If you know any other plans, please please let me know.

My dad is taking me off his insurance. My parents have always been emotionally lacking, so when yesterday happened, my sister was the first one I ranted to.

My dad tried approaching me again after I hung up on him on our last conversation. Last conversation: I called him to open a medical bill that was sent to his house. It was $5k. He says “you could’ve talked to me for free.” I told him I couldn’t because he wasn’t a safe space for me. I told him he never helped me with my mom and all the things she did gave me PTSD. His first response wasn’t “I’m sorry” or “How are you doing now?” It was “So I’m the reason you have PTSD?” and he tried to yell at me.

Our new conversation was no different. The only reason I was even keeping him around was because of the insurance. I just couldn’t take it anymore. My sister understood. She related and we just shared our feelings to each other. We both agreed that we get severely jealous when we see everyone else with their nice parents. My sister is quite literally the only one who I know can truly relate to me and understand where I’m coming from.

Now I’m stuck because medicaid keeps rejecting me, because when I had it they reported me as “missing” even though they had just called me a month or two before that saying I only had to report every six months now.

I can barely afford groceries ever since they took my stamps away. I’m trying. I’m really trying.

I just started getting consistent with my medication. I’m so upset. I don’t want to tell my husband what is going on. He’s still on his mom’s insurance plan, so he can’t help me anyway. The world has just gone to shit and I don’t want to add on to his problems right now. Please don’t try to convince me otherwise. I do not want to share my husband’s problems and why going to him isn’t a viable option. Just please respect that. It’d be too much for him right now.

My pharmacist told me I could request a 90 day bottle from my psychiatrist, so I did, but now she isn’t responding.

I have until the first of June to do something.

If you know any other plans, please please let me know.

Firstly, I’d like to say that I’m aware all of this is normal teenage stuff. I just need to get it off my chest and maybe get some advice.

My teenager is… well a teen.

He is getting clingier and more erratic in his behavior.

My husband typically gets up at 5:30, feeds him, lets him out for a potty break, then goes to work at 6. Our schedule for about two months has been starting at 8, but now he is back at my door waiting and whining at 7. I don’t get up at 7. I refuse to.

I’m a firm believer in “my puppy doesnt run my life” and I will die on that hill. I make sure his needs are met and I make sure he gets all the affection in the world, but youre NOT getting me out of this bed before 8.

My dog is also experiencing terrible leash regression.

Fortunately, we are spared (hopefully forever and not just for now) on destructive behaviors. He did chew on my plant, but I think it’s because he found one of its leaves outside and took it as a chew toy. He probably thought it was okay to chew on my plant after identifying the dead leaf with the live ones.

Honestly, my teen puppy is very irritating and what makes it worse is that he is a working dog 😭 Now that has good sides because now in his training sessions, he is displaying a lot more drive, but now I have to assign him some new jobs. I’m open to job ideas btw! I’m thinking about teaching him to carry things for me and buying him a backpack for his walks so he thinks he has a job.

My pup is still on his pre-teen schedule, and trainers are telling me it’s perfect for his teenage years as well. I’m just always on edge because he is outside of my door whining and whining after training, walks, outside time, and socializing (neutrality training). You guys told me that is normal teen behavior though, so I’m not giving in.

One last thing that is irritating me is my husband responding to my dog’s cries for attention. He always tells him to stop, even if it’s through a door. Last night I had to tell him to stop, because all he wants is a response- a bit of attention- and he’ll keep doing that if you give it to him.

Please please tell me how your pup acts as a teenager and what you’re doing to stay sane 😭 His teenagerness quite literally just hit one morning and never stopped.

There are a lot of things people do that we may not necessarily like. That’s especially true in marriages.

My husband and I are young (both 20), so I’m seeking insight from people with older marriages :) Of course that’s not a requirement, but it’s preferred.

My husband does a lot of things I don’t like. Ex: Leaving a pile of clothes by the bed that he swears he’s gonna wear again. Leaving dirty dishes on his nightstand even the next day (I’m okay with cups. We tend to reuse them anyway.) Leaving the shower curtain open after he gets out (Irks me but I don’t say anything because it’s not that serious).

What really gets me is the cleaning up after yourself part, but I quite literally just had a realization last night and this morning: My husband does so much for me. Okay, this isn’t the new realization, but plays a huge part in it.

My husband is by no means a dirty man, but he is an easy man to tire. He’s also my age and we are both navigating the world together! He cleans when he can without me having to ask, and he will take his dishes back in the morning before he leaves for work after I somewhat nagged about his space ending up messy (not dirty) every day after I straighten up his side. He fixes things for me after I make him aware of the situation. Does he always remember things? No. Does he try to? Yes.

What I’ve come to realize is that I literally don’t mind picking up after him because I know my husband isn’t a dirty man and he wants nothing more than to be a provider to me. I love him with my whole heart, and I know his intentions are always in my best interest. He tries his best ALWAYS.

It would do me good for me to relax and go with the flow a little more. Giving myself and especially him much more grace. I’ve also been trying to follow the “just because it’s not your way, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way” in a lot of my daily life (I work as a leader at school, and of course being a wife who prefers things you be done in a particular way).

I enjoy my life with my husband, and I very much enjoy watching us grow together. Not everything has to be perfect.

I used to be a straight A student, lots of involvement in varsity sports, 57 college acceptances, $2 million dollars in scholarships spread across several schools, an actual social life.

What happened bro.

This is so unfair. I feel like I’m at such a disadvantage in life with all my mental diagnoses.

Life is so hard, but at least in high school I was able to succeed past the depression. My driving factor was that things would get better and I would thrive in adulthood. Then come to find out… most of my problems are genetic and can only solved with medication and put at bay with therapy.

Even with both of those, life feels so futile. Just this week alone, I’ve felt out of it. Today, I keep breaking down. Things were getting so good once I got back on my medicine, but now I feel like I’m falling back into a depressive episode. I don’t want to do it again. It’s a constant cycle and even with all the coping skills and distractions, I just can’t fight the thoughts of what ifs and whys.

I know adulthood is rough in general, but I’m only two years in… I shouldn’t be suffering this bad.

I’m angry all the time. I don’t communicate for shit.

A good thing though: I’m still in school. I’m trying at something and I’m doing it right.

I’ve have been VERY irritable today. Genuinely, everything has just pissed me off. My dog is acting overly dumb today (he just developed a prey drive), people can’t drive, I’m poor… blah blah fing blah. Now I’m typically very irritable I will not lie, but this week- especially today- has just had me complaining left and right. I AM (not proudly) a negative nancy, and my husband has been my outlet. However, I am TIREDDD of going to him whenever something irks my soul, and I’m highly positive he is tired too.

He told me he would come home and I simply told him to catch up on some him time and get some rest. In an attempt to communicate I said “i just havent been feeling really good this week, but im sure next week will be better.” I don’t want him to continuously bear my burdens when he is very obviously struggling himself. I just have to be a big girl and figure shit out with my own me time.

Today, I’ve made the executive decision to use this journal I got from my school’s mental wellness group to ABSOLUTELy wreck. It will be formally known as “(My name)’s Bitching Journal”. I do have a pretty pink journal, but I mainly only use it to capture my life for future me to read… also it’s too cute to destroy like how I want to destroy my bitching journal.

This journal will feel my wrath.

When I say that, I don’t mean “my life was put on pause” or “Puppy Blues.” I’m talking about literally what life is like after adding some new pup to your family without opposable thumbs with a permanent brain of a toddler. Like really… what is my life supposed to look like with a dog now?

I LOVEEEE my baby boy (he is currently nine months old), but sometimes I legitimately look at him and just go “damn… i just have a dog living in my house.”

Like what on Earth do I normally do? I CANT REMEMBER. When my life isn’t revolving around making sure he is okay, I feel guilty, but also like… what else is there to do?

I had realized like a week ago that his perfect schedule to promote his independence and confidence in being alone quite literally only gave me 5-6 hours of downtime? In making sure he is comfortable being alone, I completely forgot what I used to do without him other than watch shows, scroll, or occasionally read.

I don’t know if I’m explaining my predicament right because I was just ranting for a moment. Let me say this simply.

When we aren’t having our walks or having structured playtime or doing our “watch the world” sits outside, do I just let him live?

Like obviously I know he should be alone… I do let him be alone. I mean that’s what his whole schedule is dedicated to. I have been trying to set more boundaries between us so he knows play time isnt all the time.

But with my old pup, we used to cuddle and just chill out together. My dog doesn’t like to cuddle, and will leave the room when he is no longer getting pets/attention. I know I’m not neglecting him because he literally chooses to leave, but sometimes he’ll come back and whine, so I just kick him out and close the door. Like puhleaseee. You are fed, got your attention, walks, and time outside, and tonsss of pets. You even had the opportunity to dress my bed in fur. YOURE FINE.

😭 I hope yall understand what I mean. Please lmk !

This online class was fairly easy to me and well-structured, but that credit goes to the music department.

My only big thing is that my professor was gone the ENTIRE semester. No office hours, no TA to email, has not answered any emails or calls, and has not responded to my academic advisor.

Matter of fact, his phone rings to an COMPLETELY different professor now.

He is NOT a reliable professor. Whoever is in charge is not reliable at all!!!!

His name is EVERYWHERE, but there is no one else on his syllabus to contact OTHER THAN HIM.

I have been emailing him consistently because I missed an exam due to emergency leave of absence, which was discussed with all my professors and my accommodations advisor. His syllabus says we are allowed to retake exams if there are dire circumstances involved with the appropriate documentation, but I have not been able to reach him at all.

I have all As in his class, and his lack of communication will play a huge role in my pass or fail.

I’m just so disappointed, because all of my other professors have been so gracious, and I have been making sure to communicate with ALL of them (even Hayden) consistently while I on leave for the month.

Yes, I have reached out to as many people as possible. The department of music, the dean of students, my academic advisor. I’m at a loss.