[36M] My ex [35F] loved me, but never seemed fully committed. What does this mean?

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We were together for 11 months. She gave me a key to her apartment, we traveled together, spent a lot of time together, and I felt loved when we were together.

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At the same time, she often said she wasn't sure about our future, didn't want to move in together unless I paid for everything, and once responded to my concerns by saying she'd "give us another 6 months."

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My question: if someone loves you and acts committed, but keeps expressing uncertainty about the future, does that usually mean fear of commitment, or that they're keeping their options open?

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u/Guilty_Bid6428 — 9 hours ago

[36M] My girlfriend [35F] said she wasn't sure about our future, but her actions said something different. Am I missing something?

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We were together for 11 months. She gave me a key to her apartment, we spent several days a week together, traveled together, and were talking about a future.

At the same time, she often said things like:

we don't see the future the same way,

she doesn't feel like a woman next to me,

she wasn't sure about us long term,

she would only move in with me if I paid for the apartment and most expenses because she didn't want to depend on me.

What confuses me is that her actions often seemed much more committed than her words. If someone gives you a key to their apartment, spends most of their free time with you, and acts like a serious partner, why keep expressing so much uncertainty?

Am I missing something? Does this sound like someone who loved me but was afraid of commitment, or someone who simply wasn't fully invested?

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u/Guilty_Bid6428 — 1 day ago
▲ 3 r/Separation+1 crossposts

[36M] My ex [35F] loved me when we were together, but never seemed fully committed. Was I asking too much?

I [36M] recently broke up with my girlfriend [35F] after 11 months together. We loved each other and spent a lot of time together. I had a key to her apartment, we traveled together, stayed together often, and talked about a future.

The problem was that I always felt uncertainty from her. She would say things like we don't see the future the same way, that she wasn't sure about us long term, and she refused to move in together unless I paid for the apartment and most expenses. At the same time, when we were together she seemed loving and happy.

I felt like she was never fully committed, while she felt I was putting too much pressure on the relationship.

Do you think this sounds like two people wanting different things, or does it sound like she was never truly invested in the relationship?

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u/Guilty_Bid6428 — 1 day ago