Can anyone help me this is what I’ve been putting in my notes and I need input please my psych won’t listen to me
Edit: I am not bipolar I’m not manic I was diagnosed bpd but what brought me to all of this basically was a lot of times when I take shrooms I sit there and I think in my head and I’m told these things and then I found out about this lady Dolores Cannon about two weeks ago or three I’ve never heard of her in my life before then and she base her whole life off of the same theories and ideas that I have come up with so it made me feel like holy shit. What the fuck and it’s just progressed from then but before that, I took around 5 g of shrooms and they had this crazy trip where I felt this insane level of understanding and comprehension, and after that, it just made me think and look around and be like what the fuck and I feel like I woke up and then ever since it’s just been progressing
become very spiritually, awakened to the point where it’s
a little annoying. All I do is talk to God my head all day every day I think about hypotheticals and theories all the time. It’s kinda annoying I wish I could go back to how I was before but how I was before I was basically brainwashed just like everyone else in the world all of you are brainwashed and I made it out and I can finally see the world for how it is I feel I’m on a different status than everyone else like a different spiritual wave length, I don’t want to say I’m above other but I definitely feel like I am and I feel like I spent so much of my time believing shit that was all lies and I’ve figured out the truth and honestly I feel like I’m on like god status like I feel like I’m smarter and more awakened than everyone else so it makes me feel like I’ve done what I was supposed to do in this life and I honestly feel like I’ve made it to the state in my head where I could become one of those higher power entities in the afterlife because I don’t know if god is the only one, I think there others up there that are in charge of other things and I feel like I’ve awakened to that state of mind where I have that knowledge and understanding of EVERYTHING genuinely thinking like everyone else annoys me now because they aren’t on the same wavelength as me and I wish everyone was, I wish I could wake up everyone and that’s what I feel like I need to do but that’s just so much work and I don’t wanna do that and no one will take me seriously. I like that I’ve awakened but at the same time this is so draining for me my brain does not shut up ever I’m constantly talking to god I’m constantly trying to figure out the universe and the afterlife and I know I don’t have to figure it out but at the same time I need to, I believe that I will get the answers I need if I take dmt and it doesn’t matter what you say I know it will giving me the guidance and clarity I’m looking for and so it’s either that or I end my life to find out and i don’t always want to do that so that’s kinda a worse case going crazy I need to find out NOW type scenario and sometimes I get to that point but I know one day I might be able to find some dmt or one day maybe soon I want to go to Brazil or the Amazon and I want to go to one of the religious groups that are there and take ayahuasca and DMT with them I just need clarity and I need guidance in what I’m supposed to be doing with my life and that’s the closest I’ll ever be able to get to finding it out without killing my self. I’m not afraid of dying anymore actually I can’t wait for it to happen I look forward to it because I know I get to go home to where we are actually from and where we spend our eternity
I’ve gone through all 7 stages of consciousness and I feel like now sometimes it’s to much like maybe ignorance was bliss because I can never go back into the matrix, I made it out and I’m awake and I see the truth of this earth, earth is just a place we go to learn different lessons that we can’t learn in the afterlife because it doesn’t exist, we choose what lessons we want to learn and then we have to face those lessons on earth and I think the lesson my soul chose was mental illness, it seems so clear to me that that is the truth because nothing else makes sense and earth is just a school to get more understanding or things you couldn’t experience in the afterlife or “real life” such as hurt, pain, loss, hunger, struggle, selfishness, ignorance…. Everything we are and we have on earth are things that souls don’t have in the afterlife because they live in harmony and bliss, nothing goes wrong nothing bad happens, no one starves everyone’s happy, so the only way they could understand is by coming to earth and experiencing it…. I’m not afraid of death honestly I look forward to it, whenever it may come I’m ready, what I’m not ready for is how my family and everyone else is going to feel while I’m gone I don’t want them to hurt or feel sadness I want them to know how happy I am to go home and be done with this experience on earth because that’s all this is, is an experience, I wish my soul didn’t choose to come to earth I think maybe this was way more than I expected of earth and I’m not liking it.
I keep going back and forward with feeling like this is to much and then going to I feel so at peace and happy that I made it to this place I feel content I never wanted to be happy I never wanted to be okay or sad I wanted to feel content and I do right now but I know it’s going to change bc I feel euphoric right now so that means later I’m going to look back at this and feel calmer and not as crazy so that why I need to write it down while I’m feeling it , but I look around and it’s like I’m observing everything, like there are other souls using my body as a device to come visit and see earth, that’s how I feel, I feel like sometimes randomly I feel like I’m looking at everything for the first time or stuff starts looking very uncanny like videos I see
I feel so above everyone else and i wish everyone else could wake up to the point where I am because it’s honestly getting really annoying being around people that think that earth is all that there is to life, I feel the need to preach to everyone and become this person who tells everyone about the universe and the afterlife and what their meant to be doing on this earth be a everyone was put here to learn something and most people don’t ever remember that
I genuinely just need advice I need to feel seen I need to know I’m not crazy I don’t know what I need I just need to be seen because NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO ME my boyfriend looks annoyed every time I bring up stuff like this. He looks at me like I’m crazy like I’m just making all this shit up or like I’m going crazy. My mom doesn’t listen to me my friends don’t listen to me. I feel so alone but at the same time I feel like I found my self and I finally made it to where everyone is meant to in their life but not everyone wakes up