u/HaIfaxa_

Boy, it has been a complete shitstorm of a week to put it lightly.

I tried to commit, very nearly died. I only survived because my room mate found me. I had to be kept in hospital for three days, breathing tubes and all kinds of stuff strapped on me for the first day. The following days they just monitored my motor activity and behaviour to see if I was fit to go outside again. The entire time I had a nurse basically glued to me. 2 metres apart, max. I couldn't go to the toilet nor shower in peace, they would open doors. I couldn't charge my phone myself, because they assumed I'd hang myself with the cord. Or perhaps electrocute myself - all kinds of stuff. Why did I do it? The usual. Depression. I felt, and still feel, like my time on this earth is running shorter. I hate living, I hate the life I have built for myself - and I'm too strapped in to it to change it. Though I am trying. Even so, I feel like I am living on borrowed time. I look around each day and feel like I wish it had been curtains for me. Nothing is right. Anyhow.

Not 7 days later, my greatest friend and unrequited lover ditched me. He is struggling with his own problems, but it really did feel like he just threw me aside suddenly, possibly because of my actions above. We used to talk for hours upon hours, he's the only person I ever felt like really knew me. We knew almost everything about each other. We used to talk about living on some island in Scotland and making a life together. But 5 years later and he's suddenly telling me that he knows I love him, and that he could never reciprocate my feelings nor be there for me in the ways that I need. He prompted me to block him, and I did, followed by unblocking him because I couldn't deal. Then he blocked me everywhere instead. So that has been...a nightmare to properly deal with. The grief has been intense. I honestly don't know how to get through each day besides copious amounts of distractions.

Furthermore, my mother, an alcoholic with severe mental health issues, has gone missing. I have contacted everyone, called, rung the police. There is no sign of her anywhere. I have been stressed to hell and back for it. She has done this many times before, and maybe will many times in the future...but if you've been through this, you know the thought is no comfort. She could be out there somewhere, she could be dead. I don't know.

All in all, I am really struggling. I have no one to turn to right now. Life has been horrid. And I am sad, so terribly sad about each part of this. All the while I have been spending my time at a dead end job that has been very cruel to me despite these events.

I don't know what I hope to gain from posting this. Perhaps just a little digital hug, someone to keep me and my mother in their thoughts. I hope whoever is reading this is surviving out there.

TL;DR - Nearly died by suicide, followed by hospitalisation. No privacy. Best friend and unrequited lover decides to leave me because he cannot be there for me any longer. Mother goes missing, her whereabouts are unknown. Struggling to deal, need hugs :(

He's in good health and just recently had an all wormer, so definitely not that. Ever since we adopted him, he's been extremely food motivated. It's genuinely the only thing he cares about if it's within sight.

We have an automatic feeder that feeds him 3 small meals throughout the day, and then around 7PM we give him a small tin of wet food with some dry food and water mixed in. It's definitely more than enough food, as the bastard has put on weight, lol. Anyhow, before his dinner is due, he screams for hours on end until he gets fed. We've been deliberately trying to train it out of him for months, honestly, almost a year. We do not acknowledge him when he's misbehaving. If he's screaming for food, we just ignore him until he quiets down and then try and have some play time or something to take his mind off of it. When we go to give him food, he will basically yowl - it's a lot. We grab the bowl, stop until he stops, then take a step forward - repeat until he's received the food. If he's being too vocal, we put it in the fridge and wait a couple of minutes for him to relax.

Honestly, I'm at a loss in what to do. It really seems like this is just something innate to his being and we'll never be able to train it out of him. He's just a hungry, greedy cat and we'll have to accept it. If any of you have some advice, I'd love to hear it!

Disclaimer: I don't want to strictly feed him dry food with the automatic feeder for all of his meals, because he's not great at staying hydrated. His wet meal is a great opportunity for us to put water in with his food to keep him healthy. He also has a fountain that is cleaned regularly!

Sorry for the title gore, I felt being literal was the best bet.

And so, they've cut my payments. Of course, the job provider pulled the ol' "give us payslips" thing, which then provoked a whole email chain of me getting mad at them and them telling me they have no proof that I am working, so they'll have to keep me suspended until I provide them proof. This is despite the 4 payslips I gave them when I first started working, and the fact that I have only received $150 from Centrelink in the last two months. Every dollar I earn is directly reported to Centrelink, and I report all of my hours worked to Workforce.

Are they entitled to do this? At this point, I've had to drop my hours at work due to some issue within the workplace and am slightly relying on the tiny bit of extra income from Centrelink whilst I look elsewhere.

How do you guys deal with this? Disclaimer: I have not been officially diagnosed with ADHD (as with half of this subreddit, lol) but I have my assessment in a month. I have always struggled with ADHD-like symptoms but the thing that always gets me is the executive dysfunction.

I don't know what it is or how to combat it, but almost every day I face some sort of complete shut-down. My brains says I really want to do something, but it cannot even fathom beginning the task. It effects everything but the two things that really gets me is my work and my creative instincts. I've been trying to do art and learn guitar, and I want to do it *so* bad. But the moment I think about it I just can't start, the whole cosmos of knowledge on these subjects freak me out and then I wimp out. I then compare myself to all of my peers or fellow creatives and just feel spurned by the earth. Or it could be things that I know are important that I *must* do, but I procrastinate it for as long as possible, so much so that it has cost me many opportunities and a lot of time and energy. Even back as a child, I was so so so deathly afraid of school because the amount of energy that it would take to show up and get things done would be astronomical, my attendance was always awful.

I feel it is so easy to label myself as lazy, is that all it is? Is it just easier to blame this "executive dysfunction" from a neurodevelopmental condition I don't even know I have? Sorry if this is just a big rant, but I'm really struggling with it all, especially the last few days.

If anyone has any tips or tricks, any advice, please just chuck them my way. I'm ready to hear anything, even personal criticism if you think its needed!

Even working full-time, the amount of money made just isn't enough to cover rent. I work at one of the Grocery Stores™️ and on the full-time adult rate, you're only making just under $1000/wk. Even one bedroom studios with kitchenettes are going for $500-650/wk nowadays, abandon all hope of anything greater. And because of the whole "rent has to be 30% of your income thing", you just can't afford to live anywhere. It seems like the only possible solution is gathering multiple roommates, sharehouses, or working multiple jobs in whatever free hours you have.

And if you *do* work another job, good luck having any time to try and do any meaningful self work such as study to try and improve your situation. You're just forced to be stuck in awful circumstances with no real hope to escape. Are we forced to make a career out of the dead-end job we have and hope to move up? It feels like we are meant to be stuck in this situation.