I want to know what European men think about this.
I’m a 30-year-old Filipina. I met an amazing, kind man around March 2024. He’s 59 and had just gone through a divorce when we met, while I was also recovering from a heartbreaking breakup.
We instantly clicked and built a really strong friendship. Over time, I realized I was falling in love with him, and it seemed like he felt the same. We eventually made our relationship official in March 2025.
Because of our age gap, his recent divorce, and my own fear of fully committing, we’ve been taking things slowly. We don’t really have a grand plan for the future we’re just enjoying our relationship and seeing where it goes.
Before we officially became a couple, I knew he had been talking to several women on a dating app. He was very open about it, and honestly, it didn’t bother me because he was single at the time. Some of those conversations even turned into genuine friendships with people from different countries, including the Philippines.
However, there is one particular Filipina who has always stood out. Let’s call her “Sona.”
I noticed her name constantly appearing in his phone notifications, so I eventually asked him about her. He told me they had been online friends for about three years. She’s now 20 years old, they’ve never met in person (at least at that point), and he’d been helping her financially so she could continue her studies because she comes from a poor family in the province.
Since March 2025, we’ve basically been living together. I stay at his condo most of the time, although I regularly go back to my own house because I have pets that I can’t leave alone. I have my own key and key card to his condo, so I come and go whenever needed.
Then, in January 2026, something happened that really upset me.
I wanted to watch YouTube on the TV, but I noticed my account had been logged out. The account that was logged in was Sona’s YouTube account.
I immediately confronted him and asked why her account was on our TV. That’s when he admitted that she had come to Manila to visit relatives, wanted to meet him, and he met up with her and her relatives. They even went back to his condo and watched YouTube together with some of Sona’s relatives.
What hurt me wasn’t necessarily that he met her—it was that he never told me. He said everything happened very suddenly and that he simply forgot to mention it. I was angry, but eventually I let it go.
A few months later, around April, I was using his iPad, which was synced to his iPhone through iMessage. A notification popped up from Sona asking for her school allowance.
I saw that he sent her ₱12,000.
That already felt like a lot, so I checked his online transfer history. After adding everything up, I discovered he had transferred around ₱300,000 over just four months.
I was honestly speechless.
I confronted him and told him that ₱300,000 in four months is an enormous amount of money for someone’s school allowance, especially considering the cost of tuition in the Philippines.
What made it even harder for me emotionally was that I’ve never asked him for money.
I buy groceries for his condo because I want to contribute. Sometimes I even pay when we go out on dates. I’ve always wanted him to know that I’m with him because I genuinely love and care about him—not because of his money. There are already enough stereotypes here that Filipinas only date older British or foreign men (“afam”) for financial reasons, and I’ve always tried to prove that’s not who I am.
(And yes… before anyone asks, our relationship is great in every other aspect—even our intimate life surprised me in a good way!)
What frustrates me is feeling like this young woman is taking advantage of his kindness.
I explained to him that, unfortunately, there are people in the Philippines who build relationships with foreigners mainly for financial support, and I was worried she might be doing exactly that.
He insisted that Sona is genuine, but after I showed him information about tuition fees and estimated education costs, he admitted that the numbers didn’t add up. Apparently, she had been receiving ₱12,000 every week—almost ₱50,000 a month, which is actually more than my own monthly salary. I honestly found that shocking.
To his credit, he did speak with her about it.
After that conversation, I noticed the transfers became smaller around May. However, I recently checked again and saw that he still sent her ₱50,000 in June.
So now I’m conflicted.
Part of me appreciates that he listened to my concerns and reduced the amount. But another part of me feels uncomfortable that he’s still sending her significant amounts of money.
For additional context, he’s financially very comfortable. He owns a successful trucking business along with several other businesses, so the money itself isn’t hurting him financially.
I’m curious to hear especially from European men, particularly those who have dated Filipinas or have experience with cross-cultural relationships.
Would you consider this normal generosity toward a long-time online friend? Or would this be considered crossing a boundary once you’re already in a committed relationship?
Am I overreacting? Hayyy i feel sad about this.