Kasam Lastai alxi section rexa Budhanilkantha to Sundarijal bikers haru ko lagi chai thikxa dirt or adventure ride hanna natra pattur ho hike hanna lai.
Still Bishnudwar-Peak-Bagdwar-Shivapuri is good option hai
Me being bad in your story doesn’t matter
It also doesn’t matter how many more you have to awake and alert that I am bad
I feel bad, I do bad, I get bad results
You telling the world that I am bad doesn’t matter
Even the god you pray knows I am
The only persons that was supposed to not know was my parents
But they already know I’m the worst son any parents could ever have or get
So It doesn’t matter
I have been writing to you
Words of wisdom, weight of life
But I’ve never heard you received one
Neither have I ever received from you
Oh I don’t know your address
Maybe you live too far away in a deserted island
Maybe the postman hasn’t reached yet
Maybe the postman doesn’t know your address
Or it could be that you don’t exist
You are just there in my imagination of being
But maybe you don’t at all
But that’s me who understand you the most
I know you do, it’s just you don’t want from me
You don’t want me at all
I’m again sending to expecting a response
And In return I want a new shelf
Cause these letters written like books returned are frustrating.
Hear from you soon
Your’s self
I have been writing to you
Words of wisdom, weight of life
But I’ve never heard you received one
Neither have I ever received from you
Oh I don’t know your address
Maybe you live too far away in a deserted island
Maybe the postman hasn’t reached yet
Maybe the postman doesn’t know your address
Or it could be that you don’t exist
You are just there in my imagination of being
But maybe you don’t at all
But that’s me who understand you the most
I know you do, it’s just you don’t want from me
You don’t want me at all
I’m again sending to expecting a response
And In return I want a new shelf
Cause these letters written like books returned are too much.
Hear from you soon
Your’s self
Alisha Didi introduced me to a man, who looked like he is in his early 50’s, a little hair on his back, his forehead and scalp shone brighter than my future. A golden top on his left earlobe and some 3 tolas of golden necklace on his throat. Muscular yet with a dad bod, half pant and slippers, smelled masculine and stood like a semi bald warrior on the battlefield. You can tell a person is damn rich from a distance.
“Hello sir” he said and reached for my hands with firm strong handshake while my hand softened.
Okay, that was accidental, shit I could have a rigid posture, I could have been confident. He already knows me now.
He sat with consciousness while I sunk on the couch infront of him. My Goldstar Shoes bought before Panchpokhari Trek on my legs jumped higher in the air. It was a funny yet awkard moment but I just came from Construction site. The red powder of bricks had painted my black shoes partially red, cement chunks on my shirt and old pant with some spray of Nerolac Paints.
If I was alerted it was her father, I could have worn my father shirt pant and his Chelsea boots. I’m sure a bit better than that I’m looking now.
He raised his hand a bit high, so the waiters sitting or moving can easily notice him. One on the back saw him and came running,
“Escuss me Sir, how may I help you?” Asked the waiter
“One chilled Lemonade without sugar for me and Alisha Baini tapai k linu hunxa?”
Alisha Dd: “One iced latte” (She is our dd baini on both ends)
“Ani sir tapai? Tapaiko naam birsea bado Ajabko xa”
“Shiva kumar Mahato, malai chai ek cup milk tea”
(This is all I know, euta Shikhar Ice pani vanna man theo.)
The girl lives in America with her grand parents, she was born there cause her grandpa was DV holder.
Ok now you might guess how come this unfortunate construction worker hit this jackpot. It’s not me who hit jackpot it’s her who hit the pothole at 132mph, car flew off the cliff, down she wen’t, crusher her car and lost her both legs. Airbag saved her cause I need to be saved too.
Everyone would laugh at me, my relatives my friends, my villagers and everyone who know me as Master Saap Son will taunt me.
“Herta Master Sap ko xoro ley langdi bihe garexa ta”
“Amrica vanesi luli langdi pani naxodne raixan yrr”
“Huna ta thikai ho eha basera ni Jyabel ra Baluwa kati chalaos, ita boknu satta srimati bokxa ni”
“Mastersap le sabailai padayera banaye ni afno xoro chai banauna sakenan hai”
While these things are playing on my mind he asks “Ani babu le kati samma padhnu vako xani”
“2068 Saal SLC ma Distinction Ako ho, tespaxi 11,12 samma padexu but certificate chai chaina”
“Ahile chai k garnu huncha?”
“Gothatar ma euta ghar sakaudai cham, mistri ko kaam garxu”
“Ae ok ok”
I have been sitting here for 30 years, started working post 2072 Earthquake, couldn’t buy a new shoes and wearing Goldstar since 8 months. Father wan’t to eat one egg per day cause he is old and he thinks that will make him strong, I can’t even afford that. Mother still goes to work.
This is how I am, I don’t think I can but I must.
“Hajur aba eta kaam gariya xa uta gayera ni kaam garera palnai paryo ni afnai bhayesi”
He knows I am not doing this for her daughter, deep down he knows I am doing this for money, I’m doing for my future, I am unwillingly doing this on my father’s quest.
His quest to touch the sea, set food on American Soil and see statue of liberty with his own eyes.
Most of all he wanted his son to be something this was only lesson I listened for him under his request.
When he pleaded me, “ma tero khutta dhogxu please yo euta maan, mero lagi yo euta”
“Malai kaile herna pardaina farkera, Ma maresi ni naauda ni hunxa, shraddha ni garna pardaina”
Then I said Ok
Deep down I think yo buda lai Khairini haru beach ma nangai suteko kasto herna man ho.
“Haina aatina pardaina, ghar xa usko naam ma, monthly rent aauxa usko 5 million USD insurance compensation xa + monthly allowance aauxa khana launa tension lina pardaina. Ani mero realtor ko business ta xadai xa siknus garnus na navaye real estate ko gyan xadai xa uta suru gardimla ni “
“Ki kasko Alisha baini?
“Ani arko kura tyo wheelchair ma bokera hidna parne haina hai Prosthetics lagako xa hiddul majale garna sakxa, kudxa pani kaile kai, just eti hoki tapai support matra bandinu paryo. Uslai koi ta xa hai jasto hos na”
Aba tei ta ho bhagea ni testo rexa aba tapai bhayesi thik hudai janxa
This is when I realize the power of money, Paisa ra Secure future ko lagi ma afule afailai bechxai xu.
Hijoko Prostitute feri yad aayo, akhir k farak rahexa ta hami ma.
Ani ekxin tolauxu ra sodhxu
I was casually riding to office then a thought struck like a jolts. This is not about god rather it’s about humans, it’s about me and you, the essence of us, the existence and circumstance of being.
Okay, let’s get back to reality with confessions. I have committed sins, sins bigger than any righteous thing I have ever done.
To my own self perception I believe for what I’ve done I was supposed to be taken out. Killed and butchered a long ago by the order of the god, in cold blood or mercilessly tortured and killed as last resort cause I can’t subdue the pain. The killing would be mercy to the intense pain I had to be bearing further.
God is called God cause he have undiminishable patience, you and I we are made for decades to a century and few decades max, God there has been there for EONs and indefinite period of time. Our three hundred cycles is his one hour. So on the contrary he sits at authoritative position, doesn’t need to overlook everything and everyone. IDK where he sits, he rests somewhere and orders hey Karma look after that guy.
If you ever want to see the most punctual, non corrupt and one who takes his job more seriously it’s karma. I meet my Karma more often to check my accounts what I did and how much I did is what I am getting. He has set proportionate credit and debit of my doings and receivings.
One unsettled account with his is my sins, the sins I have committed has affected lives of many and the same lives are revolving around me. The lives I need to take care of and look after it has become. What I always believed as an evil idea to torture my enemy has indeed been implemented in my own life.
I had enemies, everyone does, only few subtle evolved souls don’t. As a weak person you can’t just go there and kill them, you just wish to remove their most loved (Whether it be their loved ones or their most prized possessions)
On one instance, we had a fight with neighbor the cold war, nearly axed them down. I hated my neighbor too much I wanted to remove his wife. The way she speaks it torment my soul, her doings are more sinful than mine at that time but she was good soul IG.
Trust me sinister knows the extent of Sins
I wished she died and on eight day, I got a call, “Hey where are you? Come home Mrs. X has died”
Oh shit, I didn’t knew my wish gets fulfilled. Karma took it to God?
Another sin in my account for her passing, and another wrong wish that I’ll regret for the rest of life not because she died but because that mf married again, a hot one, laughed like a demon straight from hell and gov job she has. I haven’t wished anything except for my soulie, “She find a good man who will lover her for life and happily married ever after”
God, I wish this IPO lands on my demat so I can make some money, god give me this lottery I’ll make 7000$ I’ll put it all in my Mother’s Account. BTW I gambled it straight away in a day. God please assign me a girl, who will lover for forever, for what I am, how I’m, I’ll love her even more.
I am God Lucked I get financial help somewhere in emergencies but not rich enough to payback on time. In terms of money, I lose more than what I make and about Girl I did got assigned one but you know love alone is not enough to keep her, character matters. So what escalated as lovers couldn’t climb and sustain in relationships. (I still love her, could have written a 1500 word essay on her but no I have closed my account with her)
I have a bad habit of derailing from what was the goal, here the goal is god. I’m trying to understand him from different aspects on available resources. So what I found was no matter how much I plead, I cry he doesn’t care. He is just there smiling, resting, chilling (the one is followed) he already is a broken piece yet supreme one, lord of the lords.
Me chanting his name, being a complete sinful asshole devotee who only remembers at the time of pain, emptiness or sadness or need something works like a paracetamol to them. It does heals but unless I solve the root cause it will happen frequently and we know the more we use the less effect it has upon us in future.
Weak people fall in love and get obsessed, I'm ready to Give up breathing but I'm not done loving her. I wanted (Desired) her so much there was no me in I, It's all her, I don't knew if she was mine but I want her. So done with self I tried to kill myself 17 I was then, drank a bottle of softner + detol, did three vomits in a row and the bacteria in my stomach got killed. Climbed a 20 feet tree to jump over, branch broke midway to fall flat on corn field, soft as fuck, got unconscious but got up laughing. Third attempt I remember Pushing Bike to limits, I wished 4 kms before home that a dog crossed or tanker hit me. Fucking unlucky I was. I have failed on killing the self too.
The last failure was 2 years ago, I tried to Crash the Bike, it did but it threw me aside, safe af, zero scratch, bike damaged and bus had me repair the shit. Ok I stop here, since money is involved in my failure to kills. No more self killing. Oh I forgot to tell, I tried neck suffocation using a tshirt, the world spun, my eyes grew as small as a ballpen tip, blacked out, then I hear myself screaming exactly like a goat. I had to get up and untie the tshirt myself a fucking long sleeve (was my favorite btw)
Seriously, death has always been keen to take me, I've always seen it on the balcony waiting and waiting. Too many near death experiences, idk how many deadly encounters I might have missed to see. Everytime there is a soft hand to hold me. But it's there, it will come eventually when I'm really tired of me self.
As mother said before, "You will die hanging" after she saw my funny prank video of myself hanging. She knew I wrote my fate there, she was sad. I was sure it was just a prank but now I know. I haven't believed it but if that happens it won't be now. (Don't worry guys I'll make sure I'll avoid at any cost)
What will happen is, a lot of things can happen. A lot of things could go wrong. One worst scenario would be, I'll be lonely af with nowhere to go, nothing to do, I'll find a tree branch strong enough to hold my weight and play a swing there using my neck gets cervical fracture.
I'm not sick worried of what things could go wrong but I've calculated the risks. So whatever happens I'm prepared but there are unseen things.
This will be worst than death, me being taken care by somebody else being a weight on other people. So I have always prayed God I'll live whatever you desire worst of the worst but never this. So it again came to God, this is where I surrender to him.
Ok, I have surrendered, whatever comes from me, good is all yours, bad will be in my name. I'll trade you this life, I'm done taking control of this life, you do whatever you want with my life but my Parents, Sister - Her Children, spouse two friends and brother they must be happy. It's all yours, whatever comes in your name I eat, whatever goes goes which was will never be mine. Even though body feel like giving up, I want to live on this one for next 47 years. This is how I became a content writer, a short but not so sweet story.
This is not my first content but for him an ode from this evil, bad, non deserving guy who has just begun to love some parts of life to the Supreme One.
It was just yesterday a Saturday night, I went to a night party. The party was great, the people were too, but I needed some air to be myself. So I exited the venue for a while, picked a cigarette from the pack, put it in between my lips
I have developed a serious Addiction of Nicotine over a year now. Every time I'm bored, free, sad or happy I light a cigarette. This time was not different, I inhaled and exhaled, I don't like to smoke while sitting so I was moving my legs. 2 minutes on my foot and I stopped, the highway was too close but far enough for me to access the moving vehicles. In between the moving lights, red, blue and yellow, I saw a girl under the streetlight (Maybe floodlight)
I saw her young enough to lure men who are sexually hungry and who want to devour the fresh flesh in the mere pay for money. I was smoking and observing her. A thin shredded body roughly 5.5 feet in height, weighting somewhat 56 to 58 KGs and in elegant red.
She wore a bareback that revealed parts of her body, the bare back with some laces that seems ready to be untied, pretty white, clean and arched back is what I saw from the back. A fishnet stockings extending from her butt cheeks to her legs over her long pencil heel. She wore a mini skirt, long enough to hide her assets but revealing enough that her bum were huge to be comfortably used as pillows.
I'm lighting another cigarette to tell myself that she is a prostitute. The way she is so confident over her sexuality at this time of the night, the bag she holds with nothing inside I'm sure. The way she stands and look expectingly as every vehicle passes her, she indeed is but I'm not 100% sure as I haven't offered her any money to spend the night with me. The way her legs spread as a grand gesture to pay welcome visit on her garden. She indeed is one of them.
Suddenly she disappeared as I got lost on my own thoughts and I appeared before myself. I judged her already, I already knew what made her join the profession, I knew what she is doing and why.
This is me going to office, to work and earn for living. She works at night and sleeps during the day, I sit and work till the sun can be seen at the sky. It's just our shift is different, so is our work. She work with bodies, I with computers and I bet we both hate our job but can we escape karma?
At the end of the day we are all selling something she trades her flesh for money, I trade my time for it. She might think a computer is easy job with good money, I think hers is quite easier, just lay low, follow instructions, stay till client oozes from Satisfaction, take hefty charge and leave.
I'd trade my soul, easier said than done. But God knew what a dirty whore I'd make of myself, I'd bang every man on the planet, masculinity erased from existence. Then God made me a demisexual man, addicted to porn, gambling and drugs.