u/Head_Rush_4802

So there's this girl i used to know a little over a year ago and its been a while since we talked but I mean it when I say she is one of the best people I ever met. We're the same age (shes a year older than me) At my old school she was one of the only people there who actually prayed and I was also one of the only Muslims there that prayed, she accepted me for being a convert, she didnt care I was white and not "culturally muslim". A strangers duaa is very powerful and please pray that me and her will meet again when we are both adults and marry. Ive decided I should marry because I cant keep hiding my faith from my family forever, when im an adult they'll find out one way or another. And pray that her family will accept me even though im not Arab.

So there's this girl i used to know a little over a year ago and its been a while since we talked but I mean it when I say she is one of the best people I ever met. We're the same age (shes a year older than me) At my old school she was one of the only people there who actually prayed and I was also one of the only Muslims there that prayed, she accepted me for being a convert, she didnt care I was white and not "culturally muslim". A strangers duaa is very powerful and please pray that me and her will meet again when we are both adults and marry. Ive decided I should marry because I cant keep hiding my faith from my family forever, when im an adult they'll find out one way or another. And pray that her family will accept me even though im not Arab.

I dont want to give away my full life story but my family is very anti-religion so you can only imagine what happens if they catch me praying, ive been threatened with being disowned for my faith, september of last year to February of this year was without a doubt the worst time of my life, and I feel like it took a huge toll on my mental health. I've developed both depression and paranoia, I keep getting anxious hearing any noise when I pray, even at my friends house where I know im safe it makes me very on edge when I hear any noise at all. I feel really numb a lot of the time, not physically, but mentally, I just kind of lay around and eat when I want to. I blame my family, I love them but they have ruined me, I used to be more confident, outgoing, now im more reserved and self conscious. I want to change, please keep me in your prayers. Something good came out of this though, I can hide being muslim a lot better know from what ive learned, I used how I got caught to avoid making the same mistakes.

Both my parents have dogs and while yes, they are filthy animals, I love them very much. I like dogs in general although id never own them, i just like petting and playing with them, and I think pigs for the most part, while still dirty, are pretty cute, im not saying i like pigs as in eating or owning them, i just think they're cute.

I meant any other muslims of Celtic decent (Irish, Welsh, Scottish, Manx, Cornish, or Breton), including mixed :)

Its sickening how some people act, i hate that half the ummah is completely heartless conservatives who start hating on anyone who doesn't share their values and just use the old "blame the west" excuse for everything wrong in the ummah today, and then start insulting you. And not to mention the bad treatment I get for being a convert is appalling. Besides my friends I already have because I know they're good, I have completely quit trying to make friends with other Muslims. Im tired of being treated like garbage by people who say they're my brother. And not to mention the sexism and racism I see, some people blatantly hate women, and im a man so I haven't experienced that but seeing what's happening in Afghanistan and Iran sickens me. We were NEVER told to beat women yet it still happens! And the blatant hatred of both black and white converts i see from Arabs/South Asians is appaling and disgusting when the prophet (peace be upon him) very clearly prohibited it.

A while ago, nearly a year ago, I was so consumed by guilt all the time for no reason to the point where it was hard to even be happy, and I always felt like I did something horrible for no reason, but ever since my family was threatening to disown me for being muslim, anger and hatred towards the world has just been building in me to the point where I feel like I dont feel as much remorse for sins as I used to, and I dont mean this in a psychotic way or anything, if I did something wrong (like accidentally break a plate or something) id still feel bad, but when I sin im just so consumed by my constant anger that I repent but my heart just feels really hardened and im getting worried about my faith.

Dont let your family bully you, dont let born muslims bully you. Be who you are and dont be ashamed, if its dangerous to tell your family by all means keep it a secret (like I do) but our non muslim families and a lot of (but not all) born Muslims will treat us badly, dont listen to them. Find your friends, and stay close with them. Don't let ANYONE tell you that you cant be Muslim.

I have to keep hiding my prayers from my family every day, they make pork so much, I feel like the walls are closing in and they'll find out eventually and I dont know what to do. They've found out before and I know what happens, ill get disowned if they find out again. I especially hate being white and wish I was anything but. I hate being an outsider to both kuffar and Muslims. Besides my friends I already have I know for a fact I won't make any more, no one will want me. I feel like i dont even have much to look forward to anymore, im still young but my best days are already behind me if im being real, september of last year up until around June was a nightmare, my family found out and I had to hide it even more and it was really difficult and depressing. and ive just felt kind of numb ever since. I dont know what to do in life and cant imagine it being anything but terrible

Besides my friends of course, I have had it with how born Muslims treat us, convert women are treated like sex toys and convert men are treated like garbage. Ive had it, I feel like this is the only place I can say this, im not saying all born muslims are bad, but a lot ive seen aren't exactly great either. I hate that I'll never be taken seriously and I'll just get mocked because im Muslim and white and not Arab or Turkish or Persian, or African, or South Asian. The sense of superiority i see in some of them is appalling. It makes me really not want to go to a mosque, but because I have to im just gonna cover my face whenever I go with a surgical mask or something. I just need to let this out because it's making it so hard to be Muslim.

Edit: im not a woman, quit calling me "sister"

Anyone else been oppressed by their family for being Muslim and now really feel uncomfortable being anybody and just feel extremely anxious and paranoid all the time? Like anytime I google the prayer times, even though I use a very strong vpn im still worried. Or when im praying if i hear even a slight footstep i start panicking worrying my parents will walk in, even if im at a friend's house, and it makes concentrating in prayer extremely hard too considering im always listening for footsteps or a floorboard creek or anything like that. And i have a hard time trusting anyone outside of my friend group, mainly my family and born Muslims (not counting my friends because I trust them) because of how ive been treated by them. I just want to know if anyone else feels like this or if im just weird.

I want to change the name i was given at birth because I dont like, it was the name i had when I was athiest and when I was Christian, I dont want a name associated with when I wasnt Muslim, I know the name i want (not saying what the full name is for safety reason) and i checked it doesn't have any bad meanings. I like the name "Ace" though so I'll probably change it to that, i want to know if its forbidden to change your last name though. I also hate my current name, it just doesn't really fit me anymore.

Im worried that Allah does not want me, its extremely hard for me to be Muslim, im addicted to music, I cant stop sinning, I feel like i keep getting signs that im a bad Muslim or that I won't be guided and it might just be intrusive thoughts but im terrified, im not a good Muslim I do the bare minimum and only do a few Sunnahs, I have arrogance in me and I want it to go, im worried that Allah has willed that I won't be guided and i'm terrified, I feel like it's getting harder every day to hide my faith from my family, it feels like the walls are closing in and eventually they'll find out again, I do everything I can to hide my faith from them now because ive been caught several times, but im just extremely paranoid and terrified I'll slip up and they'll find out.

I hate my parents so much, ive had it with their extreme athiest views and how they FORCE it on me, yet claim im "InDoCtRiNaTeD" WHEN I WILLINGLY BECAME MUSLIM, YET THEY JUST SHOVE THEIR BELIEFS DOWN MY THROAT! IVE HAD IT! If they find out im Muslim again and start trying to force me into disbelief, I WILL disown them, and they threaten to disown me so its fair. I hate being a convert SO MUCH. I wish I was a born Muslim, I wish I wasnt white, I want a new life, I cant wait to get far, far away from my parents (mainly my mom) and just live alone so they cant find out im Muslim. Its horrible, for people who preach for freedom, they do this. Hypocritical, pure hypocrisy from them.

Fajr is really early and Isha is really late where I live and I cant ever wake up for Fajr so I have to pray it late, but I struggle to get up and make wudu, plus I have to hide it too

I've genuinely had it with the Ummah these days, everyone is either racist, extremely rude, hypocritical, or just plain uneducated. Its making it really hard to be Muslim with how bad I get treated for being a revert and I am tired of it. Besides for my friends I have lost any hope that the Ummah will get better any time soon, people sin and scream about how im "judging" them for telling them they cant do that, yeah I am judging you and you need to take some accountability, or people just sin and then try to find a way to blame it on the west or the left wing, say you cant judge them, or literally anything instead of realizing THEY are responsible for THEIR actions. And its not like what I say even matters, this won't help at all but id rather say it than not. I don't tell people I'm Muslim anymore because they both won't believe me (because im white and for some reason people think we cant be Muslim) or they'll start trying to make me "prove" my faith to them.

So I really like Golf Wang (a clothing brand) and i want to try and cop some of their old clothes/hats, and i found a website to get them, but the websites logo has a cat with an upside down cross on it as a logo, is it haram to buy from here because of that? I know its haram to wear any kind of cross, but especially the upside down one since its satanic.

Edit: I meant to make the title "would it be haram to buy this", typo

Its getting extremely hard to even have basic Iman, I dont know what to do. I dont want to be a non-muslim and yet my faith keeps draining every day, I have almost no one, very, VERY few people care about me at all, I hate it. I want friends, yet I cant make any more, I just want things to be better, why does Allah test me like this? Somebody, anybody, PLEASE respond, Please, im literally begging, someone offer ANY help.