u/HeisenbergsCatnip

Many people have this dream of their school crush proposing to them. It happened to me

There’s this girl, she’s a friend of mine from class 2 or something. We used to yap a lot. I started having a crush on her around class 6, but she got into a relationship when I was in class 8. I felt sad and just left it, but I still had a crush on her

During lockdown, I was in class 9, I got her number and started chatting with her. Got to know they broke up, but she still loved him lmao. Me, being the blind-in-love type, was like “I’ll still love her” 😭. After a few days, I proposed to her, but yeah, she rejected me obviously

And for my bad luck, her mom saw our chats and she blocked me from that day till school started again

When school started again, I’d still watch her, try to talk to her, and yeah, we’d still chat sometimes. But she never showed any interest in me, saying she couldn’t move on from her ex. I kept trying to pursue her, but she didn’t flinch a bit. And that’s basically how my class 10 days went, trying to pursue her

After that, one day idk what hit me, I asked her if she could ever see herself dating me. She said no.
From then, I went no contact

Time skip to the last months of 2024, almost 2 years after my class 10. We kinda started talking again, but by then I had actually moved on from her. We didn’t even talk that much

Then in Jan 2025, she told me that when she was leaving home after vacation, her mom told her something

Her mom was like, “I saw his contact again. Anyways, whatever it is, just don’t lose focus from studies. If you study, everything will be okay from my side.”

Basically her mom thought we were in a relationship because she had seen our chats back then when I proposed to her 😭

I was like, why does it even matter now? You never liked me. I moved on from you

And then she told me that after I stopped talking to her, she started missing my presence. Slowly, she started liking me

And then she proposed to me!!

The exact thing I had wanted for years.
But I respectfully rejected her because by then I was already in love with someone else.

And honestly, thinking back about this whole situation, I never really felt excited or happy about it

Not because I was angry at her or anything. It just felt… too late

Like, 13-year-old me would’ve celebrated. I probably would’ve considered it the happiest moment of my life

But when it actually happened, I was just like… damn,I spent years wanting this person to choose me. And when she finally did, I had already moved on.

It’s kinda funny how life works sometimes. You can spend years wishing for something, only to finally get it when you no longer want it

Just felt like sharing this!!

TL;DR: Spent years chasing my school crush, she rejected me, I eventually moved on. Years later, she proposed to me, but by that time I was already in love with someone else, so I said no.

This might be a pretty long vent, sorry 😭. I honestly don’t know where else to share all this, and I just kinda wanted to get it out somewhere

A little about me:
Currently doing B.Sc. (Hons.) Agriculture. Completed Class 12 in 2024 with PCB. Took a drop year for NEET, later tried again, but honestly medicine was never something I was genuinely interested in. I’m much more interested in tech, philosophy, psychology, literature, creativity and building things.

From childhood, I was kinda pushed to keep up with marks, grades and the whole academic performance thing. I never really questioned it much either. I just went along with it because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do.

When I joined Class 11, I initially took PCM, but I joined pretty late and couldn’t cope up with everything, so I changed to PCB.
Then I stayed at home and studied for boards in Class 11 since we have boards for Class 11 here. I somehow convinced my parents to let me study from home in Class 12 too, so I could cover both Class 11 and 12 through an online course.
Except… I never really studied.
I procrastinated almost every day and by the end of Class 12, I already knew I wasn’t gonna make it.
Still, somehow I convinced myself to give NEET a try, so I took a drop year.
Didn’t put much effort into that either.

After NEET 2025, I started thinking about biotech or bioinformatics because I’m much more interested in tech and thought maybe I could combine biology with technology.
But my parents weren’t convinced because they felt there wasn’t enough scope for those fields in India.

Then there was this small incident where my dad made me meet a neighbour uncle. He talked to me and somehow convinced me to take another drop year for NEET.
And somehow I got convinced too because my parents wanted me to give it another try.
But literally on the day I joined, I realised this isn’t for me.
So I quit.

₹40k loss for my parents 💀
After that I became pretty rigid about not joining any other medical-related course.

I tried convincing my parents to let me join BCA or B.Sc. Computer Science, but they said no.

Pharmacy was another option, but I said no because I genuinely don’t like chemistry.
So the options left were pretty limited and eventually my parents and that same uncle convinced me to take Agriculture.

I’m currently completing my second semester in Agriculture and honestly… I still haven’t been able to adjust to it.
I don’t think I’m genuinely interested in Agriculture either, and the people around me aren’t really my vibe.

Now it’s been almost a year and I still feel like I’m in the same place mentally.
I barely study for exams. Right now I have my second-semester finals and I’m not even interested in opening the books.

College is also kinda difficult to manage. My college is 9–4, and because of attendance I basically have to be there even when I don’t feel like I’m learning much.
Then there are records and other college work which take up a huge amount of time after college too.

So the few hours I actually have to learn something I’m interested in are already limited.
And honestly, this is what scares me.
I feel like I’m giving a pretty important part of my youth to something I’m not interested in and I’m still very uncertain about.

If I continue like this for another 3 years, I feel like I’ll just look back and realise I spent some of my most important years doing something I never wanted to do.

The things I’m actually interested in are tech, philosophy, psychology, literature, creativity, building things, etc.

My parents want me to eventually get a government job because it’s stable and secure.
I understand why they want that. In our families, stability is obviously a big thing and I know they’re not trying to ruin my life. They genuinely think they’re helping me choose a safe future.
But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing something just because it’s stable and secure.
At the same time, I also understand their side.

I don’t have some amazing career plan either.
I’m still exploring.
That’s probably the biggest problem. I know what I’m interested in, but I don’t know exactly what career I want to turn that into.

I want to meet people who are actually aspiring to do something. People who want to learn, create and build things. I’d love to work with people like that and eventually create something meaningful together and for myself too.
But right now I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing.

I keep thinking about the time I’ve already spent — the years after 12th, the drop year, the second NEET attempt, quitting that course after ₹40k, and now almost a year of Agriculture.
Sometimes it feels like I’ve already made too many wrong decisions.
At the same time, I know logically that I’m not actually out of time.
So idk.

If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you continue Agriculture and seriously build Tech skills alongside it?
Would you try somehow to switch to BCA/B.Sc. CS or another Tech-related degree?
Or would you just finish Agriculture and figure out something afterwards?

Especially interested in hearing from people who were in a similar situation with parents, career pressure, NEET/drops, or choosing a degree mainly because of family expectations.

I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me “follow your passion bro.” 😭
I genuinely want to know what would be the most practical thing to do from here.

A little about me / qualifications:
19M, currently doing B.Sc. (Hons.) Agriculture. Completed Class 12 in 2024 with PCB. Took a drop year for NEET after 12th, then another attempt later, but medicine was never really something I was interested in. I’m much more interested in tech, philosophy, psychology, literature, creativity and building things.

From childhood I was kinda forced to keep up with things like marks and grades and all that. I never really questioned it much either, I just went along with it.

I completed my class 12 in 2024.
When I joined class 11, I initially took PCM, but I joined pretty late and couldn’t cope up with everything, so I changed to PCB.
Then I stayed at home and studied for boards in class 11 since we have to write boards even for class 11 here.
I don’t even know what I was thinking at that time but I somehow convinced my parents to let me study at home in class 12 too, so I could cover both class 11 and 12 syllabus through an online course.
Except I never really studied.
I procrastinated almost every day and by the end of class 12 I already knew I wasn’t gonna make it.
Still, somehow I convinced myself to give NEET another try, so I took a drop year.
Didn’t put much effort into that either.

After NEET 2025, I was actually thinking about going into biotech or bioinformatics because I’m much more interested in tech and I thought maybe I could combine biology with it.
But my parents said there’s not much scope for those in India.

Then there was this small incident where my dad made me meet some neighbour uncle. He talked to me and somehow, idk how, forcefully convinced me to take another drop year for NEET.
And somehow I got convinced too because my parents wanted me to do it.
But literally the day I joined, I realised this isn’t for me.
So I quit.
₹40k loss for my parents because of me 💀

After that I became pretty rigid about not joining any other medical-related course.
I tried convincing my parents to let me join BCA or BSc Computer Science but they said no.
Pharmacy was one option but I said no because I genuinely don’t like chemistry.
So the options left were pretty limited and eventually my parents and that same uncle convinced me to take Agriculture.

I’m currently completing my second semester in Agriculture and honestly… I still couldn’t adjust to it.
I don’t think I’m really interested in Agriculture either. And the people around me aren’t really my vibe.

So now it’s been almost a year in Agriculture and I’m still in the same place mentally.
I barely study for exams. Currently I have final exams for second sem and I’m not even interested to open the books.

In college it’s also kinda difficult to manage things because of attendance and my college hours are barely productive. I basically just go for attendance.
My college is 9–4 and I have record work to write daily, huge chunks of it, so that eats up a lot of my time after college too.

And honestly I’m giving a pretty important part of my youth to something which I’m not interested in and I’m very uncertain about.
If this goes on, I feel like I’m just gonna waste some really important years of my life.
The things I’m actually interested in are tech, philosophy, psychology, literature, creativity, building things etc.

My parents want me to get a government job because it’s stable and secure.
But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing the same thing just because it’s stable and secure. Maybe I’m being stupid about this idk.
The thing is, I don’t even have some perfectly planned career in mind.

I’m still exploring.
I want to meet people who are actually aspiring to do something, people who want to create and build things, and hopefully create something meaningful together and for myself too.
But rn I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing.

I keep thinking about all the time I’ve already wasted — the two years after 12th, the drop year, quitting that course after paying 40k, now almost a year of Agriculture — and it makes me feel like I’ve messed up too much already.
At the same time, I’m only 19 and I know logically that I’m not actually out of time.
So idk.

If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you continue Agriculture and build tech skills alongside it? Try somehow to switch to a CS-related degree? Or take some completely different route?

Honestly just looking for perspectives from people who’ve been through something similar.

I somehow ended up with course which I’m not really interested in but my parents convinced me
I tried to convince them to let me join in something I like but they didn’t agree cause of stability factor
Initial days of clg was ok I thought I might learn something useful but it’s not really my boat
Most ppl around me also ended up in this cause they don’t really have much other choices
They somehow got used to this but No matter how much I try I can’t feel included
I barely listen to classes and I skip classes even tho it have weightage in CGPA
I open books few hours before exam and I barely study 1-2 hrs on the other hand ppl around study for hours
Frnds everyone have their own close ppl I’m js a side character
It’s almost end of second semester still I couldn’t put up myself to feel included
Everyday I force myself to attend classes js to maintain my attendance
Lately I’m feeling too lonely and starting to get existential crisis
My parents want me to get some gov job but I am not really interested in it cause I don’t want to spend rest of my life going to job daily which I don’t like but I need to go Js cause I would have more stability
The things I’m interested in are quite different from ppl around me so they think I’m a weirdo
I can’t find ppl that match my vibe 😭😭
Idk if this will ever change in my clg life😭😭

So I had this frnd she was my classmate in school we didn’t talk much in school but later we got pretty close during my class 11-12 I never feel weird around her nd can feel free enough to discuss literally any topic she was a weirdo like me ig we used to spend a lot of our time talking in vc or calls I thought she’s the robin to My Steve but she ended up confessing to me nd we kinda ended up on bad terms I stopped with my other guy frnds too cause of issues
When I joined UG I wasn’t quite interested into close frndship with anyone but yea an unexpected person became my frnd we became pretty close over the time like super close we always have fun when we hangout nd our vibe is soooo goodddd nd our humour is on the same boat so yea I thought she might be the robin but yea she got bf nd yea ik ur partner would be ur priority but she almost forgot my existence
Why does it keep happening to me😭😭
I’m so lonely now cause I don’t have any frnd to share abt anything 😭😭
I want a platonic friendship in my life
I’m 19M ambivert nd INFP-T
I’m enthusiastic nd quite interested to learn many things like philosophy,psychology,Literature, tech related stuff,random rabbit holes
I’m looking for long term frndship not js random talks once in a blue moon or ghosting after few days

If my robin to be is reading this
Pls come into my life already😭😭😭