u/Hermitfrog333

Like don't they know girls aren't real?

I've been lied to my whole life, believing in some kie called "girls", whatever that's supposed to be.

I dont think it's fair, tricking someone into believing such a lie.

I guess they were just being friendly and i'm stupid thinking they might've liked me back.

I've been trying so hard to gain the confidence and push past my anxiety to confess to this person.

Unfortunately, i'm stupid and didnt know they were in a relationship before I even started crushing on them.

The problem is, i've now made up some crappy lie saying I like someone else who I dont have a chance at getting with, because they asked who I liked.

Anyways, the problem here is, my feelings for this person haven't even wavered. Like I still like them more than ever.

And to make it even harder to move on from them, they keep coming up to me at school, texting me a lot, they're one of the first people in a long time to make me feel accepted and valuable.

Why do they keep doing this to me?!

They practically flirt with me, they wont leave me alone and stupid me wont let them leave me alone.

So.... how do I move on so I dont make things more complicated and ruin our friendship and their relationship?

Since i'm a minor, would they tell my parents?

I have therapists. But in the group therapy I go to, they have other clients who are newer and worse than me.

Lately, i've been struggling with trying not to relapse.

Like i've been staying up crying every night, trying to hold myself back.

Everyday, my therapy center gives us questions to fill out like

" suicidal?

Having thoughts of sh?

Other safety concerns?"

I've answered yes to them before. My therapist was very helpful, asked me a few questions, asked me what we want to do abt it.

But now... I dont want to burden my therapist anymore than I have already.

I hate bringing up self harm with him because I feel so guilty, I went to the therapy for OCD fears of sh, then after I got over that fear, I ended up self harming. I hate myself for it.

I wasted everyone's time trying to get over that fear.

Anyways, I dont want to burden my therapist, so I should just text 988 instead.

That's my last option.

But will 988 tell my parents I texted them?

I just need these suicidal and harm thoughts to stop.

I'm so tired....

Well... i thought they were supposed to fade.

In the past week, I started wearing short sleeve more and that forced me to look at my arms more.

I'm honestly kinda surprised. I thought my scars were fading but in the past while they only seem to have gotten more noticeable and maybe even more textured.

This isn't what I was expecting.

They've gone from barely noticeable scars to now very prominent and obvious....

I can't say i'm mad at this (not saying i'm happy either) i'm just surprised I guess...

Maybe i've just tanned(?) But I dont think I'll have much....

I hate it. I absolutely hate what I have done to my body.

I didn't mind it and i know I kinda still like looking at my scars.... I just can't stand them anymore.

Every since my mom has found out, she breaks down every time my scars show.

I hate this. My body will take a very long time to possibly be back to how she wishes it was like.

Some of my really deep scars might take years to go away and thats gonna be years more of my mom staring at my body with this stupid pitiful look.

I like my scars. I regret giving myself them. I hate what I did to my body. I hate how my mom feels like that. I hate how i'm struggling to look at her pov because i'm too immature too.

I hate this all so much.

Idk.

My mom and therapist have both been trying to get me out of sweaters.... trying to get me comfortable with showing my scars. I'm honestly fine with showing my scars... I just dont know if it would be fine to wear shorts and short sleeve at school?