u/Hermitfrog333

I need recommendations. I can't find any that I enjoy reading lately.

Oh! Also, I dont like smut.

Maybe I'm asking for too much...

But if anyone has any good recommendations, please do share!

I can't stand it anymore! Every webtoon just HAS to have this misunderstanding that gets dragged for ages.

​

Does anyone have any romance recommendations where the main couple communicates or at least doesn't let the misunderstanding drag out for ages?

I can't stand it anymore! Every webtoon just HAS to have this misunderstanding that gets dragged for ages.

​

Does anyone have any romance recommendations where the main couple communicates or at least doesn't let the misunderstanding drag out for ages?

I can't stand it anymore! Every webtoon just HAS to have this misunderstanding that gets dragged for ages.

​

Does anyone have any romance recommendations where the main couple communicates or at least doesn't let the misunderstanding drag out for ages?

I love these two because of the communication, connection, loyalty, and green flags. I need more like them. Does anyone know any?

On a scale of 1-54

I'm 38 days clean.

My therapists are proud i've not relapsed yet because this is the longest I've made it.

But I need to go deeper. And more.

Scars are fading.

Depression hasn't been this bad in weeks.

I want that cold feeling after a relapse.

The only thing stopping me is the fear of disappointing my therapists.

Warning: mention of sh and suicide and crap idk

So when my therapist found out I used to self harm, he asked if i've ever been bullied... i said no.... because I didn't really think of any time that I had been, or I just didnt want to count this as bullying.

But today I was talking to my mom abt how she used to get bullied and I told her how I told my therapist I was never bullied, she reminded me of my story/past that I completely forgot happened 2 or 3 years ago.

She said I should tell my therapist because it was traumatic and it caused most of the mental health problems I deal with today.

But I dont know if it counts as bullying or is big enough a deal to worry about with my therapist.

Anyways,

What happened was:

Back in 5th grade, I had made my first ever friend.

We were in the middle of a break after she and another friend had told me they didnt want to be my friend anymore as a prank (ik, it was 5th grade, we were all immature), and they ghosted me for a week, causing me an anxiety attack everytime I was near them.

Anyways, when we made up, she had gotten a phone and we started texting a lot.

Then she went on vacation.

While she was on vacation, I got a text from her.

It was something childish like pretending she was texting the wrong number and talking to them about how stupid and bad of a friend I was and how I could never be good enough for anyone or smth like that.

She went on, giving up the act of pretending it was the wrong number and started telling me directly how pathetic I am and how no one could care about me and how she'd choose anyone/everyone over me.

(Mind you, I was there for this friend through all her hard times, like family deaths, abusive family members, etc.)

As the convo went on, she said a lot more hurtful stuff I've kinda erased from my memory.

I do remember she went on A LOT about how untrustworthy, immature and stupid i am.

She claimed it was all a prank later btw.

It ended in me telling her i'm blocking her and her saying "so? Its not like its the end of my life."

When she came back to school, she told me and my other friend that she tried killing herself because I blocked her and she felt so bad.

After 3 years, we aren't friends, she's moved away, and I dont know if she's even alive.

The next school year, in 5th grade, I made new friends.

One person in this friend group however, would beat me up.

The beatings got worse the closer we got.

She would slap me as hard as she could, she would call me names or some harsh insult, and would beat me until I was bruised up with her hard lunch box.

She would even sometimes act like she got hurt and blame it on me, making me out to be her bully.

I let all this go because she always said it's just how our friendship is, friends jokingly bully eachother.

It wasnt until other friends in the friendgroup told me she was toxic and we shouldn't be friends with her that I left.

When I later confronted her (in a stupid and immature way), she blamed it all on me and told me I was the toxic and abusive one and how I turned everyone on her for no reason.

BTW, everyone in these stories, even the frndgroup and other friends, they all ended up ghosting me last year or the year before that.

Please, excuse my typos or bad and messy grammar.

Please, tell me if any of this counts as bullying.

Idk if its that big of a deal.

Like sometimes it feels like its very traumatic but then it feels like we were just immature small kids who were stupid and its no big of a deal. I feel like I made it sound worse than it was.

These are all so immature so please excuse that.

Like don't they know girls aren't real?

I've been lied to my whole life, believing in some kie called "girls", whatever that's supposed to be.

I dont think it's fair, tricking someone into believing such a lie.

I guess they were just being friendly and i'm stupid thinking they might've liked me back.

I've been trying so hard to gain the confidence and push past my anxiety to confess to this person.

Unfortunately, i'm stupid and didnt know they were in a relationship before I even started crushing on them.

The problem is, i've now made up some crappy lie saying I like someone else who I dont have a chance at getting with, because they asked who I liked.

Anyways, the problem here is, my feelings for this person haven't even wavered. Like I still like them more than ever.

And to make it even harder to move on from them, they keep coming up to me at school, texting me a lot, they're one of the first people in a long time to make me feel accepted and valuable.

Why do they keep doing this to me?!

They practically flirt with me, they wont leave me alone and stupid me wont let them leave me alone.

So.... how do I move on so I dont make things more complicated and ruin our friendship and their relationship?

Since i'm a minor, would they tell my parents?

I have therapists. But in the group therapy I go to, they have other clients who are newer and worse than me.

Lately, i've been struggling with trying not to relapse.

Like i've been staying up crying every night, trying to hold myself back.

Everyday, my therapy center gives us questions to fill out like

" suicidal?

Having thoughts of sh?

Other safety concerns?"

I've answered yes to them before. My therapist was very helpful, asked me a few questions, asked me what we want to do abt it.

But now... I dont want to burden my therapist anymore than I have already.

I hate bringing up self harm with him because I feel so guilty, I went to the therapy for OCD fears of sh, then after I got over that fear, I ended up self harming. I hate myself for it.

I wasted everyone's time trying to get over that fear.

Anyways, I dont want to burden my therapist, so I should just text 988 instead.

That's my last option.

But will 988 tell my parents I texted them?

I just need these suicidal and harm thoughts to stop.

I'm so tired....

Well... i thought they were supposed to fade.

In the past week, I started wearing short sleeve more and that forced me to look at my arms more.

I'm honestly kinda surprised. I thought my scars were fading but in the past while they only seem to have gotten more noticeable and maybe even more textured.

This isn't what I was expecting.

They've gone from barely noticeable scars to now very prominent and obvious....

I can't say i'm mad at this (not saying i'm happy either) i'm just surprised I guess...

Maybe i've just tanned(?) But I dont think I'll have much....