I feel like a mean person for saying this but I sometimes get really frustrated with talkative people, especially ones that don’t really “read the room”. When I want peace and quiet to myself but then suddenly an extremely talkative person appears and starts asking me loads of questions or going on a monologue and it’s like leave me aloneeee lol.

Then again, I’m admittedly not the most confrontational of people so I don’t really ask them directly to quit talking to me/I need peace, I kinda just either give one word answers and hope they get the message lol, or I make an excuse to leave the room and settle somewhere else, or I make out like I need to listen to a podcast and put my headphones on. I’m not looking to hurt their feelings. The ones that carry on talking to me despite me having headphones on/reading a book are tricky.

Who relates?

I feel like a mean person for saying this but I sometimes get really frustrated with talkative people, especially ones that don’t really “read the room”. When I want peace and quiet to myself but then suddenly an extremely talkative person appears and starts asking me loads of questions or going on a monologue and it’s like leave me aloneeee lol.

Then again, I’m admittedly not the most confrontational of people so I don’t really ask them directly to quit talking to me/I need peace, I kinda just either give one word answers and hope they get the message lol, or I make an excuse to leave the room and settle somewhere else, or I make out like I need to listen to a podcast and put my headphones on. I’m not looking to hurt their feelings. The ones that carry on talking to me despite me having headphones on/reading a book are tricky.

Who relates?

This is something I’ve noticed I sometimes do - I sometimes have a tendency to fixate on one detail/incident in a situation, and will forget/not mention the wider pattern.

For example, within an overall difficult workplace/friendship that has been bothering me in general, when asking for advice, I might only mention one specific situation “ugh she cancelled on me then asked me to help her tidy up” or “my manager complained about something really small”. As a result, people/listeners will seem kinda confused and have a “that doesn’t sound THAT bad” type reaction (because they don’t see that the small incident is part of a wider pattern, because I fail to mention it for some reason). 

Idk, I would speculate maybe it can be a neurodivergent trait to sometimes “not see the wood for the trees” aka to fixate on one detail/incident instead of the bigger picture/larger pattern, especially when venting to others or asking for advice. And it can lead to a feeling of being invalidated. 

Can anyone relate to that?

Gonna put my hands up and admit that I tend to talk to myself a lot, and I’m embarrassed by it. It’s not something I want people to know about, or point out. Trying to stop, but old habits die hard. It’s a weird, compulsive thing I do - likely borne out of neurodivergence or similar.

Basically a friend noticed it and seemed concerned, but then a few days later they mocked me about it in front of multiple people. It didn’t feel like light hearted teasing, they seemed kinda… contemptuous when they did it. I felt really, really embarrassed. The friend then rang me a few days later being like “I’m sorry I did that haha”. It didn’t feel like a genuine apology, ya know? The situation also sticks in my head because while it was happening, no one stood up for me, and no one checked that I was okay afterwards. Then the person who did it seemed sad and surprised when I distanced myself from them.

Idk, it happened a long while ago but it still pops into my head and makes me feel bad, especially that none of the others stood up for me or checked that I was okay.

Has anyone else found themselves in a situation like that, and how did they react?

Gonna put my hands up and admit that I tend to talk to myself a lot, and I’m embarrassed by it. It’s not something I want people to know about, or point out. Trying to stop, but old habits die hard. It’s a weird, compulsive thing I do - likely borne out of neurodivergence or similar.

Basically a friend noticed it and seemed concerned, but then a few days later they mocked me about it in front of multiple people. It didn’t feel like light hearted teasing, they seemed kinda… contemptuous when they did it. I felt really, really embarrassed. The friend then rang me a few days later being like “I’m sorry I did that haha”. It didn’t feel like a genuine apology, ya know? The situation also sticks in my head because while it was happening, no one stood up for me, and no one checked that I was okay afterwards. Then the person who did it seemed sad and surprised when I distanced myself from them.

Idk, it happened a long while ago but it still pops into my head and makes me feel bad, especially that none of the others stood up for me or checked that I was okay.

Has anyone else found themselves in a situation like that, and how did they react?

I’ve had this happen where I’ve either directly told the person that I’m not up for chatting, or I’ve signalled it, eg putting headphones on, withdrawing etc.

And the other person gets offended and acts like I’m being rude.

And it’s strange because why is me needing some space and quiet time “rude”? Isn’t the other person the one who is rude for getting offended that some needs a breather?

Also for them, why would they want to chat to someone, who clearly doesn’t feel up for chatting?

Has anyone else faced this - people acting like you’re “rude” for not wanting to chat due to tiredness, not having much to say etc?

It’s also frustrating because people say “just tell people directly when you don’t feel like talking”, but when you DO that, you’re rude 🙄 

Edit:
it’s happened during a car journey with a friend where we’d already been talking loads and I kinda wanted a breather. Told her “we don’t always need to be talking, you know” and she called me rude for saying that. Which yeah, maybe reads as blunt, but I kinda meant it as “don’t feel pressured to come up with convo topics if there’s nothing to say, silence isn’t awkward, it’s okay”. It’s also happened with family members just chilling out at home. Sometimes during break times at work I get the sense I’m being interpreted as rude, if im not responsive when a coworker tries to chitchat with me (but I haven’t directly been called rude in that setting… yet anyway lol).

I’ve had this happen where I’ve either directly told the person that I’m not up for chatting, or I’ve signalled it, eg putting headphones on, withdrawing etc.

And the other person gets offended and acts like I’m being rude.

And it’s strange because why is me needing some space and quiet time “rude”? Isn’t the other person the one who is rude for getting offended that some needs a breather?

Also for them, why would they want to chat to someone, who clearly doesn’t feel up for chatting?

Has anyone else faced this - people acting like you’re “rude” for not wanting to chat due to tiredness, not having much to say etc?

It’s also frustrating because people say “just tell people directly when you don’t feel like talking”, but when you DO that, you’re rude 🙄 

Edit:
it’s happened during a car journey with a friend where we’d already been talking loads and I kinda wanted a breather. Told her “we don’t always need to be talking, you know” and she called me rude for saying that. Which yeah, maybe reads as blunt, but I kinda meant it as “don’t feel pressured to come up with convo topics if there’s nothing to say, silence isn’t awkward, it’s okay”. It’s also happened with family members just chilling out at home. Sometimes during break times at work I get the sense I’m being interpreted as rude, if im not responsive when a coworker tries to chitchat with me (but I haven’t directly been called rude in that setting… yet anyway lol).

I’ve had this happen where I’ve either directly told the person that I’m not up for chatting, or I’ve signalled it, eg putting headphones on, withdrawing etc.

And the other person gets offended and acts like I’m being rude.

And it’s strange because why is me needing some space and quiet time “rude”? Isn’t the other person the one who is rude for getting offended that some needs a breather?

Also for them, why would they want to chat to someone, who clearly doesn’t feel up for chatting?

Has anyone else faced this - people acting like you’re “rude” for not wanting to chat due to tiredness, not having much to say etc?

It’s also frustrating because people say “just tell people directly when you don’t feel like talking”, but when you DO that, you’re rude 🙄 

Edit:
it’s happened during a car journey with a friend where we’d already been talking loads and I kinda wanted a breather. Told her “we don’t always need to be talking, you know” and she called me rude for saying that. Which yeah, maybe reads as blunt, but I kinda meant it as “don’t feel pressured to come up with convo topics if there’s nothing to say, silence isn’t awkward, it’s okay”. It’s also happened with family members just chilling out at home. Sometimes during break times at work I get the sense I’m being interpreted as rude, if im not responsive when a coworker tries to chitchat with me (but I haven’t directly been called rude in that setting… yet anyway lol).

On an alt account, I discussed an experience of having someone get annoyed at some small preferences of mine.

But I wanted to kinda zoom out with society at large, and it’s definitely something I’ve noticed - some people are allowed to have preferences or to be “inconvenient”, whereas others aren’t.

I’ve noticed that people who are higher on the “hierarchy” can state their preferences and people will almost certainly accommodate them, whereas if someone who is, I guess, seen as “lower down” for whatever reason (gender, lower economic status, being considered less attractive, being neurodivergent etc) states that they have a preference, people are more likely to get annoyed at them, act like they’re being dramatic, act as though it’s a massive inconvenience, and not accommodate the preference. Even when the preference is completely benign and harmless. It sometimes feels like people who are “lower down” are expected to just “put up and shut up”, even when they need a very minor accommodation to feel comfortable, healthy etc. It sometimes feels like people can get outraged that certain people have preferences because clearly they “don’t know their place” (which is to put up and shut up).

The example I gave was being vegetarian and experiencing people being huffy about it. Whereas I’ve witnessed other people have similar preferences which just get accommodated no question.

Who else has witnessed this? It kinda sucks that this is how society can be 

Supposing you had an 11 year old child, and she got invited to a sleepover at a friend’s house, and another friend would be there too. In total - 3 friends sleeping over together, all 11 years old.

Later you find out that the two other girls wanted to sleep in the room together just them two, and they wanted your child to sleep in a separate room, and the two girls were getting frustrated at your child for feeling sad and asking to share with them. The reason the two girls gave, was that the room was too small for three of them. In the end the girls relented and let her share, but they weren’t that happy about it.

How would you address this with your child when she told you about this, to make her feel better? Or would you kinda chalk it up to “kids being kids”?