u/Hobbs2015

I just got back from a brunch date with an old friend Beth (40’sF). Her and I have been friends since third grade. Life got the best of us and we lost contact but recently reconnected over the book of faces and decided to go catch up over some sushi and coffee.
My kiddo, River, is 14 and came with us. We homeschool so the intention was they’ll do class work while the adults chitchat. Beth brought her toddler grand kid. I think she said they’re 2, or almost 2 years old. Anyway, we sit down and fell into this easy conversation. Typical life stuff. Waitress comes by and takes our order. She’s a sweet young girl looked like maybe early 20s. She apologized on the extra wait for my spider roll, stating that she was a new mom, tired, and accidentally hit the wrong button when putting in my order. I told her I’m not in a hurry, and I’m clearly not starving (lol) so take your time. I even made a little comment that if she wanted to, just bring the pot of coffee over to the table so I can refill myself so she can go have a sit and breathe. She had a little laugh and said “I wish!”

Eventually the spider roll came and oh my goodness was it delicious. This is my favorite place for sushi because everything is made fresh and they never skimp on the spicy mayo or eel sauce. I’ve also never had a bad experience here.

Meanwhile, Beth’s grandkid is a typical toddler kid. Eating with their hands, getting food all over the table, in their hair, their clothes, their face. You know, normal kid shit. Our bills came and the waitress laid them on the table and said whenever we are ready to cash out she will be our cashier. Now this is where Beth’s personality changed. River closed their laptop and put it away. They grabbed some napkins and started wiping the table down. River took our plates and stacked them neatly in the center of the table. To paint a better picture, we were sitting at a round table and we were sitting me, Beth, toddler, River. So Beth was sitting next to me, not across from me and the two kids were next to each other. River dipped a napkin in their cup of water and wiped up the mess the toddler made. All of this without prompting from me. I also took my empty coffee cup and put our used chopsticks in it and sat that next to the dirty plates. I told River thank you for helping and Beth snapped.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s not your job. River, did you know they get PAID to clean the table?” River is a little socially awkward so they just said “yeah”, then looked at me for rescue. Then River said “I’ll go wait in the car”. Probably to avoid the confrontation that was about to happen. Smart kid.

I told Beth that I’m raising my kid to be kind and respectful to everyone, especially to those in the food service industry. That the employees may “get paid” to bus tables and make sure we have a good experience, but it’s not our job to make them work harder than necessary. I told Beth that our waitress said she’s a new mom and though we aren’t required to clean up after ourselves, it’s kind of effortless to at least make their job less stressful.
I proceeded to grab my wallet and placed a $20 tip on the table. Which ignited another round of me having to justify myself. Beth said “and a $20 tip?!! You literally did half her job for her! If you don’t want that $20 I could use it for gas”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. I can’t believe this is the same Beth that I once knew. I just looked at her and said “I have to go, River is waiting for me” I didn’t trust Beth to leave my $20 on the table so I took it and handed it to the waitress on my way out the door.

I have always cleaned up after myself in public and in the privacy of my own home. River is my baby, the youngest of 3 and ALL my kids were raised to clean up after themselves whether in public or not. My oldest (24F) has worked food service before and while she always hated cleaning up the table as a kid, definitely now appreciates the effort we put in to making our waiter/waitress’ job a little easier.
I don’t think I’ll be making any efforts to reach out to Beth. I can’t be friends with people like that.