u/HoboStrider

Hey Group,

I hope you are all good. My client who pays £400 a day Outside IR35 has asked if I would consider going on contract for 9-12 months.

I am kind of open to this.

Outside of the finance side. The client has been generally good to work with. I sometimes do outside hours but it's been a lot less stressful. My industry has felt abusive the last few years, with personalities, cuts, higher expectations and just boundary crossing behaviour.

This client really values and respects me. I still have a few more months with them outside IR35 so they are just wanting a figure to weigh up.

My two options are keep working outside IR35 for potentially 2-4 more months or staying with them 9-12 months as an employee.

It may be better for my mental health at the moment rather than my finances.

What would you take as a contract or salary?

Today I hit 120 days of not smoking. It's attempt 9 after rinse and repeating if I failed of cold turkey. That's just restarting cold turkey all over again.

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I started smoking at 28. I have had periods or milestones in other addiction recovery, that I am not proud of. I feel really proud of being four months completely free of smoking and nicotine. I've never been able to put down tobacco for a long time.

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It's has the most annoying hold on me and my nervous system.

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Luckily I have a good therapist I do EMDR work and we have done a lot before my quit and I had a four week break and met with her last Saturday. She brought up how hard my nervous system is working and pointed that it must be so tiring. Not just dealing with negative emotions and recovery but also being in work and work going well. I am having to fake so much emotion and reciprocating positive emotions.

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It feels so odd but I found some work that the people are nice and respectful towards me. I have not had that in a long time so it's so unsettling.

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I have four more weekly sessions with my therapist to do some work on my nervous system but I feel better but like recovery feels like such a long to do list I am never near the end of.

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I'm 38 now. I was 60 days free on my last birthday and never want to smoke again. I know it's still early days and I am staying vigilant but it's feels like such an old habit.

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I didn't use any substitutes I only had a straw necklace but just powered through. I was a chain smoker from dealing with some trauma. I used smoking to aid my nervous system but thanks to some therapy before and during my quit I have other resources that work well for me.

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My teeth feel so much better now. I had some aches and dehydration but actively resting and taking vitiums now. Dyhyrdation has been a big issue so stay hydrated. So trying to focus on the better sides of recovery.

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Without making a long post my cairdo is incredible. I can do 15x3 min rounds of exercise and even the last four weeks did four one to ones with my old Muay Thai coach. He noticed my stamina has peaked to be the best. I have more weight but we can easily train for 90 minutes and I can go for swim straight after. Exercising and eating well.

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This was so difficult for me for the first 90 days. I keep a note that this was attempt 9 for this smoking sobriety attempt. I've tried hundreds of times. This is the commitment I want to stick and has 8 attempts before this one. I would smoke then go back to trying to stop.

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I have more respect for myself and feel way better than I did four months ago so just want to share for hitting this milestone.

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Today I hit 120 days of not smoking. It's attempt 9 after rinse and repeating if I failed of cold turkey. That's just restarting cold turkey all over again.

​

I started smoking at 28. I have had periods or milestones in other addiction recovery, that I am not proud of. I feel really proud of being four months completely free of smoking and nicotine. I've never been able to put down tobacco for a long time.

​

It's has the most annoying hold on me and my nervous system.

​

I'm 38 now. I was 60 days free on my last birthday and never want to smoke again. I know it's still early days and I am staying vigilant but it's feels like such an old habit.

​

I didn't use any substitutes I only had a straw necklace but just powered through. I was a chain smoker from dealing with some trauma. I used smoking to aid my nervous system but thanks to some therapy before and during my quit I have other resources that work well for me.

​

The smell of smoking now smells awful. I can't stand it which I try not to be judgemental of and always put in my head that's toxic so you stay away. I never vaped but hate that smell too.

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My teeth feel so much better now. I had some aches and dehydration but actively resting and taking vitiums now. Dyhyrdation has been a big issue so stay hydrated.

​

Without making a long post my cairdo is incredible. I can do 15x3 min rounds of exercise and even the last four weeks did four one to ones with my old Muay Thai coach. He noticed my stamina has peaked to be the best. I have more weight but we can easily train for 90 minutes and I can go for swim straight after. Exercising and eating well.

​

This was so difficult for me for the first 90 days. I keep a note that this was attempt 9 for this smoking sobriety attempt. I've tried hundreds of times. This is the commitment I want to stick and has 8 attempts before this one. I would smoke then go back to trying to stop.

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It's not easy but it is workable if you do it day by day and learn lessons from relapsing.

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I am proud of myself today and wish that for a other quiter too.

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Hey group,

I was going to do the scale on my day 90 but wanted to do two private Muay Thai classes. These are my one-to-ones that I've not done in 6 months.

I'll be honest. I've been eating trash more often. Having a twix bar or two. Munchies. Really emotionally eating but I really wanted to get through the first 90 days of smoke and nicotine free before I worried about my weight.

I am now 112kg. I was 100kg when I was last at my doctor's. I am 6ft.

I really want to get my weight down but sat down today and made a little plan and set some goals over the next 9/12 months.

I've exercised near enough mostly everyday in my quit but have not been weight training for the better part of a year. I've always done my cardio, Muay Thai, bag work, Running and Skipping. And I love swimming. Fencing as a hobby.

The good thing. My lungs are clear and are massively healthy compared to where they were. I have been doing therapy and my self image is really good.

About 8 years ago I weighed around 136kg (almost 300 pounds) and got my weight down to 90kg (about 200 pounds). So I know it's possible because I have done it already.

Despite my weight, my fitness is really good. I can skip 5-8 rounds easy, do push ups and squats. Even though I took a break from Muay Thai, I didn't stop in my sessions. We done skipping, shadowboxing, sparring, pad work and done five rounds of light sparring. I could feel the fat on finishing core but it didn't stop me from doing what my coach was doing.

He said he could feel the weight in sparring.

So I want to get back into training. I love it and want to spend some time back in weightlifting, eating correctly and sleeping. Martial Arts is something I love and I need to give my body and health that attention and love.

I know these things don't seem important but I was happier when I felt healthier.

I'm making a lot of progress in therapy. I came from a dysfunctional family, both my parents were both severely vain people and very self centred. My dad was a construction worker but also grew weed and sold drugs. My mum was very cosmetic and materialistic. At my teenage years I was looking after two younger sisters then I would be a carer for my brother when he later became a severe addict.

I tried disconnecting from them and had low contact for a decade. No contact came via getting contacted for care responsibilities in my early 30s. They essentially lost their kids due to dysfunctional relationships and illegal behaviour.

In my adult life I seem to attract people with Narcissistic tendencies. Through work and friendships. Some of these relationships would be interpersonal.

Sometimes I seem to just attract repeated narcissistic behaviour from people I wasn't in relationships with. Like I rented a co-working space and one of the other members used to be abusive towards me. I would repeatedly tell him to stop but his abusive behaviour tactics felt similar to domestic violence. Not overly but very psychological. Which felt gross. I ended up moving into a private office.

I'm doing well in therapy and just reflecting on these people and their impact.

I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, Autistic with Bipolar. I take medication and seeing results in my life.

Just reflecting on things like Brain Fog and how a lot of this abuse was non physical but like a one sided psychological fight.

Does anyone relate? Like these felt very personal but the person was never like a partner.

Progress in therapy. I am doing EMDR for a second time, a focus with this therapy was to stop some bad habits I had picked up when dealing with high level of toxicity in relationships. I am day 76 on not smoking (attempt 9) and doing it cold turkey. This feels like the final attempt as with therapy and actively quiting and using audiobook resources. My mind feels clear. It's the first time for me.

One thing that has happened with the high level of stress is I have experienced hair shredding. My hair has thinned with my scalp being noticeable. My GP says my scalp is healthy and to stick with my quit and give it 9-12 months to see if it clears.

It might be an age thing as I am 38 but I would love to give my hair it's best chance as it would be great to keep a big part of me.

I bought vitamins Iron, Vitamin D and Vitamin B12 to help.

Would you advise any other vitamins or diet focus for helping?

One thing is my confidence is better than ever as I got a new job with this going on. I do like my hair but appearance isn't everything. I'm getting back in shape and reading and drawing again so I am finding myself again