u/HoboStrider

Hey ex-smokers, 

Just an FYI. I have C-PTSD, Severe PTSD and Bipolar Disorder. I have been using smoking to regulate myself and cope for some time. 

I've hit day 91. Total abstinence of all smoking and nicotine and marijuana. Complete cold turkey. I've done two plus years of weed sobriety but smoking tobacco has felt the most difficult. I don't smoke cigarettes, I always smoked rolling tobacco. 

I relapsed a couple about a year and half ago with weed and have been on and off again doing it. I've been chain smoking tobacco for most of my year. 

No judgement on what your poison is or was, cigarettes, capes, rollies or a big gandalf pipe. Given up is hard but it does become great. 

It was attempt 9 in a row for me. I would keep a tally mark on my office wall. I would relapse and start my tally mark again. Today marks the longest I've been a non-smoker since starting when I was 28. 

I'm 38 now and wanted it to stop so I could have a better life for myself. 

What made me become a smoker. It was low self-esteem, low self-respect and a bad self image of myself. I always thought smoking was gross as a teenager. What made me change...taken drugs. 

I never had any friends. I had a lot of trauma in my life that felt like it kind of put a wall between me and other people. I had a series of severe traumas impact my childhood. I never delt with them. I just didn't know how. 

I managed to get a good creative career but kind of just went through life. Overworking and a bit directionless. I never got in a relationship. I never made any real friends. The friends I did make offered cannabis, and later cocaine. Usually these relationships where toxic and bullying. 

My workplace would follow these dynamics too. 

I was never a drinker. I grew up around a lot of alcoholics and always hated their behaviour. 

I've been in therapy for years but could never afford it regularly. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 

I'm struggling with my anxiety. I was seeing a therapist and I am taken a little break from seeing her. I may go back in the next couple of weeks. 

Therapy was a huge help. I have been doing EMDR and talk therapy with that same therapist. This has helped me build some internal resources that have supported me in my quit. 

I have taken on work for three last four weeks and my boss respects and loves my creative work. We had a big presentation that went great. It's good to feel I am getting back on track with my career in a healthy way. 

Health:

I've gained some weight but have been at the gym everyday. I used to train Muay Thai so actively do skipping, running, stretching and weight lifting in this style. Lungs feel great and endurance has greatly increased. 

Weight Gain:

This has happened but I'm less worried about it. I am actively eating healthier and trying to change some negative food habits. I plan to do a check in on my weigh on Day 135. 

Smell:

I don't smell anymore. Or at least smell like tobacco and smoke anymore. I am alone so no one but me notices it but I feel more comfortable and less anxious being around people. I got some aftershave on day 60 which is new for me. 

Hydration & Vitamins:

My doctor recommended me taken vitamins after I went and seen her a couple of weeks ago. I take some Vitamins B, Iron, C and Zinc. I always started taken Collagen supplements a couple of weeks ago. It feels like my body has recalibrated but smoking depleted my body of a lot so I am actively trying to help it in quit. 

Coughing Up:

I can't remember the last time this happened but it was heavy for the first 45-60 days. Feels like ages ago since I coughed up. 

Teeth and Tongue:

I got a tongue scrapper and a couple of tooth brushes. My tongue still gets a bit yellow in the morning but it's gone after a scrap which makes it pink. My tongue was a heavy yellow and white before but it's done like 65/75% of when I smoked. 

Crying:

I still have times I start tearing up or crying. I think because I used it to emotionally numb or to regulate my emotions in a bullied relationship or smoking to company me ruminating. 

Breathing:

This has been a tremendous impact. My breathing is clearer and lung capacity is great. I'm still learning to exhale easier and breath softer which has more to do with my anxiety. I used to straw necklace to help replace the physical smoking. It's like a steal pipe on a necklace (nothing inside) just like breathing through a straw. 

Self Image:

My confidence in myself and abilities has increased with quiting smoking. I have a better image of myself as a non-smoker and when passing smokers the smell makes me feel a bit gross. I still regret being a smoker for so long but remember I am actively trying to be a non-smoker now which makes it a little easier. 

Being a non-smoker is really difficult but it gets way easier and I hope to keep going with this. 

It's really worth it.