u/Honest-Attempt2297

My brain constantly fluctuates with religion in the most unhealthy way. I will go through a rabbit hole on reddit and feel uncomfortable in religion + fear of psychosis coming from thinking about it too much. And then I wanna quit and change my views or lessen my beliefs but then my family would be heartbroken and I would ruin their lives to choose my temporary comfort. But then I’ll see a tiktok video about religion and all of a sudden I am so happy and comfortable and I never want to change it again. 5 minutes later I’m back on Reddit with irritability that I don’t feel like myself at all or am I doing the right thing? Am I living for my family? I think about it way too much I just want to believe it’s real for a second and pass away in a miracle so I don’t have to go through this anymore. It’s been THREE years and the same cycle occurs. I am tired. Even if I change myself I would lose so many relationships and my families sanity.

No one talks about this. I am on meds and consistently see my psychiatrist and therapist. Some of my relatives are on some type of depression medication. So we are told. My immediate family leave comments about themselves saying "we all probably have bipolar haha." What's funny about it? Get diagnosed first. You show symptoms of SOMETHING, go see a doctor or talk to a therapist. I am taking responsibility and caring for my mental health, you do the same instead of labeling my disorder like a circus.

It’s infuriating being the only person taking accountability and watching our mental health. The people around me show signs of instability and joke about it, yet IM the problem when it comes down to seeking help. I’m expected to carry the label while they spill their issues on others, because they would rather avoid a diagnose. Suddenly I’m treated like the “crazy” one, when in reality I am the only person willing to put in efforts towards myself and the way I may impact other individuals.

I am writing this to share how I feel. Anyone relate?

For context I have bipolar disorder. Before diagnosis, I experienced religious psychosis. I had delusions. My family of course, supported it. But I was really falling into a deep hole.

I feel limited because I can’t be with the person I love (Can’t with my religion). I don’t want to stand out in the crowd anymore, due to anxiety (I wear a scarf and live in the west).

I don’t know what religion is anymore and my family makes it harder, screaming at us to pray and that we will go to hell if this and that. I either choose myself, cut contact, or continue to live with my family and not sacrifice my only relationships. Continue to pretend everything is fine and that I am contempt with my faith. Constantly have thoughts about religion and whether I am really ruining my life. I don’t want to think too much because I don’t want psychosis again.

I hope someone understands. Please be nice.

I was born muslim. I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I find it hard to be close to religion because part of me is scared of triggering another episode, but another part of me wonders if what I experienced was real. How do I know what's what.

And the worst part is that I will never know. Was it God? Was it mania? Both?
Does having bipolar even mean anything? I don't have answers.
I miss my faith. I miss feeling a connection to God. I want to feel connected to the afterlife. I want peace. But I just can't do it without that risk and fear of religious psychosis.

Growing up in a extremely religious family makes this more confusing. They see these experiences as spiritual gifts, but they'd never understand. They would worry about me not making it to heaven, giving me more anxiety.

Being religious makes me analyze everything, it's hard to feel comfort in something that once brought me pain.

I need advice. Is there a way to work on this. Yes I see a therapist + psychiatrist.

Thanks for reading.

I find it hard to be close to religion because part of me is scared of triggering another episode, but another part of me wonders if what I experienced was real. How do I know what’s what.

And the worst part is that I will never know. Was it God? Was it mania? Both? Does having bipolar even mean anything? I don’t have answers.

I miss my faith. I miss feeling a connection to God. I want to feel connected to the afterlife. But I just can’t do it without that risk and fear.

Growing up in a extremely religious family makes this more confusing. They see these experiences as spiritual gifts, but they’d never understand. They would worry about me not making it to heaven, giving me more anxiety. I have to fake it and this makes me drift away more.

Being religious makes me analyze everything, it’s hard to feel comfort in something that once brought me pain.

Just wondering if anyone relates.

Don’t know how im writing this. Do i stop my second dose ?? Woke up 20 times having vivid dreams of taking pain killers constantly within 3 hours.

Does it really get better after the first week? I’m sensitive to side effects and this headache is not something i’ve had before.

I’m at the lowest dose 10.5

Idk if this is the right place to post this but as a person with Bipolar 1, I have this fear of feeling judged internally and the things I say and go back on. I hold back on saying things to my therapist with a fear of her dropping me because of annoyance or of my family background being really different than the majority.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way because it’s their job to listen to me etc. The feeling seems to persist.

Meds other than lithium don’t seem to work for me because of side effects. What’s the best combo to take with lithium to reduce mania, restlessness, anxiety and/or depression- maintain my mood and irritability.

I see my psychiatrist soon to remove a med we tried. Just want some insight on people’s experiences. What’s your cocktail?

I started 2 weeks ago and my sleep was bad at first but it’s starting to get better. However, I can’t sit down very long. I am so fidgety and need to move around all the time. It’s so hard to stay seated in meetings as well, I just want to get up and run.

After I go on a walk it seems to help but comes back. It makes me agitated not to get the movement restlessness feeling out.

Is there any way to fix this without going on another med? I’m taking 1.5 every morning.

I recently made a post about starting this med.

I just started Vraylar last week and I’ve been needing 10mg of Zolpidem each night to get 5-6 hours of sleep. It’s hard to say asleep. I’m not sure what to do because I don’t want to change this med. I take it in the morning. Personally, I can’t function on 5-6 hours.

Any advice is helpful