u/Hopeful_Pen_1293

My husband and I nearly broke up two years ago. It was after a long dry spell sexually where he did not desire me or find me attractive when I was 12 kg heavier after kids. I was still small (a US size 6-8) but am usually a 2. He himself was overweight (obese actually on the BMI) whilst medically I was still a normal BMI (24.8). When I lost the weight he immediately showed interest again but I had accepted his prior rejection and lack of interest and felt we had a platonic marriage.

When we did have sex it was terrible for me. I felt completely disconnected from him and found him repulsive.

I went to therapy and he found and read my counselling notes stating the above and then himself lost weight. In the process of talking about it his view was basically "don't you want to be more attractive?" Rather than seeing the hurt and the double standard.

He has also been angry and aggressive during the marriage previously telling at me in public and in front of our children over very minor things like me wanting to get a jacket for my child when it was cold (he didn't want to stop walking). Or me booking him into a doctor that he didn't like (rang me at work and blasted me).

He has had issues with anger and empathy. He told me I dress like a slut and when I got upset said I should have found that statement funny.

Many other things as well.

I don't think the marriage can be saved and it makes me very very sad.

I also don't think that if I leave that I would ever meet anyone again at my age.

Very unsure what to do and kind of think marriage counselling could do more harm than good at this stage.

My husband and I nearly broke up two years ago. It was after a long dry spell sexually where he did not desire me or find me attractive when I was 12 kg heavier after kids. I was still small (a US size 6-8) but am usually a 2. He himself was overweight (obese actually on the BMI) whilst medically I was still a normal BMI (24.8). When I lost the weight he immediately showed interest again but I had accepted his prior rejection and lack of interest and felt we had a platonic marriage.

When we did have sex it was terrible for me. I felt completely disconnected from him and found him repulsive.

I went to therapy and he found and read my counselling notes stating the above and then himself lost weight. In the process of talking about it his view was basically "don't you want to be more attractive?" Rather than seeing the hurt and the double standard.

He has also been angry and aggressive during the marriage previously telling at me in public and in front of our children over very minor things like me wanting to get a jacket for my child when it was cold (he didn't want to stop walking). Or me booking him into a doctor that he didn't like (rang me at work and blasted me).

He has had issues with anger and empathy. He told me I dress like a slut and when I got upset said I should have found that statement funny.

Many other things as well.

Tl;DR: I do not feel I can move on from prior abusive and neglectful behaviour from my husband of 26 years (I am 46) and want to end the marriage. Is it worth trying to save?

My T levels are .38 FAI which is very low. My SHBG is 159 (elevated) and E levels are normal. I want to start TRT but my doctor says it is not needed. I believe that the low T is causing depression and anxiety however. Has anyone had a similar hormone profile and started TRT and felt better? I am 47 and still ovulating.