u/Horror-Fee9768

I believe I have a legit reason. My husband and I have been married 6 years, and we share one child. We are Muslim, so polygamy is permissible.I do not satisfy my husband physically. We have tried many things to help, but to no avail. This has caused conflicts, misunderstandings, and we have both hurt each other’s feelings.

He once brought up the conversation telling me that he would probably get married again once he is better off financially. But I shut it down because I was jealous. Now, I just want peace, and I want us both to be happy.

Outside of intimacy, we are very happy. We have the same core values, we have similar interests, and we enjoy spending time together.

And I know for a fact that he is straight, so that’s not an issue. He is definitely attracted to me, it’s just the “chemistry” is off. I am petite woman who has kept a healthy weight , and working on my fitness for my own health . we have tried reading books, talking to each other outside of intimacy, and even therapy. It’s just not there for him. For me, I feel satisfied by him.

He is a very good husband, father, and good provider. I do not believe I can find any better of a husband. Divorce is not an option for me as i do not have any family or much support on my own. He has offered to give me a divorce and offered to give me the car and some money because of the physical issues we have but I don’t want to leave.

Had anyone else ever done this? How would I even bring this conversation up?

And no, this is not a fake post. This is a real marriage, a real person, who is trying to make it work.

Salam, I believe I have a legit reason. My husband and I have been married 6 years, and we share one child. I do not satisfy my husband physically. We have tried many things to help, but to no avail. This has caused conflicts, misunderstandings, and we have both hurt each other’s feelings.

He once brought up the conversation telling me that he would probably get married again once he is better off financially. But I shut it down because I was jealous. Now, I just want peace, and I want us both to be happy.

Outside of intimacy, we are very happy. We have the same core values, we have similar interests, and we enjoy spending time together.

And I know for a fact that he is straight, so that’s not an issue. He is definitely attracted to me, it’s just the “chemistry” is off. And we have tried reading books, talking to each other outside of intimacy, and even therapy. It’s just not there for him. For me, I feel satisfied by him.

He is a very good husband, father, and good provider. I do not believe I can find any better of a husband. Divorce is not an option for me as i do not have any family or much support on my own. He has offered to give me a divorce and offered to give me the car and some money because of the physical issues we have but I don’t want to leave.

Had anyone else ever done this? How would I even bring this conversation up?

And no, this is not a fake post. This is a real marriage, a real person, who is trying to make it work.

I posted in here before about a week. I caught my husband (M39, F30) flirting with a co worker at the hospital he works at.

A couple days later, he was upset that I wasn’t “over it” yet. Told me I was way too jealous, and that he wouldn’t feel the same as me if the shoe was on the other foot. I told him I needed proof that he told her it was wrong and stopped contact. He had not done it, I had to force him to do it.

I snoop through his phone again because I’m just livid that he didn’t have the decency to say something after I found the text, so I thought “what else is he doing?” Come to find out, he was paying cam girls to masturbate with them. Since I was pregnant with our child. I confronted him and told him it was cheating but he doesn’t think so.

I took off and told him to have fun being a single dad and left him alone with our child for 4 hours. He called multiple times asking me to come back. He said sorry, and asked for a second chance and to prove he was serious, he said he would never yell or criticize me again (he frequently criticized me especially in the bedroom.) I told him I was going to move into the guest bedroom and that I would try to see if I can move past it. I said I will need him to put more work into the relationship to build trust. I asked him to tell me the truth about everything so I could have information before I make a decision.

Since then, I have a gut feeling that he isn’t telling me everything, and that he has physically cheated as well. Whenever I try to bring things up, he gets upset and goes on a rant about how he’s a doctor in charge of saving lives, and having this stress on him will make him make mistakes, he has a big exam coming up and it’s going to ruin it,ect. I told him that I would need reassurance periodically if he wants me to trust him again, and he said “that takes time.” I reminded him that what he did to me was cheating and he says “no, I masturbated…and I’m trying to work it out with you but you keep wanting to revisit and you’re hurting us.”

So, screw it. I won’t ever bring it up again. But I don’t freaking trust this man anymore. I won’t ever be the same with him. I made an appointment to get an STD check and a PAP smear a little earlier before annual. I’m also getting an IUD and told my husband that I will never have another child.

He’s so damn secretive with his phone and it triggers me every time.

I could really use some advice. I have been struggling in my marriage for a very long time now.

I (F31) and husband (M40) have been married 4.5 years with a 18 month old. He was my very first sexual partner. He was married before but it ended in divorce.

Since the start of our marriage, our intimate relationship has been rocky. At first it was loving, playful, and he never made me feel inadequate from my lack of experience. He was totally fine with leading the way, helping me learn what he likes, finding out what I like, ect. Every woman’s dream.

Over time, his attitude shifted. He started telling me he wasn’t satisfied and asked me to watch porn to “learn how to please a man.” As a new bride, I was a bit uncomfortable, but I decided to at least try it. I thought maybe it would help me out a little. It all just seemed way too performative and lack actual connection. He complained many times during intimacy and after, that my performance needs to improve. After a year, he told me that by now I should “know what to do,” but he rarely communicated well with me.

Then, I got pregnant. Miscarried. I got pregnant again. Another loss. He traveled a lot for work. I was in a dark place grieving.

I got pregnant again, and this one stuck. The farther I was in my pregnancy, the worse he became sexually. He would get frustrated and angry that I couldn’t “turn him on” anymore despite my efforts. He even asked if he could watch porn while having sex with me. After I had the baby, it got even worse. The insults started. “You should be thankful I didn’t cheat.” “I could get with an 18 year tech at the hospital I work at.” “It’s not my fault that I have more experience than you!” “You’re just mad that you can’t sexually satisfy me.”

He would tell me we had no sexual chemistry. But put it on me to fix it all. I was trying to put myself back together after having a baby and it hurt so much to hear these things.

Recently, after a big fight (you guessed it, over sex) I got a gut feeling and checked his phone. I found a message from a co worker who sent him a link to a playboy contest and he told her she should win. I asked him and he said that because she was around his age and getting old, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings so he said that instead of shutting it down. Mind you, I met this woman. She adopted one of my cats, and held my baby. Then, I found he was paying cam girls for content. I lost it. I demanded to see his photo vault but he wouldn’t show me. I told him that even if he didn’t actually think his co worker was hot, he disrespected me by not shutting it down. I had to force him to text her and tell her he can’t talk to her anymore. He told me that paying for cam girls isn’t cheating, and he wouldn’t be upset if I did it as long as I’m not using his money. I call BS. I found out he was paying for only fans up until we got married apparently. He wouldn’t tell me how much money he spent on the cam girls. I only said no to sex about 4-5 times in the 4 years we were married. I was putting a lot of effort in the bedroom and our home life.

I think he has an addiction to porn, but i also fear he has physically cheated. He deeps denying saying he knows it would destroy our kids’ home so he could never. He doesn’t seem to understand how much this has hurt me.

My husband and I are in our late thirties with a 2 year old. We have been experiencing some hang up’s in the bedroom and my husband has been very critical of me in that department, to the point where I have performance anxiety. It cases a lot of arguments.

Today it happened again, he immediately started talking to me about my performance right after and it was annoying but I listened and tried to talk about it.

I get this really bad feeling in my stomach, and I decide to check his phone. His co worker sent him racy photos for some kind of playboy competition. He said something like “wow, you should win”

I asked him about these texts and he said that she is too old for him, he is not attracted to her, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She is older than him but looks extremely good for her age and does beauty pageants. I met her because she adopted one of my cats, and I thought she was nice. My husband tried to make it seem like she was just some old woman wanting attention and he just wanted to “ler her down easy.” You’d think that because she’s not attractive to him it would be easier to do the right thing and shut it down. You can do that without being a jerk. He admitted he shouldn’t have handled it that way, but then he went on a long rant about how because we don’t have passionate, mind blowing sex, it’s easier to tempt someone. And that a partner can put with a lot of issues as long as they are getting good sex at home. He then said he would never risk his family because he loves our son more than anything and doesn’t want to hurt his mother (me.)

Now, I don’t know how to feel. My self esteem is ruined from all the criticism in the bedroom. And I have done so many things to improve. But what happened today really shattered me and idk if I’ll be able to connect with him again.

Am I making a big deal out of the texts? Give it to me straight please…