u/HotHuckleberry7583

okay obviously I know they can.

I’m more amazed at how much of a struggle it is. My MIL takes 5 minutes to change a pocket diaper. Every change she acts like I asked her put on a flat from scratch. She’s just so baffled every single time. it’s just a thirsties, pre stuffed, pocket.

Additionally, she can’t get over that she can’t tell if the diapers wet. I told her “every two hours, or if you hear him pooping in it, or if he’s screaming”. She insists on sticking her finger in to check. Problem is, she does this and somehow breaks the fit of the diaper in the process. 

It’s not just my MIL. My mom also acts like they SUCH a chore to change. She also cannot stand not having a wetness indicator or being able to smell when he poops. 

I love that my family wants to help with the baby, but you would think an older generation would be more open minded to cloth

I‘m in a tricky spot. I have an opportunity to only need childcare one day a week instead of 4.

However, my daycare finally gave us a spot. They barely let us do 4 days a week for infant care, 1 day would be out of the question.

Can anyone point me anywhere where I might have success in finding something reliable?

Im the first of my friends to have a baby, and don’t have any mom friends in the city

I’ll try and keep this brief. I don’t have a good relationship with my dad but I try and give him the benefit of the doubt even when I shouldn’t. I’m trying to put my foot down and my family thinks I’m the asshole.

Let me quickly summarize our relationship:

• He was addicted to painkillers and got 5150’d multiple times, I had to bail him out between 18-21
• Was unemployed for YEARS when I was a teen and refused to get jobs that were ”beneath him”.
• Stopped talking to my sibling for a full year because they came out and stopped talking to me because I supported them..
• When I was 31 he sent me a sexually inappropriate message. I told him to not text this info ever again. He claimed he didn’t know it was explicit. He proceeded to not talk to me for 6 months after this. 
• He visited me once between ages 22-32. He visits my brother every year across the country. my brother and him align politically
• Does not take care of himself physically and frequently is in the hospital for avoidable ailments. I do not visit / do not care

Throughout this, I’ve called him out on his behavior. He used to yell / guilt trip me. Now he says he sorry and says he will do better. he’s been doing better but the bar was low

Anyways I was pregnant. My dad asked if he can come visit the day my child is born. I firmly said no until the 6 weeks mark. He asked me again. And again. Said how important it was for him. I kept saying no. He can’t take care of himself. I wasn’t going to have a liability on my hands. I’m uncomfortable with his boundaries

6 weeks pass and I give him the green light to visit via text. Nothin 

I call him a few weeks later and ask him if he can visit. He says he has a “big work thing” that will be done the 20th of that month. 20th rolls around and he texts me that he needs to get a real ID to fly and see me. I tell him great, please visit within a month or so tho because I go back to work in 6 weeks. 

Radio silence. 

3 weeks later he tells me he needs a surgery at some point. I ask my brother about this and my brother says it’s been on my dad’s to-do list for a year. 

Great. I tell him do not visit me when you need a pending surgery. But please get that done. 

No communication for another month and he tells me he’s in the hospital for another preventable ailment.

Still no Real ID. Still no surgery date set. 

My kid is almost 6 months. I told my family if dad doesn’t visit by the 6 month mark, I’m cutting him off. I’m a 90 minutes flight away. 

I’m visiting my family in a month with the baby but I won’t see my dad, because I think he should make the effort

They say I should tell him my ultimatum before I do anything. It’s not fair to him. And he did offer to come visit and I said no. They also said if I want him to meet my kid, I should drive down to him when I visit the rest of them next month. they also say I have put up with this in the past and it’s not fair I’m now setting this boundary

am I the asshole for not telling him that I’m going to cut him off amd give him a chance?

At some point I have to say enough is enough

We like the Bend Teardrop tall boy but can’t afford new. Wondering if there are any other brands we could be looking at that meets our specifications :

• can stand inside 
• Can fit a family of 3
• Outside kitchen set up

So far this is the only trailer I’ve found that can do this. However, I can’t find them at resale, probably because they are custom built and a small company. 

We really just want an interior for sleeping ( like a tear drop). We love outdoor kitchen set ups. However, with an infant, we like to be able to stand in the trailer and move around a bit more freely to get ready.

Any other trailers like this? Preferably anything in 

California 

looking for a non fiction book in any of these topics .

I am halfway thru Your Brain On Art and am so bored with it.

looking for something compelling non-fiction to get my brain working while on maternity leave.

edit: sorry if I struck a nerve! When in doubt, go second hand. everyone is different. The point of this post is just not break the bank not to insult your parenting. these are things I didn’t buy and have no regrets not buying. If you want a comprehensive review of these items… well this isn’t that post
—

Before you say “AcTuALy x worked for me”. Awesome. This is about things we didn’t need to help FTMs to not feel bad for breaking the bank.

I have a 5month old. Things we never got and didn’t need but people insisted we did. Obviously this is lifestyle dependent.

1. Infant car seat - we got a graco 4-in-1. I’ve never once felt compelled to take the car seat out of the car and into a place. I just pop him in a carrier or in the stroller. Saved me about $500
2. fancy stroller travel systems (see above) - a stroller that accommodated an infant works fine.
3. infant insert for a highchair - your baby doesn’t need to eat with you at the table . If he’s awake we put him in a bouncer 
4. Infant swing - everyone told me I needed one. bouncer or lounger worked fine. He’s pretty mid on the bouncer as is.
5. fancy rocking Bassinet - we used a Moses basket and stand. The Moses basket weighs like 2lbs, so we could move it around easily 
6. The trendy post partum ikea cart - the only thing you need at your bedside is a boob and burp rag. My PP supplies just lived in my bathroom 
7. Coterie/dyper diaps - I wanted all natural fibers so I went with cloth diapers. We used Kirkland when we need a disposable 
8. Love every play gym - a second hand play gym with a mish mash of bobbles hanging from it works great!
9. Tummy time pillow - breast feeding pillow works great 
10. Seat - if we sit him up I just put him in my breast feeding pillow
11. fancy pump - ended up using my hand pump for $16. I love it so much more. electric pumps were too stimulating
12. owlet sock - why?

Deinfluence us! What didn’t you need?! 

MJ Sushi is Sausalito has been closed due to staffing for about 2 months now.

I loved MJ sushi. Was it great? No. Did it hit the spot on a budget? yes.

We could get a full meal for 2 plus drinks for $75. I miss it.

Any other suggestions for a mid sushi spot that wont break the bank?

Posting Incase anyone experiences contractions like me. 

Everyone told me contractions were a full abdominal experience that start from the top of the abdomen or back. “You’ll know when you have one!”

My contractions felt like a terrible period cramp in my lower uterus and occasionally my upper thighs/hips. It was absolutely awful but it wasn’t a full abdominal pain like I was told. It never left my lower abdomen

They were getting rhythmic and closer together. However, when I called the hospital at 5 minutes apart, I described my contractions as just  “a very severe period cramp in my lower abdomen ”. They said this is probably just early labor or maybe even Braxton Hicks because of how I described them. I was told to “rest” and was described what an “actual” contraction feels like.

90 minutes later they were 3 minutes apart, and I was screaming.  Even then my husband wasn’t sure if these were “real contractions” because they were only in my lower abdomen and hips. 

Finally my mom agreed with me and we went to the hospital at 3am. By now they were 2-3 minutes apart and I was 6cm dilated 😂

Point is - not all contractions present the same! Trust your gut! 

I don’t even know what to do.

I have Thirsties and Kinder pockets. we were doing fitteds and a cover, but decided to just do pockets as he was getting bigger.

We bought a bunch of Kinders. I wasnt having leaks from 9-11 lbs and now that he is 13lbs I’m having leaks and blowouts constantly.

Leaks come from the pocket fabric coming out the back no matter how much we make sure it’s not showing.

He is still EBF, so his poops are runny. However, I feel like if I don’t get everything absolutely perfect he will blow out the legs. Even when I do everything perfect I’m getting a blowout.

We scoured the Kinder website to figure out how to get the best fit/etc. I’ve done all the tricks. I’ve adjusted his fit and keep trouble shooting.

He 13 lbs. Someone tell me it gets better/is just a size issue with Kinder. Our thirsties have no problems!

I got pockets for the ease, and now it’s just a pain.