u/Hrtzy

Context: When Kamemameha the Great was conquering the island of Hawai'i, he and his party attacked a group of civilians. The extent of damage Kamehameha personally inflicted on the civilians amounted to one splintered paddle, which he damaged with his face.

Later, when he was the king of Hawai'i, he had the owner of said paddle brought before him, and apologized profusely. He instituted the Law of the Splintered Paddle to ban attacks on random passers-by, in commemoration of the paddlin' he caught. The law remains part of the State Constitution of Hawai'i to this day.

Re-memed to comply with rule 11.1

This is Henry VIII/ he had six sorry wives / you could say he ruined their lives

The first marriage to Catherine of Aragon lasted from 1509 to 1533. Due to the failure to produce a male heir, Henry sought to anull the marriage but Cahterine's nephew had his army occupying Rome so the Pope wouldn't allow it. Henry ended up founding his own Catholic Church to get around this.

The second was Anne Boleyn from 1532^(1) to 1536, which totally ended because she committed adultery with her brother and not because Henry was bored of her and she wasn't giving birth to sons.

The third was her lady in waiting Jane Seymour from 1536 to 1537. She got her One Job^(tm) right but died of puerperal fever because the surgeons attending to her didn't.

Wife number four was Anne of Cleves in 1540. Henry arranged their first meeting incognito, leading Anne to question who this fat creep was that was groping her.

Wife number five was Catherine Howard, Anne's 17-year old maid of honor, 1540 - 1541. Catherine was nine years younger than her stepdaughter Mary. She ended up getting beheaded for having an affair with a man closer to her age.

Finally at number six we have Catherine Parr, from 1543 to Henry's death in 1547. She was a double widow at the time of her marriage to Henry at age 31. She got along well with her three stepchildren and is credited with brokering Mary and Elizabeth's restoration to the royal succession.

Original image credit to facebook.com/KnightErrant

^(1: long story)