u/HungryWormy

I found out my bf cheated on me last week and today is the first day we’re seeing eachother since then. I feel so anxious I feel like something really bad is going to happen. He promised nothing bad will happen but I feel so nervous, I kept trying to make excuses not to see him. He wanted to see me at 2 but he just moved it to 4:30 so I might just ask if we can rain check again. I feel weirdly sad that he moved it back, like he doesn’t want to see me anymore but I’m trying to push those thoughts aside because I feel like I shouldn’t care this much about him anymore. My stomach burns because I’m so anxious, I feel like I can’t even text him. I’ve been so drawn to him for the past year and now it feels like I’ve spent all this time with someone I never even really knew. He said he’s still the same man I loved but saying I love you feels mechanic and just wrong now. It feels like mourning someone who never existed, it’s so painful. I planned to write a break up letter, to just read it and leave, but I didn’t have time to. Life has been too busy, so I’m just going to get the words out. I can’t put it off any more, things will never be the same. I finally stopped throwing up every day and crying reading his old messages, I’m feeling numb. I have a ketamine injection next week, if I didn’t break up with him today I would check out then anyway. My mind and my body still want him, I want his love, but the person I am missing doesn’t exist. He was never who he said he was, it’s the most painful truth. I will probably ask to push to 6:30 or 7, and try to be out by 7:30 or 8. I can’t kiss him without throwing up, I can’t even feel his hand on my thigh without getting nauseous. My heart just falls into my stomach. During the course of our entire relationship, even the smallest touch made me so excited. My body loved his, but the thought that it was alll fake this whole time terrifies me

I’ve always had a high libido, but recently, like over the past 2-3 weeks it’s kind of skyrocketed. I went quite a few months months without ever fully orgasming in front of my boyfriend because I was too anxious from the start of our relationship until now. 2 weeks ago it happened for the first time, I couldn’t really control it and then it happened again and again with more frequency until he finished. I was scared of squirting because that’s common when I do it alone, which is why I didn’t want to finish for months, but it hasn’t happened luckily. Orgasms feel different with him- more intense. This has been an ongoing thing now, and it happened the week after to an even more intense extent. He hasn’t said anything negative about it, but I feel so embarrassed about it because I went from not doing it at all to doing it like multiple times a minute. It happened during foreplay without direct stimulation in that area and now I think something might actually be wrong with me. I have a gyno appointment coming up, I might just mention increased sensitivity but I’m not sure if I want to.

I’ve been so embarrassed about last time I saw him, I think I’m going to make excuses to keep my clothes on now. It’s not that I don’t want sex, it’s clear that I do, but I think this increase is turning him off. He got soft during PIV sex for the first time ever, and didn’t want to do anything for the rest of the day, and I noticed him checking out another girl on Instagram which has also never happened in our relationship. We have sex multiple times a day when we see each other but I have a feeling he doesn’t enjoy it as much because of what’s been going on. I constantly interrupt him because I have to pull back to take a break. This past week he told me to take a break from masturbating daily to build my drive for when we see eachother, and I feel like that might’ve caused the increase in sensitivity but it was a pretty crazy extent. This week he told me to do the same thing, and I haven’t masturbated, but I’m only a few days in and I had like an inner core orgasm while working out which has only happened to me once before. I know that’s a thing for some women, but it isn’t really a thing for me, and I work out a lot. I thought about getting some sort of numbing spray but considering it’s now happened twice without direct stimulation, I’m not sure that would help me.

I’m seeing him in two days and the anxiety is kind of building now, I’m worried I might be being less affectionate because of this, like maybe I’m trying to push him away but that’s not how I want to go about this. Is there anything I can do

I can hardly find anything about women having this issue, but lately I’ve realized my body is a lot more sensitive to sex and I don’t have the same control that I used to. I can usually last a few minutes before the first orgasm, but the following ones only have a few seconds in between. Google said that part is normal, that women have a shorter refractory period when the body is warmed up, but I have never heard of it to this extent. I’ve been able to achieve many in a short period a few years back but it was during masturbation and that’s the goal so I actually enjoyed it. However, with my partner I feel very awkward and honestly guilty because I finish like 10 times before him. Is there some sort of numbing spray I can use without entirely eliminating orgasms, or something I can do to slow myself down while still making him feel good?

This is a weird problem, but it’s making me really nervous about sex because my body has never involuntarily been like this before. Could it be a medical issue? It kind of sounds like I’m making a problem out of nothing but I want him to feel good too, I feel really bad making him stop every few seconds so I can calm down before going again

Every relationship I’ve ever been in has had so much anxiety. Usually from both ends, as I’ve only been in 2 and neither were the healthiest. But now I met someone I really love and recently I’ve been extremely worried about losing him. I find myself staying up late at night worrying, and whenever I make a mistake it leaves me anxious for days that he might leave me over it. He’s been more affectionate recently, and my mind is so certain he’s cheating and covering it up.
But of the affection stops, he’s losing feelings. He’s so grounded and he never seems to worry, he’s much older than me but I doubt he was like this at my age anyway.

I don’t tell him whenever I spiral like this because I know it isn’t fair to him considering nothing he says will calm the nerves, but does this ever go away?

I know not all men are the same

The only men I feel 100% comfortable around are my family members, boyfriend, and old friends. I’ve felt so shaken up recently. I won’t go into detail about the occurrences but it feels like almost everywhere I go, there’s some form of unwanted attention (especially from significantly older men), sometimes to a pretty crazy extent. I’ve dealt with some form of this since I was in 8th grade but it seems to have skyrocketed over the last few months. I’m constantly on edge, which is harmful considering it’s half the population I’m afraid of. Advice? FYI, and I know it shouldn’t matter but I always wear leggings sweats or jeans and a full length loose t shirt when I’m not with my boyfriend

I was friends with a guy who was a few years older than me (22 while I was 17) and he was constantly (like multiple times a day) begging for sex and telling me how tiny my waist was and how big my butt was which simply wasn’t true- my proportions are normal. We talked for 1-2 months but I ended up ghosting him because I felt gross talking to a college student who just wanted sex while I was in high school. He said he developed genuine feelings for my personality right before I cut him off and told me everything he admired about me as he was previously just a hookup guy but I didn’t feel any better about communicating with him.

I told a groupchat with my older brothers male friends about the 22yo a couple months ago since they all went to that uni and they ended up confronting him which made me think I was actually screwed but he never did anything to me after so I thought it was all over. I start full time at that uni in a few months, they said they’ll walk me to classes if I need but I want to handle this on my own. We didn’t talk for a few months.

He’s been messaging me again recently but he has a girlfriend now and I have a boyfriend. He has told me about how his g*ng-member friends have k*lled people for the smallest reasons but it didn’t feel like a threat so I brushed it off. Recently, completely out of the blue, he told me he got 2 guns and sent pictures. Then a few days later he sent me a pic of a cardboard target and it was a man holding a woman at g*n point and he sh*t the woman like 15+ times right in her face (completely intentional) instead of the obvious target which was the man. I can’t attach a pic to this post but this is how it went.

Him: *photo*
Me: bro💔💔💔
Him: Sh*t her for touching another man

I left him on read and then a few hours later he said my name and nothing else. I didn’t reply. We weren’t having a conversation at all before the pic (I kept leaving him on opened) so it caught me off guard. I’m afraid of pissing him off so I can’t really tell anyone. It might not even be a threat but it did feel slightly wrong

Last week an older man who I see regularly made me feel really uncomfortable and then my ex reached out of nowhere, I held off on telling my boyfriend all week because I didn’t want him to be upset with me. I finally told him about both events on Friday and he said we would talk about it later because he was driving but he never brought it up again so I feel like maybe he doesn’t feel as strongly towards me as he used to because I think in the past he would’ve 100% asked what my ex said and how I handled it. I only told my boyfriend he reached out and then my bf shut the conversation down before I could even say if or how I responded.

We got drunk and he made a comment about how the timing of those events was ironic (he was implying I could’ve been in contact with either of them). We were both intoxicated so now I’m not at all concerned about what he said (people say dumb things when they drink), but when I was sober I really wanted him to make me feel better about at least the older man situation (I don’t give a damn about my ex) because I had been so nervous about it all week.

I completely overreacted to his comment and I won’t get into what I did but I’ve never ever gotten upset with my boyfriend (or anyone for that matter) in that fashion and no I didn’t hurt him but I still overreacted to a crazy extend to which I have no knowledge of and he forgave me but I feel so much guilt about it. I do wish I hadn’t told him about what happened that week because I knew before I told him how he would likely misinterpret it but I did anyway. I definitely learned my lesson about telling him about problems like that as I do get attention like that often and I always want to get it off my chest but I won’t tell him again, I knew better before I did it. Lot of regret there.

I’m super calm these days when I’m sober, like abnormally happy for the most part. I’d cut our drinking entirely if lashing out was a regular occurrence but this doesn’t happen to me ever. I just had too much, way more than usual.

The issue with being entirely sober when I see him is that I feel way too insecure when having sex and I can’t even seem to get in the mood because I am afraid of doing something wrong or him being turned off. I try to do it with him at least once before drinking but it’s quite painful since my body isn’t relaxed enough and doesn’t get wet enough when I’m too nervous to get in the mood. Usually the day after, when I do sober up, I still feel okay enough from the night before to do it again but whenever I first see him after like a week of not seeing him and I’m completely sober, I struggle to get into it.

We’ve been having completely unprotected sex every week and I’ve probably gotten upwards of 10 UTIs over our relationship which has only been a few months. I don’t know how to stop them. We are discussing pregnancy contraceptive methods now but I can’t do any medical altercations to my body because of another med I’m on and the normal pill doesn’t work out for me. He doesn’t want to wear a condom but I’m afraid it might be the only way I can stop taking plan B every week. It’s making me extremely tired and the exhaustion+UTIs are making days following pretty hard for me but I don’t want to be selfish by making him wear one if he doesn’t want to

My boyfriend also got me a stuffed animal and I left it in the room we were in and I feel so guilty and sad about it but I haven’t told him because I don’t want him to think I didn’t care about it, it meant a lot to me. I want to replace it but I don’t know where he got it

I have so much on my life right now, sometimes I feel like my life is just too overwhelming, like there’s always something going on. The weird thing is, even with the events themselves feeling overwhelming, I’ve been doing a new form of therapy that changes how my brain works and I feel pretty blasé about things that should probably be raising red flags for me. I’m actually weirdly happy most days, it almost just feels like a series of (minor?) inconveniences but I would like to at least handle the situation with the 22yo before it spirals into something I no longer have control of

My boyfriend and I have been exclusive since November, and the last time I talked to this guy was probably around August. We were in an unofficial relationship for about 3 years (I didn’t want to put a title on it) and when his anger issues became more apparent, I decided to end cut communication because he started breaking things and crying almost every night when I said I didn’t see a future with him.

I was the only girl he talked to for years, he was a complete douche bag to every girl who talked to him. His close friends were mine too, it was a small school. I am still friends with them, so they let me know when he mentions me.

My ex followed me again, like he did around last August when I said I still didn’t see him in my life and unadded him. I thought he was done reaching out after that because it almost seemed like his obsession had died and he genuinely wanted a friendship after losing what we had, but he reached out late last night and apologized for everything, told me about how he graduated and how God was working through his life (I’ve been Christian, he converted after I said I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t) and told me he has been bettering himself to be good for me. He goes to the gym and works out for hours daily, he was one of the most muscular guys I went to school with. It looks like he’s on roids but I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t ever consider because I couldn’t be with him if he did (side effects like roid rage scare me).

My boyfriend has been skeptical of me a lot, but I’ve never even remotely lied to him in a cheating way. I’ve been completely honest. I haven’t told him of everything that happened before i met him because I know he likely doesn’t want any to hear about it, but I’m completely loyal to him. I think he might’ve been cheated on in the past because of how certain he is sometimes that I’m cheating, even though I don’t entertain guys at all and he’s 100% the only guy I think about. I’m working on building his trust, and I don’t want to break it by hiding this, but I am worried about how this could affect his image of me. I didn’t want my ex to reach out at all but I don’t think my boyfriend will believe that. My ex used to go though my phone when guys messaged me, especially his friends. He had the sign-ins to all my social medias and I sent him a screen recording of all my messages from the last 24 hours twice a day every day, all my recent photos, all my tabs, and my deleted folder on messages and photos. My now boyfriend sometimes wants me to show him when I get notifications but he hasn’t asked for my logins or anything so it’s definitely much healthier. I’m still learning what a healthy relationship should look like but I know it wasn’t with my ex and I trust my boyfriend to trust me overtime but right now I just need to know what to do. I’m kind of freaking out it feels like I did something awful by not telling him right away

My ex told me he wants to try again, but I’m happy in my relationship, I want nothing to do with my ex. I deleted the message without replying, but I want to know if it would be a violation of trust to move forward as if it didn’t happen, or if I should tell my boyfriend.

Do I tell him, or do I block the number and move forward?

At risk of oversharing, my boyfriend has seemed embarrassed about the time it takes him to finish recently and I would like to know how I can support him/ ease the embarrassment. For context, he’s older than I am and has a lot of experience but he is my first. (We’re both adults) This ‘issue’ is by no means a problem for me, but he doesn’t seem to understand that it really doesn’t bother me because I made a joke recently in the moment to try to take the attention off of him as he seemed embarrassed but the joke was sort of at his expense. We both laughed but he’s brought it up maybe 5-10 times since then and he hasn’t been mad at me but I really don’t want him to feel embarrassed about it.

Our relationship is solid in general. I have some feelings (anxiety and overthinking) that I have to work through since he’s my first and I’m not yet sure how to handle some things or if certain feelings/actions are normal but other than that, things are great. We connect very deeply and I really enjoy his company. I’m just trying to fix all the little issues one step at a time to make our relationship as strong as I can so I want to fix this if possible.

The joke was in poor taste. He finished faster than usual and I kissed him and said he was easy. Since then, he’s called himself easy more times than I can count. He says he isn’t offended but he has said he was embarrassed a few times and I feel really guilty. I have a pretty good sense of reading when other people are embarrassed so I find myself trying to avert attention off of people a lot but I did it the wrong way this time as it was only the two of us. He is mature about it and hasn’t made it a bigger issue than it was but I want him to feel comfortable with me, especially during something that intimate.

Like I said, it’s absolutely not a problem for me. It’s actually the opposite, I enjoy everything with him. It usually only happens the very first time when I see him and then he can last for a while the other times. I’ve told him I found it attractive before but for some reason I’m nervous about telling him why. I find it embarrassing that I feel that way about something that other women consider annoying/frustrating but considering I embarrassed him, I feel like I owe it to him to explain that it is actually something I enjoy. I’m also scared that it’ll reflect poorly on my age, like maybe women his age aren’t into that and it’s about maturity or something? I had to google why him finishing quickly was even a problem, and I guess it makes sense but it’s still not a problem for me.

Is there anything I can say to help him feel better? I don’t see this escalating as he probably doesn’t even want to talk about it but the thought of him quietly worrying about it while we are together/ feeling stress during intimacy bothers me a lot.

I was the youngest server at the establishment. I was 18, and the other ~30 servers were all over the age of 25. Absolutely no idea how that happened but that meant going out with coworkers was equivalent to going out with whole adults with families while I was still in high school.
The bar near the restaurant always let me in because I was with their regulars and they had no reason to ID me, but I never drank anyway because I had to drive home. Drinking age here is 21. I went after work with maybe 6 women during my first week and an older man (maybe 45-50) offered me a drink but 1. Don’t shit where you eat and 2. He was an antique compared to me. I declined.
He started chatting casually but I said I had to get going because it was past 11pm at that point and I was exhausted. He kept trying to press for “one more drink” as if I had any in the first place so I blatantly admitted I was only 18. He said he could put it on his tab so they wouldn’t ID but I declined once again. He went on to say “18? You remind me so much of x” and I just awkwardly smiled and he said “she’s my daughter, but she’s a little older than you are now” and I just stayed silent. I said it was nice meeting him and got up. He followed me quietly as I walked to my car and then said “wait wait wait” and tried to just shove his phone at me to add my contact but I said my boyfriend wouldn’t like that. He said I would regret not letting him take me out once and that women always do, but I said I’m okay again. Our schedule app discloses phone numbers, so he said he’ll just have to use the app and laughed.
I got a “hey little lady” that night around 1 and I immediately blocked his contact. Every interaction was awkward and extremely uncomfortable at work after that

Most of my coworkers were chill but I received my fair share of uncomfortable stories. I quit 6 weeks in

It happens primarily after sex, but I remember 3 instances where I was just aroused without actual sex and it happened

I don’t want to get into why I don’t orgasm during sex, it all just comes down to fear/insecurity in front of my boyfriend.

Before we started actually going out, I remember him saying something as simple as he was distracted by my body, and it felt like everything I was feeling just overflowed with that comment. It felt like I was peeing but it was completely clear and I couldn’t control it at all but I was embarrassed for the rest of the day and he seemed put off by my distance. Google said my muscles are just relaxing after producing female ejaculate and it’s normal but I’ve never heard of this. It also happened after my first kiss and at a restaurant when I went to pick up food for my bf and I after we had been kissing. It happened while I was waiting so I just left. I think it happens around 80% of the time I see him. This past Saturday it happened 3 different times within an hour time span so it’s becoming a concern because I don’t want him to see that. It made multiple spots on the bed. It’s not as much liquid as when I do orgasm but it’s definitely enough to be noticable and I don’t want him to see it because I’ve had one partial orgasm in front of him and he seemed turned off by the effects. (He apologized for seeming grossed out afterwards and said he didn’t feel that way but I know he can’t help how he feels so I want to try harder not to have that happen) I really don’t want him to notice the spots because I think he would be very grossed out by it but I don’t know how to keep hiding it. I’ve also had a wet dream when we were together which I imagine is tied to the same issue but he was very quiet when I told him so I think he doesn’t want to know about that. He’s a good bf, he said he wants me to finish and feel satisfied (which is sweet but I don’t want him to be grossed out so I’d rather not) and he’s been patient because there have been a few instances where he couldn’t really ignore it (like in his car) but I really want to stop it from happening in the future so that he doesn’t feel uncomfortable or turned off. I don’t think he would leave me if he noticed it but I’m afraid of him talking to me about it

He’s a lot older than I am and he has a ton of experience but he’s all the experience I have so I’m not sure what to make of this. He would definitely know this isn’t normal if he did find out how often it was happening so I really want to fix it asap

Is there anything I can do to make it stop or make it less noticable? It usually happens 15-45 minutes after getting aroused and not finishing

Feels wrong being in this sub but oh well

I’m too embarrassed to actually finish so I try to get him to stop before I do, but out of all of my close friends who talked about being with men, none of them have actually finished and every single one said she’s faked it. Not because she was too embarrassed, but because she just couldn’t get to that point.
I can’t imagine faking it because the bodily reactions are what embarrasses me, but now I’m wondering if guys would want to know if their girl wasn’t actually finishing? I think a majority of guys have had it faked, but has anyone’s partner admitted she didn’t finish? Only 18% of women can actually finish from PIV.

For those who regularly carry striker-fired pistols, have you ever actually experienced a failure to fire with modern defensive ammo during the first round after chambering? Or is the concern about a ‘first-round misfire’ mostly theoretical with quality guns and ammo?

I don’t regularly carry, I’m very new to this so I’m just wondering if I ever were to need to fire in self defense (I don’t carry in my car, weapon never leaves the house), would there be a possibility of a misfire since I have not fired from the pistol before? Google has to point out every possible safety risk, but realistically, can I rely on the first round?

Location: Virginia

Age of consent - 18

Drinking age - 21

I will try to keep my feelings out of this for the sake of keeping this short, but I did and still do feel like I love him. I’m very attached to him, but I can’t live like this anymore I know I need help.

I began a relationship with my 34 year old male boss while I was 17 (female). It was 40 days of 1 on 1 shifts, him buying me Starbucks, compliments about my body, calling/ texting often, etc. We met up twice outside of work. He was fired in mid December due to fraternization and conduct unbecoming- they interviewed me for ~20 minutes and came to a verdict right away. My family was not notified. He was instructed not to reach out to me but 3 days after he was fired, he called me, apologized, and said he wanted to continue our relationship.

10 days after my 18th birthday in January, we met at the common area (pool room) at his Condominium and then switched to sitting in my car. He told me where to drive- an empty parking lot. I hadn’t had a boyfriend or my fist kiss prior, so when he asked if I wanted anything physical, I wasn’t sure what he meant. We held hands for maybe 30 minutes and I was shaking a lot but he asked if I wanted anything else. I asked what he meant and he said a kiss, I explained that i hadn’t had my first kiss and he told me he would show me how. I stalled for another 20 minutes and then he said it was time, leaned over, and made out with me for a while. I was completely frozen for a bit (didn’t even close my eyes) and he touched my breasts and thighs. I tried to touch him back but I didn’t know what I was doing so I just rested my hand on his leg. He asks afterwards if what he had done was okay and I said it was fine.

We had another date the next week. I was so nervous that I couldn’t really look at him, and I kept shaking my head no to his advances. He pulled me and I laid on his chest for a few minutes before moving back to my seat. He started rubbing my thigh and I put my hand over my crotch because I’m Christian, was waiting till marriage, and it was just too soon. When he felt my hand, he laughed and said it was alright if I didn’t want him to touch me there. I said I do, but not here. I guess he didn’t hear that second part, and he continued. I moved my hand and just let it happen, completely frozen. We made out in his car after the movie and he gave me flowers, a card, and a little toy animal. My favorite animal.

Next week, still less than a month since my birthday, he booked a hotel for us. It was very stupid to go, but I felt like I loved him and I did want to see him. He brought alcohol, I got very drunk. I can’t tolerate much alcohol because I had only drank on two other occasions, but he gave me more and more. I don’t remember anything except one part, but I performed oral. He removed my clothes and started going down on me which I don’t remember much of until the end. I panicked too much, and started saying I can’t and stop over and over but he continued. I crawled maybe 2 feet away but he grabbed me and yanked me back to where I was laying and continued. This happened a few times. I started pushing him as hard as I could but it didn’t work, he just pinned me down and continued, so I used full force and shoved him and he got extremely mad but got off. I tried to leave the room twice after getting dressed but he ripped me away from the door both times. I still loved him.

We saw eachother many times since then, he has done that nearly every week, but I’ve told him to stop every single time. I can’t let him do it until completion I’m just terrified for some reason. Alcohol has been involved nearly every time.

We went on a road trip and nothing crazy happened the first night, but the second day/night we drank a lot and he drove after 6 shots within an hour. I’m not sure how illegal that is because his tolerance is high but I think his BAC would’ve been over the legal limit. I lost my actual virginity that night, to which I have little to no recollection of, all I know is he didn’t finish because I had to stop. I was waiting until marriage due to religion even though I’ve been very attached to him since the day he told me he liked me when I was 17. I’ve tried to use it as a way to make him stop giving me oral, like a compromise “let’s switch into something else” but he said I was deflecting and to let him finish. I’m lucky in that aspect, it didn’t happen for I think 6 weeks after our first night together.

And for those wondering, my parents think I’m with coworkers/friends when I see him. I’ve never given them a reason not to trust me.

I was very drunk recently, we had sex and I fainted due to pain and nervousness I believe. I was panicking until I just went out. I woke up to my body repositioned, and he was still doing it, and I shoved him off and ran to the bathroom. The lock was broken so I laid in fetal position when he came in and ignored him. I continued to see him

I can’t continue like this, I need serious help even though I’m still addicted to him. I know that’s how ‘grooming’ works, but this feels different. I feel like I should’ve been smart enough to never let this happen

I had 3 emergency contraceptives in the span of a month, one was prescribed so I have the medical record. I had a positive pregnancy test about a month ago, but it was followed by heavy bleeding and cramping and then negative tests. It might’ve just been my period and a pill that I am on that Google said can cause false positives, I’m not sure. I had another positive a few days ago, but now I’m negative again. I stopped taking the pills so it might be that, I’m out of tests and too afraid to buy more

Evidence:

- All messages since mid November still available (he made me clear it the week he confessed feelings, because we met up and he was still on edge, but I’ve kept them since then) messages include admitting to finishing in me while I was squirming (I was trying to get away because the pain was too much) and all the I love you’s and paragraphs about how much he cares about me and the very first night he got me drunk

- audio recording of him admitting feelings while I was a minor (originally to show to my friend but it serves another purpose now)

- audio recordings of many phone conversations, discussing him sleeping with me while I was unconscious, him acknowledging he could go to jail for what he was doing while I was a minor, him discussing the extent of how drunk I was and acknowledging that I couldn’t remember us doing things while I was intoxicated, me mentioning him not letting me leave and him not denying, etc

- video of me extremely intoxicated and nude in a bed with him

- security footage of all hotels should exist, work security footage has been reviewed (led to his firing)

Please ask any questions if you need more info. I am wondering if this is enough to be seriously illegal (like, more than just a minor incident like alcohol distribution) and if the evidence I have would likely lead to charges pressed? I cant continue like this, but I can’t even imagine going through all the trouble of everyone (especially my parents) finding out how ruined i am now, and him being found not guilty. If you’re a lawyer or if you’ve been in a similar case please let me know thank you

LOCATION: Virginia

Age of consent - 18

Drinking age - 21

I will try to keep my feelings out of this for the sake of keeping this short, but I did and still do feel like I love him. I’m very attached to him, but I can’t live like this anymore I know I need help.

I began a relationship with my 34 year old male boss while I was 17 (female). It was 40 days of 1 on 1 shifts, him buying me Starbucks, compliments about my body, calling/ texting often, etc. We met up twice outside of work. He was fired in mid December due to fraternization and conduct unbecoming- they interviewed me for ~20 minutes and came to a verdict right away. My family was not notified. He was instructed not to reach out to me but 3 days after he was fired, he called me, apologized, and said he wanted to continue our relationship.

10 days after my 18th birthday in January, we met at the common area (pool room) at his Condominium and then switched to sitting in my car. He told me where to drive- an empty parking lot. I hadn’t had a boyfriend or my fist kiss prior, so when he asked if I wanted anything physical, I wasn’t sure what he meant. We held hands for maybe 30 minutes and I was shaking a lot but he asked if I wanted anything else. I asked what he meant and he said a kiss, I explained that i hadn’t had my first kiss and he told me he would show me how. I stalled for another 20 minutes and then he said it was time, leaned over, and made out with me for a while. I was completely frozen for a bit (didn’t even close my eyes) and he touched my breasts and thighs. I tried to touch him back but I didn’t know what I was doing so I just rested my hand on his leg. He asks afterwards if what he had done was okay and I said it was fine.

We had another date the next week. I was so nervous that I couldn’t really look at him, and I kept shaking my head no to his advances. He pulled me and I laid on his chest for a few minutes before moving back to my seat. He started rubbing my thigh and I put my hand over my crotch because I’m Christian, was waiting till marriage, and it was just too soon. When he felt my hand, he laughed and said it was alright if I didn’t want him to touch me there. I said I do, but not here. I guess he didn’t hear that second part, and he continued. I moved my hand and just let it happen, completely frozen. We made out in his car after the movie and he gave me flowers, a card, and a little toy animal. My favorite animal.

Next week, still less than a month since my birthday, he booked a hotel for us. It was very stupid to go, but I felt like I loved him and I did want to see him. He brought alcohol, I got very drunk. I can’t tolerate much alcohol because I had only drank on two other occasions, but he gave me more and more. I don’t remember anything except one part, but I performed oral. He removed my clothes and started going down on me which I don’t remember much of until the end. I panicked too much, and started saying I can’t and stop over and over but he continued. I crawled maybe 2 feet away but he grabbed me and yanked me back to where I was laying and continued. This happened a few times. I started pushing him as hard as I could but it didn’t work, he just pinned me down and continued, so I used full force and shoved him and he got extremely mad but got off. I tried to leave the room twice after getting dressed but he ripped me away from the door both times. I still loved him.

We saw eachother many times since then, he has done that nearly every week, but I’ve told him to stop every single time. I can’t let him do it until completion I’m just terrified for some reason. Alcohol has been involved nearly every time.

We went on a road trip and nothing crazy happened the first night, but the second day/night we drank a lot and he drove after 6 shots within an hour. I’m not sure how illegal that is because his tolerance is high but I think his BAC would’ve been over the legal limit. I lost my actual virginity that night, to which I have little to no recollection of, all I know is he didn’t finish because I had to stop. I was waiting until marriage due to religion even though I’ve been very attached to him since the day he told me he liked me when I was 17. I’ve tried to use it as a way to make him stop giving me oral, like a compromise “let’s switch into something else” but he said I was deflecting and to let him finish. I’m lucky in that aspect, it didn’t happen for I think 6 weeks after our first night together.

And for those wondering, my parents think I’m with coworkers/friends when I see him. I’ve never given them a reason not to trust me.

I was very drunk recently, we had sex and I fainted due to pain and nervousness I believe. I was panicking until I just went out. I woke up to my body repositioned, and he was still doing it, and I shoved him off and ran to the bathroom. The lock was broken so I laid in fetal position when he came in and ignored him. I continued to see him

I can’t continue like this, I need serious help even though I’m still addicted to him. I know that’s how ‘grooming’ works, but this feels different. I feel like I should’ve been smart enough to never let this happen

I had 3 emergency contraceptives in the span of a month, one was prescribed so I have the medical record. I had a positive pregnancy test about a month ago, but it was followed by heavy bleeding and cramping and then negative tests. It might’ve just been my period and a pill that I am on that Google said can cause false positives, I’m not sure. I had another positive a few days ago, but now I’m negative again. I stopped taking the pills so it might be that, I’m out of tests and too afraid to buy more

Evidence:

- All messages since mid November still available (he made me clear it the week he confessed feelings, because we met up and he was still on edge, but I’ve kept them since then) messages include admitting to finishing in me while I was squirming (I was trying to get away because the pain was too much) and all the I love you’s and paragraphs about how much he cares about me and the very first night he got me drunk

- audio recording of him admitting feelings while I was a minor (originally to show to my friend but it serves another purpose now)

- audio recordings of many phone conversations, discussing him sleeping with me while I was unconscious, him acknowledging he could go to jail for what he was doing while I was a minor, him discussing the extent of how drunk I was and acknowledging that I couldn’t remember us doing things while I was intoxicated, me mentioning him not letting me leave and him not denying, etc

- video of me extremely intoxicated and nude in a bed with him

- security footage of all hotels should exist, work security footage has been reviewed (led to his firing)

Please ask any questions if you need more info. I am wondering if this is enough to be seriously illegal (like, more than just a minor incident like alcohol distribution) and if the evidence I have would likely lead to charges pressed? I cant continue like this, but I can’t even imagine going through all the trouble of everyone (especially my parents) finding out how ruined i am now, and him being found not guilty. If you’re a lawyer or if you’ve been in a similar case please let me know thank you