u/HungryWormy

At risk of oversharing, my boyfriend has seemed embarrassed about the time it takes him to finish recently and I would like to know how I can support him/ ease the embarrassment. For context, he’s older than I am and has a lot of experience but he is my first. (We’re both adults) This ‘issue’ is by no means a problem for me, but he doesn’t seem to understand that it really doesn’t bother me because I made a joke recently in the moment to try to take the attention off of him as he seemed embarrassed but the joke was sort of at his expense. We both laughed but he’s brought it up maybe 5-10 times since then and he hasn’t been mad at me but I really don’t want him to feel embarrassed about it.

Our relationship is solid in general. I have some feelings (anxiety and overthinking) that I have to work through since he’s my first and I’m not yet sure how to handle some things or if certain feelings/actions are normal but other than that, things are great. We connect very deeply and I really enjoy his company. I’m just trying to fix all the little issues one step at a time to make our relationship as strong as I can so I want to fix this if possible.

The joke was in poor taste. He finished faster than usual and I kissed him and said he was easy. Since then, he’s called himself easy more times than I can count. He says he isn’t offended but he has said he was embarrassed a few times and I feel really guilty. I have a pretty good sense of reading when other people are embarrassed so I find myself trying to avert attention off of people a lot but I did it the wrong way this time as it was only the two of us. He is mature about it and hasn’t made it a bigger issue than it was but I want him to feel comfortable with me, especially during something that intimate.

Like I said, it’s absolutely not a problem for me. It’s actually the opposite, I enjoy everything with him. It usually only happens the very first time when I see him and then he can last for a while the other times. I’ve told him I found it attractive before but for some reason I’m nervous about telling him why. I find it embarrassing that I feel that way about something that other women consider annoying/frustrating but considering I embarrassed him, I feel like I owe it to him to explain that it is actually something I enjoy. I’m also scared that it’ll reflect poorly on my age, like maybe women his age aren’t into that and it’s about maturity or something? I had to google why him finishing quickly was even a problem, and I guess it makes sense but it’s still not a problem for me.

Is there anything I can say to help him feel better? I don’t see this escalating as he probably doesn’t even want to talk about it but the thought of him quietly worrying about it while we are together/ feeling stress during intimacy bothers me a lot.

I was the youngest server at the establishment. I was 18, and the other ~30 servers were all over the age of 25. Absolutely no idea how that happened but that meant going out with coworkers was equivalent to going out with whole adults with families while I was still in high school.
The bar near the restaurant always let me in because I was with their regulars and they had no reason to ID me, but I never drank anyway because I had to drive home. Drinking age here is 21. I went after work with maybe 6 women during my first week and an older man (maybe 45-50) offered me a drink but 1. Don’t shit where you eat and 2. He was an antique compared to me. I declined.
He started chatting casually but I said I had to get going because it was past 11pm at that point and I was exhausted. He kept trying to press for “one more drink” as if I had any in the first place so I blatantly admitted I was only 18. He said he could put it on his tab so they wouldn’t ID but I declined once again. He went on to say “18? You remind me so much of x” and I just awkwardly smiled and he said “she’s my daughter, but she’s a little older than you are now” and I just stayed silent. I said it was nice meeting him and got up. He followed me quietly as I walked to my car and then said “wait wait wait” and tried to just shove his phone at me to add my contact but I said my boyfriend wouldn’t like that. He said I would regret not letting him take me out once and that women always do, but I said I’m okay again. Our schedule app discloses phone numbers, so he said he’ll just have to use the app and laughed.
I got a “hey little lady” that night around 1 and I immediately blocked his contact. Every interaction was awkward and extremely uncomfortable at work after that

Most of my coworkers were chill but I received my fair share of uncomfortable stories. I quit 6 weeks in

It happens primarily after sex, but I remember 3 instances where I was just aroused without actual sex and it happened

I don’t want to get into why I don’t orgasm during sex, it all just comes down to fear/insecurity in front of my boyfriend.

Before we started actually going out, I remember him saying something as simple as he was distracted by my body, and it felt like everything I was feeling just overflowed with that comment. It felt like I was peeing but it was completely clear and I couldn’t control it at all but I was embarrassed for the rest of the day and he seemed put off by my distance. Google said my muscles are just relaxing after producing female ejaculate and it’s normal but I’ve never heard of this. It also happened after my first kiss and at a restaurant when I went to pick up food for my bf and I after we had been kissing. It happened while I was waiting so I just left. I think it happens around 80% of the time I see him. This past Saturday it happened 3 different times within an hour time span so it’s becoming a concern because I don’t want him to see that. It made multiple spots on the bed. It’s not as much liquid as when I do orgasm but it’s definitely enough to be noticable and I don’t want him to see it because I’ve had one partial orgasm in front of him and he seemed turned off by the effects. (He apologized for seeming grossed out afterwards and said he didn’t feel that way but I know he can’t help how he feels so I want to try harder not to have that happen) I really don’t want him to notice the spots because I think he would be very grossed out by it but I don’t know how to keep hiding it. I’ve also had a wet dream when we were together which I imagine is tied to the same issue but he was very quiet when I told him so I think he doesn’t want to know about that. He’s a good bf, he said he wants me to finish and feel satisfied (which is sweet but I don’t want him to be grossed out so I’d rather not) and he’s been patient because there have been a few instances where he couldn’t really ignore it (like in his car) but I really want to stop it from happening in the future so that he doesn’t feel uncomfortable or turned off. I don’t think he would leave me if he noticed it but I’m afraid of him talking to me about it

He’s a lot older than I am and he has a ton of experience but he’s all the experience I have so I’m not sure what to make of this. He would definitely know this isn’t normal if he did find out how often it was happening so I really want to fix it asap

Is there anything I can do to make it stop or make it less noticable? It usually happens 15-45 minutes after getting aroused and not finishing

Feels wrong being in this sub but oh well

I’m too embarrassed to actually finish so I try to get him to stop before I do, but out of all of my close friends who talked about being with men, none of them have actually finished and every single one said she’s faked it. Not because she was too embarrassed, but because she just couldn’t get to that point.
I can’t imagine faking it because the bodily reactions are what embarrasses me, but now I’m wondering if guys would want to know if their girl wasn’t actually finishing? I think a majority of guys have had it faked, but has anyone’s partner admitted she didn’t finish? Only 18% of women can actually finish from PIV.

For those who regularly carry striker-fired pistols, have you ever actually experienced a failure to fire with modern defensive ammo during the first round after chambering? Or is the concern about a ‘first-round misfire’ mostly theoretical with quality guns and ammo?

I don’t regularly carry, I’m very new to this so I’m just wondering if I ever were to need to fire in self defense (I don’t carry in my car, weapon never leaves the house), would there be a possibility of a misfire since I have not fired from the pistol before? Google has to point out every possible safety risk, but realistically, can I rely on the first round?

Location: Virginia

Age of consent - 18

Drinking age - 21

I will try to keep my feelings out of this for the sake of keeping this short, but I did and still do feel like I love him. I’m very attached to him, but I can’t live like this anymore I know I need help.

I began a relationship with my 34 year old male boss while I was 17 (female). It was 40 days of 1 on 1 shifts, him buying me Starbucks, compliments about my body, calling/ texting often, etc. We met up twice outside of work. He was fired in mid December due to fraternization and conduct unbecoming- they interviewed me for ~20 minutes and came to a verdict right away. My family was not notified. He was instructed not to reach out to me but 3 days after he was fired, he called me, apologized, and said he wanted to continue our relationship.

10 days after my 18th birthday in January, we met at the common area (pool room) at his Condominium and then switched to sitting in my car. He told me where to drive- an empty parking lot. I hadn’t had a boyfriend or my fist kiss prior, so when he asked if I wanted anything physical, I wasn’t sure what he meant. We held hands for maybe 30 minutes and I was shaking a lot but he asked if I wanted anything else. I asked what he meant and he said a kiss, I explained that i hadn’t had my first kiss and he told me he would show me how. I stalled for another 20 minutes and then he said it was time, leaned over, and made out with me for a while. I was completely frozen for a bit (didn’t even close my eyes) and he touched my breasts and thighs. I tried to touch him back but I didn’t know what I was doing so I just rested my hand on his leg. He asks afterwards if what he had done was okay and I said it was fine.

We had another date the next week. I was so nervous that I couldn’t really look at him, and I kept shaking my head no to his advances. He pulled me and I laid on his chest for a few minutes before moving back to my seat. He started rubbing my thigh and I put my hand over my crotch because I’m Christian, was waiting till marriage, and it was just too soon. When he felt my hand, he laughed and said it was alright if I didn’t want him to touch me there. I said I do, but not here. I guess he didn’t hear that second part, and he continued. I moved my hand and just let it happen, completely frozen. We made out in his car after the movie and he gave me flowers, a card, and a little toy animal. My favorite animal.

Next week, still less than a month since my birthday, he booked a hotel for us. It was very stupid to go, but I felt like I loved him and I did want to see him. He brought alcohol, I got very drunk. I can’t tolerate much alcohol because I had only drank on two other occasions, but he gave me more and more. I don’t remember anything except one part, but I performed oral. He removed my clothes and started going down on me which I don’t remember much of until the end. I panicked too much, and started saying I can’t and stop over and over but he continued. I crawled maybe 2 feet away but he grabbed me and yanked me back to where I was laying and continued. This happened a few times. I started pushing him as hard as I could but it didn’t work, he just pinned me down and continued, so I used full force and shoved him and he got extremely mad but got off. I tried to leave the room twice after getting dressed but he ripped me away from the door both times. I still loved him.

We saw eachother many times since then, he has done that nearly every week, but I’ve told him to stop every single time. I can’t let him do it until completion I’m just terrified for some reason. Alcohol has been involved nearly every time.

We went on a road trip and nothing crazy happened the first night, but the second day/night we drank a lot and he drove after 6 shots within an hour. I’m not sure how illegal that is because his tolerance is high but I think his BAC would’ve been over the legal limit. I lost my actual virginity that night, to which I have little to no recollection of, all I know is he didn’t finish because I had to stop. I was waiting until marriage due to religion even though I’ve been very attached to him since the day he told me he liked me when I was 17. I’ve tried to use it as a way to make him stop giving me oral, like a compromise “let’s switch into something else” but he said I was deflecting and to let him finish. I’m lucky in that aspect, it didn’t happen for I think 6 weeks after our first night together.

And for those wondering, my parents think I’m with coworkers/friends when I see him. I’ve never given them a reason not to trust me.

I was very drunk recently, we had sex and I fainted due to pain and nervousness I believe. I was panicking until I just went out. I woke up to my body repositioned, and he was still doing it, and I shoved him off and ran to the bathroom. The lock was broken so I laid in fetal position when he came in and ignored him. I continued to see him

I can’t continue like this, I need serious help even though I’m still addicted to him. I know that’s how ‘grooming’ works, but this feels different. I feel like I should’ve been smart enough to never let this happen

I had 3 emergency contraceptives in the span of a month, one was prescribed so I have the medical record. I had a positive pregnancy test about a month ago, but it was followed by heavy bleeding and cramping and then negative tests. It might’ve just been my period and a pill that I am on that Google said can cause false positives, I’m not sure. I had another positive a few days ago, but now I’m negative again. I stopped taking the pills so it might be that, I’m out of tests and too afraid to buy more

Evidence:

- All messages since mid November still available (he made me clear it the week he confessed feelings, because we met up and he was still on edge, but I’ve kept them since then) messages include admitting to finishing in me while I was squirming (I was trying to get away because the pain was too much) and all the I love you’s and paragraphs about how much he cares about me and the very first night he got me drunk

- audio recording of him admitting feelings while I was a minor (originally to show to my friend but it serves another purpose now)

- audio recordings of many phone conversations, discussing him sleeping with me while I was unconscious, him acknowledging he could go to jail for what he was doing while I was a minor, him discussing the extent of how drunk I was and acknowledging that I couldn’t remember us doing things while I was intoxicated, me mentioning him not letting me leave and him not denying, etc

- video of me extremely intoxicated and nude in a bed with him

- security footage of all hotels should exist, work security footage has been reviewed (led to his firing)

Please ask any questions if you need more info. I am wondering if this is enough to be seriously illegal (like, more than just a minor incident like alcohol distribution) and if the evidence I have would likely lead to charges pressed? I cant continue like this, but I can’t even imagine going through all the trouble of everyone (especially my parents) finding out how ruined i am now, and him being found not guilty. If you’re a lawyer or if you’ve been in a similar case please let me know thank you

LOCATION: Virginia

Age of consent - 18

Drinking age - 21

I will try to keep my feelings out of this for the sake of keeping this short, but I did and still do feel like I love him. I’m very attached to him, but I can’t live like this anymore I know I need help.

I began a relationship with my 34 year old male boss while I was 17 (female). It was 40 days of 1 on 1 shifts, him buying me Starbucks, compliments about my body, calling/ texting often, etc. We met up twice outside of work. He was fired in mid December due to fraternization and conduct unbecoming- they interviewed me for ~20 minutes and came to a verdict right away. My family was not notified. He was instructed not to reach out to me but 3 days after he was fired, he called me, apologized, and said he wanted to continue our relationship.

10 days after my 18th birthday in January, we met at the common area (pool room) at his Condominium and then switched to sitting in my car. He told me where to drive- an empty parking lot. I hadn’t had a boyfriend or my fist kiss prior, so when he asked if I wanted anything physical, I wasn’t sure what he meant. We held hands for maybe 30 minutes and I was shaking a lot but he asked if I wanted anything else. I asked what he meant and he said a kiss, I explained that i hadn’t had my first kiss and he told me he would show me how. I stalled for another 20 minutes and then he said it was time, leaned over, and made out with me for a while. I was completely frozen for a bit (didn’t even close my eyes) and he touched my breasts and thighs. I tried to touch him back but I didn’t know what I was doing so I just rested my hand on his leg. He asks afterwards if what he had done was okay and I said it was fine.

We had another date the next week. I was so nervous that I couldn’t really look at him, and I kept shaking my head no to his advances. He pulled me and I laid on his chest for a few minutes before moving back to my seat. He started rubbing my thigh and I put my hand over my crotch because I’m Christian, was waiting till marriage, and it was just too soon. When he felt my hand, he laughed and said it was alright if I didn’t want him to touch me there. I said I do, but not here. I guess he didn’t hear that second part, and he continued. I moved my hand and just let it happen, completely frozen. We made out in his car after the movie and he gave me flowers, a card, and a little toy animal. My favorite animal.

Next week, still less than a month since my birthday, he booked a hotel for us. It was very stupid to go, but I felt like I loved him and I did want to see him. He brought alcohol, I got very drunk. I can’t tolerate much alcohol because I had only drank on two other occasions, but he gave me more and more. I don’t remember anything except one part, but I performed oral. He removed my clothes and started going down on me which I don’t remember much of until the end. I panicked too much, and started saying I can’t and stop over and over but he continued. I crawled maybe 2 feet away but he grabbed me and yanked me back to where I was laying and continued. This happened a few times. I started pushing him as hard as I could but it didn’t work, he just pinned me down and continued, so I used full force and shoved him and he got extremely mad but got off. I tried to leave the room twice after getting dressed but he ripped me away from the door both times. I still loved him.

We saw eachother many times since then, he has done that nearly every week, but I’ve told him to stop every single time. I can’t let him do it until completion I’m just terrified for some reason. Alcohol has been involved nearly every time.

We went on a road trip and nothing crazy happened the first night, but the second day/night we drank a lot and he drove after 6 shots within an hour. I’m not sure how illegal that is because his tolerance is high but I think his BAC would’ve been over the legal limit. I lost my actual virginity that night, to which I have little to no recollection of, all I know is he didn’t finish because I had to stop. I was waiting until marriage due to religion even though I’ve been very attached to him since the day he told me he liked me when I was 17. I’ve tried to use it as a way to make him stop giving me oral, like a compromise “let’s switch into something else” but he said I was deflecting and to let him finish. I’m lucky in that aspect, it didn’t happen for I think 6 weeks after our first night together.

And for those wondering, my parents think I’m with coworkers/friends when I see him. I’ve never given them a reason not to trust me.

I was very drunk recently, we had sex and I fainted due to pain and nervousness I believe. I was panicking until I just went out. I woke up to my body repositioned, and he was still doing it, and I shoved him off and ran to the bathroom. The lock was broken so I laid in fetal position when he came in and ignored him. I continued to see him

I can’t continue like this, I need serious help even though I’m still addicted to him. I know that’s how ‘grooming’ works, but this feels different. I feel like I should’ve been smart enough to never let this happen

I had 3 emergency contraceptives in the span of a month, one was prescribed so I have the medical record. I had a positive pregnancy test about a month ago, but it was followed by heavy bleeding and cramping and then negative tests. It might’ve just been my period and a pill that I am on that Google said can cause false positives, I’m not sure. I had another positive a few days ago, but now I’m negative again. I stopped taking the pills so it might be that, I’m out of tests and too afraid to buy more

Evidence:

- All messages since mid November still available (he made me clear it the week he confessed feelings, because we met up and he was still on edge, but I’ve kept them since then) messages include admitting to finishing in me while I was squirming (I was trying to get away because the pain was too much) and all the I love you’s and paragraphs about how much he cares about me and the very first night he got me drunk

- audio recording of him admitting feelings while I was a minor (originally to show to my friend but it serves another purpose now)

- audio recordings of many phone conversations, discussing him sleeping with me while I was unconscious, him acknowledging he could go to jail for what he was doing while I was a minor, him discussing the extent of how drunk I was and acknowledging that I couldn’t remember us doing things while I was intoxicated, me mentioning him not letting me leave and him not denying, etc

- video of me extremely intoxicated and nude in a bed with him

- security footage of all hotels should exist, work security footage has been reviewed (led to his firing)

Please ask any questions if you need more info. I am wondering if this is enough to be seriously illegal (like, more than just a minor incident like alcohol distribution) and if the evidence I have would likely lead to charges pressed? I cant continue like this, but I can’t even imagine going through all the trouble of everyone (especially my parents) finding out how ruined i am now, and him being found not guilty. If you’re a lawyer or if you’ve been in a similar case please let me know thank you