u/IAmLordMeatwad

I have been off and on for a year now after 4 years of out of control usage. Only edibles. I was sober 4 months then back on for a month. Quit again for 4 months and used for 4 months. Started to feel emotionally numb and tired, and it felt connected to the weed.

I quit again two days ago, with the intention of maybe returning, but I really struggle with balancing it. But anyways, I feel better off it right now. More clear headed and grounded, but damn I still find myself wanting it. I don't get it.

Don't really feel like doing anything right now. Mostly just want to lay in bed under my favorite blanket.

For context:

I wrote a superhero novel with characters that have been with me for decades.

I published it in 2025 as an online serial for free on Substack. One chapter every week.

I came in hoping for a readership of 15-20 and wound up with less. Much less. 

As far as I know, the only person who has read my book in full is my mom. Most of my friends only read the first few chapters, and haven’t even offered much in terms of commentary or feedback. Meaning it was either not a good read, or maybe it was just too long for anyone to commit to. I don’t know! I did get feedback from friends before publishing on the first few chapters that was really helpful, and I’m still proud of how it came out, but it’s hard to know what went wrong.

I’ve always had plans of making this story into a 7-book series. I have so many stories to tell with these characters and I really was just getting started.

Now I feel really discouraged. What’s the point in writing a sequel that no one will read to a book no one read or engaged with? How do I even go about telling this story anymore? 

I feel like such a failure for this, and I don’t even really know where to go next. Sure, I have another book I’m working on that I plan on pitching to publishers soon, but in terms of this series that I wanted to invest in so heavily, I don’t know anymore. 

Obviously, the person to choose the path I go down is me, but I was hoping to hear some insight from my fellow self-publishers to hear what they think. I’ve considered finding ways to write one-shots about these characters that I could pitch to publishers–with self-publishing as the ultimate fallback, but I don’t know. It’s hard because I feel like I messed up, but I don’t know how I messed up or really what to do differently this time. I couldn’t sleep for hours last night because I was just dwelling on what a failure I am. 

At the end of the day, I still have stories to tell–but I have no idea how to go about approaching this anymore.

Merceded has 2 points left for mastering Bishop. Uses Fire on an enemy, kills them, and only gets 1 point.

Already spent renown on the Saint statues to get +2 skill experience per battle.

What gives? I have played for so long... so long...

...so long...

...and I have never figured it out.

(I have 1440 hours logged.)

Little bit about me - I worked on the Venture Bros T-shirt club for Season 6. There were 3 of us, so if you ordered a t-shirt for Season 6, there's a 33.33% (with a repeated sign of course) chance I folded and shipped your t-shirt. Anyways, I binged Venture Bros. while folding t-shirts and barely absorbed it. 

So now I'm rewatching it, and really appreciating it, but man, the transphobia, the racism, and the ableism are pretty rough. I was wondering when it gets better on that front because I don't remember. Still love the show to pieces, I'm in early season 2.