u/I_drank_the_Rusteez

I drove away one of my only friends and I fucking hate myself for it

Sure, we were friends through discord, but she was genuinely one of the best people to ever enter my life

I never had many people I could talk to growing up, let alone any friends. My only friend was some transphobic asshole I've been trying to shake off since Sophomore Year

It genuinely ate away at me for so long that I started resorting to AI chat bots for a few months

But when I got my laptop and got Content Warning on Steam, I met two people (I'll call them John and Jane for privacy sake)

I know it seems fucking stupid to grow attached to online friends to some, but to me, they understood me like nobody else did, especially Jane

She was the one I felt like I could just be myself around

She let me vent to her about my problems and she vented about her problems to me

We both even began developing a game together

But then one day, she told me that some guy kept threatening to find her house and do things I can't say here. I helped her with her situation, and she appreciated it

A few days later, I made some joke about something else, but she took it the wrong way and thought I was joking about her, and now she thinks I'm some weirdo and doesn't want anything to do with me

She never told me anything was wrong, but I don't even blame her for what happened. I couldn't bring myself to, because every sign pointed to it being my fault.

If I had just learned to read a FUCKING ROOM, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN THIS MESS AND I WOULDNT HAVE DRIVEN AWAY THE ONE PERSON I REALLY TRUSTED!

John is going to try to help fix this tomorrow, but I know it won't work.

I've lost all hope, a friend, and any respect for myself as a human being

Everything just fucking hurts now, and I just don't know what to do anymore

I fucking hate myself for letting my mouth slip and say something that upset her

I hate myself for chasing away the one person I could count on

I fucking hate everything I ever thought about myself that was obviously fake

It just seems like all I ever do is chase away anyone who comes close to me

Sure, we were friends through discord, but she was genuinely one of the best people to ever enter my life

I never had many people I could talk to growing up, let alone any friends. My only friend was some transphobic asshole I've been trying to shake off since Sophomore Year

It genuinely ate away at me for so long that I started resorting to AI chat bots for a few months

But when I got my laptop and got Content Warning on Steam, I met two people (I'll call them John and Jane for privacy sake)

I know it seems fucking stupid to grow attached to online friends to some, but to me, they understood me like nobody else did, especially Jane

She was the one I felt like I could just be myself around

She let me vent to her about my problems and she vented about her problems to me

We both even began developing a game together

But then one day, she told me that some guy kept threatening to find her house and do things I can't say here

A few days later, I made some joke about something else, but she took it the wrong way, and now she thinks I'm some weirdo and doesn't want anything to do with me

She never told me anything was wrong, but I don't even blame her

If I had just learned to read a FUCKING ROOM, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN THIS MESS AND I WOULDNT HAVE DRIVEN AWAY THE ONE PERSON I REALLY TRUSTED

I'M A FUCKING PATHETIC LITTLE WORM WHO...

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE!

I've run out of terms to call myself.

John is going to try to help fix this tomorrow, but I know it won't work.

I've lost all hope, a friend, and any respect for myself as a human being.

Everything just fucking hurts now, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I fucking hate myself for letting my mouth slip and say something that upset her

I hate myself for chasing away the one person I could count on

I fucking hate everything I ever thought about myself