u/Ill_Scientist1183

I discovered my bf porn addiction 4 months ago.
He was deep in trans porn, cams and messages on Kik to trans women. Purely sexual and no emotions.

I am so blindsided. Our sex life was amazing he was affectionate, caring loving. I’m so destroyed about this. He claims he’s not gay or bi. He claims he never started out watching these categories and it escalated into this.

I really need to hear from straight men who this has happened to. He is currently in therapy and desperately wants us to work out. I just don’t know how.

If this is porn addiction is it possible to recover? Did it affect your sexuality?

I discovered my bf porn addiction 4 months ago.
It’s was all trans (pre op) he also watched cams and sexted with them on Kik.
It was all sexual with no emotions.
He claims that after 10 years of being alone struggling with depression from bereavement his porn addiction escalated from hetero porn to this.

Now I’m obviously assuming he is bi. He denies it. He said that he never started with this preference and doesn’t know ‘how it got so bad’ meaning he was always interested in women.
He was in a relationship where he had a child with his ex and she cheated on him pretty badly.
If it is a porn addiction I may consider giving him time to see if he really can recover, he is currently in therapy. But if he has lied to me about his real sexuality I’m out the door.

The reasons I’m finding it so hard atm to leave is because this has genuinely been the best relationship. He’s so affectionate, caring and loving. We laugh and support each other. Our sex life has always been amazing, he always focuses on my pleasure, his body reacts to me instantly. it’s so confusing to be in love with a version of him when another was being so deceiving. It’s truly blindsided me

He has opened up about his porn addiction more to me, he said that even though it’s caused so much hurt, he’s relieved that I know and it’s been freeing for him.

If anyone has experienced anything like this please do share x

Based on some of the posts I’ve read, mainly about self disappointment, shame and regret ect. How are some of y’all getting hooked on things you don’t like? There have been some extremes like questioning your sexuality. You get to a point you are so sure of your sexuality, but still do things that don’t align with your sexuality and it makes you feel terrible? I am genuinely curious about this

After a horrendous D Day in March this year.
Not only left me feeling betrayed it left me traumatised and broken. He was sexting men and trans women. On Kik and Grindr btw.
We were together for 2 years and was the first man I truly loved.
He asked me to get breast surgery early in the relationship too which I ended up going through with and I do not regret it, I actually look the best I’ve ever been (gym and looking after myself too)
The trauma delayed my career journey, I was so mentally unwell.
He did all the things after d day like blockers, therapy being present making more effort and I went along with it, I was desperately clinging to the man i thought i loved and the memories we had. The hysterical bonding was mental, I was watching his choice of porn category, obsessively watching videos of him, which I never would’ve done in my sound mind. I even considered cheating on him and being blatant about it to try and hurt him. When the cheating thought came to me I realised I couldn’t do this anymore, I’m turning into someone I don’t like. I’m suppressing my pain constantly, hurting myself over and over by entertaining him and letting him be affectionate, knowing who he is when no one is watching.
He has traumatised me in ways I didn’t know was possible.
I just can’t do it anymore, I physically cannot keep hurting myself and disrespecting myself.

I am a good person I have a good heart and I will not let a deviant take that away from me. He was always punching anyway.. he lost his damn mind!

Up and onwards x

If you’re an addict and in a relationship can you give me an honest breakdown of the things you experience from your side?
How did it affect your view on your relationship, did it impact how you see your partner, did it impact your sex life. Feel free to share all of the nuances breaking the addiction can bring.

So it’s only been 3 months since D Day. But he has done all the right things. The blockers, therapy, being present, consistent and transparent whenever I ask.
Tbh we had close to a perfect relationship before this all happened. He was always caring, affectionate, we txt and call all day, amazing sex life and made time for each other.
He hasn’t tried manipulate me (as far as I know) he’s been kind when I wasn’t. He stayed calm when I haven’t. And has remained respectful when I have said some pretty awful things. Not that he particularly deserved my kindness that at the time.
But I’ve seen genuine change and I feel so reluctant to tell him that!
Am I supposed to praise him for doing what he should’ve always been doing??
I feel like I wanna let some trust back in but I don’t know how or if I’m rushing it

What are your views on sex or sending personal content to your PA?
We don’t live together, he’s making a lot more effort to spend more time with me, but I am a single parent and having him over at mine every night just doesn’t work.
We are still having sex but some of the nights we’re not together we masturbate together and send each other videos. This isn’t every night we’re apart but at least once a week.
He has restrictions or blocks on everything from phone to pc.
Is this replacing one thing for another or is it helping him rewire his brain?