u/Immediate_Rise2237

This will ruffle some feathers but the older I get the more I understand why Monique told us that we need to stop wearing bonnets in public. I genuinely don’t care what people wear in public so this isn’t a topic I’m losing sleep over, nor do I care to harass them over something that doesn’t affect my life. But there’s no reason for you to be wearing a bra and shorts so small I can see the underline of your butt in public. Those are clothes for your comfort WITHIN your home not in public. I don’t even know why I have to explain this because it’s common sense. There’s a time and place for everything.

I rarely see white, Asian , brown or any other race have this reoccurring and constant issue.

I get it. Life hits. You may not have time to do your hair, you may be suffering from a mental illness and don’t have the energy to get up shower and dress, you might even be missing a box braid or two so you wear a bonnet or pajamas. People have many reasons for the way they dress so I show compassion and mind my business. But it gets to a point where you’re walking around half naked that seems strange to me.

Just like Monique emphasized ; Show pride in yourself. Set an example for others or even yourself.

Ive been living with this roommate for the past 7 months and within that time he would leave booty crust , diarrhea and piss in the toilet. I live in a PadSplit so there’s a host that oversees the home and enforces rules to ensure everyone lives comfortably.
He’s gotten better at flushing the toilet but still never wipes his booty crusts off the toilet. Would I be overreacting if I reported him again?

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Here are some other things my old roommates did

• Steal all the forks the host provided for the house. When I offered to share my dishes, my cups and forks were stolen and occasionally they returned my dishes unwashed
• I took my cat for a walk and as I come back in… I heard my roommate masturbating and moaning so loud down the hallway I couldn’t believe my ears. Ive submitted prior noise complaints about her noise levels but THIS one was awkward.
• Talked shit about me in the kitchen. Then tried to make me the scapegoat when I confronted them.
• The lady who was bad mouthing me, whoms room was next to mine said I “talk to much” in the group chat, but was the same person who would wake me up at 5-6am everyday to talk loudly on the phone.
• Either 1 or 2 people were smoking weed in the house
• One roommate left spaghetti remains from INSIDE the garbage disposal on the sink. I reported him and kindly asked if he could clean that up. He instantly starts yelling and cussing in the kitchen. Atp I didn’t feel safe being near him I actually almost got kicked out the house myself because I confronted him.
• Shit and piss in the toilet… I can’t count on my fingers how many times this drove me crazy.
• Leaving trash, food splatters, dirty dishes, hair balls around common areas for days to almost weeks
• The maid cleaned the entire house then one of the roommates just came and splattered oil crust all over the stove. I really despise people who show no appreciation towards others who try their best to make everyone comfortable
• This one drove me crazy the most. Constantly leavimy the front door unlocked. This house is not located in the best neighborhood. There’s a lot of violent crime (I’m not talking about petty crimes I mean gun violence , robberies…); a situation happened where a few people were held hostage inside of an abandoned Walgreens right next to us. At a weekly stay, two people got into an argument and one got shot in the face RIGHT next to that same Walgreens . There was even an incident where I was about a block away from the house eating tacos in a parking lot, I look to my left and see a guy running.. a cop chasing him and helicopters pointing lights towards my car. I gave my roommates instructions on how to lock the door and they would constantly ignore me.

so instead of just correcting their behavior they all moved out except for one.

• Mind you we’re ALL adults (I was the youngest) and I literally had a 3 month long quarrel with my old roommates like I was their mother. I had to constantly tell people to clean up behind themselves , without outing names ofc, and I try to give them chances to fix the issue so their point system doesn’t get them evicted or worse banned from the platform. Thankfully they moved out …and I have WAAAAY better roommates now that are respectful and clean up, I don’t have to constantly come home worrying about cleaning. I actually even became friends with one of them.

Its ridiculous how adults expect you to tolerate disrespecting the house , then expect YOU to clean up behind them , then get mad when you tell them to clean up.

In some instances he’ll pick up the cat , carry her TO me and inch her closer to my face so I just awkwardly sit there while she struggles to leave and hisses at me. Or in other instances were chilling on the couch and he’ll take the cat and put her right next to me and I have to do my best to respect her space (I can’t move because if I do she’ll lash out)

there was even one time I remembered (years ago in high school) he bought the cat into my friends car and while the cat was clearly uncomfortable he shoved the cat onto my friend and the cat scratched her. then he put the cat onto me , surprisingly she didn’t scratch me , but I sat there fearing this little gremlin is going to scratch me.

i do have a cat at home so I’m not sure if it’s 1. my scent or 2, the fact his cat isn’t socialized.

fast forward to about june, when his parents returned back from Mexico to their old apartment surprisingly the cat was nice to me? she came up to me and let me pet her but she was still very vocal and I had to walk on egg shells not to piss her off. even before his parents returned the only time his cat is nice to me is when I give her snacks

point 3: this also makes me wonder if the cats aggression is a result of my friends parents leaving for months.

Just recently he moved in with a roommate who has 4 other cats And he’s informed me that she hasn’t adjusted well to moving. Moving is very stressful for cats (new scents, new enviroment, etc) so I try my best to leave his cat alone. I peak under his bed to see if she’s around and she snaps, so I back off and give her space, then he tries to grab her from under the bed while she’s snapping at him. later while we’re sitting on his bed watching TV his cat is pacing around the bed. She wasn’t in my eyesight and I adjusted myself in his bed, she snaps at me and I flinch accidentally dropping a pillow on her little head. He then asks what did I do to her which kind of irritated me.
which again brings me back to point number 3 if two of his parents being gone and me coming back contributes to her anger

his cat is mean but I care about her, I care about all animals especially when it comes to their well being. what can be done ? He claims she is spayed but I don’t believe that, I even had to trick my friend into going to the vet for free to see if something was wrong with her but nothing came up

Me (21F-American) and this guy (20M-Canadian) met each other on a video game during covid and have been friends for the past 5-6 years. During those years we got along well and rarely got into arguments. Theres many qualities I liked about him, some I disliked, but I loved him unconditionally. We started talking and getting intimate last year and made a plan to meet each other for the first time in August.

Some people may say it’s a comparability issue but deep down I feel like it’s just not the right time? Were both working on our own traumas, he’s still trying to finish school and move out his mothers house while I try to get out of living pay check to pay check and move out of state. He does tell me how he worries about the future a lot and how he’s not good enough. His father wasn’t in his life and cheated on his mother. his mother is so sweet I wanted to meet her too, he does tell me she occasionally gets sick and that his grandmother is in the hospital

I deleted our texts so I’ll try not to be biased as much as possible . From memory, the sole reason why we stopped talking was the lack of communication. We‘re long distance but we weren’t dating and never met. My issue was that he would take days to text back or rarely text me at all, he would constantly play video games while we were on FaceTime so the conversations and effort to interact felt one sided.

the last conversation we had was basically him saying that he was going through a lot and that he still wanted to keep me around as a friend. He also says that our facetimes aren’t the same anymore, the conversations felt forced and that there wasn’t a spark. But I said I don’t want to wait around for anyone, I can’t make you want something just as much as I do and that boredom is normal in friendships/relationships that don’t run on chaos, what matters the most is two people choosing each other despite the circumstances. I also suggested that if he wants to stay friends (Or in a situationship is what I should be calling it) he’s free to talk to other women, he rebuttals and says that I might not actually be taking us seriously.

Fast forward 1-2 weeks later after that convo, he never texted me During that time. I did some thinking and came to a conclusion that “if it feels confusing it’s not for you”. So I texted him saying I don’t think I want to talk anymore. A day or two later he replies “Understandable, wish you the best”. at that moment I felt fine , but now I feel like that was the shittiest closure especially over text? I didn’t think to myself “maybe he’s got a lot going on with his mother, grandmother and work”.

It’s been a month since we’ve talked and Today I just broke down crying non stop thinking about him. I’m on vacation so all of my family members were constantly asking me about him.

Love is not easy , it can be confusing and often irritating at times, but also a beautiful thing . I’m aware that People make time for who they want to show up for and I felt like that was the reason I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue talking to him. We live in such a time where people want the benefits of a relationship but don’t actually want labels, people don’t acknowledge that it takes more than love for a relationship to work. I want to build something with someone long term , but I feel like I made the wrong decision cutting communication with him. I’m not sure whether I want to continue things, whether i want closure, I KNOW what I want out of a relationship but I’m not sure whether he knew what he wanted and I think I put alittle to much pressure on him? at the moment I’m definitely NOT interested in talking to other men. I don’t know what to do and I need advice , even if it means calling me a jackass.

Ive been doing doordash and uber eats in my car with no AC for the past 2 years. Im waiting for the temperatures to go down yet surprisingly I've became accustomed to the heat. For those wondering why I didnt fix my AC yet, I did back in December but I guess my car doesnt hold refridgerant that long? Id have to save a couple hundred to get it fixed again