u/Impossible_Bee25

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I turned 24 a couple of months back, and since then, I've been constantly getting these proposals from everywhere. Every acquaintance my Amma meets and even relatives are bringing one after another to my Amma. I'm scared whenever she goes out alone after she went to a hospital once and came back with a proposal from an acquaintance she met there.

My dad doesn't want me to get married until I'm atleast 26, and I don't even want to think about marriage now. But people keep asking her multiple times even after saying no and guilt tripping my Amma or even making her feel like she's doing the biggest mistake of her life by not convincing me and my dad to accept the proposal. She's generally an anxious person, so people pressuring her is making it worse for me.

Even yesterday, my aunt and her husband brought a new proposal from a family friend of theirs. My Amma obviously said that I'm not interested in getting married now, to which this uncle says, " aval parayunna onnum kekanda avashyam illa, nammal kalyanam kazhipichu angu vidanam". I find this quite dehumanising, that my opinion doesn't matter in my marriage. So many neighbour aunties also share the same opinion, that if the family is rich enough then my parents shouldn't care about what I have to say. It's a nightmare.

My cousin, his daughter, got married when she was 26 because these people emotionally blackmailed her into getting married back then. Her husband, fortunately, is a good man, but she still told me that she regrets getting married so fast. Now that her parents have gotten her married and she has given birth, they have taken up getting me married as their side quest.

For now, I wfh and I'm planning to move out, but I don't think even that'd help with this because more than my parents it's the relatives and neighbours. I haven't even figured out if I ever want to marry someone or not. The only thing I'm sure now is that I do not want to marry a stranger off of the arranged marriage market. How do y'all navigate this pressure to get married? I feel like I'm too you g to deal with this, but everyone keeps justifying it by saying women also get married at 18 and 24 is too old. And if I don't start now, then I won't be able to find anyone at 26.

I feel extremely anxious and sleepless whenever I get a new proposal because I'm scared that these aunties and uncles will convince my Amma somehow. What should I do? Will I get used to this way in a couple of years? Does it go away once you are 28 or 30?

I turned 24 a couple of months back, and since then, I've been constantly getting these proposals from everywhere. Every acquaintance my Amma meets and even relatives are bringing one after another to my Amma. I'm scared whenever she goes out alone after she went to a hospital once and came back with a proposal from an acquaintance she met there.

My dad doesn't want me to get married until I'm atleast 26, and I don't even want to think about marriage now. But people keep asking her multiple times even after saying no and guilt tripping my Amma or even making her feel like she's doing the biggest mistake of her life by not convincing me and my dad to accept the proposal. She's generally an anxious person, so people pressuring her is making it worse for me.

Even yesterday, my aunt and her husband brought a new proposal from a family friend of theirs. My Amma obviously said that I'm not interested in getting married now, to which this uncle says, " aval parayunna onnum kekanda avashyam illa, nammal kalyanam kazhipichu angu vidanam". I find this quite dehumanising, that my opinion doesn't matter in my marriage. So many neighbour aunties also share the same opinion, that if the family is rich enough then my parents shouldn't care about what I have to say. It's a nightmare.

My cousin, his daughter, got married when she was 26 because these people emotionally blackmailed her into getting married back then. Her husband, fortunately, is a good man, but she still told me that she regrets getting married so fast. Now that her parents have gotten her married and she has given birth, they have taken up getting me married as their side quest.

For now, I wfh and I'm planning to move out, but I don't think even that'd help with this because more than my parents it's the relatives and neighbours. I haven't even figured out if I ever want to marry someone or not. The only thing I'm sure now is that I do not want to marry a stranger off of the arranged marriage market. How do y'all navigate this pressure to get married? I feel like I'm too you g to deal with this, but everyone keeps justifying it by saying women also get married at 18 and 24 is too old. And if I don't start now, then I won't be able to find anyone at 26.

I feel extremely anxious and sleepless whenever I get a new proposal because I'm scared that these aunties and uncles will convince my Amma somehow. What should I do? Will I get used to this way in a couple of years? Does it go away once you are 28 or 30?

I just had a realisation that a lot of women around me infantalise themselves when they are in a relationship to put their partners on pedestal. In most of the cases, it starts from I'm very "immature" and he's very "mature" to how their work their education or achievements is nothing compared to their man's. Why do even successful feminist women do it?

I recently saw a girl with a postgraduate degree marry someone who's not as educated, saying that even though I have degrees, my husband is more smart. I know a degree doesn't always mean they are smart, but when was the last time you all saw a man put down himself or his achievements to elivate his wife and her achievements?

Why are women the one's who always downplay themselves, starting from their intellectual capabilities to their emotional regulation capabilities just to show how better their husbands or partners are?

I also just had a talk with someone from the sub about the same thing, and they said it's their choice to do so. Why do women always make such choices in life to put down themselves?

First of all, I'd like to start by saying this post isn't a targeted witch hunt against any woman who has gotten plastic surgery.

Since the past couple of years, more and more influencers and actresses have come forward to disclose the cosmetic work that they have gotten done in public. While I admire the honesty and transparency, many of them always ends it on a note that it was a "personal choice" making it sound like something that was born out of vacuum and connecting the said personal choice to feminism by saying feminism is all about women making choices. But when did feminism become to support beauty standards perpetuated and imposed upon women by patriarchy.

I understand that a good chunk of women in mainstream content creation and acting spaces only have a limited idea of feminism, intersectionality or nuances and are just parroting whatever is trending. But reducing cutting up your body, making parts of you small and big to appeal to men to just a personal choice and saying its okay to make such choices to young impressionable women is a very dangerous move.

How are we fighting against patriarchy by pandering to the same? When are people going to rebel against this and normalise people existing in the form they are born with? When do women get to be themselves?

I'm someone who lost a good part of my childhood and college to constantly being obsessed with my weight to the point where I have missed out on experiences and opportunities that could have made my life so much different from what it is now. I see the same pattern repeating but 1000x worse in the beauty spaces across social media where this personal choice is pushed onto kids and young women, and it's disheartening. Though there is pressure on men to look a certain way, most of it stops with just gym or a hair transplant but women are conditioned into being bothered about the color of vagina, underarm, hair texture, nose, eyes, lips, boobs, ass, stomach. All of it is either too pigmented, too big, too small, and the list goes on and on. Boys from a young age will get access to opportunities of education and other and can grab them where young girls are pushed into being insecure about their body and nitpick every part of it.

We want women in academia, stem, and arts, etc, everywhere instead of injecting them with this poison of looking a certain way is the way to go. So many children and young people who can become successful, innovators, artists etc slipping away from that future into the holds of depression and self-harm about their natural bodies.

Also, you are allowed to make choices that are not feminist. Nobody can follow any ideology, religion, or school of thought to the T. But what you shouldn't be doing is project every choice you make a "feminist choice" just to feel better about it. There's nothing feminist in plastic surgery, item dances, or sex work. Again, I don't want anyone to jump on them and crucify them for it. Just hate the game and not the player, unless the player is actively pushing these things onto other women as a good thing.

I wish the perils of this "personal choice" get discussed seriously in media. By serious, I mean addressing the actual issue instead of witch hunting women who have gotten anything done. This one "personal choice" is going to influence thousands of "personal choices," and one day, it'll become the norm. Someone existing without pandering to this patriarchal standards will be treated as an outcast.

Ps: By plastic surgery, I meant the unnecessary cosmetic work and not reconstructive surgery.